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Standing in the Line of Fire

Standing in the Line of Fire


Drinking Ayahuasca in Colombia 2008

By Matthew Delooze

Mountains crumble, forests vanish
Seeds awakened by the Fire
Water, Air and Earth have borne them
And I can feel my own ones near
Yet I could not be further from you now
With both feet on the ground
But in the Dreamtime souls take flight
And I am closer to you now.
Dreamtime by Ralph McTell

Hello fellow freedom seekers,

I am very glad to be writing another article about drinking Ayahuasca, this time whilst in Colombia, in South America. For those of you that have not read my previous article about Ayahuasca, ‘Only Love Can Bring The Rain’, I humbly suggest you read it before you read this one. It contains some basic information about Ayahuasca. For those that have already read it, let us move on….
Despite my concerns and fears, about actually drinking this powerful potion again, I eagerly accepted the invitation from Mr PP to attend the Ayahuasca ceremonies. As the event drew nearer a few of the people pulled out due to personal reasons. This initially put the dampeners on things but the strong urge to attend remained with some of us and my wife and I set off on the long journey to South America knowing in our hearts that the trip was ‘meant to be’.

Colombia has a reputation for being a very dangerous place. That said I never once felt threatened in Colombia. I am the whitest ‘whitey from blighty’ with very pale skin and blue eyes. I stand out a bloody mile as an ageing long-haired whitey from blighty especially when wearing my panama hat. Indeed at Bogota airport a mass crowd had gathered outside (roped off by security men). I found out later that they were awaiting the arrival of ‘Iron Maiden’, a heavy metal band, who were there to carry out a concert for a festival at the time.

The crowd must have thought I was a roadie or a manager for Iron Maiden or something (or they were just taking the piss out of middle aged long haired gringos) because when I appeared out of the airport tugging my tatty suitcase they all started cheering and waving at me etc. Of course being the bloke I am I waved back and went along with it laughing my head off. I soaked up the energy, which in turn just convinced most of the crowd that I really did have something to do with Iron Maiden and my actions made them scream even more! Anyway I can assure you that Matthew Delooze has never been made as welcome in any other country in the world as he was when he landed on Colombian soil. I had 60 seconds of fame as a supposed roadie or tea boy for Iron Maiden. It was magical I felt like the messiah entering Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. Maybe I was making prophecy come true, who knows, it surely felt like it. There have not been many occasions in my life where dozens of beautiful South American young ladies reach out to me, screaming, especially as I am now an ugly middle-aged bloke! So I will cherish this brief event with laughter until I leave this world and then beyond.

Anyway I arrived in Bogota and met up with Peter from the ‘Heart of the Initiate’ organisation that had arranged for the ceremonies to take place. I was happy to hear that Heart of the Initiate was using the same Shaman as they did in Brazil. Peter took us to a beautiful hotel in the historical part of Bogota to rest from the exhausting Trans-Atlantic flight. We had to initially travel to Madrid to be able to catch a flight to Bogota. The only other route was through Miami where you had to face US thugs acting as homeland security agents. If you have ever been arrested in the UK for even the most trivial of things you now have to explain things and pay for a special visa if you go through the USA. They also want your fingerprints and take eye scans etc. They talk like lobotomised robots and treat you like shite etc. That is the reality in the USA in 2008.  The USA = Land of the Free? Forget it Dude!

After a good sleep our group (6 including Peter) were flown to a rural area in Armenia, Colombia. I had been warned that the location was very basic and a far cry from the standards in Brazil. Indeed I was told these events in Colombia were arranged for Ayahuasca veterans. It may have been very basic but it sure was very beautiful. Have a look at the three pictures below; they are typical scenes from the said picturesque location


What can I say about those?

I felt rather chuffed (proud) of myself for being thought of as a veteran of Ayahuasca drinking. I felt like some kind of tough guy that had just passed some sort of Ayahuasca test. My ego swelled a little but it didn’t take long for me to realise that I hadn’t even had the shits off Ayahuasca yet and I really was just a fearful and vulnerable novice.

We were going to have an Ayahuasca drinking ceremony that very night. Nerves quickly set in and I realised that I was not a tough guy by any means. I would have been relieved if I could have gone back in time 40 odd years and my mum had shouted me in from playing out or something. Sort of a “Sorry guys I’d like to join in but me Mam says it’s time for tea, sorry but I have to go” sort of excuse sort of thing! I knew I was clutching at straws and that I was in for the ride with no chance of escape.

The site was basic but clean and neat. It was literally in the wild. I wouldn’t say it was jungle but it was certainly very remote. The noises were wonderful, parrots, monkeys and wild birds etc. We were taken down to look at and enter the ‘Maloca’ before it got dark, just to get a feel for the place. I got the feeling of Déjà vu as soon as I saw it. What do you think? Here it is. Is it Déjà vu for you too?

‘The Maloca’ Colombia March 2008.

One or two of the group felt a little uneasy. There were ‘Mayan calendar’ symbols all around the Maloca. This fact initially worried me slightly too. Here are a few of the symbols that were on display, proudly hanging in the shape of the Mayan calendar from the rafters

The Maloca from the inside

I was also very ‘attracted’ to another symbol and I wondered why because I knew the Serpent Cult had hijacked most ancient symbols and use deception to trick the masses as to their real meanings.

I knew this symbol was important for the ceremony

Anyway I brushed away any doubts I had and I swiftly prepared myself for the ceremony. It was now dark.

The First Ceremony

“Maybe Something Stronger Could Really Hold Me Down”

The six of us gathered in the Maloca with Warinei, the Shaman, and his two helpers, the lovely young Sara and the talented Andreas. One member of our small group had suddenly taken ill and was unable to take the Ayahuasca, leaving only five of us to drink it with the Shaman and his helpers. I had felt very ill myself during the long journey to Colombia but the symptoms had suddenly disappeared shortly before the ceremony began.

I had previous described Ayahuasca as a ‘puddle water’ type of liquid. This time it was very different and it looked like very thick syrup. The Shaman served it on a tablespoon. It was very sticky and gooey. Anyway the Shaman carried out his work and chanted over the jar of Ayahuasca, just like he had done so five months previously in Brazil.

Going of the expression on some peoples faces after they had taken the syrup version of Ayahuasca it appeared like it was not very tasty. It quickly became my turn to take it so I got on my knees and watched the Shaman twist the spoon and the sticky syrup stuck to it like glue. He passed it to me and I put it in my mouth and I licked it clean. I instantly realised why some peoples faces were a picture after they had swallowed their ration because it simply tasted like shit that had been in a chemical toilet for a month. (Don’t ask me how I know what shit that has been in a chemical toilet for a month tastes like!).

I cringed and I whined as this thick syrup slowly went down my throat. The Shaman, with a grin on his face, handed me a glass of water to swill it down with. I then walked away from the Shaman’s table knowing that the Ayahuasca was inside me again and it was only a matter of time before it did its job. Mattresses were spread around inside the Maloca with blankets on them. The member who hadn’t taken the Ayahuasca was still feeling very ill and was lying down flat out near the centre pole in the Maloca on a mattress. My mattress was located directly under this sign.

 The Lamat symbol

It’s called ‘Lamat’ which means ‘Star’ or sometimes ‘Rabbit’. I instinctively knew that my position in the Moloca was important for some reason. I am not even going to attempt to explain all the Mayan symbols on the Mayan calendar to you as they mean different things on different levels of understanding. Please click here for an interesting link though. I am only here to tell you of my experiences, my journey, with the medicine known as Ayahuasca. I will say now though that my understanding of symbolism grew enormously after participating in the two Ayahuasca ceremonies in Colombia. I slowly began to feel the effects of the plant after about ten minutes. I was looking out of the window (one side of the Maloca had glass windows and the other side had polythene sheets as windows). I started to see little flashes of light and the whole atmosphere started to change. It was a different feeling to the one I had in Brazil though. There was no sea to ‘connect’ to and because we were ‘indoors’ and I didn’t feel a warm connection to the trees and plants in the same way as I did in Brazil. I knew immediately the plant was affecting me that it was indeed the Maloca itself that was very important to the ceremonies and it held some very special information for me. I lay down on my mattress. I shut my eyes.

I felt at ease but I got a sense of a presence of a force that was trying to communicate with me but I was somehow shutting it out. I could see swirling colours just like I remember seeing in my childhood. Then ‘whooooosssshhh’ a tunnel appeared and off I went down it. Flying. I then came to a stop and saw a padlock on a blue door and I was somehow forced to mentally concentrate on the padlock. I stared at the padlock and it started to vibrate and rattle and then it simply burst open and fell to the ‘floor’. The blue door opened slowly and behind it was the ‘Face’ again. (The head I saw in Brazil that looked like Superman’s dad) The face smiled at me and winked.

