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Even If We’re Just Dancin’ in the Dark?

Even If We’re Just Dancin’ in the Dark?


(‘Ayahuasca’: Chapada dos Guimarães July 2012 Part One)

By Matthew Delooze

You can’t start a fire, worryin’ about your little world falling apart …
…You can’t start a fire… You can’t start a fire without a spark
Even if we’re just dancing in the dark
Even if we’re just dancing in the dark
From The Song Dancing in the Dark By Bruce Springsteen

I was left in no doubts around May 2012 that 2012 was going to be very difficult to navigate, not only on a physical/health level but on an emotional level too. I had known for a while that personal events in my life were going to unfold and my feelings were being stretched enough without having more emotional upheaval to cope with, but the upheaval still came along, like a soul destroying psychotic thunderstorm, and I was swept along with it like a feather in a hurricane. I do not know how I would have survived, or even have a roof over my head without priceless help coming from a couple of individuals.

The major triggers for these events unfolding surrounded a few talks I did in the UK in the spring of 2012, where I informed the audience that 2012 was a year for sharp changes and a time of shocks for a lot of people.  I’m sure a few of those folks in those audiences actually believe me now. (Sorry… but at least you few know I tell the truth!)

People cannot feel our personal physical pain and they have no empathy with it unless they suffer something similar themselves. The same situation applies to our emotional and spiritual pain too and unless people have suffered spiritually themselves they really have no idea of the spiritual sufferings of others, apart from seeing the physical affects it has on their physical bodies and appearances of course.

I had previously been invited to take part in another week of Ayahuasca ceremonies before the 2012 upheavals and severe changes in my life had begun.  So it literally felt like a real godsend when the time to go came along (July 2012) if only to briefly escape from my painful situation and to travel to Brazil again.

I arrived at Heathrow Airport and whilst I swigged down a pint of ale in the bar I pondered on how I was going to react to the Ayahuasca medicine considering the emotional and physical state I was in. I very quickly decided that I didn’t really have a care in the world how I reacted to it.  It can literally be a very daunting experience just ‘thinking’ about supping Ayahuasca when it is soon to be upon you so to speak, but I was very calm about it. I had no fears at all.

Usually just thinking about the physical side affects of Ayahuasca, like it making you shit like a plane leaving chemtrails, can be very off putting, but it simply didn’t bother me.

I think at the time I would have happily shit myself to death even without a moment’s thought of what details would be written up in any pauper’s obituary.  I suppose as long as any obituary noted that I had been wearing very very clean and very posh (Calvin Klein) underpants at the time (for my mum’s sake) I would have been happy to die at that time whilst literally shitting my soul out. Again I had no fears of drinking.

Indeed, all in all, the only thing that initially scared the shit out of me was the terrifying road trip from Cuiaba Airport to Chapada dos Guimarães in a small Fiat.Now please believe me when I admit that ‘trip’ really did scare me totally rigid and I gripped the seat many times as my life flashed before my eyes, but surprisingly and to my utter amazement I arrived in one piece in Chapada, albeit shaking like a leaf and repeatedly vowing to myself that I would never… ever… ever… get into a car, well a tin on wheels, with a crazed mad dog driver again! I though I had lost my fear of death years ago, but after getting into a Fiat in Brazil, in the hands of a maniac, I realised I hadn’t.

Anyway my heart rate soon subsided when I did arrive and I very quickly settled in this paradise sort of a setting. It was the place where I had briefly visited the last time I was in Chapada. I had attended the house warming for the host of the ceremonies and of course it was the place where the Bird Table was located as mentioned in The Hummingbird Has Landed. Here is a picture showing the location.

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A fantastic and special location for the ceremonies. Picture By Matthew Delooze (c)

I took the picture from the top of a massive bird observation tower (In reality it was pile of dangerously rickety scaffolding built by Indian Cowboys).

Anyway. It really felt like I was in another world compared to the shithole of a town I usually exist in (Burnley UK). I awoke on the second day with little jet lag and I immediately started to remember events from the last year and I retraced my steps.

I remembered the Caiman Head and I remembered visiting the exact centre point of Brasil etc. I mostly remembered seeing the massive Sky Walker, the streak of colours in the sky that resembled a massive UFO.


I remembered past events

It was like returning to work on an ongoing job sort of thing. It all had to be done in stages, so it felt like I was having an important reaquaintance with a special mission and I was being given a visual and emotional reminder, I was being briefed. I have always felt, when returning to the places where Ayahuasca ceremonies have taken place, or places that are linked to them, that I am instantly given recall of previous experiences that have taken place there. I don’t just remember them either. I actually feel the emotions felt at the previous ceremonies.

I also started to feel other spiritual connections that you feel when returning to special places etc. My ‘chakras’ (sorry for being hippy ducky) were vibrating again and although I wasn’t fully functional, in my body by a long chalk, I also knew my inner core was fully alert and in full working order. I may appear a haggard old looking broken man on the outside but that is not the real me. I ask scoffers to try and believe me when I say they’d be a fool, as we all can be, if they are to be permanently deceived by appearances. Please remember that in coming years because it is important if you seek true freedom to do so. Sadly ‘everyone’ on this planet is still deceived, more and more everyday, by pretty and clean looking faces that really do nothing but hide their ugly and dirty hearts and their deceptive intentions.

Anyway, as I said, my chakras were literally vibrating again and my inner self was working overtime inside a scrapheap of a body. I knew the next chapter in this journey had to unfold.

Before we knew it the day of the first ceremony was upon us and I suddenly felt a little queasy, which I put down to the usual jet lag and my health or the fact that the weather seemed a little chilly (It was mid-winter in July after all). There was only eight in the group, including the Shaman Warinei and his lovely assistant Sara, who was expecting her first child, and his lovely wife Margarita.

As the day went on it seemed that a strange and intense nervous tension had somehow appeared in the house amongst the group, and this tension increased very rapidly throughout that day. It was seriously affecting more than one individual in the group by late afternoon, so much so it was eventually decided to put off the ceremony until the next day, partly in the hope that it would reduce the symptoms of jet lag it was thought.  As soon as it was decided to call off the ceremony the intense nervous tension eased instantly and then disappeared altogether. We decided to relax that evening in the hope the ‘jet lag’ would be gone completely the morning after and we could start the ceremonies proper the following evening.

A couple of hours later, after dinner, whilst relaxing in the lounge area and basically sat around doing nothing, I suddenly heard a loud bang (Like a door banging in the wind), which obviously immediately caught my attention.  It all happened so quickly but I actually ‘saw’ two ghost-like black hooded figures come erratically flying through the lounge area like something out of a horror movie. I kid you not. It was like a pair of Tasmanian Devils, like the one that used to be in the cartoon, had literally spun through the room.

And no…  I wasn’t drunk (I’d had half a can of beer) nor had I taken drugs either but I definitely SAW two black hooded figures fly and spin past the head of the host and then disappear through some partly open glass patio doors located on the other side of the room as opposed to the one they entered (door that banged)

I know most will think I was seeing things. (The fruitcake Delooze is seeing bloody ghost figures now, I bet he’ll be seeing Casper next!) But it was so graphic and clear that I even noticed one figure was a very nasty angry energy and the other appeared to be a little lackey type of figure following the first figure, just like an arse kissing servant would. That’s how much detail I saw even though it all happened in a few seconds…  It definitely happened.


I saw the image of two black shadowy figures flying through the room.

I immediately told the host what I had seen (sounding crazy of course) and we went to investigate the first door where I’d heard the figures come through after I heard the loud bang. Again these doors were located where the ‘Bird table’ was located (see the humming bird has landed). We noticed that the catch on the bottom of the door had literally been bent double with the force that hit it. I tell you all the truth when I say no wind caused that damage. There was no wind to speak of anyway.

This was definitely a spiritual event that had combined with a five sense physical event. It was one world entering another.  But that said I found out a few years ago that certain energies or even certain ‘entities’ cannot travel through ‘glass’ and neither could these hooded figures. I couldn’t understand this process just a few years ago but now I can, thanks to my Ayahuasca experiences especially whilst inside a certain Maloca that had both glass and polythene windows.

These entities literally had to ‘force’ a gap in the door frame to actually get through it and enter the proposed ceremony room. They had to do the same procedure to exit. The doors somehow had to be ‘maneuvered’ to allow this to happen. I knew instantly it had to be the door where the Bird table/Caiman head was bashed because some kind of energy line was being created there and the two entities not only used the line to travel down, but they used the energy in the line to bash a gap in the door to enter the room. I realise not many will believe me on that.

Of course it simply could have been the ‘wind’ that was to blame for the damaged door catch and my delusions could now be taking on a five sense physical form, but I tell you the truth when I say that two very dark hooded figure entities appeared and then disappeared that night. I saw them and it was never the wind to me and never will be.

The moment I saw and felt the hooded figures I knew it was a very good decision by the host to call off the Ayahuasca ceremony that night.

I actually saw a similar same type of hooded figure during the Ayahuasca ceremonies that took place in Colombia in February 2008 but I had never seen them without drinking Ayahuasca before. (Please see the Standing in the Line of Fire chapter/article.) I realised again that I was now able to see between two worlds at certain times and I realised this was an ongoing process for use in the future.

I didn’t really have time to ponder too much on the hooded figures, even though the entities I saw were quite vivid. I just fobbed the experience off after an hour or so, and seeing I was the only person to see them it was the best thing to do.

The next day came around in a flash anyway. This time the day passed quickly and the ceremony was definitely going ahead this time. I felt good and the nervous tension had cleared up.

 The First Ceremony.

I have found that it does not matter how many previous Ayahuasca ceremonies you have taken part in because experience goes out of the window when you realise you are close to supping a full cup of Ayahuasca again. Just the thought of drinking Ayahuasca can have most folks pacing around a Maloca like a lost sinful soul who is about to face his creator and confess their sins.

Just the thought of supping Ayahuasa can have you pleading to be beamed up by Scotty instead of going through with the ceremony. Indeed sometimes the thought of downing a cup of Ayahuasca sometimes makes you question what you are actually doing on this planet in the first place. Which I suppose, when I think about it, is its true intention.

Hey what are you doing actually doing on this planet? If you don’t know then maybe ask yourself why you don’t know? Then, when you can’t answer that question, simply run away and quickly decide you are not even intelligent enough to tell yourself why you actually exist eh? Maybe it’s better and easier leaving your fate to those that actually know who you are then eh?

It does not really matter if Ayahuasca is a true vine of the soul or just a cup of pathetic smelly drugs because the one thing it does do is make you question yourself. Every Ayahuasca ceremony will show you something about yourself. It will always show the drinker how fake they are in some form or another too. Sadly the drinker usually overrules the messages once the Ayahuasca has worn off. Indeed most overrule the messages before they can actually be given, therefore they can never receive them.

I have known for a very long time that if we want to be free then our heart and spirit have to really ‘want’ to be free, above all else. Full trust in our hearts and spirit is required and if the heart is true then it will truly bring what it yearns for, and if freedom from the chains of this sick world is yearned for, above all else, then a means of escape from the world that so many liars and fakes have invested their entire hearts in, will come to those that wish to escape.

I knew in my heart that I am a very small part of something that will have a massive affect on some people in the future and I assure you if I didn’t believe that 110% in my heart then I wouldn’t ever have written a word of the writings I have provided over several years.

Anyway… I’d had the urge to carry out a couple of acts prior to the first ceremony actually taking place. This was nothing new to me and I’ve experienced strong spiritual direction many times for several years, and my actions and any apparatus I had premonition to gather and use, always seems to mean something to me later on down the line. I couldn’t possibly ever make the apparatus fit the experience before the experience takes place. I truly believe that something spiritual pre-arranges the appearance of the apparatus to assist the experience in advance and also create a ritual that is valid in two different dimensions.

The main urges I had prior to this ceremony were to place a unique image over the fireplace in the ceremony room (the lounge area). This was the artwork I placed on the fireplace.



Art work that was placed over Fire before the ceremonies took place.

I had also fetched a few other ornamental or symbolic items with me but I had no idea what they were for prior to the ceremonies or what they meant. I just knew they were important to my journey and I wouldn’t even mention them to you if didn’t believe they were important things to mention to you.

I suppose it didn’t matter what I’d brought because the ceremony was now indeed upon us. We went through the usual Ayahuasca ceremony routines including the act of ‘Smudging’ that I have mentioned before. If you have forgotten I will remind you smudging is a sort of ‘smoking away of bad vibes’ cleansing ritual. This pre-drinking smudging ritual basically comprises of Sweetgrass Sage or Cedar being set alight to create some smoking embers, and then everybody is literally individually ‘smoked’ like a kipper by the Shaman’s assistant blowing the smoke at them. This takes place whilst we are stood upright with our arms stretched out in a cruciform shape.  I suppose there is no difference whatsoever between the Ayahuasca smudging ritual and being baptised in a Christian ‘font’ but I’m sure most Christian folks would laugh at the smudging ritual being carried out at Ayahuasca ceremonies with smoke, yet would happily be smudged by water by some pervert paedophile of a priest splashing and smudging their children with the ‘holy water’.

Indeed man only willingly and happily joins in with the rituals that he actually believes he understands or man only pretends to join in rituals he believes are meaningless and harmless anyway, sometimes both. In reality, at the same time, man mainly only joins in rituals that actually make man look good in front of man. Indeed man is now so deluded, fake and vain respectively that he doesn’t know which ritual deludes him, which ritual to fake and which ritual to boast at.

In a nutshell man really hasn’t a clue about the real meanings behind the rituals he continuously takes part in. But shuuussshh don’t tell man that because his delusions, his fakery and his vanity won’t let him even see it never mind believe it.

Anyway, the Shaman’s fire was in full flow and he had set up all his apparatus near it.  We all waited for the Shaman to do his warm up stuff. He chanted and he waved a few leaves around as usual and I must admit it does help prepare you to find the guts you need to swallow the medicine. I actually took the first cup this time. (I usually wait until last in the hope the Shaman will run out of it and shut up shop just before its my turn!) I swallowed in down.

I walked around the room and then ventured outside, all the time flexing my weedy arm and leg muscles like I was warming up for some great gymnastics competition or a boxing match or something. I don’t know why I was doing this because I knew I’d be on my back, like a lump of lard, on my mattress inside twenty minutes. Indeed if I’d done a couple of squat thrusts in my warm up I’d have probably followed through.

It did not take long for the medicine to take affect. I always use the sky as a visual gauge to measure the affect and I know that when the night sky becomes sparkling ‘starry’ and bright, as mentioned in previous Ayahuasca write-ups, I know the medicine is really kicking in.

I started to feel very dizzy and I thought what the hell have I drunk this stuff again for! There’s one thing you always realise after the initial affects of the medicine kick in… “You know there is no turning back. You can’t stop the show”

The group was reasonably small but I have found that in small groups there are less distractions and less noise and therefore most journeys are not interrupted as much as they are when a large group is present.

I started to react to the Ayahuasca and I realised I had to retreat to my mattress as the medicine took over me. I hit my bed knowing I was going on another journey. The Shaman had already started playing his ceremonial music and I was soon in trance.

The shaman’s music somehow ‘connects’ with the Ayahuasca in your stomach and makes it flow through your system at a far faster rate. I suppose the best way describing this is to say the Shaman actually holds the remote control and somehow controls the speed and intensity of the Ayahuasca journey that you are ‘watching’ through his music, and he can literally turn up the volume, alter the contrast and increase the brightness of the vision anytime he wishes. The music is the actual remote control that adjusts your journey. This is no illusion and you can literally feel it take place if you go with the flow.

I shut my eyes and the usual colours were swirling around and, for some reason, they seemed to form the shape of a very sexy woman. I actually started to be entranced by the feminine shapes I was seeing. The shaman’s music intensified and so did the swirling colours intensify at the same time.

It then felt like I was actually being pulled down on my mattress and being gripped by an invisible force. I felt heavy. The colours I was seeing got more psychedelic in nature in a way and their movement appeared to become more aggressive. It was like the swirling colours were outside of my body, in the air if you like, and trying to actually penetrate my body by coming in me through my eyelids. But for some reason I started to resist the vision. I started to panic a bit and as the panic in me increased I just couldn’t go with the flow so to speak. I settled down again and shut my eyes. The swirl of coloured dots now appeared to be inside me but they were flowing in an outward direction, like they were trying to escape from inside me. It was like millions of little dots were hitting the backs of my eyelids from the inside (my eyes were shut). When these coloured dots hit the inside of my eyelids they were literally exploding and erupting, creating thousands of other coloured dots, just like fireworks explode in the sky.

The experience literally forced me to open my eyes and, true to form, the room had literally changed shape when I did so. It was like the coloured dots were dictating when I opened and closed my eyes and knew when I need to do so to see the things I needed too.

It was just like I was back in a room from the ancient past. (The ancient past being as we see history). I seemed totally empowered in my spirit like some kind of an alter ego had somehow surfaced in me and that alter ego literally reveled in the spiritual atmosphere that had been created through the medicine and the ceremony. I looked around trying to get a grip of my new but old surroundings, breathing in deep breaths, and it was as though a force from the past was in me.

I was trying to work out what was actually happening in the room and what I had to do whilst these images were real. The first thing I saw was a powerful looking figure on the staircase, which was dressed in some kind of ceremonial robes. I also saw the Shaman and his assistant (Sara) but they were now dressed like ancient Mayans or Aztecs would dress. Again it was just like they had gone back in time too, if only to me.

I must admit that even though the building I was in is newly built, it now looked like an ancient palace or temple.  The scene was timeless. I could feel the affects of the medicine increasing and the images in the room got more and more intense. I was trying to mainly focus on the man on the stairs. He was dressed in a white robe and he seemed to be beckoning me towards him and smiling at me. He was pointing at a mask he was holding. I tried to get up off my mattress but the medicine was too strong.

I started feeling sick and dizzy and had no alternative but to close my eyes in order to try and loose those symptoms.  Whoossshhhh… the coloured dots appeared again but this time they were flying ‘towards’ me like a river, entering me from the outside through my eyelids and then my eyes. This river of coloured dots then seemed to flow down through my throat into my chest and literally hit my heart. They stirred the very bare bones of who I am. I immediately felt stronger and instead of fighting the experience I just let the colours flow into me and as I did the dizziness sickness instantly disappeared. I felt strong.

Then a small white light appeared surrounded by a swirl of colours and it came rushing towards me at speed, just as the coloured dots had done, so to speak. It hit me right in the face forcing me to jolt, just like a strong camera flash going off would. I felt like I had been hit with the flashy thing out of the movie MIB. It looked something like this…


Whooosssshhh and wallop. ‘The white light hit me’.

I was suddenly with the face again (The Marlon Brando look-a-like). I know it sounds daft but that’s what happened. I was with The Face.


A Face, like this, appeared again

He just smiled at me and I immediately felt in good company. I felt at home. All the dizziness had gone. It felt like I was in a semi-vacuum situation and I could not hear nor see anything but the face in front of me. The face said he was pleased to see me.

The face the smiled at me and then he joked about an air hostess I had been chatting with on the way over to Brazil. The face then showed me a slideshow of images reminding me of many of the events and experiences I had gone through since my last visit to Chapada, some good, some very upsetting. I was shown myself in despair and I was shown myself in elation.

I was reminded about being told of my involvement with ‘gates’. I was especially reminded about the appearance of the Rain Bow Gate in my hometown and how it had appeared several months after my last visit to Chapada and I was reminded what I had buried under it. (‘I had buried teeth under it’) I was reminded that my first experience with the ‘Rain Bow Rods’ in Colombia was in early 2008, which was nearly a full five years before the Rain Bow Gate was even thought about never mind actually planned and built. The Face told me that the Rain Bow Gate was very important to some people in the future. He told me I had to mention this again (So I am). He flashed me the image of it again. The image showed the Rain Bow Gate ‘sparkling’ with the healing type of rainbow rods I was shown years ago. I knew it was a very symbolic statement to me. It is also a physical event that cannot be denied.  Here is a link to the report I made at the time.


The Rain Bow Gate. Just a Coincidence, please go back to sleep.

The Rain Bow Gate appeared in my hometown in a location linked to my childhood. I had been previously been informed that I would be involved with several Gates. The face went on to stress that its important I write about my experiences because others had to hear about them and see the images to be triggered and therefore be helped in the future.

I was also reminded me of other past events at Ayahuasca ceremonies, one main point was a very graphic reminder of the massive Sky Walker (Machine) I saw in the sky a year earlier. I was somehow literally given an action replay in slow motion. I was gobsmacked when I saw the action reply and how graphic my experience really was.

I saw that a ‘hole’ literally had been drilled in the sky and this Sky Walker event marked the occasion. But I was also reminded about energy lines and the Line of Fire coming to a cul-de-sac. I was reminded about my mission. Only Love Can Bring The Rain.

The face also mentioned the dark figures that I had seen the night before and confirmed that dark entities were indeed there to cause mischief and the ceremony had been called off to stop this. The face told me that the ceremonies would be OK and he went on to tell me what I had to do with something I had brought with me to stop unwanted entities appearing. I acknowledged the instructions and promised to carry them out later.

The face told me to stay strong as everything would turn out fine one day. I just had to find the strength to continue following my heart and following my intuition no matter how silly things got. I had to cope with the struggle. I was reminded of the scene from Braveheart (again) (See The Humming Bird Has Landed) I was told again…“Your Heart is Free – Have The Courage To Follow It.


 “Your Heart Is Free – Have The Courage To Follow It”.

The face also mentioned another prop I had fetched with me, which I had actually already used. It was an ornamental Hummingbird. I instinctively knew I had to place this hummingbird where the Colourful tree/ Caiman head had eventually been placed after the previous ceremonies in 2011. I had no idea why I had placed this ornamental Hummingbird there. My heart simply told me to do it as soon as I had arrived in Chapada.

When I had originally ordered it, about two years previous, it had arrived damaged. A wing had been broken off at some stage. I had received a replacement but I somehow knew I had to initially use the hummingbird with the broken wing. I sure had the feeling that the place where the Caiman Head and colourful tree and now the hummingbird with the broken wing were located was a very important spot, and part of a much bigger picture that simply could not be seen yet.

Untitled4 The one winged Hummingbird was placed where the Caiman Head and Colourful Tree once lay.

The face continued to tell me about energy lines and in particular about the Line of Fire and how the rituals and ceremonies that had been/were being carried out were not only vital to the planet on a spiritual level but they would also spark off massive five sense physical events to take place in the future, events that will literally affect many people in this world and affect them far beyond the scope of the current level of understanding available to the masses.

I was told again that only the act of ‘re-opening’ two very ancient energy lines, which literally flow around the globe, would actually unite these energies and allow powerful energies to come through ‘the hole in the sky’ that has already been created.  The face was serious and wasn’t messing around like it (he) normally did.  He told me that a spiritual force had really been involved in the creation of the building we were now using and this special building would literally be used to unite energies and also be used to empower people in the future. I was told that I needed to continue to write about my journeys because it was part of plan and the spiritual rules to enable spiritual forces to unite the energy lines and to trigger some people in the future to make the plan complete. I was told once the energy lines were opened my role in the ceremonies would be finished. Others would then take up roles. I was told others would be given unique signs and then events will happen to give them faith to carry out their roles when the time came, just like events and signs had given me faith.

The face told me many other things. I just listened. I literally couldn’t do anything else.

I felt the following words were very important and I quote them as best as my memory allows me too. The face said, Events taking place here in this place are on behalf and at the request of Mama Pacha (Mother World Spirit). The face added The Earth gave the people in this world prophecy but no one listened” (The Earth was not Mama Pacha).

The face then put his finger to his lips and said softly “Let it now be humbly and silently be announced to those that lost their ears when The Earth spoke… shhhuuussshhh… that… The Fire will unite with The Rain and return to Earth and make the prophecy from The Earth come true” “Then the ears of man will burn and the ashes of the deaf will be washed away by the Rain”

 The face was deadly serious when saying those words or something very similar and the last sentence cut right through me at the time (So I hope I got them right!). I thought about the saying ‘your ears must be burning and laughed to myself!’

Joking aside, the face said those words just like a god-fearing preacher would. So going of my past experiences I suggest you seriously take note of them.

The Fire will unite with The Rain and return to Earth and make the prophecy from The Earth come true” “Then the ears of man will burn and the ashes of the deaf will be washed away by the Rain”

I knew immediately that those words will one day silence the tongues of scoffers and liars. The Marlon Brando look-a-like then reminded me that certain things other things had to happen to literally activate the energy lines, but a lot had already been done.

‘Marlon’ (I felt we should be on first name terms by now!) told me that I would have to travel to a place called Thera (Santorini) in the future to carry out ritual to help open the energy lines and to walk where the fire once lived and died and to walk on the waters where the Fire once walked.

I was then shown myself in ancient times in an ancient place (previous life), which was rather emotional in many ways. I was also shown a very special person that I was once connected to in ancient times. We had both been killed because of a massive event there when an energy line was purposely destroyed. I was shown what had gone on and literally still felt the heartache involved from that time. I was told it was important that I went to Thera.

I was also told I’d have to go to another very important place too, but this couldn’t happen until certain other major events in the world unfolded first and other deeds in three other places were carried out. But I was told the very important place would be a very important matter and my ears not my eyes would get me there. Nothing else could get me there. I was told I would have to describe events and actions there in very great detail in writing after they had happened. I was told ‘my days as I am now’ would be coming to an end not too long after I visit the important place I was shown and write what happens there down.

The face told me to be strong and told me he would be back through the medicine later but he was with me always anyway.

The face was gone.

I initially heard the cracking of the fire and that seemed to break the vacuum like trance I was in. I was back on my mattress. I was back with the shaman’s music. The first thing that came into my head was that I didn’t feel fit enough to get my now twitching arse off the mattress never mind get it to Santorini. I was back feeling dizzy and my arse was showing me signs that the Ayahuasca was indeed fully in my system again. I thought, “Come back Marlon and tell me some more, but bring some toilet paper with you too”.  I wanted to know if I was to die after I visit the very important place I was shown? How was I to initially get to Santorini and how the hell am I going to get to the place I have to write in great detail about? The place which would lead to ‘my days as I am now’ coming to an end.

I didn’t really have any more time to ponder on the things the Face had told me because the intensity and affects of the ceremony rapidly increased. I suddenly felt hot and uncomfortable. I felt sick and had a strong urge to purge.

I sat up on my mattress and took some deep breaths in an attempt to feel more relaxed and fight of the urge to purge. I looked around at the group who all seemed to be in La La land and away with the fairies. This scenario was obviously helped by the Shaman who was now singing away and sounding like a Mogwai on Helium.


My eyes were attracted towards the fireplace and to Sara, Warinei’s assistant, who was located very near the fire so she could feed it.  She was heavily pregnant and I saw the flames from the fire cast a flickering light on her and created a flickering reflection on her tummy. Her ‘bump’ then actually turned into planet Earth through the reflection. The image was amazing. It was beautiful.