The Face/Head behind the door looked like this

The face told me I was going to see things that would help me understand how to break free from the prison I am trapped in and the face also told me I would carry out a ritual that will help unite others in this world who can then in turn, help everyone, who wants to escape from their prison too. I was told I could only do these things because of the events that took place in Brazil last September. If you have read that article you will know that I thought the combined energy of the group in Brazil had created a symbolic drill, during the ceremonies, that had drilled a hole in the ‘in-between world’, a band of negative energy or the lower fourth if you like, that exists between this world and a paradise world (connection to the one consciousness). The face told me I was going to see the results of the spiritual work that the group had carried out in Brazil, but the face also insisted there was a lot more work to do. I was told that I wasn’t just shit faced, high on drugs, in Brazil but I simply had to be under the influence of Ayahuasca to carry out the rituals and I was told that because of this fact the rituals were actually affecting other dimensions.

If you are not under the influence of Ayahuasca then the ceremonies do not have an affect in other dimensions, including the dimension that enslaves this one. I was told that the ancients knew thousands of years ago that certain people would need to communicate in other dimensions in the future (now) to carry out certain rituals that affected energy in the said other dimensions. I was told books and other vessels containing information about freeing mankind, or creating a collective shift in consciousness, could and would be destroyed by thugs working for the Serpent Cult, but the plants that create Ayahuasca couldn’t and wouldn’t be destroyed and the plant was a perfect way to pass down the necessary information. This started to make a lot of sense to me.

I was also told the others in the group were a vital part of events that were about to unfold and their actions would lead themselves and others onto better understanding in the future. I was also told that the ritual I carried out with one of the members in Brazil, using a symbolic vessel near the Shaman’s fire was not completed and I had to be under the influence of Ayahuasca to complete it. I obviously had also to be under the influence of Ayahuasca to actually see and hear the face that was talking to me!

The face said it was time for it to go and I had to take in the visions the plant was to show me that night. It said the second Ayahuasca ceremony would be very powerful and very important too. The blue door slammed shut and the padlock leaped back in to position. The door was locked.

I opened my eyes.

The whole Maloca had changed shape whilst I had been in conversation with the face and the energy in the air was very powerful. The first thing I noticed was the member who had got sick was still lying down motionless like a corpse and his body was in direct line with the Shaman’s Fire next to the central post and the back door of the Maloca. It was like just like he had sacrificed his body and the whole roof of the Maloca had also changed and it was displaying ancient symbols, it seemed like some type of funeral.

My eyes were attracted to the central pole of the Maloca and coloured candles illuminated it. Further up the pole the notches on the wood had changed shape. They were now ‘raised cobras’ and they were dancing to the enchanting music that was being played by Andreas and the Shaman. It sounds weird I know but that is what I saw.


The centre pole (Pictured above). Seems strange in the cold light of day but during the ceremony these notches did indeed turn into Cobra’s. I began to understand the central pole as being symbolic for representing this world (at the bottom of the pole) and understand being controlled by the Cobra’s (in the middle of the pole) and the ‘paradise world’ was at the top of the pole. In other words you had to get past the Cobra’s to get to the paradise world. As soon as I thought of this scenario the Cobra’s stopped dancing. The wooded frame of the Maloca ‘moved’ and the wooden structure of the roof turned into giant pencils that moved in an upward direction.

The central structure of the maloca. The roof opened up and shot upwards whilst I was on my journey.

The apex of the Maloca simply grew ‘upwards’, rapidly shooting miles up into the sky and then it literally created a hole in the sky. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I squinted to try and see something and I felt totally happy looking up through the hole. I knew it was my ‘home’ and I wanted to go there. I wept like a baby and tears ran down my face when I realised that I really was to escape my hell in this world, get past the Cobra’s so to speak, because this is what the vision was showing me. It was showing me that love and collective energy can create anything and that it will breakdown the prison walls. ‘It will break down the prison walls’.

I wanted to know if the others in the group could see the hole in the sky. I looked around at the rest of the group and they all suddenly had ‘suitcases’ piled high on top of them, apart from the member playing at being a ‘corpse’ that is. The suitcases all had different illuminated name tags on them in different languages, like bright green and bright orange and the cases were in all different shapes and sizes. The blankets had all changed into fat snakes (Boa types) the stripes on the blankets had become stripes on the snakes and the blankets looked like they had engulfed the person.

The striped blankets that appeared to turn into snakes

I decided to look up again at the ‘hole to paradise’ to change the scene and feel better so to speak, those people who have drank the medicine will know what I mean, but to my horror it had ‘gone’ and the Maloca roof had returned to normal. The wooden pencil shaped slats was back to their normal size. I suddenly felt like shit and really didn’t want to carry on with the journey. I wanted it to end. I looked at the blankets and a snake that was literally squeezing the shit out of me too was engulfing me. The yellow stripes were literally glowing and the blanket was literally breathing. Oh fucking hell I thought and I started to panic. Then a pile of suitcases appeared near my bare feet with all the letters of the alphabet printed on them. The top suitcase was made of snakeskin. I could see the tag on the top suitcase saying ‘genuine snake skin’ yes as daft as it sounds that is exactly what I saw. Thankfully the blanket was no longer a snake after the suitcases appeared.

Something told me that the luggage wasn’t all mine and the tag told me a snake had ‘created’ it anyway. The Maloca seemed to be full of baggage piled on people’s beds and stacked up in corners. I realised that this baggage was the reason my hole in the sky had been slammed shut on me. You simply couldn’t get through the hole in the sky with too much ‘baggage’ I thought. I clearly understood the universal symbolism being shown to me and I hope you understand the way I have described it.

The scene in the Maloca changed again rapidly and it took on a much darker side. I could see several dark hooded figures moving around and stacking the baggage even higher on top of the people. The Cobra’s on the central pole had reappeared and had started dancing again and the dark hooded figures that had also suddenly appeared took up a position in front of the fire in the Maloca.

The fire in the Maloca (You can just see the bottom of the red symbol flag in top right corner) 
The Muluc sign (Water)

The red symbol ‘Murduk’ (Water) that was hanging above the fire suddenly moved backwards, right over the top of the fireplace, and this created the effect of a double-decker type fire (the red square shape turned into a furnace). Four hooded figures stood at either side of the double decker fire, two on each deck and one at each side so to speak. They had complete exclusive access to the fire and were piling things on it.

They were piling ‘children’ on the fire. This created more spiritual baggage for some reason. Things got too powerful for me in the Maloca and I moved outside thinking I was going to be sick. It turned out that I wasn’t to be sick but I was going to shit like I had never shit before. Pants down whoooosh… Wipe… Pants up again… Pants down again whoooshhhh again.. 30 seconds in total. I should be called up to shite for England in international competitions, gaining a full cap, and that is simply going of my toilet performance that night!

I staggered back into the Maloca, my arsehole felt like it had a burning will all of its own and I had lost all the trust that I previously had in it to not embarrass me. I really was living on a prayer and I really couldn’t even trust my own bottom. Where had my sanity gone? Anyway. The suitcases were still there when I went back inside the Maloca and so were the dark hooded figures. I thought I would have lost that vision by going to the toilet but it remained for a long time and I was literally forced to watch it. I realised that by educating and forcing our children to be ‘normal’ we were actually adding to our own spiritual baggage and vice versa. The good news was that the pile of my baggage had got smaller. Was this due to my shitting through the eye of a needle I thought? The energy was again very strong in the Maloca but I knew I was there to understand things better. I felt sick again. I rushed out of the Maloca again through the back doors.

The back door leading out of the Maloca in daylight

Peter had lit a few candles and the area just outside the back of the Maloca (Tiled in picture) was very peaceful. I breathed in the air and listened to the water in the stream nearby. A special area of Earth had been created to literally be sick on but my symptoms had disappeared anyway. A couple of the other members of the group came out and were violently sick (Purging) and they appeared to me in my vision to have rucksacks on their backs but after they were sick the rucksacks had disappeared. I knew I had passed the peak of my journey. It was very intense emotionally. (Little did I know what was to come in the second ceremony!)

I remained outside for the rest of the ceremony. I was acting as some sort of doorman, opening and closing the doors, amongst other symbolic things, to let people in or out to purge. I did return to my bed for a short period and when I shut my eyes a yellow door appeared and again the lock fell off again and the face appeared again.

It told me that most of the group were here to ‘lose spiritual baggage’ for ‘other people’ so they too could get through the ‘hole in the sky’. I was told that most of the group were really there to assist other people who were absent, simply by acting as their agents or ‘baggage handlers’. The spiritual baggage, in this case for use in ritual, could only be ‘lost’ through purging I was told. A baptism or rebirth ritual was also to take place to make sure that the baggage could not be returned to the baggage handlers once it had actually been got rid of. I was also told that ‘The Rain’ would return for the second ceremony, just as it came in Brazil, and I had nothing to fear. The face winked at me and then the yellow door shut. I opened my eyes and I could see that everyone was coming out of their journey. The Shaman and his crew had worked very hard but I was glad the five-hour journey was over. The vision of the hole in the sky had affected me greatly and I had a lot to ponder on in private. You will be glad to know that I also regained trust with my bottom and we were good friends again and trusted each other again!

The Inipi Sweat.