The fire looked low and the flames were low but it gave off an intense reflective light that shone on other things that seemed to create certain mirages for my attention. I looked over at the arty image that had been created by Warinei’s other assistant Catalina for the host.  Again I had placed the artwork, with the host’s permission over the fireplace earlier.

The light from the fire made the artwork appear magically transformed and it had changed in to a graphic virtual reality 3D image of a living ‘woman’.

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The artwork changed into a three dimensional woman.

The woman was literally opening and closing her legs. She was waving her arms and big hands around and literally flashing her tutt (vagina) by vigourously opening and closing her legs in a mechanical sort of way. I was intrigued because the more I stared at the imagery the more I saw, and each time she flashed open her legs ‘she’ appeared to rapidly gave birth to a very small ghost like figure, a whispy smoky soul figure if you like, which literally floated out of her through her vagina as she opened her legs. The woman’s rhythm was robotic and each thrust created a soul so to speak. The woman seemed to take deep breaths with each thrust to speak. So each thrust and breath created a soul or ghost like figure.

These soul figures then immediately turned into a bubble and they became literally orb like. Can you imagine the scene?

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“Souls appeared as Bubbles from the Vagina”

Can you see the artwork above?

I watched as the souls or bubbles were then instantly being sucked into the fire located just below the woman. It was just like the fire was drawing them towards it. It was like the fire itself was purposely pulling or sucking the souls from the woman or the woman was pushing or blowing souls into the fire. Indeed it became clear that both the fire and the woman were working in unison. And on one occasion, when the heavily pregnant Sara moved around the fireplace putting wood on the fire, it seemed like her bump (The Earth) was like orbiting the sun. (The Fire was the Sun) It was very graphic.

Anyway. It was like the image on the fireplace (the woman opening and closing her legs) created some sort of a bubble or soul making production line and the bubbles or souls were purposely being created and then drawn into the fire.

I was a bit concerned at what I was seeing at first, I thought the bubbles were being destroyed, but then the whole chimney stack opened up, just like I had bloody x-ray vision or something.  It was as if my eyes had been given special vision and my eyes somehow opened up the chimney just to show me what was really going on.

I could now see what was fully going on and see a bigger picture. I could fully see that the souls from the open legged lady figure, the bubbles from the bubble machine if you like, were not being destroyed by the flames of the fire.

I saw that the fire simply created a sort of updraft. It acted as a bubble wand, if you like, and the whole apparatus was literally working in unison and purposely blowing the bubbles up the chimney. I could also now see that during the ‘process’ that sparks from the fire were somehow being ‘placed’ inside the bubbles without the bubbles actually popping. The Fire was supplying the sparks, the woman was supplying the bubbles.  It was like a magic bubble trick, you know like when a magician places something in side the bubble without it popping.  In this case sparks were being placed in the bubbles.

It was an amazing sight.

Not only that I could now literally ‘hear’ those combined bubbles and sparks literally ‘cheering’ (squeaking) as they reached the top of the chimney stack and escaped into the atmosphere.  The wonderful sound of the cheering made me feel so elated that I was giggling and weeping at the same time.

I could also now see the little sparks inside the bubbles acted like a torch and they created a sort of hot air energy to help the bubbles gain the energy to become like little air balloon style UFO’s and get up the chimney and fly away. I shut my eyes and I started to see the bubbles as faces. I started to see faces I recognised. I also saw some ugly old faces inside the bubbles and they appeared to turn into beautiful young faces, it was just like they had been re-energised and empowered. It was like they had returned to normal.

I was entranced by what I was seeing in vision. I was in awe with what I was shown. I opened my eyes again and my attention was immediately attracted to the glass doors and outside and I saw all the little bubbles floating away up in the sky. I cannot give proper description in words but it was a magical sight and the message to me was massive. It was also an enchanting and beautiful vision.

As I looked through the door I could also see the now illuminated one winged hummingbird ornament flashing away outside in the distance too. It was like the hummingbird was a specially created beacon to point the bubbles in the right direction, as they were coming out of the chimney.

I was enjoying the scene and I smiled to myself. But then I saw some empty bubbles, so to speak (no sparks in them) floating back into the room through an open door and then floating back towards the fireplace. The woman (the artwork on top of the fire) was waving her arms about trying to catch or waft the little bubbles with her large hands. The bubbles were somehow being wafted into the woman’s mouth.

A few moments after being swallowed the bubbles reappeared out of the woman’s vagina. They were as ghost like/orb like figures again and the whole process started again, as in, they were drawn in by the fire, they were implanted with sparks and then blown up the chimney again and released into the outside atmosphere.

It’s very difficult to explain how anyone sees things through Ayahuasca. I can only show you the apparatus and write down what that apparatus turned in to. But everything is symbolic. I saw the apparatus below as being a woman who gave birth to souls as bubbles and then the bubbles received a spark and then escape up the chimney!

I started to understand what symbolic imagery I was being shown. I could see the very intense meaning behind the vision. Indeed I thought the whole bubble process was a massive analogy. But as soon as I did understand things the vision faded. The arty image on the mantelpiece returned to normal size and became less vivid. The flames of the fire had died down. The bubbles had gone. The vision had faded


The Woman and the Fire.

I started to stir on my mattress and immediately started to feel like I needed to ‘purge’. I had taken the vision in but my body now needed my attention. (Again Purge is a ‘nicey nicey – arty farty’ word in Ayaland for either puking your ring up or shitting yourself into oblivion.)

Indeed Aya has a habit of placing you in the spirit world one minute but then having you praying, begging in fact, to take you from the spirit world and land you on a solid piece of Earthenware pottery the next minute. The bog (toilet) literally becomes some sort of soul saving, paradise sort of place sometimes.

I staggered to the toilet but I was still very heavily under the influence of Aya and I couldn’t actually undo the silly bloody new fangled cheap belt I had on. I tugged and pulled and tugged and pulled some more but couldn’t shift it. I felt very sick and tried to be sick but couldn’t.

I soon realised that the Ayahuasca was staying in me and I wasn’t being allowed to weaken the experiences by purging just yet. My symptoms eased slightly and I returned to the ceremonial area. I crashed down on my mattress again. I shut my eyes and was soon in trance again because of the shaman’s soothing music. The shaman had certainly stirred up the Ayahuasca inside me again. I could literally feel it inside me flowing through me. After practicing undoing my belt, under my blanket, just in case of emergencies, I relaxed again.

I thought I was falling asleep it was so peaceful but I suddenly started to hear the sound of a slight wind. (Not from my botty either!)

The noise of this wind got more intense. I was staring at a large arty wall hanging on the wall. It quickly started to show me images that resembled ancient Mayan or Aztec scenes. It was really powerful and graphic so much so that I went to lay on a massive bench directly under the wall hanging.

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The wall hanging and bench

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The Wall Hanging intermittently changed and showed me many different sorts of graphic Aztec/ Mayan type images


It may sound daft but that’s what happened.

It was like I was back in time in a place that once housed such artwork.  I was staring at a couple of images in the wall hanging for quite a while and they came to life so to speak. I felt like I understood the images and they were telling me something.

I then had the strong urge to return to my mattress and as soon as I shut my eyes I was entranced. I immediately started to see myself in a strange sort of room that was literally full of brightly coloured bird feathers and they were being lightly blown around by the wind I had previously heard.

For some reason it reminded me of the TV game show ‘Crystal Maze’ where the contestants end up in the Crystal Dome trying to catch gold papers that are vigourously being blown around in the air, mixed with silver ones. Do you remember The Crystal Maze and The Crystal Dome?

If you do remember the show you will know what I am talking about won’t you?


The room reminded me of The Crystal Dome

Anyway. I looked around this room with all the feathers falling from the ceiling area and generally floating around. At first it was funny but then the feathers seemed to be sticking to my face, blinding me, tickling my nose and going down my neck and up my trouser legs etc. I became very irritated. I got a strong urge to leave because I had no idea what I was meant to do in this silly room. I was trying to brush the feathers off my face when I stumbled into something very solid. It was something like a street sign on two posts that had a very large red arrow on it. I brushed off the feathers and saw the arrow pointed to a table that was very near the sign. I brushed the feathers off that too and I saw it had a large brass bell on it, you know like hotel reception desks do. Next to the brass bell there was a sign, which I struggled to read because of all the bloody feathers that were floating around. The sign read…

“To check out of here simply ring the bell and then accumulate fifty green feathers”
“Only Green feathers will do”
Signed: The Management

I don’t know why I did it, apart from being the knob head I am, but I rang the bell (Ding!) and in doing so, yes you guessed it, I set off the Mother of All Winds!

It was like a psychotic whirlwind had appeared.

The amount of bright coloured bird feathers being blown around the strange room massively increased, and increased and increased, until I simply couldn’t cope. It was utter madness and the feathers were not only blinding me and tickling me at the same time, they were now literally slapping me in the face. It was just a blinding chaotic madness, as I brushed one lot of feathers from my face I was immediately slapped down and covered with them again.

That said, even though I was totally blinded, I still tried my best to ‘accumulate fifty green feathers’ just as the sign had instructed and I remembered the management had informed me that ‘only green feathers will do’. And of course I was daft enough to ring the bell to carry out such a task wasn’t I?

Anyway. I tried and tried to collect the right colour I was told to collect.  I was totally committed to chasing green feathers because the sign on the desk had told me to. I tried and tried to grab these green feathers. I literally became obsessed about what I was grabbing. I couldn’t really see any colour at all unless I had a feather in my hand and literally put it right up to my eye. I couldn’t make out the colours floating around in the air because of a swirl of chaos. I was simply grabbing for grabbing’s sake in the frustration and confusion. I thought if I grab any colour then surely some would be the green ones.

So I simply grabbed and snatched and grabbed and snatched but I never grabbed the right feathers. If I grabbed a feather that wasn’t green I’d throw it away as soon as I discovered it wasn’t green, but in doing so I was only adding to the blind chaos already going on. This went on for quite a while until I eventually stopped trying to grab what I couldn’t see. I realised it was futile.

I wasn’t even capable of grabbing one single green feather never mind grabbing the fifty I was told I needed to accumulate to check out. I fell to the floor in a heap laughing at the futility of blindly chasing the green feathers when they were mixed in a room full of many coloured feathers.

Once I realised the futility of my actions the wind immediately slowed down and eventually stopped blowing altogether, just like someone had switched a machine off, like they used to do in the crystal maze.

It was like I’d run out of time and I had collected absolutely bugger all. I’d simply ended up on my arse with no prize. All the feathers immediately fell to the floor and simply melted away. I noticed my surroundings had changed. The room was totally different.

I noticed that there was a large mirror in the middle of the room. It looked like it was made of very dark glass or even made of black shiny stone.  I walked over to it and I found myself looking at my own reflection. Whatever it was made of I could still see myself very clearly. I was red in the face through chasing and trying to grab feathers.

I then did a twirl sort of thing and as I did I noticed my back was literally covered in green coloured feathers. I’d say at least fifty of them! I realised that the feathers had just appeared on me, and they had appeared on me in perfect formation. This must have happened when I had been actually been trying to grab them, but because I had been waving my arms around and grabbing things willy nilly, I hadn’t actually noticed that feathers were somehow being placed on me.

I instantly realised that I wasn’t meant to grab and snatch the feathers. I only thought I had to grab and snatch the feathers. I wondered what had actually made me think I had to grab and snatch at the feathers? After all I could only damage them by doing so.

I then realised that I hadn’t even read the sign properly. But, my friend, when do dickheads like me ever actually read signs properly? When?

Anyway. I twirled around again in front of the mirror and discovered that the more I twirled the more feathers appeared on me. The more I looked in the mirror and twirled again, the more feathers appeared. I soon had hundreds of feathers. I was soon covered in feathers from head to foot.

I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry about this. One minute I thought I was going to end up like bloody Orville the Duck, the next I felt like I was part of a massive spiritual plan to bring justice and truth to the world and help those that wanted helping. Was I just like Orville the Duck or was there a symbolic and spiritual reason I was receiving all the feathers and relaying this tale?

Schizophrenia didn’t even begin to explain the situation.

I was completely lost in the vision. I knew it meant something very important and I was really starting to live it and it was very vivid and real. I stared at my face again in the mirror. I was not red faced anymore. I grinned at myself.

I noticed there was a stick on the floor in front of the mirror at my feet. I picked it up in my right hand and noticed it had something resembling a leopard’s tail skin attached to one end of it. The tail actually felt warm and alive.

It was like I had a fully ‘living’ whip. Well I think it was a leopard’s tail ‘skin’ but I suppose it could have been another cat’s tail skin. I’m no expert on cats or the patterns on their fur you see. I thought it was a leopard tail skin though.

Anyway… I was suddenly walking around the room of feathers with this ‘cat’s tail’ skin attached to a rod like stick’ in my hand. It felt like a magic weapon.

I then swung my cat’s tail around above my head like a whip and as soon as I did so I heard a wind again and another load of feathers appeared in the air, creating blind chaos again. I couldn’t see a thing. I then stopped swinging the tail and as I did the feathers stopped and then they slowly fell to the floor like leaves falling from a tree and melted away.

I could see again and I noticed I was in a different larger room. I was still wearing a feather suit and carrying a bloody cats tail on a stick.

I immediately noticed that the larger room had three doors on one of its walls.  I was instantly attracted to them. On a wall directly opposite the wall with three doors there was a fireplace with a small fire burning in it

I also noticed there was a circular table in the middle of the room and I approached it. In the middle of this circular table there were several colourful masks made out of pottery or metal and several different hats (headdresses) made out of feathers. I had a strong urge to put one on. So I put the bugger on.

I went towards one of the three doors. I noticed all three doors had Aztec/ Mayan artwork around them. I was initially attracted to the door to the left but as I approached it I saw that an army of large ‘ants’ were marching under the door.

I automatically raised my stick and waved it around, just like a Jessie with a wasp stuck on his candyfloss would.  I half chanted/half sang something, I haven’t a clue what I was chanting but I couldn’t stop what I was doing. The ants immediately disappeared and the door they had marched under opened.

I then went back to the table in the centre of the room and changed my hat for another one. I then approached another door, which was the door on the right as I approached it from the table. As I approached the second door I saw a colony of red coloured beetles coming under it. And again I raised my stick and waved it around, but this time I also removed my headgear and placed it over the beetles and then I chanted/sang and danced on it. I stomped on and crushed all the beetles. I then picked up my headgear and noticed it was stained red. Once all the beetles were crushed the door they had marched under opened.

I went back to the table in the centre of the room and changed my headdress again. I then headed towards the third door, the middle door. I approached the third door and I and heard what sounded like swarm of bees coming from behind the door. I knocked on the door with my stick and then thrashed it with the cat’s tail.

The bees started coming under the door. They were marching under the door.

Then they all started flapping their wings (buzzing) as they marched towards me. As they approach my feet I started chanting and singing again and the bees split into two columns so to speak. The two columns then seemed to march in different directions. One column of bees marched to the open door on the left and the other column of bees marched to the open door on the right. Once the bees went through the doors everything went quiet.

There was no more buzzing.

I walked back to the table in the middle of the room and I removed my feathered hat and placed it on the table and as soon as I did this the middle door opened. I then put on a mask and stood in the centre of the room and started chanting and singing again.


The Mask I wore looked a bit like this

I then saw the shape of three ghost like spirits, half invisible entities if you like, one entity stood in each doorway. They were ancient Indians. I mean Mayans or Aztecs or even Incas (your guess is as good as mine). It was obvious they were warrior type figures.

Two of them carried ‘shields’, but the shields were solid looking bright objects, they were not ghostly. They had bright images on them. The one in the middle was holding an open scroll.

The first ghost like figure, the one on the left, raised his shield in the air and I automatically raised my stick in some sort of salute in return. (Don’t know why). I felt like I knew of the warrior. The first shield showed the image of an Eagle. As soon as I raised my stick to acknowledge the warrior the door slammed shut and I heard it being bolted from behind. I knew I could not go through that door.


The first shield looked very slightly like this

I looked towards the second ghost like spirit, the one on the right, and his shield showed the image of a pattern I had seen a few times before, and true to form the second ghost like warrior spirit also raised his shield up to me and again as soon as I raised my stick in response the door slammed shut. I knew I couldn’t go through that door either.


The second shield looked like this

I then looked towards the third ghost like figure, the one in the middle. He didn’t have a shield he unrolled something like a scroll. It had a symbol on it but I could not see it clearly. I squinted trying to focus on it but I still could not see it clearly. Then I saw it.


Atl Tlachinolli  (Fire and Water Symbol)

I then walked towards the figure holding up the shield and touched the shield with the bottom end of my stick. I then literally gave the shield a lash with the cat’s tail and as I did so the tail literally stuck to the shield and separated from the stick in my hand.  The ghost like figure then took hold of the cat’s tail in his hand. He then bowed and then stepped backwards through the door with his shield still held high.

The door stayed open.

I went towards the doorway and walked through it and into a small room.  It slammed shut behind me and made a clanging noise, so much so that I literally jumped out of my feathers. There were three fireplaces in the room. The walls looked a bit like this in the picture below. They seemed covered in artwork.

180_07_2 copy

 I saw that the figure that had backed into the room was now far easier to see. He was no longer a spirit figure, he was a solid looking normal man and he was stood in front of a small fire that was flickering away in a little hole in the far wall. The fire was in some sort of bowl. There were actually three small ‘fireplaces’ in the room. They were simple holes in the walls, again very similar to the picture above.

The man with the shield showed me the cat’s tail that was once attached to my stick and he chanted something and then cut it into three or four pieces. He placed one of the pieces in the small hole in the wall that had a small fire flickering away inside it. The tail immediately set alight.

The room lit up brightly as if to show me what was in there.

The man then pointed to the door I had previously come through that had slammed shut behind me. There was a shield hung on it.  I’m sure the the shield had this image on it or something very similar.


 I noticed that the same ‘atl tlachinolli’ symbol was appearing out of mouth of the animal on it. (I didn’t know the symbol was called ‘atl tlachinolli’ or what it was supposed to mean at the time of the vision)

I went over and removed the shield from the door and I gave it to the man. He grabbed it with both hands. I noticed there was a large drum in the room. I went to look at it.  I noticed the drum had many symbols on it too, amongst other things. The best way of describing it to you is to say it resembled the one pictured below because it had similar symbolism on it.


The drum was like this one

The man then approached the drum and tipped it on its side. He then took the small fire out of the hole in the wall. (It was in a bowl). He then placed another piece of the cat’s tail on the flames and then placed the fire on the ground. I could see it was the cat’s tail burning away in a metal dish.

The man then placed the drum over the fire and as he did the ‘skin’ on top of the drum literally illuminated an image that was imprinted on the drum skin. Not only that it reflected the same image onto the ceiling of the room and in the process the image was enlarged and it literally covered the whole ceiling. It was the exact same image that was on the shield, it was the animal spitting out the ‘atl tlachinolli’ symbol. It was a strange feeling because the flames made the animal look like it was actually alive. The fire under the drum made the animals belly look like it was breathing!

The room was now pretty dark because the fire, the only light in the room, had been placed under the drum.

The man in the room started chanting when the image appeared on the ceiling and he started dancing around. For some reason I joined in too. I’m sure it meant something important but even if we were just dancing in the dark it sure felt right.  I certainly didn’t know what I was doing in the vision apart from actually re-living a ritual from the past or taking part in one for the future. I was again living in two worlds at the same time.

I  then danced over to the drum and I started banging on it with my stick. I was chanting and wailing away like a master shaman would.  As soon as I hit the drum it was like thunder going off. It wasn’t a like a drum sound at all and each time I hit the drum the sound made me look up to the ceiling, and when I did so it caused the image on the ceiling to shake and it appeared like the dog type creature was literally being sick and spitting out. I think I hit the drum four times and four times the dog spit out and each time I hit the drum it caused a thunder sound. It was like an ancient version of Hollywood special affects were taking place. I felt elated to be banging on the drum.

I then removed my mask and placed it on the drum and when I did the fire under the drum illuminated that too. The mask literally took the form of a lamp.

The mask on top of the drum also created another reflective image on the ceiling. It created a sort of circular planet Earth image and it made the ‘spitting’ dog look like it was being sick on it. I looked up and wept one tear over what I saw.

For some reason I i put my finger in my tear and then put my finger in my mouth. I then spat on the mask/lamp myself and said to the man in the room with me ‘It’s done’. I then wildly kicked the drum over and the mask fell to the floor.

I stepped back from the drum and the man picked up the small fire that had been under the drum and placed in back in the hole in the wall. He then placed another piece of the cat’s tail on the flames.

The man then gave me the shield back that I had previously removed from the back of the door and I placed it back on the door. The door then opened. I stepped through it.

Whoosh…  all of a sudden I was sat upright on my mattress. It took me a few moments to get my bearings. I had a feeling of intense connection to the vision. I looked at the wall hanging on the wall again and I could see other forms of Aztec/Mayan symbolism in it. I was laughing and scared at the same time but I knew hitting that drum and then kicking it over meant something to me inside and I knew it would eventually mean something to others inside them one day too.

Once I thought that I seemed to instantly wake up from the affects of the Ayahuasca. I knew my journey of visions that night was almost over. I remembered some of the instructions I had received from the face earlier and one of those instructions was to tie a silk scarf, a scarf I had received from a stranger, to a baton I had brought with me to Brazil. It did indeed create a whip like object. I had previously no idea why I had brought the stick to Brazil and I obviously had no idea what sort of Ayahuasca journey I was going to have prior to bringing it.


The Scarf/ Cat’s Tail around my neck

I got up off my mattress. I laid the stick and spotted scarf down, like you would lay down a draft excluder, where the two dark entities had bashed the door and entered the room the night before.

I looked at the fire in the ceremony room again as the Bird Table door was right next to it. I walked over to the fire and I looked at the artwork on the mantelpiece. I spat on the fire and something inside me made me say. It’s Done.

 I then went outside and tried to take some fresh air in just to help me fully come round.  I then started to see the odd Rain Bow Rod start to come towards the house. One zoomed passed me, then another, and then another until hundreds of them started to enter the house.  I could ‘feel’ them too and I needed them more than anything.

They were flying through a small opening in the doorway and through the slats in some Louvre type windows. They were then rapidly bouncing of the wooden posts in the room and were soon creating some kind of relay loop.

It was so beautiful to watch. It really was. It was like the whole room was some kind of healing centre and the rainbow rods were filling the room bouncing off the very beams that held the building up.

The rods were hitting the artwork of the woman on the fire and hitting the artwork on the wall that had shown me images too. The Rain Bow Rods eventually bounced around at great speed and then left the room either through the way they came in or through the fireplace and up the chimney like the magical bubbles had done earlier.

I felt such feelings of emotional happiness through these rods and again I knew they were only a very small example of what powers can come into our world and heal us all and literally replace the magical spark we need to regain our true navigation and regain our true spirituality. I knew that one day a power is coming back into this world that has not been seen or felt for thousands of years.

But I also knew the journey that night was over for me. The group all enjoyed some very late supper. I was feeling very weak and I went to my bed.

I awoke very early. I lay in bed and pondered heavily on my journey. I pondered on the woman in the artwork and I pondered on the vision of the bubble scenario.

I then pondered on the Crystal Dome situation and the feathers vision. I then remembered and pondered over the shields and all the images involved in that vision too. I remembered the living breathing images on the ceiling and I remembered kicking the drum over and sending the mask flying. I remembered the ‘atl tlachinolli’ and I remembered the Rain Bow Rods. I remembered previous Aya weeks too.

Was it simply all hallucination and utter nonsense? Maybe it was? I decided to get up for breakfast. I showered and went to find some clean clothes in my bag. I pulled out a clean shirt and as I did I heard something make a tinkling noise as it hit the floor.

It was an ornamental two-winged hummingbird. I’d wrapped it in a shirt to protect it in my bag and to keep it from breaking and I must have flung it out when I grabbed my shirt. I was amazed it didn’t break because it was so fragile!


 I knew straight away that the week was far from over!…

Part Two of this story is coming soon. Don’t miss it!

Copyright (C) Matthew Delooze 2013: All rights Reserved.


The Arrival of the Rain Bow Gate

The Arrival of the Rain Bow Gate

An Important Delooze News Report

Cross over shame like the wise Dove…
who cares not for fame… … just for shy love
(I Hunter/ Mott the Hoople: Hymn for the Dudes 1973)

Hello Folks,

I sincerely hope any and all genuine truth-seekers out there are OK and also I hope their hearts are strong, especially as we start to approach 2012.

It all seems rather strange and very surreal to me as I write this short update. Even though I have only been off line for a few months it still seems like a very long time. I have mixed feelings about publishing this update, especially so because the information it contains will be meaningless to many. That said, it is clear to me that sometimes it is very important that information regarding certain events, albeit relatively mundane events, gets to those that need to see it, and I know that the event mentioned below is spiritually vital to some minds and souls out there and it is to those folks that this message is sent and it is sent with good intentions.

It should no secret to those folks that have found my previous work and information important to them, that I have mentioned a lot of monuments/sculptures etc in the past. I have previously made it clear that I believe that certain official monuments, especially the famous land marks like the London Eye etc, are purposely created by the Serpent Cult, through the old boy network and then opened by their puppet ‘celebrity’ artists. I have also made it clear that sculptures and monuments are also sometimes subcontracted (commissioned)or blatantly hijacked from independent artists via very tempting sponsorships or other funding schemes that are usually supplied through the corrupt local authorities. In these cases the artist is literally ‘told’ what to create. In a nutshell, the Serpent Cult simply ‘bung’ the artist to supply their own pre-planned symbolism hidden as unique art and then simply place the symbolic monument within their own pre-planned and ritualised foundations (Usually Ley lines) for use within their own agendas. The Serpent Cult uses its esoteric knowledge right under the noses of a stupefied public knowing it will receive no comback and in my opinion, because of the enforced spiritual blindness placed on the human race, the same cult believe that things will always be like that. Indeed how can the blind expose what goes on right under their noses.

I don’t believe things will always be like that and I also believe that the Serpent Cult will one day reap what it sows in the monument situation.

With that in mind I would like to draw attention to the construction of a monument currently taking place, literally as I speak, in my home town of ‘Burnley’ (Burnley should be twinned with Rock Ridge!).

The Rain Bow Gate

 The Rain Bow (two separate words) Gate is currently being constructed in Princess Way Burnley. It is just around the corner, literally a couple of hundred yards from where I grew up as a lad. Officially the Rain Bow Gate is part of a £1 million pound scheme known as the ‘Public Realm Transformation Project’ and ‘Tonkin Liu’ got the nod to create the monument that is described as ‘Burnley’s Gateway’.

You can see on the official poster pictured above that the scheme is sponsored using several occult symbols, including Burnley’s “Bees” but this message is not sent to you to point out such things. I have pointed them out before in my struggles and attempts to help folks, if I have failed to trigger or educate you during 2004-2010 then I do not believe my future information will be for you. So I suggest you do not waste your time on anymore of it if that is the case.