The day after was for the event of the first ‘Inipi Sweat’. Basically an ‘Inipi Sweat’ is a re-birth ritual that takes place in a tent (lodge – symbolic womb) that is covered in blankets. I had told Peter from Heart of the Initiate beforehand that I couldn’t take part in the Inipi ceremony. Basically red-hot stones (baked for hours) are placed in a hole on the ground inside the Inipi and the Shaman and Sara carry out a ceremony.

“The rite of Inipi utilizes all the Powers of the Universe: Earth and the things that grow from the Earth, Water, Fire and Air”

The scene of the baptism of fire 
Red-hot stones are placed in a hole in the ground inside the lodge

As I said I didn’t enter the Inipi lodge myself, instead I simply acted as a helper with very little participation, I helped build the fire and I supplied all the water to create the steam and heat. It was very hot and indeed I would go as far as to say that most of those that did take part were indeed baptised by Fire. I am sure it will do them no harm.

I did hear that most Ayahuasca workshops carried out in Brazil and Colombia usually insist that the participants are forced or made to lie on a bed after taking a drink of Ayahuasca and they are simply given a bucket ‘to be sick in’. I can assure anyone that is considering going to take part in a workshop that this is not the case at the Heart of Initiate workshops. You are free to move around both in Brazil and Columbia and therefore able to purge in relative privacy. They have adequate facilities for this. I say this because I could never have experienced what I experienced if I would have been confined to my mattress or been distracted by people purging into buckets all around me. I would have found such restrictions impossible to cope with or enable me to achieve any of my aims. That said Ayahuasca can literally flatten you and you do need a bed but there will be a time when you need to go and purge somewhere and it’s not nice to do it in a bucket near to the bed next to you.

The Second Ceremony

The Fire & The Rain.

The second ceremony started late because the heavens opened just beforehand and down came The Rain. We all waited in our huts for the rain to finish so we could get to the Maloca, which was quite a distance from our huts. I felt stronger because the ‘Head’ in my visions had told me the Rain would come and it bloody did just that and exactly on time. I realise it can rain a lot in Colombia and we had a few light showers during the week, but this was pouring down rain. Wet Wet Wet Rain. When the rain eased off we made our way down to the maloca and there was a flag, showing the rainbow colours, hung in the trees across the path. As three of us walked past the flag literally fell from the sky from 15 feet up because the bamboo pole that was holding it up had broken due to the weather. I was amazed at the timing and I picked up the rainbow flag and took it to the Maloca. I then placed it over the fence on one side of the Maloca.

The rainbow flag that had fell to Earth

Two Colombian relatives of the Shaman’s assistant Sara had joined the group and the member who had been the corpse on the first ceremony was fully fit again. So there were now eight people taking part in the ceremony plus the Shaman and his two assistants. The shaman had made the Ayahuasca in liquid form this time because a couple of us didn’t like the ‘sticky stuff’ version. I felt a bit guilty about this because some of the group preferred the syrup version anyway. We went through the usual routine with the Shaman and had previously placed our mattress out. This time I was located under the GIB sign but looking up to the EB sign as it was in my direct line of vision. For some reason I had carried a small bag around with me that contained ‘Jaffa Cakes’ and some other items.

My position at the second ceremony. 
I was facing this sign

I was located on the side of the Maloca that had polythene sheets for windows. The rainbow flag was directly outside. I stayed on my feet until the medicine started to take affect. I noted that the two older Colombians, that had joined the group, were lying directly at the back door entrance, like two pillars if you like. I shut my eyes and this time I was taken to a red door, again the lock fell to the floor, the door opened and the same face (Head) appeared again. It told me that it was very important that I carried on the ritual that was started in Brazil without being side tracked and to do so I was to give a member of the group a small item that was connected to the symbolic vessel that I had given to someone at the Fire during the first ceremony in Brazil 5 months earlier.

The ‘Head’ said it was to be a long hard night but it was very important night. The red door then slammed shut and was locked again. I opened my eyes and the Maloca had changed in appearance again. The energy was tremendous. All the Mayan calendar symbols hanging in the Maloca had changed into shapes of ancient faces that had a very stern appearance. It reminded me of Superman the Movie and the scene where the Elders of Krypton were judging the three rebel elements, but these faces were not judging me in anyway shape or form, oh no, they were only going to ‘witness events’.

Faces like these appeared in place of the square shaped symbols

The energy inside the Maloca was now very intense. The Shaman’s medicine was very strong indeed. I felt I had shot back in time for thousands of years. The Maloca roof was full of ancient symbols that had suddenly appeared right in front of my eyes. I got the strong urge to go outside through the back door so to speak. I was feeling very sick and I had lost all trust in my bottom again! (Oh Dear) I stood proud and took in very deep breaths of the fresh air outside. I calmed down. It was very quiet and I could hear the water in the stream below. It was now going dark and I lit several candles myself and placed them near area of Earth outside the back doors.

The small area of elevated Earth outside the maloca. A stream was 30 feet below. (Note the white marks on the trees)

The Ayahuasca felt like it was the strongest that I had drank to date. I knew powerful forces were at work. I started to get the Heebie Jeebies (Anxiety) and I knew the feeling well because I have experienced it quite a few times in the last 10 years. I looked at the trees and it felt like I was being watched. The white marks on the mass of trees around me turned into ‘faces’ and it was like a large crowd were watching me. The faces then turned into raised Cobra’s and the trees swayed and joined together to form a house/hut type building. The doors of this house then opened up and I saw a massive nest of vipers. I was a bit scared and wanted the scene to change. I needed to calm down (Although I was aware that I was only seeing a vision) It’s a bloody good job I realised it was only a vision too or I’d I have ran away.

I started to feel really sick again and I was. Oh my brothers. Was I sick? Yes I was bloody sick, like I had never been sick before. I should adopt a symbolic Mayan name, something like Pewking Guts or Running Arse. Running Arse? I would have easily beaten Linford Christie in a race to the bog (toilet) that night I can tell you. Trouble is, when you have drank Ayahuasca you never know what is going to happen in the toilet. It is entirely possible that ‘Jaws’ will appear up through the toilet and bite your arse. You are never alone after drinking it I assure you. Anyway I purged and I purged and I purged.

The one thing I really love about Ayahasca is that after you purge you feel bloody fantastic. I mean top of the world, over the moon sort of fantastic. I was wallowing in feelings of unconditional love and I really was in bliss after I had purged. I wanted to hold on to the emotions I was feeling and be taken to a nice place through the plant. I was literally hugging anything that would let me hug it after I purged, even myself.

I was then offered the choice to continue with the ritual or visit and see true ‘Love’. It was a very tempting offer and I could actually hear a lovely female voice offering me the choice. My heart really wanted the latter as I knew it meant I would see the Rain but I said out loud lets ‘just do it’. (Meaning do the former). I chose to continue with the ritual. What a bloody fool I am I thought because the feelings of unconditional love instantly disappeared. I looked towards the trees again. The nest of vipers was still there. It was a vision that I didn’t like at all. Something came over me and I felt physically directed. I entered the Maloca and walked towards the Fire. I had no idea why. The Mayan calendar symbols were still in the form of the faces mentioned earlier, but whatever had taken over me was in ‘couldn’t give a ‘f’ mode’ and I marched towards the Fire. I felt I was being watched and had to carry out the ritual. The Shaman’s assistant, the hard working Andreas who couldn’t speak a lot of English, was stoking the fire. I shouted ‘MOVE’ ‘MOVE’ to him. I could see in his face he was thinking what the ‘f’ is going on here, and he had drunk Ayahuasca himself, but he moved all the same. So the tactics worked. I then stuck my head near the fire and spat on it and then I breathed in very deeply like a deranged lunatic or a mad professor. I then marched in a direct straight line towards the back door of the Maloca again. I walked through the area where the member of the group, who was playing at being a corpse, had laid during the previous ceremony.

That area was also in direct line with the fire and the back door. I passed through the middle of the two elder Colombians that were near the back door and I faced the wooden house (trees) containing the nest of vipers, standing in the line of Fire if you like, and I screamed out some words about burning their house down very loudly and then I spit on the area of Earth, outside the back door to endorse my words. I assure you all that it was a very determined and powerful spiritual force that screamed to help create the means to help save the world that night and not your humble narrator. It was the Fire. I was only the messenger.

As I looked into the Fire in Colombia in 2008 I saw the faces of the people who were around the fire in Brazil 2007. There energy had come through the Fire. The Fire acted as a portal. The wooden house, the nest of vipers, immediately turned back into trees. The Shaman’s assistant Sara, and Peter from the Heart of the Initiate came over to me to check me out (another one gone loopy off Ayahuasca sort of thing) and I felt a little embarrassed, just as I did in Brazil in front of the fire there too. The something that came over me and made me carry out a ritual had now ‘buggered off’ and left me to try and explain my actions.

What could I say? What could I say? I mumbled some excuse and then I went to lie down on my mattress, more to hide away than anything else. I noticed the ‘faces’ that witnessed events (The Mayan symbols) had gone. I thought that would be the end of the journey for the night but I was wrong. I really was wrong. The energy in the Maloca was still very, very, high and there was a very determined and powerful force that wanted things done that night. You could literally feel it. I could sense that some of the group had had enough but for some reason we were all put back in trance.