Anyway, Tonkin Liu, the official architects of the Gate, also created the Singing Ringing Tree in Burnley too. As mentioned earlier the Serpent Cult simply ‘buy’ the artist and/or place the monument within their own symbolic foundations for their own agenda.

I believe this is the case with the Singing Ringing Tree and I have given my opinion on that monument and its meaning in my book, Is It Me for a Moment – Breaking the Serpent’s Spell? I also believe that the same architects got the Rain Bow Gate ‘job’ simply because of their previous contacts within the corrupt Burnley civic brotherhood and other links with the liars and fraudsters that have privileged and sway within the criminal committees inside the local authorities.

In my opinion on a five sense level, The Rain Bow Gate has physically appeared in Burnley more through the actions of a vain incompetent egotistical back-scratching clique, than any covert plan to provide a work of art or even a symbolic occult monument for the Serpent Cult. Mind you Burnley and Lancashire have not got a monopoly in employing egotistical back-scratching cliques to run our towns for crafty unseen faces. This entire country follows the same rules and serves the same unseen faces. Obviously this fact is becoming more transparent, as we see the plugs to our bathtubs of comfort being threatened more and more everyday (Ref: singing do wah diddy essay 2004) and it is only a matter of time my friends, when some greedy fat arses will be left soaking wet next to an empty bath that once contained their illusionary comforts, and believe me no towel on this side of Jupiter will be big enough to hide their dirty cracks when it happens.

Anyway, back to the monument :)… Anna Liu of Tonkin Liu (Official Architects) explains the ideas behind Rain Bow Gate…

“We were inspired by how the viaduct frames the view of the surrounding landscape, which I think is one of the best things about Burnley.”

“Rain Bow Gate, is a bow structure that integrates 500 prisms to capture light and create rainbows. A new breed of single-surface structure we’ve pioneered with structural engineers at Arup, the structure uses advanced digital modelling, analysis, and fabrication tools. The transformation of light into rainbow evokes a sense of wonder, which we feel is at heart of education.”

“Rain – celebrates Burnley’s nature and weather which was pivotal to Burnley’s industrial past. Bow – reflects the arches of the viaduct, a dynamic and highly-efficient structural form. Gate – reflects how the different parts of Burnley connect at this site. Click here for official report.

Eh?  Different parts of Burnley connect at this site? Sense of wonder? Heart of Education? Well how can I not disagree with that explanation?  After all I was born in this shit hole town and I have spent 53 years here. I’m sure luvvies ‘Mike & Anna’ mean well, especially when arty farty money is changing hands, but I’m sure they would admit that they know absolutely nothing of Burnley’s true past or for that matter its present. I’ll give you my brief version of the town as an aging, cranky old man, resident of Burnley.

 “Burnley is nothing but a collection of small variously themed ghettos that wallow in deprivation whilst under the oppressive control of a sick brood of vipers”. 

Matthew Delooze September 12th 2011

The vast majority of the towns workers and other slave residents spend a lifetime (usually shortened by 10 years or more) through (a) being proud and surviving on poverty wages in soul destroying jobs or (b) not being proud and allowing themselves to live a life of misery on state handouts. Both (a) and (b) groups, if that way inclined, will also duck and dive through the proceeds of petty crime (I have done all three!). These fellow pathetic oppressed blind slaves are, at the same time, totally controlled by the policies of local gangsters posing as honest professional executives and their puppets within the local authorities and/or worse by hardened criminals, wheeling and dealing, usually in drug or property scams, whilst posing as academically gifted professional pillars of society. In reality all would have you knee capped for ten bob and murder your grandmother for less. Burnley is a cesspit that is literally on a par with Sodom.

So, maybe, if a pathetic nutter like me can be so bold to suggest it, Tonkin Lui should have/could have provided a far more apt monument to symbolise a gateway into Burnley, one that would truly represent this shit hole of a town, far more than a rainbow does? May I humbly suggest that a replica of Rodin’s Gate of Hell (Based on the ‘Inferno’ section of Dante’s Divine Comedy) would be more apt?

 Rodin’s Hell’s Gate and a section of it.

 Anyway, again, back to the Rain Bow Gate monument…. I have actually supervised the installation of the foundations of the Rain Bow Gate monument and then literally witnessed its creation. The Gate is not completely finished yet (Due October) but you will note (below) that the steel structure has 500 little oblong shapes cut in to it. The reason for this is to create and insert small ‘prisms’. The structure is built to literally create many little rainbows all around anyone standing underneath it. Obviously anyone looking from a distance would/should see the rainbows too. (If Burnley gets any decent light of course)

The little oblong ‘slits’ will create ‘Rainbow Rods’

All Photos copyright Matthew Delooze 2011

 Hey… Anyone who followed my Ayahuasca workshop writings like ‘Only Love Can Bring The Rain’ or ‘Standing in The Line Of Fire’, from a few years ago now, may remember my experiences whilst surrounded by little ‘rainbow rods’.  I hope you can and if you can remember them then I’m glad. I tell you the truth, albeit on a personal spiritual level, I have waited a bloody long time for this symbolism to arrive in my home town. Hey…  I don’t know what I tell a psychiatrist though as my Rain/ Rain Bow rods hallucinations /delusions now appear to be becoming physical in my home town. I also wonder what odds a bookie would have given me for an apparatus appearing in my home town that actually physically creates the exact same rainbow rods that I saw and wrote about in Colombia and Brazil during Shamanic ceremonies at least three years ago? 1000 to 1? 1,000,000 to one? What odds would you have given me or would you and your ego not consider such a thing? You think I write such things for fun do you? Simply to entertain fakers and takers?

Again, I must admit, as daft as it sounds, that I have waited a long time for this symbolism to arrive in my life on a physical level. So much so that I must also admit that in my excitement I did a little dance on the foundations of the Rain Bow Gate (Blush) jigging like a silly old get I was too. Hey…. and my wife will tell you that ‘I’m no Lionel Blair’ (In more ways than one I might add too!) so it was quite an effort on my part.  In fact I believe its the only time I have danced whilst sober apart from when I jigged a dandy jig around the blazing fire that appeared at the Singing Ringing tree in Burnley in 2007. Hey maybe I was a Shaman in a past life?

Dancing or Dreaming in a Delusion?

I have done some things that may seem silly to some people over the last 13 years. There isn’t enough paper to write down all the silly things I have done and what silly things I still have to do, so I suppose dancing on the foundations of a gate is not so silly if you know why you do it is it? I certainly made a bigger fool of myself in my youth trying to impress young ladies dancing in nightclubs. Northern Soul?  Northern Arsehole more like.

And I tell you the truth, and I do mean you, that there is no limit to the silly things I will do if each silly act helps and leads you to remember who you are and enables you to see the pathetic deception that enslaves us. I’ll don the clown suit at any time, no problem, and looking in the mirror this morning I won’t need much make up either.

I have even done a little cheesy styled video for you below but be warned Matt Delooze may not not know how to do professional HD videos yet…    but he knows other things.

The Rain Bow Gate (Foundations) from matthew delooze on Vimeo.

I will update this message when the Rain Bow Gate is complete and opened by the town’s leaders. But before I go I forgot to mention a new logo that was, in a large part, created for the Gateway scheme in Burnley and the symbolism that has appeared over the last couple of years and it cost quite a lot of money to create.

Burnley’s new Logo created to display on several ‘Gateways’ in to the town

 “Bloody hell you could hide a space ship and a Yeti turd in that thing and we’d still be none the wiser… so the scam still works then?”

Matthew Delooze 2010

I quote the press below

“Council bosses have now spent £400 seeking to register the logo across five trademark classes, so it cannot be used by other towns. It will be displayed at gateways to Burnley, on literature, and a website to make the image instantly identifiable with the town.” (Source)

Anyway I hope you at least enjoyed my video. I will follow up on the Rain Bow Gate soon.

Until then….   May Love Reign O’er You!

Matthew Delooze  September 2011




The Hummingbird Has Landed

The Hummingbird Has Landed

humming bird Untitled

‘Chapada dos Guimarães July 2011’

Only love can bring The Rain
That makes you yearn to The Sky
Love Reign O’er Me
Reign O’er Me – Reign O’er Me
From the Song: Love Reign O’er Me by The Who

After twenty-two months of having absolutely no involvement with the Ayahuasca medicine whatsoever, I was invited to take part in a social event that would also include three further Ayahuasca ceremonies. The social event side of things gave the trip a holiday atmosphere sort of feeling and this actually helped ease any nerves I had over drinking this powerful plant medicine again. I met up with a few of the fellow guests at Heathrow Airport and things were good and felt good. I knew I had to take this trip. The Ayahuasca ceremonies were to take place in a place called ‘Chapada dos Guimarães’ in the county of Mato Grosso, Brazil South America.

…  Due to the size of this article….

Please download the PDF version here


Swinging on a Golden Rope – Drinking Ayahuasca in September 2009

Swinging on a Golden Rope


The Amazing Journey Continues

Drinking Ayahuasca in September 2009

By Matthew Delooze

“I declared I would be three inches taller,
I only became what you made you.
Thought I were chasing a destiny calling?
I only earned what you gave me”

(From the song The Punk )

I was fortunate or unfortunate enough to be invited again to join the Heart of Initiate (HOI) workshop in Bahia, Brazil.  I had been invited to three previous workshops at the HOI complex in Bahia and apart from feeling slightly nervous (normal feelings for anyone drinking the plant medicine) I was actually looking forward to participating in the forthcoming event.

But about a week before the event was to take place I suddenly started to have nightmares and I started to lose a lot of sleep. These nightmares were very graphic and intense and I must admit I was feeling very, very, tense. I hadn’t knowingly had dreams for many years but these were very sudden and very intense.

My wife Susie was also suffering from nightmares too but I didn’t tell her too much about mine. The nightmares stopped for me a few days before the trip was due to start and I was glad because they had weakened me very much mentally and spiritually due to lack of sleep at night and excessively thinking about them during the day. I was waking up feeling exhausted and battered. I knew powerful spiritual forces were at work because I have felt the same things many times in the last 15 years. The day before we were due to make our way to Heathrow Airport I had a strange dream concerning myself in a small rowing boat… I’ll tell you about this.


  I dreamt that I had a very important mission to complete on an isolated rocky island that was located a few miles off the coast of a strange country. I knew the mission was urgent and I was literally rowing like the clappers, in my small boat, to get to this rocky island.  Everything was fine but then the water started to get very choppy and the wind started howling and literally blowing a gale. It started to get very stormy.  It was like something off a Moby Dick film. Aye Aye Captain. There she blows. Get the harpoons out, sort of thing.

It was literally a mammoth battle just to keep in physical control of the boat.

I knew in my heart that I only had a certain amount of time to complete the mission but I knew exactly what I had to do and I knew I was capable of doing it. My hands were bleeding and very sore due to my vigorous rowing but I was still desperately determined to stay in control of the boat and get to this island. Then suddenly my feet slipped and I fell over like a clown inside the boat whilst I was frantically rowing and in doing so I lost an oar to the sea and hurt my legs. I was literally on my back with my legs in the air cursing and swearing. I eventually managed to get on my feet, and I looked in vain for my oar, but the wind and choppy sea had taken it from me without any mercy.

I was literally up shit creek without one paddle!  I then fell over again several times but somehow I managed to keep hold of the remaining oar. If I hadn’t I’d have been up shit creek without one.

I got myself together somehow and thought…. “Shit what do I do now”. I stood up in the boat and tried to use the one single oar, that fate had left me with, to steer the boat. I started to do this by dipping it in the water on one side of the boat and then dipping it in the other, I was paddling like I was in some makeshift ‘homemade canoe’ sort of thing.

Do you know what I mean?

  I then tried to row the boat from the rear. Maybe saying it was like rowing a ‘Gondola’ is the best way of putting it. Anyway whatever type of fancy boat I was trying to create for myself I still only really ended up looking like a pillock on a raft. Each time I dipped the oar in the choppy sea my injured legs were in excruciating pain. (I had been previously suffering from gout and I likened the pain to that) I could actually see my goal, the rocky island, in the distance and it really lifted my spirits when I did. I started to feel stronger and stronger and the pain in my legs went away. As I neared my destination I believed I was actually going to complete the important mission that I was on. But just as I thought that the wind suddenly got stronger and stronger and the sea got wilder and wilder.  I started to get a bit worried.

I had a feeling of something drastic was going to happen.

Then…Whooosssssh… I was blown off my little rowing boat and I fell in to the sea. The sea was very dark and the bitter unforgiving cold cut through me like a thousand sabres would. I could also taste the bitter saltiness in the water. I sank down and down in the coldness and darkness. I was expecting to start to surface like you do when you jump in to a swimming pool but I didn’t stop sinking and then start to go up like you do in a pool, I simply kept going down and down. I started to worry about drowning and I began to choke for air. My heart sunk and was instantly broken because I suddenly felt like I’d failed in my mission. I felt very sad about that and I tried again to climb upwards but I still sank deeper and deeper. I felt like shit. Very wet shit it was too but I felt like shit all the same.

It was very dark and because I was still sinking and gasping for air I actually prepared to die. My heart then seemed to accept the situation. Indeed I was now half happy about the thought of dying. My hands were sore and my legs were damaged.  I actually wanted the feeling of pain to go away and peace and quiet to take over and I actually wanted to wallow in the idea of having no more bloody rowing to do.

It felt so so right to do so. I’d failed but that meant no more pain for me. So had I really failed? I awaited death.

The dark sea then suddenly illuminated brightly.

Poooffff… it was just like I was wearing a miner’s helmet with a new ‘ever ready’ battery and bulb in it. This was one hell of a powerful torch and wherever I pointed my eyes became instantly illuminated. It was like having magic powers of vision and I could see that the sea was actually full of material objects but not as the physical objects themselves. Oh no. I could only see the words of the objects. The sea was actually full of the colourful ‘WORDS’ of objects such as musical instruments, TV’s, DVD players, microwave ovens, motorbikes and cars etc.  All these words were all floating around in the dark, just like some weird cartoon type dictionary of material objects. These words were like fishes darting around in the darkness, some at great speed, but because of my miners lamp I could see the words like they were neon lights or illuminated advertising boards etc.

Whoosh…. the word TV would appear, in luminous green, swimming in the darkness one minute and then Whhhhoooosssshhh…the word motorbike, in luminous pink, would zip along and appear the next minute. I’m sure you understand eh? Each ‘word’ of a material object would be represented by its own bright colour and font. The scene really did resemble shoals of colourful fish.

Thanks to my miners helmet I also started seeing the faces of certain people that I have met in my life. All of these people were ‘grey coloured’. Just like in the days of Black & White TV. These grey people that I knew all had the same silly expression on their faces. The faces resembled a smacked arse and looked very sad. ‘The Matthew Delooze Look’ if you like!

 There was a good reason for this because all these people didn’t actually have a mouth as such. Their mouths were sewn tightly shut.  If I looked carefully I could see the stitching. But it was obvious a skilful tailor had done the work. These people tried to communicate with me but they simply couldn’t.

V23-thumb copy

The grey faces that I knew

 Their eyes were ‘dead’ too, just like those of a shark. I tried to read their eyes, as I knew I needed some help to get to the surface again, but I simply couldn’t read their eyes. Those eyes truly didn’t betray any emotion they may have once held dear.

 ywoman-1280 copy copy

Dark eyed grey people without a mouth.

These grey people were, in a very strange way I must admit, actually grabbing the objects that were in the sea. They were fishing. The ‘Grey People’ were somehow sucking in the material objects (the words) in to their mouths, even though, as I said, their mouths were sewn up.  Even though I was sinking in this water my urge to know how they were carrying out this method of ‘sucking in of words’ took over me and as daft as it sounds I wasn’t bothered about drowning any more. I noticed the grey people were like frogs catching flies and sucking in the words but obviously there were no tongues on show and of course their mouths were sealed.

They were sewn tightly shut.

I concentrated my miner’s lamp on one of the grey faces in order to try and see how the word catching trick was done. I watched with great intensity as the face somehow sucked in a DVD player, or should I say it sucked in the bright turquoise words saying DVD Player?  I noticed that at the moment the words entered the grey person, through their sewn up mouth that their eyes went a shade darker, more shark like if you like. I watched a few more grey people suck in the words and their eyes went darker too.

I could not work out how the words were getting in to the grey people’s mouths.

My mind wandered and as it did I soon started to panic about my own situation again and as I did my miners lamp went off and I gasped for air in the dark again. I still kept falling down and down in to the cold darkness of the sea. I couldn’t move my legs because of the pain and I tried to use my arms, to stop my fall in to the deep, but it was a pointless exercise. I was sinking at a faster rate than ever. I tilted my head back and looked upwards and my miner’s lamp came on again like magic. I could see on the surface of the water, because of my miner’s lamp vision, the bottom of the rowing boat that I had fallen from and I was using to get to the rocky island. I thought, “Come on Matthew sort your self out man”. ‘Pull your finger out’.

I was though still falling faster than ever. If I had known what to pull my finger out of I would have done so with great haste I assure you.

The more I spiraled downwards the more grey faces I saw sucking in the words of material objects again. The more people I saw do this the faster I sank. I looked down hoping I would at least see the bottom of the sea. I couldn’t see the bottom. I was really panicking. I could see all these grey people with dark eyes all around me greedily sucking in these words whilst just watching me drown. I then realised these words were like ‘air’ to the ‘grey people’. I thought what if I actually appear to them as simply the word Matthew and not as the real me. Will the buggers suck me in to? I wanted them to see the real me not just the word that represented me. In the beginning there was Matthew not the word I thought.

I started to believe I only appeared as a word to these grey people and I would be swallowed by a gang of them. I thought bloody hell, first I was drowning and I thought that was bad, now I find out I’m going to be swallowed by someone with no mouth. I was about to give up and simply await death again.

Then something took over me.

In a fit of fiery frustration I actually grabbed a grey person and literally tore open their mouth by poking my finger in the corner of the said mouth and prising open the threads that sealed their lips together. You know, just like you see, and rip open, a sewing job on the pockets of new suits to keep them in shape etc. Indeed I suddenly became a bloody crazed seam ripper and ripped at the stitching.

Once I’d prised open the stitching of this grey person’s mouth a load of gushing bubbles of gas came flooding out. WHHOOOSSSSHHH It was like a massive fart going off in a bathtub. (You all know what I mean as well don’t you?) This stopped my fall for a moment and I was, for once, actually quite buoyant. The face of the grey person had rapidly changed to that of a normal person and their eyes were now bright, not dark like a shark. It became obvious to this person that they could now ‘see’ clearly enough to see the real me and not see me as the word. The person could now swim upwards to the surface and the person was now also wise enough not to swallow any more words on the way up.

I started to sink again though. I didn’t know why. Why couldn’t I swim to the surface I thought? I was a grey person with my gob shut tight and I thought bloody hell that face could have stayed and helped me but it just left me dangling in the water drowning. I then looked down and I saw something spinning in the water. It was the oar from the rowing boat that I had lost to the elements earlier.  It was spinning steadily in the water and as I was falling I realised it was actually waiting for me so that I could grab it, so I did. I got close to it and grabbed the bugger. I felt utterly elated when I did so. It was like finding a long lost brother.

I then had the urge to use the oar as a prising tool, a seam ripper. I literally used it as a weapon to prise open the sewn down mouths of the dark eyed grey people that were now all around me waiting for me to get ripping. I literally used the oar as some kind of super duper seam ripper. I literally pushed it into the face of the grey people and it magically opened their mouths. I felt like a Bruce Lee figure (but with a beer belly) and I made a silly Bruce Lee Kung Fu noise every time I swung the oar around in the water. Obviously being in water was the right speed for me!

I wasn’t violent or anything, it was a magical natural remedy, a miracle if you like, and the dark eyed grey people were literally swimming to me, like flies around shit, to have me open their sealed mouths with my seam ripper / rowing boat oar.

As I literally ripped open these cavities with one stroke of the oar more and more gushes of gas came rushing out of them and every time this happened the gas being produced pushed me closer and closer to the surface. It was like the air was carrying me. The more grey people’s mouths I touched with the oar the quicker the air they released raised me up. I very quickly reached the surface. I had risen out of my watery grave.

I now had two oars again too. I climbed back in to my boat. The weather was now very calm. I took in a long deep breath and said to myself now then laddie what were you going to that rocky island for?

I woke up then!


The day to go to Brazil came along but I was convinced I didn’t really want to go. I tried to get out of it. I really did. I somehow knew that it wasn’t going to be a fluffy bunny hippy trip but I also knew that I had to go too. I knew that if I was to move forward in 2010 then I had to go.

We left on Sunday 13th September 2009. We arrived in Bahia about 25 hours later. For some reason I had to get official concrete confirmation from the organisers of the event that they still wanted me there. This was embarrassing but they did confirm it. It was nice to see the Ecoa Lodge again. It really is like seeing and being in another world just by going to Bahia itself. You see a different world to the one we live in our houses in our towns and cities. I live in a slum town and have slaved for the serpent in some way or other for most of my life. I live in virtual poverty as far as UK standards go. So living like I do in Bahia, if only for 8 days or so, is literally like being on another planet on an economic level too.

Please don’t think I’m a gullible idiot here ladies and gentlemen, well not today anyway. Oh please don’t get me wrong I’m not daft I am quite well aware that the same people who preach love and togetherness at Bahia and say they would do anything for each other during the week they are actually there will just as soon leave you and the rest of the world starving in the gutter before they have even packed their suitcases to come home. But you are exactly the same aren’t you? I’m not here to tell you a bunch of angels gather and sup Ayahuasca together in Bahia, far from it. But I’m not here to tell you that you are an angel either.

At the end of the day the Ecoa Lodge is a commercial business and has to be to survive and the people attending on a five-sense level are usually not living on the bread line either. On a five sense level the HOI is basically the poshest and easiest way to drink Ayahuasca but at the end of the day its main aim is obviously to feed those that created it. What else can they do?

Just because we took part in Ayahuasca workshops does not mean anything actually changes on a five-sense level with or to the people attending. To be perfectly honest on a five – sense level, although I have been generously invited to attend, I have noticed only greed, business and vanity being discussed and egos and false personalities being displayed, during spare time, when the ceremonies or group discussions are not actually taking place.

I’ve seen more fake smiles take place at HOI than in an advert for toothpaste. I really have. I’ve seen so many puckered lips near influential backsides that I thought there was rampant disease spreading through Brazil called arselickyitus. But there again you see the same fake smiles anywhere else in the world and of course ‘kissin ass’ is rampant all over the world, especially if folk can benefit from suffering from arselickitus.

The difference is at Bahia is that once the drinking of Ayahuasca takes place then, unless the person drinking it fights its effects, then the usual hypocrisy and ego embedded in humans quickly disappears, if only for a short while. It is during this time and only this time that any collective spiritual ritual can take place. This is a time of equality, a window of collective spirit if you like. I noticed this window in consciousness the very first time I drank with the original crew in 2007. There simply is no boundaries or shackles during this time.

As soon as the effects of the medicine wear off everything changes back to normal. That is to say ego and status take over again and the arse kissers and the kissed arses play at being human beings again.  For instance the wealthy play at being Lord of the Manor. The middle ranges of people play at snobbery and try to emulate the wealthy (but fail) and the poor try to get beg scraps off the wealthy and hey presto the true face of humanity is complete again. Obviously the poor sometimes try to mingle in the middle ranges but usually end up in the shit for doing so.

It is very sad to watch sometimes and I avoided watching it the best I could. There are no guilty culprits for this situation though and neither side, if that is what they are, is to blame.

I once thought I’d love to go to a workshop without an agenda or harbouring thoughts of perceived or directed spiritual duties but then I thought without an agenda or a perceived direction of spiritual duties I wouldn’t have got there in the first place. It was only my spiritual journey along with other people on the same journey that made it possible. Matthew Delooze as the factory worker would never have even seen Bahia.

Anyway, the sights and sounds of the workshops set something off inside of people at the HOI in Bahia. I see it in their faces but how do you tell people this? There is always a very strong feeling of Déjà vu to me too. I am convinced the events carried out there over the last two years were planned thousands of years ago and people who lived as equals planned them.

It was an ideal location for carrying out ‘collective’ ceremonies that combined the collective subconscious symbolism of the group with inter-dimensional imagery and geometry.


The Heart of the Heart of the Initiate always symbolised the collective energies of the group and the elements

 Anyhow I arrived and soon settled in. The group was attending an opening circle meeting on day one of the workshop. I have mentioned many times that I am directed by an unseen force (This means I’m round the bloody bend to most people) and sometimes this force gets me to do things that I wouldn’t normally do in a million years. About two hours before the  ‘opening circle’, a group meeting, was taking place I had strong urges not to attend it.

Obviously, if only out of manners and courtesy, I wanted to attend. The opening circle is simply a ritual to officially and politely connect the people in the workshop. The people simply say hello and communicate with the group whilst holding a ‘talking stick’. They then pass the talking stick on to the next group member so they can speak and so on and so forth.


The Talking Stick

 I certainly wanted to hear the new members of the workshop speak so I decided to ignore the strong urges not to attend and I started to get ready.

I then literally came over all sick and dizzy and the only way to rid myself of these feelings was to lie on the bed ‘face down’. This feeling was very strong. Some force, and I have trusted the same force with good reason for over 10 years, placed me on the bed. There was no way I was going to attend this opening circle. I was literally pinned down on the bed by a force and literally put to sleep. I was literally ‘zonked out’ on purpose.  Whatever was going on I was not allowed to attend or be part of the opening circle.  As soon as the opening circle ritual was complete the force that had confined me to be face down on the bed immediately released me.

The First Ceremony

 “Sickness will surely take the mind…

 …where minds can’t usually go”

 The group gathered later the next day to drink the Ayahuasca.  Quiet a few of the experienced drinkers were all feeling rather sick at the thought of drinking the Ayahuasca. Obviously those folks that were new to the medicine did not have this experience. There seemed a very strong collective fear in the air about the taste of the Ayahuasca. It was baffling. Quite a few participants commented on the matter. We still drank it though and very surprisingly the Ayahuasca actually tasted rather tame compared to previous ceremonies.

I went for a wander around waiting for the Aya to kick in and sure enough it did. I felt a little subdued by the occasion and I pondered on my reluctance to come to Brazil as the time of the event approached. It didn’t feel like the other Aya ceremonies felt. It was different. I already knew this before I drank but I had no idea why it was ‘different’.

My mind flashed back a few months and I remembered my efforts, on the oneball site, and the direction I had started to take regarding my future plans and the information I felt I had to pass on. I mean information that I had to pass on not information I actually wanted to pass on. My mind flashed back around 10 months and I remembered my thoughts from then and I realised that I had been aware of what was to come. I thought of the last two days and the uneasiness I felt and I was still baffled by the fact I didn’t go to the opening circle.