I placed the small, backpack, bag I had with me at the centre of the Maloca after getting a strong urge to do so. I also placed my desert boots at the foot of my mattress where the suitcases had appeared at the previous ceremony. (I had previously asked permission to wear them inside the Maloca). I looked around and the luggage had appeared again on the beds of the others in the Maloca.

Most of the group were very sick that night or had a serious dose of the shits. The member who I thought had played the part of a corpse in the previous ceremony had now taken on the persona of someone reborn or a zombie and there were also enormous amounts of purging going on. Certain members especially went through hell because of the purging and funnily enough we were all laughing at the noises created by such acts. (The purging is not as drastic as it sounds) The purging had to be celebrated if you like because celebrating was an important part of the ritual and most of the group laughed about it to form symbolic celebration.

I lay on my mattress and I literally saw the ‘baggage’ disappear when I heard purging going on. The toilets were very busy that night too! So it is not just me that is waiting to be called up to shite for my country on the international playing fields. Anyway. Something made me face the polythene windows that were behind me (Pictured earlier). I literally turned upside down.

I took up a pose similar to this but I was led on my back at the time

I put my hands at the back of my neck and I crossed my legs in a silly type of Tarot card type ‘hanging man’ pose. As I did this I had a vision of a ‘being’ dressed in a feathered suit, up to the neck and it was nailed to the wall. I couldn’t make the face of this being out but I am sure it was not Quetzalcoatl unless the said Quetzalcoatl appeared in my vision as a ‘man’ like being.

Whatever the meaning of the vision I still saw a being in a feathered suit and it was spread-eagled and nailed or fastened to the wall. The lamp on the wall helped me achieve this vision. I looked at the spread-eagled being and stared at it with my arms in the air. Just as the lock on the doors I had previously seen fell to the floor so did the nails holding this figure to the wall also fall to the floor.

The figure then went dancing to the centre pole of the Maloca, I turned around to face it, and it appeared to place something in the bag that I had left there or at least touched what was in my bag. Before I could focus on things a very sexy shadowy female figure also appeared at my feet. I was no longer in ‘Hangman’ pose. This very sexy figure had very long hair and was dancing shaking her hips with her arms in the air. Just like the figures on the Tales of the Unexpected TV show from years ago. Why I thought of that I do not know. I found it quite erotic though and sadly it didn’t last long. I sat up and noticed the visions of baggage (suitcases etc.) had started to disappear.

I lay back down and shut my eyes. A white door appeared in my vision and true to form the lock fell off again and the face (Head) appeared again. It told me that I had got ‘my suit back’ (Your guess is as good as mine to the meaning of that one!) and that I should share the Jaffa’s out with some of the group and the Shaman when the ceremony was over. The face also told me to pass on a symbol (bottle top) to a member of the crew and tell him he should pass it on in Brazil. The face then said my wife will get some ‘healing’ from the Shaman and I was to adopt a worship pose for the duration of that event. I was told the event would be over when I heard the Rain and I would see what I needed to see. (I don’t know why but I always seemed to do as the face told me to do. I never told it to bugger off so to speak!)

The face then said I would lose some personal belongings but I was not to get angry as it was meant to be and was a symbolic part of the ritual I had carried out and a symbolic loss of ‘baggage’. I was told that was why I had placed my bag at the base of the pole and that the missing things would represent the ‘eyes’ of the people that were not there. My excessive purging and the excessive purging committed by others was also meant to be so I hadn’t to blame the Shaman for a making a ‘dodgy brew’ either. The purging was meant to be also. The face then said bye-bye whilst showing me a vision of a right-handed fist salute with an outstretched arm. I returned it. It was like some comedy sketch, but that said, it was indeed very emotional too. I opened my eyes. My wife was being taken to the Shaman for a healing ceremony. She said later that she was ‘called up’ by the Shaman and had not requested a healing herself.

I stayed in worship pose on my knees with my head on the mattress, my arse in the air on all fours sort of thing, for what seemed like ever. I could sense the ‘pure positive energy’ in the Maloca. It was sheer bliss. I connected with the elements and the elements took control of the proceedings and I could sense the pure truth that was inside the Maloca. Every sound connected with my body. My Chakras opened up if you like (Not that I know what the hell I’m talking Chakras for). I felt the energy increase and reach a peak, it is very hard to describe but spiritual forces were flooding me with info and I was lightly weeping with pleasure. Then came the Rain, gently dropping down on the roof. There was silence in the moloca and even the Shaman was very quite. I sensed that most if not all of the people in the maloca could sense at least some small part of what was going on.

The Rain continued to gently play music on the roof and I was in heaven. Oh my brothers I was in heaven. I heard the Rain and I wanted to feel it and drown in it. It was magical. The Rain passed and my wife returned to her bed. The Shaman started healing other members of the group but the Rain was gone. There was a female member of the group also receiving healing. I was starting, or I thought I was starting, to come out of the trance and the influence of Ayahuasca and so was a couple of the other members of the group.

All of a sudden I started to see very small colourful lights flash by me. They were moving at a tremendous speed. I asked one or two of the others if they could see them but they couldn’t. I shut my eyes again and tried to focus and lose the vision but the lights wouldn’t stop. The Shaman then started a healing process on one of the Colombian members of the group who had trouble with her hips so she had to lie down. Just as the Shaman started doing his stuff the number of lights increased. I was gob-smacked. Although the lights were moving fast I could make out that they were like little rods (Eight of an inch long) and very colourful, like rainbow coloured. The number of these rainbow rods increased and the Maloca was soon full of them. They were entering the maloca through the polythene windows and it appeared like they could not enter through the wood or the glass. Millions of little lights in energy form were flying around bouncing off people and then flying up the pole in the centre and going upward through the polythene ‘apex’ of the Maloca. (Where I had saw it extend and make a hole in the sky at the previous ceremony)

The symbols hanging in the Maloca had changed again (I was obviously still having visions) and the lights were flying right through them. They were indeed hitting and going through the symbolism being displayed. One of the signs literally lit up and I got the urge to stand next to it. It was the three balls sign mentioned earlier. The energy was hitting this symbol but bouncing off. It was not a freestanding sign it had wood behind it.


The top ball lit up and all the lights/rods were bouncing off it. It was just at my head height. I got the urge to stand next to the symbol and I placed the back of my head on the top ball and by doing so I was facing directly opposite this sign.

The Hunab Ku.

The Shaman and the lady he was healing were located directly in between the said symbol and me. The symbol then immediately changed in to the profile figure of a ‘Chief’ type face with head feathers. (The white part turned into feathers and the green part turned into a face)

As daft as it seems the Hunab Ku changed into Chief type figures.  The picture is only a very vague example of the profile image of my vision.

The face part of the vision turned towards the Shaman and myself, from a profile pose to a full on frontal pose if you know what I mean. As the face turned to face us it changed into four different faces as it did so. Four different Chiefs if you like. Again the faces reminded me of the Elders on Krypton in the Superman the Movie. I was stuck rigid to the spot and totally gob-smacked as I witnessed these lights/rods fly around these symbols. My head never moved from the three-ball symbol. The energy lights that I described as rods moved even more quicker as the ‘Chiefs’ looked forward very sternly. It was amazing stuff and the lights (rods) were flying around all over the place with thousands upon thousands of them pouring in through the polythene windows.

A good way of describing these rods is to mention those coloured hundreds and thousands we put on trifles. The lights stayed for at least 20 minutes but just as the Shaman stopped working the lights went away. I could now move from the spot I was stuck in. I can honestly say that it was a very humbling experience. The journey was now over and indeed I must say it was the longest and most powerful journey I had experienced to date through Ayahuasca. So there you have it folks. It’s done.

Shortly after the Shaman closed the ceremony the group gathered outside for a drink and a snack. I handed out the Jaffa cakes like some fussing grandma would, as I knew I had to do and I know they tasted good and rightly so. We all knew it had been a special night both individually and collectively. And it was, but now it was done, or done and dusted, as my Mam would say. I went back to my hut to sleep. It was 4 am. I knew my purpose in Colombia was nearly over apart from burning some more baggage of my own and for some other folks that I promised I would before going to Colombia. I did this at the Inipi ceremony the day after, using my empty box of Jaffa Cakes as a coffin type vessel. May my actions clear a path for you all. (Or get me locked up in the loony bin!)

The fire heating the stones and burning the ‘baggage’

How do I sum up such events in the cold light of day? What can I tell you that will make sense in five-sense reality? I will say that I have been 100% truthful to you and I experienced the things I mentioned in the way that I mentioned them? I do know certain people will be affected on a subconscious level by my words in this humble story. I have no doubt of that. Is it possible that events in Colombia carried on from the experiences most of the group I was with had in Brazil some five months before? Is there a bigger picture emerging. It sure seemed so for me. Is it possible to lose spiritual baggage through purging? Is it possible that a small group got together and managed to act as agents or champions for other people and actually got rid of some of their spiritual baggage for them too? Did the group of people in Brazil actually drill a symbolic hole through the underworld (lower 4th) last September? Did their energy come through the Fire in Colombia or was I just shit-faced? I can accept I was just completely shit-faced in Brazil and Colombia but I can’t accept all the coincidences that surround the events before, during and after, as being due to meaningless hallucinations and I never will and my soul knows better.

Do we all need to lose the ‘spiritual baggage’ that we have accumulated, through the sick corruptions and deceptions that reign in this world, to enable us to escape through the symbolic hole I saw in the sky? Does the ritual, I was obviously carrying out, actually mean anything anyway? Is it total bullshit or just the rantings of a knob head that is just shit-faced and doped on Ayahuasca? Does the ritual information spark anything in you or is it to be taken with a pinch of salt and laughed at?

It is entirely up to you to take the information or the story as you wish. Treat it as a bloody joke if you want. I really don’t give a monkey’s toss. I certainly would have laughed at such stuff in my younger days. I can only say to those that have a knowing feeling in them and a growing urge to escape or change this world that I am telling them the truth and my words are trustworthy. I am not the kind of bloke to write my experiences down and publish then on the net or in a book without truly believing the words are important to some of you out there and I have nothing to gain on a five-sense level for doing so, quite the opposite. Don’t believe the lies of the Serpent Cult and try to open up your mind to what really is going on in this world. Anyway “may love reign over you” and continue to do so until you escape this world or indeed change it. I really must thank the Heart of Initiate for helping create such events. I really must thank the creators of the site in Colombia and the builders of the very powerful Maloca. It is indeed no coincidence that the Maloca was built this way and the people behind it are part of the collective awakening process and also the part of the bigger plan to heal this world and rid it of the deceptions of the Serpent.

Just like the site in Bahia, the site in Colombia was just as important. I would like to especially mention Mr PP who made it possible for us to be part of such life changing events due to his own brave direction and purpose. I was again totally amazed at the amount of work put into this by the Shaman and his helpers, Sara and Andreas. They all grafted their socks off.

Andreas, Sara and the very talented Shaman Warinei. The Fire is behind them.

I am not one that is into airy-fairy stuff, believe me, but events during the Ayahuasca ceremonies in Colombia, especially the light rods, were amazing. I have now had visual proof that music, occult symbols and rituals actually created energy. Not that I have ever doubted that these things go on. Indeed I have been saying it and writing it for years based on continuous spiritual direction. I just needed Ayahuasca to physically see it with my 5 sense physical eyes. I also have no doubts that the ritual with the Fire was very, very, important and in my case these events have been going on for 10 years at least and the knock on effect never ceases to amaze me.

I can only recommend Heart of the Initiate workshops to anyone that has the means or the urge to join in Ayahuasca workshops and spiritual ceremonies carried out by Shaman Warinei. I am sure there are other organisations to consider too. I can only pass on the message that the symbolism located at these sites is very important.

Thank you for reading this article. Thanking Shane and Richard very much for the photos. This article couldn’t have been written without them.

Matthew Delooze 18th March 2008.


Err…. Nice hat or what?

Copyright © Matthew Delooze, 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Only Love Can Bring The Rain

 Only Love Can Bring The Rain


Drinking Ayahuasca in Bahia, September 2007

By Matthew Delooze

A beach is a place where a man can feel,
He’s the only soul in the world that’s real
But I see a face coming through the haze
I remember him from those crazy days
(Lyrics from the song Bell Boy by The Who)

Hello folks,
It’s not easy to start to describe my experiences in Brazil so please bear with me as I try to do just that.

I am fast approaching 50 years of age and I have never taken any substances or drugs of any kind throughout this life in this world life. I really haven’t smoked a joint or sniffed any white powders. I have drunk a lot of ale during my life though.

After a series of events in early 2007 I received an invitation from a Mr PP to visit the eco- lodge resort in Bahia, Brazil and attend an ‘Ayahuasca Workshop’. During this workshop I was to drink the ancient medicine on three occasions. Here is a link to the Heart of the Initiate website. I will say to anyone that is in the position or inclined to take part in an Ayahuasca workshop that they won’t find a better one than the one at Bahia. Not one. If any novice out there wants to read up on Shamans… here is a basic description.

Having met PP some months earlier at Temple Bar in London I soon realised that he was a man that genuinely sought the truth and he was actually willing to walk the walk to do so. He told me he was putting a crew together to visit Brazil and carry out three Ayahuasca ceremonies and he wanted me there too. Obviously I pondered on the thought why a man like PP would invite a man like me to join his crew.

I felt like I was standing on the edge of Vesuvius but I knew in my heart that I would take up his kind offer and go. I am very glad that I did. I am well pleased and I was not negatively beguiled in anyway. PP is one of the very few people I have met that actually seeks the truth. I am becoming very disillusioned with certain sections of the conspiracy /spiritualists communities and I fear that ‘yuppies’ are taking over the asylum so to speak, where money and ego are becoming the only tools to create information. In my opinion the same mentality that raped and pillaged the material fads and material fashions of the past is trying to do the same to the spiritual events currently in progress in this world. Please be warned that a sheep is a sheep no matter what pen it is led to.


I arrived in Bahia on the 1st September 2007after a very long journey including 3 planes, 1 boat, 1 train, two buses and a land rover. I hadn’t a clue what I was doing there! PP’s crew included some powerful and wealthy people and I initially felt out of place and so did my wife, as she was the only female present in the crew. The rest of the crew soon put us at ease (thanks lads) and my wife soon found other female company with the wonderful staff at the eco-lodge resort.

The crew soon bonded and I can see that the events of the long journey had caused us to unite in spirit long before we actually arrived at Bahia. It was just like we had done it, or planned it, all before. Maybe we had? We settled in easily and before we knew it was time for the first ceremony. Please remember that I hadn’t taken any substances, drugs or ancient medicines in my life before and neither had the majority of the crew.

The majority of the crew were apprehensive and who can blame us because lets face it we weren’t just going to have a drink of orange juice here and eat a chocolate biscuit were we? We were going to take Ayahuasca, which is a very powerful mind and spirit altering medicine. We had been previously warned that Ayahuasca might make us vomit or shit ourselves stupid or both! Not the most positive of descriptive ways to encourage people to take it is it?

Oh, by the way, Matthew you are likely to spew your guts up or shite through the eye of a needle after you drink this stuff… do you want one cup or two my dear!”

I had visions of my late mother appearing in the forthcoming visions I was about to experience, wagging her finger whilst saying: “Have you got clean underpants on laddie? You soon won’t have me laddie boy so I hope you have brought a clean pair for when they cart you off to hospital! Go on get shit faced on drugs you silly bugger… but don’t you dare show me up at the hospital and turn up with dirty underpants on” (I swear that’s exactly how my Mam would have seen the situation) Anyway let’s get on eh?

The First Ceremony

What is it? I’ll take it

The first ceremony took place very close to the beach and sun-bed mattresses were laid out on the floor. The Shaman had brewed his medicine and was chanting over the two large jugs of a horrid looking brown liquid. It looked like puddle water.


Ayahuasca Brew. (Very appetising eh?)

Despite the fear and the apprehension all the crew courageously drank the Ayahuasca. It had a taste of a burnt wood (not that I had tasted burnt wood before!) To be honest it tasted like crap but the combination of excitement and fear acted as a spoon full of sugar and it really did help the medicine go down.

I could see it written in the faces of the gang that it was a case of ‘Oh OK it’s in us now so no turning back‘. I felt the same way and most people headed for their beds within five minutes of taking it. Ayahuascha acts rather quickly and within ten to fifteen minutes it makes you lie down. It literally knocks you off your feet. We hadn’t eaten for 6 or 7 hours before taking it. It was 8.30 pm when I took my first cup of Ayahuasca.

By 8:45pm it started to take effect on me and I headed for my bed as the sounds around me started to speed up and literally vibrate at a much faster rate. The sound of the sea increased in intensity and the palm trees blew in sequence with it. My heart seemed to join in with the sea and the trees and go along in harmony with them. I had literally ‘joined in’ with the earth, the sea and with the breeze of the air. I was definitely spiritually unified with these elements. I shut my eyes and I saw magical colours swirling around forming patterns and shapes. I was actually starting to enjoy this brew! For those that think I was just shit faced on a par with being on LSD…. Forget it!

I opened my eyes again for a reality check and saw a wave of colours spread over the area of where all the crew were lying. I felt connected to the surroundings and every soul that was present. I was literally experiencing visions in and from another dimension. A spirit world if you like. I remembered being previously told that I could experience ‘journeys’ after taking Ayahuasca so I shut my eyes again hoping I would be taken to someone or something that I really wanted to see and communicate with. Maybe from a long time ago I thought. To those that have read my book, ‘You will be wiser when you’re older’, I say you may remember the lady in the rainy dress I mention in it?

Suddenly a tunnel appeared and off I went flying down it hoping I would get what I wanted. It was not to be. I was stopped halfway down the tunnel. I started to get disappointed and slightly angry but then a voice appeared from nowhere and a face, a head, of a male appeared in front of me (with my eyes closed). The situation reminded me of the original Superman movie when Superman hears his father (Marlon Brando) for the first time in his own world that he created at the polar cap.