The Ayahuasca began to kick in and I was soon going in to an altered state of consciousness. I was feeling funny in other words! The whole atmosphere started to change around me. I am an experienced drinker and I very soon connected with the trees and the breeze and I felt tremendous calm for a few minutes. I then thought to myself “bloody hell you fool, you’ve gone and done it again”.  Those that have drunk Ayahuasca will know what I mean when I say that ‘I was back in a place I remembered’ or should I say ‘I was going forward to the past’. I suppose the latter really sums up Ayahuasca for me. ‘I was going forward to the past’.  I suppose that comment reminds me, or even you for that matter, of the movie ‘Back to the Future’. I tell you the truth, and I don’t really care what you think of me for doing so, after the last 10 years I have had, when I say ‘that all your futures are in the past’.

The future will make the past come for you.

Anyway. The past was now calling for me and I wanted to go to it. By drinking the Ayahuasca I knew I was back in a time warp where I also knew that I only had a short time to find some answers or some kind of satisfaction or comfort regarding my current situations as I was struggling to cope with my direction, especially over the last six months or so. I headed over to my bed but I felt calm. As I lay down I thought the medicine was not powerful enough or that I had not drunk enough and actually half of me wanted it to be so. I didn’t really want a white knuckle, blood and thunder; Ayahuasca trip, puking up and shitting like a Hippo, all over the place.

To my surprise as soon as I lay down I started to see visions in a form that I hadn’t witnessed before. I shut my eyes and it was like I was looking down from above watching a scene unfold.  Unlike the majority of the Ayahuasca journeys I have previously taken, in which I feel and was told that I was part of a collective force to serve the others, I realised that this vision was exclusively for me.

The music of the Shaman was playing now and I felt at ease and peaceful.

I was, as I said, looking down from above and I saw four men and four women.  They were in pairs and carrying out some sort of promise to each other. They were very serious. I actually felt the seriousness of the situation. The area seemed to resemble a scene out of ancient Egypt or ancient South America but I soon understood that the location of the scene didn’t really matter.

I couldn’t see any Egyptian or Mayan symbolism at all to verify it though, not that I was really looking. I just saw these four couples and four wooden coffins as clear as a bell. Four ‘Sarcophagi’ I suppose, if Sarcophagi is the right term to use of course. I’m sure it is. The clothing being worn by the men resembled leather tunics of some sort and linen tunics seemed to be worn the females. The females were very beautiful. Goddess like.

The coffins were not very grand or very fancy coffins. They were simple and plain. The tops or lids of each sarcophagus were pushed to one side. Each couple then placed something in each sarcophagus. I couldn’t see what it was but after these couples finished placing whatever they were placing in the coffins they simply turned to each other and hugged each other like it was the last time they would do so.

In the vision I then ‘followed’ the couples in to a type of Inn or Tavern, it was just like an ancient pub if you like. The four males and the four females then separated from each other and went into different but adjoining rooms and the door separating them was then closed. I was looking down from above and could see both rooms. (The females were actually pushing and shoving each other trying to look and listen through the keyhole – I thought bloody hell nothing has changed in thousands of years!) The four men sat at a big solid table on a bench type seat, I remember thinking that I had seen this vision before in a dream, it was again a case of déjà vu, the men were tapping their right hands on a table in sync with each other, just like they were playing drums, all tribal like.

Then all of a sudden around twelve soldier type men entered the room. A fat smug looking man was leading them and an important looking man in fancy clothes that had servants around him followed them. The men looked all ‘official’ like, carrying weapons, and they had strange costumes on too.

I was no longer in a state of peace and calm and I started to feel anxious. Without warning the four men were very violently butchered with knives or swords and spears, the four men did not defend themselves, not in the slightest, it was like they knew the slaughter had to happen and I felt a little shocked at the scene I was witnessing and I truly wanted it to end so I tried to open my eyes to end the vision but my eyes just wouldn’t open. I was forced to witness the butchery. The fat smug looking man was laughing about it, which seemed to annoy and shock me. I wanted to get the fat bugger and it was only a vision! The fat man appeared to be chanting something as the men were butchered.

Again all I could hear was the shamans’ music. I could not hear any words or voices in the vision.

I could see the four women in the other room weeping but they never tried to stop or interfere with the barbaric events taking place and, on the other hand, the soldier types never entered the room in which the women were located. The bodies of the four men were eventually laid out on the same table they had just previously been tapping their right hands on in unison. The fat man gouged out their eyes and then all eight eyes were placed on a silver looking tray or plate. The plate was covered with images of symbolism. Then the important looking man in the posh robes took ‘the plate full of eyes’ with him and left the scene in a hurry. One of his servants gave the fat man who now looked to be laughing hysterically a small bag. I assumed and I actually felt like it was some kind of payment. The fat man and the soldier types then left the Inn.

The four women came rushing on to the scene.

I then saw the four men being attended to by the weeping women and then placed in the four sarcophagi. Their funeral was only watched over by the four women, no one else. There were coins of some description placed over the eye sockets of the butchered men. The Sarcophagi were then sealed.

I felt sick.  I opened my eyes and thought what the hell is going on here.

I stood up and I was only about half an hour in to my journey. I didn’t feel as queasy as I normally do off Ayahuasca and again I had the distinct thought that is was a weak brew of Aya or I had simply not drunk enough of it. The vision I had just experienced felt more like a dream or nightmare and I thought that maybe the Ayahuasca was having no effect and I had actually just fell asleep and had a dream.

I was happy with that thought but by then the Aya started to affect me again. I sat back down and looked around. I could see the Ayahuasca was really affecting me because I could see the usual shape shifting images associated with the plant and people were literally shape shifting in to other figures in front of me. I looked around again and saw three women turn in to ancient Mayans or Aztecs and they looked to be wearing cloaks. I saw the Shaman turn in to an ancient Indian Chief. I knew I was shit faced all right but I was more in control of my physical abilities than normal.
I lay back down and I went straight in to a trance. The usual swirling colours appeared and I went with them. I saw a path and I followed it. The Marlon Brando type ‘face’ appeared again and I was glad to see it. The face had no eyes this time though. It had two silver plates as eyes instead. I recognised one of the plates as being similar to the one I came in to possession a few years ago. The face in my vision looked around shaking his head from side to side like Stevie Wonder does when he’s singing and said ‘I should have gone to spec-savers instead shouldn’t I?’  I laughed.


The Head that has been with me throughout my journeys… looked like this.

The plates then spun and turned into normal eyes and then the face pretended to be cross-eyed. The face asked me through telepathy about the vision that I just had. “What did you feel? “ he said. “It felt like Déjà Vu” I replied. “I felt angry towards the fat bugger,” I added.

The face said ‘it should do because you were one of the four men”. I was shocked. I remembered the men’s faces from the vision and thought none of them looked like me. I told the face my thoughts. The face said, “Yes of course, but you weren’t as ugly then as you are now!” The face added that I was getting as fat as the fat bugger too. I think I blushed. I told the face I couldn’t remember being one of the four men but I did feel something strange but I thought it was just a dream and nothing to do with the Ayahuasca medicine.

The face said that ‘everything’ I am experiencing in my life is a dream and has nothing to do with the Ayahuasca medicine. The face said the Aya side of things is simply on a par with a commercial break in a movie. I was told that the Ayahuasca simply provides ‘a commercial break dream in a bigger dream’ and that the ‘commercial breaks’ provided by the Ayahuasca can either provide the tools we need to break from the bigger dream or it can provide us with golden ticket dream tokens to keep the bigger dream going. The face then told me again that I had chosen to communicate through Ayahuasca and the process also allowed me to carry out ritual by using the free will and the symbolism carried by the attendees.

With the hindsight and knowledge that I gained from previous Ayahuasca experiences I started to understand that scenario more clearly. I actually thought, in an attempt to explain the situation to you, of the movie ‘Total Recall’. The movie is based around mind manipulation and false memories and mentions a place called ‘Rekall’, that offers ‘implanted memories’ to its clients. I have researched many movies in my time and I mention Total Recall in my book the Stars Are Falling. In the movie the person being implanted with the false memories (Arnie Schwarzenegger/ ‘Quaid’) actually starts to remember his ‘true’ memories but he only does this by receiving and being triggered by the actual THOUGHT of receiving ‘false’ memories. This was traumatic for Quaid. He hadn’t even been injected with the false memory it was simply the trigger words contained in the script of the false memory that he thought he was going to be implanted with that triggered him off and led him to discover his true memories.


The ‘thought’ of receiving false memories through an injection triggered off real memories.

The ‘commercial’ implant at Rekall, instead of being a simply fantasy, a dream, actually became a ‘real and powerful tool’ that actually helped ‘awaken the participant’ from his already phony like existence. In a nutshell… the thought of receiving false memory or actually receiving implanted visions actually created the only true means to enable any positive access the truth.

Anyway I’m sure those that have seen the movie will understand what I mean. I’m sure a few forum-ites are still gossiping about Hollywood Movies on forums and I’m sure they still will do in their old age too. They will be no wiser mind.

Where was I? Oh yes… I was then told by my trusted ‘face’ that the reasons I had drunk Ayahuasca was because I too was receiving a powerful tool through another dream state (Ayahuasca land) to help me re-awaken myself from the dream state I am already in, which is my five sense reality life on planet Earth.

I asked the face if the short vision I was shown of the four men was a dream or a ‘real’ memory. The face smiled at me and said ‘it does not matter at this moment in time’ if you were really butchered or you were dreaming of someone else being butchered does it?  The idea is to make ‘sure’ you come out of the bigger dream by being triggered by what you and others actually see as a smaller dream.

The face laughingly said “Maybe you are like Quaid my friend and you are here to sort the baddies out, save the planet and get the girl etc etc”.

The face told me I would remember the ‘full story’ one day soon and when I did I would know that is the time that I must write it down. I was told it was important that I did because I would then pass on a tool that some other people needed desperately.

I would create that tool simply by providing a description of the visions I had seen. I thought again of the movie Total Recall. I thought about ‘false’ memory implants actually creating the triggers for regaining our ‘true’ memories.

The face then told me to think of a biological plant as being a makeshift tape recorder, and to demonstrate this the face showed me a vision of a crappy old-fashioned tape recorder (Blowing the dust off it and coughing to emphasise its age).

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A plant can be a makeshift tape recorder I was told

I was looking at this image of a tape recorder and then suddenly whooooosh another vision of two plants in pots suddenly appeared on the two reels of tape I was being shown. The face told me that an organic plant can ‘record’ things better than any machine created by man.
I laughed when the two pots I was looking at actually turned in to Bill and Ben the flowerpot men. I laughed even more when little weed’s voice appeared to be coming from the tape machine the two pots were placed on! She was the ‘speaker’.


I was shown this image as a reel-to-reel recorder.

 Silly I know eh? That said the vision was the quickest way that I was going to understand, being the illiterate village idiot that I am, that some organic plants are actually living recording machines. The vision told me a story that I could instantly relate to because of my childhood and my heart knew it was true. That’s all I need to take the information in.

The face then told me to pay attention

The face told me that a long time ago, when this world was about to be hijacked by the deceptive force I know as the Serpent Cult, that a certain few people knew that they were going to be incapacitated on a spiritual level, cut off from the oneness if you like, by the said hijackers. The Serpent Cult was also going to implement the beginning of the means to create a system that would eventually control all of the minds and intuition of all human beings. I was shown some more very deep visions regarding plants playing the role of recording devices but then I was shown scenes of soldiers burning books and paintings too.

I was shown another image of the same soldiers trying to destroy and burn certain plants but as they tried to do so the wind blew the roots, the leaves and indeed the very seeds of the plants way way high up into the sky.  I was shown in vivid details that these seeds were blown to safe places where they were allowed to thrive in good soil with plenty of rainwater and heat. The plants then lived and died through their seeds, just like human beings do, and of course the plants also carried information from the past just like human beings do through DNA. The face said plants actually could store direct imagery from the past. The certain few people that I mention from the past knew how to use the plant as a recording device. They knew the serpent cult could not kill off all the plants so they did not use books to store recordings because books are easily burnt.

I started to understand more. I started to see. I tell you the truth when I say I saw forward to the past. I was allowed to liken or compare the situation to someone finding an old long lost LP or tape recording of their favourite singer or band in their loft and then actually finding the means to play it.  Once this happens both the recording and the human being involved are ‘united’ and the human is usually invigorated, awakened and reconnected with the inspirational information, the recording, they knew and loved from the past. Both the recording and the person actually become awakened again. Yes? They are both taken forward to the past. They do not go back to the past they are taken forward to the past.

My mind raced and I opened my eyes. I got the feeling again that the medicine was not strong and I was actually having ‘normal dreams’. I knew the medicine was affecting me but the doubts kept appearing. It was like the experience I was having had to include the question of how powerful the medicine actually was. It was part of the events. The experiences seemed clearer, more like a dream in my bed at home, than the kick and rush of a typical journey created by the medicine known as Ayahuasca.

I sat and looked around at the rest of the group. The Shaman’s music was still going strong. The whole group seemed to create a very placid downbeat ceremony. I decided to go to the toilet.  I knew if I was in a true Ayahuasca trance that I would see the regular hallucinations that are associated with Ayahuasca in the trees etc. I didn’t feel like I wanted to purge and I didn’t. I looked in the mirror in the toilet and for a fleeting moment I actually saw the man (one of four) from the vision earlier.

I turned around and walked to the beach (a few yards away from the toilet). I looked to the sea and took a deep breath. I thought my journey was over. I felt in a state of ‘come down’ but then the usual, Ayahuasca created, ‘humming sound’ started again and that is a warning that something is happening to me so I quickly went back to my mattress. The whole area then took on a different shape and image.  I looked at the area where I saw the rose window symbolism back in March and sure enough a path appeared in exactly the same place as last time. A combination of the trees and flickering lights brought on a very graphic image for me.