The face (Head) in my vision (eyes closed) resembled this picture above

‘You are not here to lie down on your back Matthew’ the voice said. ‘You are here to show your true colours’ the voice added. The voice then told me that I was to stand up and face a challenge from the ‘spirit world’ and this would in turn allow me to achieve my aims and the aims of others in the crew, in the five-sense world. I was shown my broken watch (It had literally fell apart just moments before I drank the Ayahuasca) and I was told that I must not break my watch again at the next ceremony no matter what happens. I had to keep my eyes wide open. I was also told to pass on a symbolic vessel when the time was right to one of the crew and also get the blessing of the person’s blood ‘elders’ for doing so. I was told, by the head, that that the person I was to pass the vessel to was to going to carry out some very special tasks in the coming years and had been chosen to carry out these tasks because he had created a symbolic shield around himself which would keep him away from disinformation and give him the intuition he needed for guidance. I was told that the ceremony that night was mainly for his benefit and the collective spiritual energies that night were to endorse his shield and rid his path of negative spirits that may hinder him. I was told that a lot of effort had gone into creating the eco-lodge and although most of the people that had created it had no idea what they had created, it was a very special place.

I was also told the Shaman would create the atmosphere for these things to happen through his magic, skills and courage and I would be assisted by the organisers of the workshop. I was also told that I needed the assistance of ‘The Rain’ to keep me on my feet and I had to officially request the help of the rain. I thought at the time that rain in Brazil in September was a rarity and indeed the people running the Heart of the Initiate workshop confirmed this. I automatically said to the face ‘Show me The Rain and I will not let you down’.

I was then told to remember who I was and to shift my arse!

I staggered to the toilet, dizzy as buggery. I felt like I either wanted to vomit or shit. I had one hand on my stomach and one covering my arse hole and obviously my face must have been a picture too. Sorry to be blunt but those that have taken the brew will know what I mean. I looked all around and everyone was led down on his or her beds apart from the Shaman and his assistant. I looked at my broken watch and it was 9:50 pm. I had only been affected by the ayahuasca for one hour. I knew it could affect you for up to six hours. I knew that my experience was not over. I looked at the moon; there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I thought there’s no flipping chance of it raining around here.

I looked at the moon again and it literally turned into a cup and saucer right in front of my eyes, like something out of Alice in Wonderland. I staggered back to my bed. I was told that when the moon was no longer a cup and saucer then I would no longer see what I was being shown. The show would be over so to speak. Over the next hour I started to look around me and I tried to focus my eye on each individual member of the ‘crew’. One or two of them were starting to come out of the initial bombshell effect that Ayahuasca medicine has on you.

As I focused on them their faces and bodies changed rapidly into different shapes and sizes. It was just like I was being shown their previous lives that they had lived in this world and what they physically looked like. They all appeared to have lived many lives and experienced many deaths. A thousand lives came into my mind. Each and every one of them had suffered a thousand deaths. I was seeing all these lives flash past me, just like flicking a pack of cards.

I sat on my bed gob-smacked. I realised that there was a very special group of people in attendance. I got a strong urge to pass on the symbolic vessel, a symbolic bottle, to one of the crew whilst they were carrying out a ritual with the Shaman, so I did. Just like the head had told me I would. They were sat close to the Fire. I had brought the symbolic bottle to Brazil from the UK but before that it had been in some very symbolic locations around the world, including the Great Pyramid at Giza and the Temple at Abu Simbel.

I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. I knew when I was packing my things to go to Bahia that events were very important. I packed some things that I had only previously taken to ancient sites. I also wore desert boots, which had great symbolic meaning to me, and I wore my white panama hat that has also been on some very symbolic heads and in some very symbolic places, all around the world.

Anyway I eventually came around from my journey and to my surprise I wasn’t sick nor did I have the two-bob-bits (The dreaded shits). We ate soup and drank coffee to break our fast a round 3am. After each ceremony there is a group meeting later in the same day or the next day to discuss our experiences. I tried to tell the crew what I had experienced and I said that I wasn’t there to experience what they were experiencing. I told them that between them they symbolised everything in this world. Their collective symbolism from this lifetime and many others meant that no stone was left unturned and if they were all put under trance (on the same wavelength, not subject to being dumbed down, vibrating at the same rate) then they would become a very powerful spiritual force indeed. It is important that you grasp the idea that collective spiritual power can create a physical, but invisible, multidimensional energy.

Anyway. I knew that they had to experience what they were experiencing and that they had to get through the ceremony the way they thought was best for them. I also knew that their presence was vitally important not only to me but others in the crew. Indeed each and every one of them was just as important as the other. Each of them being part of a jigsaw picture of a power drill and if one piece was missing then the drill would not work. I knew some of them didn’t really want to be there, drinking Ayahuasca, but I knew some had been led there in spirit and they were carrying out the spiritual promises they made long ago. They promised to collectively form a picture of a drill if you like.

The Ayahuasca ceremonies were on alternative days but in between times we had group discussion sessions and lectures. The setting at Bahia is superb and I knew as soon as I set foot in the eco- lodge resort that it was a very symbolic place. Again if there is a way for any of you to take part in a workshop or you have a strong urge and the means to do so, then I highly recommend that you contact Ralph or Peter at ‘Heart of the Initiate’.

The Second Ceremony

Drink till I drop down with one eye on my clothes

The second ceremony took place during the day. I wore my hat and my desert boots. The threat of rain (It had been raining on and off all morning) caused us all to place our beds under cover, all close together. The Shaman had to bring his fire under the same roof also. We were not going to be allowed the luxury of literally lying on the beach with a big open fire as we did on the first occasion. Everything was tightly compact and we were concentrated in a very small area.

The shaman carried out his ceremonial duties and I drank the Ayahuasca medicine knowing full well that I had to ‘stay on my feet’ (not lie down) and face the music. I hadn’t to break my watch so to speak. I watched all the rest of the group take their drink and then lay down. I felt the same effects come over me as they had done two nights earlier. This time it was in daylight though.

The sound changed all around and I felt and heard an increase in the speed of the tide. The trees started rustling like they were speaking to me. The birds in the sky changed and they kept doing the same maneuvers just like they were trapped in a time loop or like in a ‘groundhog day’ sort of situation. If I looked away from the birds and then looked at them again they would simply carry out the same actions they had done before. It was like time was looping on itself.

I looked around and it seemed like all the plants and trees were trying to send me to lie down. The music of the Shaman was also very hypnotic and everything seemed to put me into a trance. The urge to give up and lay down was overwhelming but I knew I couldn’t do that. The temptation was immense. Within 45 minutes I knew the Ayahuasca was at its most potent. I started to pace up and down like a caged animal. I looked at the crew. They were all flat out under one roof and I smiled to myself. Only the shaman and his assistant were active. They were looking over the crew, but so was I.

The magical music played by the Shaman kept the crew in a trance like state and I knew instinctively that this situation was important.

The desire for me to just lie down and shut my eyes was incredible. Only once did I nearly succumb to the temptation. I was just about to say ‘fuck it I’m beat’ when my watch literally turned into a bright light and flashed my eyes as though to say ‘no you don’t you bugger you are not beat yet’. It was just like the flashy thing in the MIB movie but instead of taking away my memory it restored it. A positive flashy thing!

I sparked into life and started pacing about and using my arms like a boxer when shadow boxing. I was stood in front of the swimming pool, which was in an elevated position overlooking the sea and the beach. My attention was attracted to the waves of the sea. Then all of a sudden the waves grew in size until they were on a par with the size of a tidal wave. I got the urge to scarper rather sharpish as it appeared the tidal wave was going to drown me. I turned my head quickly away to my right, and the sound of the waves went away, only to see three raised serpents hissing at me. I was very scared, just for a moment, as it appeared they were going to strike (bite) me. I was forced to turn my head back towards the sea. The tidal waves had disappeared but as soon as I started to look at the sea the waves increased rapidly in size again and the sound increased also. I turned my head to my left and my eyes were attracted to a palm tree and at the top of this palm tree were several giant bees. The more I looked at them the bigger and noisier they got. The only way to get rid of the visions was to turn away. Remember I had vowed to stay on my feet and keep my eyes wide open.

No matter where I looked something happened that made me want to shut my eyes. I decided to stare at the swimming pool and just for a moment I felt like jumping in. The ripples of the water turned into snakes if I looked at them for too long so that vision slightly put me off taking a dip.

The urge to lie down and shut my eyes increased again. I thought about the flashy watch. What am I suppose to do now I thought? The song Goodbye Blackberry Way’ by The Move came to mind. So I did just that…. I bloody moved!

I staggered for a drink of water I passed the group and they were mostly flat out on their beds. I drank and I drank the water as in defiance to something. I carried a bottle of water back to my previous position.I looked at the sea again and sure enough the waves started to increase again. Out of the corner of one eye I saw the serpents rise again to my right. I took a swig of water and held it in my mouth. I watched as the waves grew and when they were at maximum height I suddenly turned to my right and spat the water at the serpents. Right in their mush.

Take that you bounders’ sort of thing, to put it mildly.

The serpents looked at me in a state shock but they immediately stopped hissing and then disappeared. I sat down for a while albeit with my feet on the floor. I drank the remaining water from the bottle and went to get another. The crew were all still flat out on their beds and the music of the shaman kept them in a trance like state. I smiled to myself again.


Picture shows the swimming pool. The crew were concentrated under the roof far centre on the second and third ceremonies and the nearest Red Cross is where I was for most of the second ceremony

I grabbed another bottle of water and returned to my position in front of the pool. I looked at the sea again and sure enough the vibrations rose rapidly and another massive tidal wave appeared in the distance. I looked out of my left eye and saw the giant bees again, festering in a palm tree type bush. Again when the tidal wave approached me I spun round and sprayed the bees with water from my bottle.

The water went straight through their wings and dissolved them. The bees then fell to the floor and they all started tap dancing like Fred Astair. (I kid you not) I started laughing to myself and they disappeared. I sat down again with my feet on the ground. I suddenly felt a presence behind me and a female voice said ‘It will come from the sea so be prepared for it baby’.

I then looked at the swimming pool and it turned into a mass of tiny black vipers swimming in milk. It was starting to go dark, it was now around 6pm. I looked over to the crew and one or two were coming out of the initial shell-shock period. One symbolic member of the crew, a Doctor, walked towards me and said ‘we are over the highest point’, meaning the highest part of the effect of Ayahuasca. I thought if you can’t trust a Doctors opinion about the effects of medicine then who the bloody hell can you trust! I knew then I was going to stay on my feet. Thanks Doc!

The constant work carried out by the Shaman kept the crew under trance and many members of the crew were in and out of dream state or should I say in and out of this world?

I grabbed another bottle of water and whilst I was getting this water from the Shaman’s location the blood elder of the person I gave the symbolic vessel to had appeared where I had previously sat in the shelter directly behind me (see picture with red cross above) I immediately sprayed him with my eau de cologne and I asked him if he liked it. He said he did.

I then headed to the small fence that separated the eco-lodge resort land from the sandy beach. I drank the water apart from the last mouthful and I spat that onto the beach. I then vigorously paced up and down and at the same time I banged/ tapped my now empty water bottle on the fence in the form of some tune that I didn’t understand. I was a bloody good drummer though. (Keith Moon – eat your heart out) I knew I was teasing something but I had no idea what. I had no control over myself during this period and it was purely an action brought on through automatic physical and spiritual direction. I have experienced this a few times in my life.

I then picked up a stick and drew a line in the sand. I then placed the empty bottle on the line. It was sunset. I then immediately vomited violently over the bottle. It is called ‘purging’ when it occurs after drinking Ayahuasca. I call it ‘puking your ring up’ no matter what caused it. I then heard a voice behind me say ‘what ya doing’ I turned round to see my wife looking at me! No bees or serpents, just my wife looking at her husband like he was a head the ball.

Well then, my little truth seekers, what would you have told her in my position? Where could I start? I felt like a teenager would feel after being caught masturbating with the pages of a porn magazine opened up wide in front of them. What should I do first I thought… zip up my trousers or shut the magazine and hide it?

I told her I was just shit-faced and had unknowingly wandered down on to the beach. She then led me back to the rest of the group where I met one of the organisers. I sprayed him with my eau de cologne. He liked it too. He might have thought I was a head the ball too but he still liked it.

The major effects of the Ayahuasca during my journey in the second ceremony were now wearing off. I hadn’t broken my watch either.

I told the group, at the group session the next day, that I had been in a ‘battle’ during my journey at the second ceremony. Let me tell you all now that it wasn’t an easy battle and I nearly failed. I realise most of you will believe that I was just hallucinating but even if I was I still nearly failed. The pain of defeat is still the same whilst hallucinating or in another dimension just like it is in five sense illusionary reality.


I had hoped that my spiritual challenge was over after the second ceremony but I knew it wasn’t. I knew that something else had to be done and I knew that it had to be done in the spirit world (another dimension) it didn’t really matter if it was a silly hallucination or not, I still had to live it.

Visions under Ayahuasca
Visions under Ayahuasca


Visions under Ayahuasca

The Third Ceremony

I’m going back soon – home to get that Baboon
Who cut up my eye – tore up my Levi’s

The third ceremony quickly came around. The Rain had been in attendance all day and the crew was again forced into the same small covered area. People were amazed at the amount of rain for September in Brazil because it is usually dry, pretty fair, sunny weather. I knew it was meant to be and I knew I couldn’t cope without the Rain.

We all watched the Shaman carry out the ceremony for the final time and we all drank the Ayahuasca. I had for some reason placed a chair near the Shamans fire shortly after drinking the medicine. The rest of the crew lay down on their beds but I knew that I had to stay on my feet again. Those that have taken a cup full of Ayahuasca will know how difficult it is, during the first hour or two after drinking it, to just stand up.

I again felt directed to take up an elevated position near the pool looking out to sea. This time it was very dark. I wore my hat, just has I had done on the second ceremony. Sure enough within fifteen to twenty minutes of taking the medicine everything started to change. The noise of the sea increased again and the trees began to sway in tune with the sounds of the sea.

Again my heartbeat raised and unified with the Earth, the Sea and the Air. The magical chants of the Shaman and his music put the whole crew into a trance and I am sure that most of them were seeing visions. The lights in the sky stood out as the stars literally fell down forming beautiful patterns in front of my eyes. The clouds just seemed to disappear.

I waited for something to happen and the urge to just lie down and shut my eyes was tremendously hard to defy but I knew I had to stand my ground again no matter what. I was determined to see out whatever I had to see out. The love that brought the rain was keeping me on my feet.

Suddenly a small illuminated lamppost next to me turned into a raised Cobra with bright red eyes. I knew I was stepping in and out of this world. The longer I looked at it the bigger it got. I felt it was going to bite me and swallow me. I looked away and paced up and down whilst still wearing my hat. I then approached the Cobra again but as I got near to it I turned around and pointed my arse in its direction. I bent over like I was going to break wind (fart). As I have said Ayahuasca is probably the best laxative in the world and I believe the Cobra just didn’t dare risk staying there when I pointed my arsehole it its direction. Maybe it had hallucinations of being sprayed with shite, I don’t know if it did or not but I do know it buggered off!

I looked out to sea and saw two bright streaks of yellow coming towards the beach. I felt a sense of dread. I sat down but again my feet never left the ground. I heard a voice inside myself telling me to expose myself and represent the colours of the crew. I was relieved to comprehend that ‘exposing’ myself didn’t mean me showing my arse, mooning, like a drunken idiot but just meant revealing myself. Showing myself. Coming out.

I suddenly got the urge to approach the Shamans fire. As I approached the fire I noticed someone sitting in the chair that I had placed there earlier. I kindly asked the elder or the man in charge if he would kindly place my hat on the fire. I also placed some eau de cologne on his wrist for him to wear and asked him if he liked it (The aroma). He said he did and he then placed my hat on the fire and proceeded to burn the bugger! I knew I was symbolically revealing myself by doing this.

The well travelled Hat that is no more. (Sob) Ralph Miller burnt it!

I grabbed a bottle of water and returned to my position, obviously hatless. I looked out to sea and noticed that the two yellow streaks had now reached the beach. I had the strongest urge to go and meet with these yellow streaks. I moved round to the front of the pool, nearer the beach, and then made why way down to the area in front of the beach.

There was a little segmented stone type ornamental pathway leading to the beach, indeed the same pathway ran around the whole eco-village. As I approached I realised that the two yellow streaks were really just one. Just prior to reaching the small fence, separating the beach from the eco-lodge, I saw the yellow streak flash by at tremendous speed directly under my feet. It literally shook me off my feet and I fell over. Like a drunk would do after filling his belly full of ale.

I focused my vision as I stood up and the yellow streak turned into a giant snake. The path I was walking on had turned into a massive snake! I was literally riding a giant snake but I wasn’t going anywhere. I was staying in the same place and the snake was whizzing by under my feet. I put my arms out to help me gain balance like I was riding on a skateboard. The head and tail of the snake were joined together like Oruboros with the snake’s head gripping the snake’s tail in its mouth. It was continuous and it was hard to know where the head was and where the tail was.


The path that turned into a snake. Seems silly now but I tell you the truth, it turned into a snake.

All of a sudden I stamped my right foot down and the snakes head popped up as in pain, dropping its tail at the same time. Without thinking I put my arms around the neck of the snake just like Tarzan having a pop at a crocodile would. I wrapped my legs around it too like I was going to hump it. The snake then vomited and a red assed baboon came out of the yellow snakes mouth, all wrapped in goo like a newborn baby is. The baboon was holding a large eye with the pupil shaped as a number three or a letter m on its side. The baboon took one look at me and started to run towards the beach. I dropped the snake and ran after the baboon. Its red arse was glowing very brightly like a neon sign saying ‘kick me’.

I swung a leg in an attempt to boot it up the arse but I missed (so no emails from the RSPCA please) I started screaming and shouting at this baboon and in its haste to escape it dropped the eye it was carrying very near to the place where I was sick and where I had drawn a line in the sand on the beach. It was also the place where I had placed an empty bottle during the journey I experienced at the second ceremony.

My shouting at the baboon must have sounded like signs of distress and I must have alerted the elder of the ceremony and the Shaman’s assistant to my plight because they came to me asking what all the noise was about. I felt a bit embarrassed. I knew it was over and time for me to rest and after staying on my feet for two ceremonies I really was ready to collapse on to the floor.

I went to my mattress and tried to make sense of what had happened I shut my eyes for only the second time in three ceremonies. The same male face (Head) (like superman’s dad) from the first ceremony appeared again. He plainly ‘said’ or I understood him to say; ‘It’s nearly done but when it is say so’. I was shown a ‘hole’ between this world and a sort of paradise world. In-between this world and the paradise world I was shown a world of imprisonment and misery and I was shown that the rulers in that world of fear like to keep this world in the same image of that world.

This in-between world keeps the human race as prisoners and keeps us in the lowest form of trance possible making a true escape impossible.

I was also shown that the powerful crew that had been put together had managed to drill a symbolic hole right through the negative band of energy (in-between world) showing me that collective spiritual energy can create physical invisible energy. I was shown that representatives from the paradise world beyond the in-between world were now present in this world as human beings and were breaking out of the trance state they were put under by the in-between world, just like everyone is put in trance.

I was told that ‘when these representatives were united there will be fireworks in this world’ and the face winked at me and smiled. The face then faded away. I wanted it to come back and tell me more but it didn’t. I knew my journeys to other worlds in Brazil were over.

I got up and noticed the elder of the ceremony (the bugger that burnt my hat!) was sat in a chair near my head. I got up and got a final bottle of water and looked to the stars and drank the bottle in one. I then gave the elder the empty bottle and he kindly took it.

That was the end of my journeys under the trance of Ayahuasca and the guidance of the Shaman. I must say that even though I experienced some traumatic scenes I felt perfectly at ease after each ceremony. After the third ceremony I asked another symbolic member of the group if he knew the title of a song by Johnny Nash. He said Johnny Cash. I said No Johnny Nash.

‘I can see clearly now’ I said. ‘The Rain has gone’ someone else said.
The day after third ceremony was a cloudless hot and sunny day and all the crew laid around in the sunshine including me. I was exhausted but felt that it really was a beautiful day. I knew that without the rain I couldn’t have experienced my latter two journeys and I knew only love had brought the Rain.

On the last evening we had tobacco-offering ritual to carry out. We had previously made ritual offerings to the Earth and the Sea using symbolic stones. I used a bloodstone. For the tobacco offering every one of us had to wrap tobacco in little different coloured cloth parcels and attach them on a string. Just like a string of pearls.

Colours used in final offering

We then burnt them individually on the Fire and each said a few words as part as a closing ceremony and when I threw my coloured parcels of tobacco on the Fire. I said ‘It’s done’ and it was on that day.

Oh my brothers it was done.


So there you have it. I have tried to be as honest and as accurate as I can when describing my journeys. Obviously the vast majority of people will see it as though I had a ‘trip’ brought on by drugs that cause hallucinations. I must say that not long ago I would have thought the same thing. Remember I have never taken any substances before so I have nothing to compare Ayahuasca to. I can drink a bucket full of ale though and still stay on my feet.

I was also traumatically awakened to my hypnotically suppressed childhood memories in 1999. I must admit that Ayahuasca did seem to appear to transport me to see another dimension that resembled my childhood experiences and I certainly reacted to what I was seeing.

So what can I really tell you about Ayahuasca? I have always said long before I went near Ayahuasca, and it is recorded, that I believe the masses are dumbed down and we are forced to spiritually surrender ourselves to a deceptive force lifetime after lifetime. To put it in simple terms our third eye is removed. Yes a removal of our third eye (our intuition) takes place leaving us at the mercy of the deceptive force that caused the loss of sight in the first place. Can Ayahuasca medicine replace that third eye if only for a few hours?

Far more intelligent people than me know about these things and can explain it better too. I have just reported what happened to me as it appeared to me. Some claim that pineal gland (that separates the two sides of the brain) is affected by Ayahuasca and in turn this allows the individual taking it to access both sides of the brain. Again I don’t even pretend to know if this is true but I will say that I believe the human race is somehow dumbed down to the levels of a plastic dog turd from a joke shop and there may be something in this. Here is a brief explanation of the pineal gland.

Ayahuasca is said to contain the natural brain hormone ‘DMT’ and this DMT is only usually increased when you are born and when you die. Entering and leaving this dimension. So it is possible that Ayahuasca supplies you with inter-dimensional visions during your life by increasing DMT levels. Although from another viewpoint reduction of DMT levels may explain the dumbing down process. Here is a brief explanation of DMT.

Can drinking Ayahuasca raise your ‘vibrational state’, for want of better words, and enable you to see into other dimensions? Can the Shaman create changes in consciousness that effect not only individuals but also collective groups? Can the Shaman use his skills to create a collective hypnotic trance like state just like I believe a deceptive race of serpents have hypnotised the masses in this world to live in the trance that creates all the misery in this world?

I am sure that the crew put together by PP and others close to him know the answers to the questions that I ask about the Shaman are true.

The crew I was with actually felt true connection with each other simply because we were all on a level playing field. There were no material barriers, there were no class divisions and there were no differences between us whatsoever. None. We lived as equals if only for a short period. Our true spirituality was allowed to surface simply because we were allowed to create our own world for once and in that world there were no divisions, just human beings collectively searching for some truth and a way home. We allowed each other to experience what we wanted or needed to experience without restrictions. We allowed each other to be free. I only witnessed positive results in the people that took Ayahuasca despite some of the people having journeys that were not all fluffy bunny experiences. I always felt good after the ceremonies. The collective spiritual power of the group made sure of that.

Ayahuasca has confirmed to me that this world is an illusion created by mass thought. Sadly I believe a very deceptive force has hijacked the collective thoughts of the human race and we live lives that the hijackers want us to live. I believe we can change this world by changing mass thought and if the majority of minds can wake up to what is really going on then a massive spiritual shift is possible and we will reconnect with the paradise world that I have been shown and seen. There will be no prison warders and the world will not be a prison anymore. If this shift happens you will not be forced to surrender your spirit and live on your knees in misery in this world ever again.

A fairy tale is it? Matthew Delooze is just another lunatic shooting his gob off whilst being high off magic potions is he? A stupid dreamer that knows bugger all and is living in a delusion am I? Well if I am it is a bloody prolonged and vivid delusion then and my psychosis never fades and to be honest if I am suffering from psychosis then I really hope that I never get sane again and end up like the bloke next door. I really do.

So I tell you the truth when I say representatives from the one true consciousness are here in human form in this world to help this world shift. They can only open up the spiritual floodgates and help if this world really wants to ‘shift’. It is time to think for yourselves and let your intuition tell you what you should do in the coming months and years. I have said enough in this article and it is nearly time for me to go. I say let your intuition direct you in the future, not your credit card statement or a lying politician. Your subconscious is currently being reminded of who you really are and when you remember it will be a trustworthy guide. So follow it. It is a difficult time for a lot of us.


Some force had subconsciously created the urge in the crew to attend the workshop. It’s not easy for some people to drink such things as Ayahuasca and I acknowledge the sheer bravery of all those people who drank it, especially those who, on a five-sense level, didn’t really want to swallow it. I can only suggest to those that didn’t want to drink it that your subconscious brought you to Bahia that week because of the spiritual symbolism you carry and that you spiritually promised to do so (sadly you cannot remember the promises you made whilst you are in this world). No one broke his or her spiritual promises at Bahia.

I would like to thank PP and those close to him for putting together the crew and making our week at Bahia possible. I also would like to thank those who found themselves at Bahia through their own spiritual path for making it possible because your involvement was just as important as everyone else. I am excited for all of you and all your futures.

To Ralph, Peter, Rod and the delightful Fiona and the rest of the staff at Heart of the Initiate I say a very big thank you, just for being you and the wonderful thing you have created. Again anyone wishing to know more about Heart of the Initiate please visit their site. It’s a mine of information with some very good articles and other information, including some very good stuff from Ralph and Peter. Ralph and Peters skills are many and Ralph has even become an expert hat burner as well! Here is a link to articles at the Heart of the Initiate website.


I realise the vast majority of people haven’t the means to get to Brazil and take part in workshops and that is why I have opened my heart and put my experiences on show in this article. If you have read this article carefully then my experiences are also now in you and you have seen and will carry the same symbolism and the same colours as me. (Without having to puke your ring up or worry that your arsehole was going to explode or indeed worrying your mother about the state of your underwear, I might add!)

I realise you will have totally different experiences than me if you attend a workshop but to those who will never attend a workshop I say you now know as much as me about ayahuasca.

Last but not least, by a long chalk, I thank the Shaman and his lovely assistant Sarah for the sheer effort and hard graft they put in during the ceremonies. I am sure their work will not go unrewarded.
May love reign o’er you all.

Matthew Delooze 21st Sept 2007

Copyright © Matthew Delooze, 2007. All Rights Reserved.