I literally watched the window appear but it looked different this time.  The window was an exact copy of the oneballmedia logo. The trees and the light made the one-ball logo seem like a rose window. It seemed pretty strange to me seeing the logo in the air so to speak.  This is how I saw it.


I looked around and I also saw three female members of the group standing up. They appeared to me resemble some kind of committee of ‘judges’. I started to feel quite sick. I thought I was going to purge so I turned on my side and when trying to stop the sick feeling I saw a red light and it instantly took my sickness away. I think it was someone’s cigarette. The light then turned in to a red arrow pointing upwards.

I looked upwards and concentrated on the light shades that were above me.

The flames from the shaman’s fire were making the lightshades take on the shape of other objects I saw one light shade as a mass of bees and another as a mass of snakes. I had the noise of buzzing and hissing. I had no idea where it was coming from as the shaman’s music was now stopped and it was just the natural sounds of nature around us. The sounds stopped and the visions of the bees and the snakes went away.

The lightshades in the cold light of day

I looked around and almost everyone appeared to be in his or her bed. It was very quiet. I shut my eyes and I could see nothing at all. I then noticed a blue dot appear in the darkness sort of thing, a plain blue dot. The blue dot started pulsating and started to grow and the more it pulsated the more it grew.  All of a sudden the blue dot exploded like a massive firework and the brilliant sparks from the firework were bright electric blue in colour and then the sparks turned in to ‘tears’. They were all tear-shaped. They eventually died down and the firework spluttered to a finish I was then shown the used firework in a puddle and that puddle had literally put the firework out. The firework was all tatty and burnt but I could just make out the name printed on it, it was called ‘Drops from the Sky Fountain’.

Don’t ask me why.  I don’t know. I’m only telling you what I remember seeing! Don’t forget I had drunk Ayahuasca, the most powerful potion in the world, and I’m supposed to be insane already anyway, so words like ‘Drops from the Sky Fountain’ means something far more to inter-dimensional forces than it does to me.

Or maybe Drops from the Sky Fountain means something to you.  Hey believe me I’m still bloody reeling from visions of sticking my lost oar in the faces of grey people to worry about silly bloody names on fireworks. Well wouldn’t you be in my shoes? Wouldn’t you?

So don’t bloody blame me if you think I’m insane for talking about any Drops from the Sky Fountain, go and blame the NHS and my GP for neglecting me. My dad used to say that the Lancashire NHS is full of useless incompetent lying bastards, and all the GP’s were corrupt ‘wannabe importants’, and he was right too. Too true he was bloody right!

Anyway where were we? Come on…

Oh yes… I opened my eyes after seeing the words ‘Drops from the Sky Fountain’. I looked back towards the area where the Rose window was. The person on the bed near the rose window was not there. The image of the rose window had simply ‘gone’ too. I shut my eyes again. The very trusted face that looked like superman’s dad appeared again after a short time.

It told me that the Ayahuasca ceremonies were mainly insignificant for me during this week. I was mainly here to witness things and endorse events. I was to do a write up on the ceremonies on my return though. The ‘group’ was only important to me on a 5-sense level that week. I could do nothing to help anyone if I tried I was told. Indeed I was told I could hinder folks by joining in the ceremonies. I was told I was not part of the circle and that was done on purpose. I was there that week simply to ‘accept things and receive things ‘.

The face told me that things this week were now entirely in the hands of the plant medicine and the force that had brought me to Bahia. I was not needed. I felt like a bloody spare part. I was told again that my role that week was only one of ‘acceptance and observation’.  It was part of something that had been planned years ago. I asked what I had to observe and accept.  I was told there would be a new ritual that week but I was told it hadn’t even been arranged yet. I felt a bit uneasy.

The face told me that this week’s group energy and symbolism was going to be combined with energy and symbolism passed forward from previous groups and it would be used for the ritual and it was all part and parcel of the events and had been since day one. I was told that all faces that had been involved before were still represented at this weeks events.

The face took me back to my first experiences with the Ayahuasca. I had a series of flashbacks. These flashbacks reminded me, in around 30 seconds, of all the events, the people and the experiences that have taken place in the last few years. It was just like the pack of cards vision I had when I first drunk Ayahuasca but instead of showing me the faces and bodies (different lives and lifetimes) of the individual members of the crew, this time the cards showed me all the events that had happened in the Ayahuasca workshops.

I was reminded of what I wrote in Only Love Can Bring The Rain and I was reminded that ‘I write the truth’.  I wrote this.

 I tried to tell the crew what I had experienced and I said that I wasn’t there to experience what they were experiencing. I told them that between them they symbolised ‘everything in this world’. Their collective symbolism from this lifetime and many others meant that no stone was left unturned and if they were all put under trance then they would become a very powerful spiritual force indeed. The face (the head) then reminded me that the crews, the group members, that have attended the same workshops as I have had actually taken part in ‘rituals’.

I was shown rapid flashbacks again and this time they were of my experiences in Colombia. I had written an article called Standing in the Line of Fire. I wrote this.…

 The face told me I was going to see things that would help me understand how to break free from the prison I am trapped in and the face also told me I would carry out a ritual that will help unite others in this world who can then, in turn, help everyone who wants to escape from their prison too.

 The face then continued to remind me of the things that had already been completed. I was reminded about visions and test from previous Ayahuasca journeys including, in the ‘Come On Feel the Noise’ article, the judging of the Shaman and facing the beast. I wrote…

 The face said, “I had to face the beast” at the next ceremony and no matter what happened I had not to request any help nor had I to spiritually surrender to what I see and hear. If I was successful then it would help in the future and allow the Shaman to have more power and therefore future ceremonies would hold far more meaning. It would eventually help ‘unite all the elements’.

 I was transfixed with all the stuff that had actually gone on. I realised that very few people, if any at all, would have taken my Ayahuasca articles seriously, even most of those that attended the workshops, and I realised no one would truly understand what was actually going on or its importance. After all Matthew Delooze is simply a ‘nutter from the gutter’ who’d simply fell lucky and been invited to join in expensive workshops that took place thousands of miles away from his normal scum bag humdrum life in working class Lancashire. Well isn’t he and wasn’t he?
The face appeared to me again and winked. I was reminded again of the massive symbolism behind some of the workshops including the ‘timings’. I wrote an article called Every Little Thing She Does is Magic. I wrote.

 As the sun went down on Friday the thirteenth a very ‘yellow’ near full moon rose up from the sea. I knew my journey was over. I also realised it was the autumn ‘Harvest’ moon in the southern hemisphere. I pondered on the facts of the five sense events that had come to pass that week. It had been my 50th Birthday, a Full Moon and Friday the Thirteenth all rolled in to one.

I started to ponder on things. I realised, nay I confirmed to myself, that all our workshops were indeed truly a means of carrying out multi-dimensional and inter-dimensional rituals. The circumstances, the participants, the visions and the timings of these Ayahuasca ceremonies were obviously arranged by a force that understood things on a far higher level than the majority of the actual people in attendance at the workshops. Indeed we carried out these inter-dimensional rituals in virtual ignorance as spiritual powers used our pathetic earthy ways and our egos to make them come to pass. That said who is actually going to believe me? Ego and comfort zones and ignorance and snobbery blind so many people.

Anyway, the face, this head that looked like Marlon Brando, then reappeared and told me that just because a crew, group or tribe is known or described as ‘special’ it does not mean that a crew, group or tribe is gifted with intelligence or spiritually special. It just means the tribe fits the symbolism and has the skills needed for certain rituals to be carried out and it is that which ‘makes them special’.

A plumber becomes a very special force when the toilet is blocked I was told!

The face showed me some more very graphic images which told me that that the powerful forces (creative oneness) that is in existence outside of the realms of the Serpent Cult on Planet Earth are not allowed to intervene with human beings or even enter this world without following ‘universal laws’ or carrying out certain rituals that satisfy universal law. The human race, the collective consciousness, decides who rules this planet through their thoughts.

External forces operating outside the realms of human existence cannot go against the wishes of the collective consciousness in this world and anyone physically entering this world must exist within the will of the collective consciousness of the world it enters.  In other words anyone entering this world is to be dumbed down and ruled over by the force that actually dumbs them down. It is indeed a very crafty force that is in control of the human collective consciousness.  A person cannot possibly enter this world carrying esoteric information that will set the inhabitants of this world free. It is the will of the collective consciousness, universal law that actually prevents this and not any thing else.

I thought I already understood the basics from that sort of scenario and I have written about it for years but I was provided with far clearer understanding, at least from my point of view, on the matter.

I instantly realised that the face was actually programming me for future events, as daft as it sounds now to you it made sense to me at the time. The face told me I ‘had’ to write about universal laws amongst other things and attempt to explain it in a way that will help the folks it is meant to help. The information had to come through me because of what I symbolised. (Hey and you and me thought I only symbolised a sad nutter from the gutter didn’t we?)

The face said I would continue to suffer for doing this. I told the face that I had suffered enough already and have forgotten what it is like ‘not to suffer’ (since around 1990 prior my conscious awakening in 1999). I actually felt one tear run down my face in self-pity. The face jokingly mocked me for the tear and said “come on everybody say aaahhh” I smiled and then I laughed.

I was shown what I had to go through and I was reminded about the fakers and the takers. I was reminded that most people will only take from me and others will steal from me and that the vast majority of faces that may claim to be enlightened are the most dumbed down selfish people of them all. Going off my experiences I had to agree. I really did.

I broke from the vision and I still felt like I was not truly under the influence of the Ayahuasca. It simply did not feel the same as previous workshops. I could see other members of the group that were obviously under the influence, if only mildly, but I felt the ceremony was a symbolic time for ‘sobering up’.

I went to the toilet again. I looked in to the mirror and, probably due to the lighting on a 5-sense level or a crack on the mirror, I saw a tear run down the face reflected in it. It was not my face. I went back to my mattress and the Ayahuasca seemed to pull me in to trance again but it did so in a far milder way than in the past.  I looked across to where I saw the rose window in the shape of the one ball logo. I saw this as clear as a bell. First a crack appeared. Then a section of the window cracked and splintered)

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The bottom section of the ‘window’ cracked and splintered

The person led on the mattress directly under this vision of the window got up and walked away from it and has he did so that the bottom of the window fell to the floor and it shattered like glass. I turned away from the vision and watched the man go in to the direction of the trees. I looked back in the direction of the vision of the broken rose window and it now looked like this….

one ball logo

The section fell away and shattered

 My attention was directed to the three group members that resembled a ‘judging committee’, that I mentioned earlier, and the shaman’s fire illuminated the area where they were located. The three group members seemed to walk off in the opposite direction. I was left looking upwards and I was attracted to the light shades above me again. They were slightly illuminated by the shaman’s fire too. (For those that have never drunk Ayahuasca… your attention is somehow attracted to objects and the natural surroundings and because of the effects of medicine creates the visions you experience, that is why certain objects and images present at the ceremony matter and that is why I have pointed them out in previous experiences.).

Anyway I now saw the lightshades as ‘emotions’. I saw one lightshade turn into ‘greed’ whilst it was swinging around in a breeze it turned in to a gaping mouth greedily churning up and chewing food. It reminded me of the green ‘slimer’ out of the film Ghostbusters. It made me ‘feel’ sick.  I looked at the other lightshade and it showed me ‘ego’ by turning in to the shape of a catwalk model, literally shaking its ass in the breeze. Something made me want to look away but when I tried to just that it made me look at it even more. I literally had to force my eyes away from this ‘lightshade’. These minor visions happen all the time under Ayahuasca but not many folks take notice.

Anyway the voice superman’s dad face, which is fast becoming world famous in Ayahuasca circles, appeared in my vision. It told me that both ‘lightshades’ represented main ingredient of the true collective energy of the members of the current workshop in Bahia that week. This vision and added narration caused me to feel a pang of truth in my chest that I get now and again. I don’t know what that pang is, I’m sure the hippies etc will call it the chakras, I call it basic honest truthful realisation and when it causes your lungs to keep hold of the breath you gave them for longer than normal then it’s time to take note of what you saw or heard that actually caused your body to react that way. I have felt that pang of truth in my chest several times during my 50 years in this shithole of a world. It has never ever been mistaken.

The face appeared in front of me and said I told you before that although the group could be described as ‘special’ it did not mean that they were special through spirituality. The face told me again that just because a crew, group or tribe is known or described as ‘special’ it does not mean that a crew, group or tribe is intellectually or spiritually special. It just means the tribe ideally fits the symbolism and has the equipment, through personal actions and symbolism, needed for certain rituals to be carried out and it is only that which ‘makes them special’.

The face said that if anyone needed to carry out a very important symbolic ritual that officially not only required the presence of a group of goodie goodie librarians but also required the presence of a group of baddy baddy bank robbers then both groups become ‘special’ ingredients for the ritual to be cooked. The fact that the librarians maybe deemed better people than bank robbers by the majority of sheeple the fact is in ritual that all ingredients are equal. Again a humble plumber becomes a very very special person when a ‘toilet full of shit’ is blocked. I hope the added words made it clearer this time.

The face told me that all the workshops I had attended contained ‘special’ people but those special people were usually representative of the most false egotistical, selfish, and greedy people in the world and that is why they were ‘special’ for the ritual. The face said that the rituals from ‘Matthew’s’ point of view were a case of overcoming spiritual challenges and I had been challenged to carry out a number of seemingly impossible tasks in order to reach my goal.

The face told me that although the Ayahuasca workshop members had helped 100% to bring about a ritual (The symbolic drill as mentioned in the first Ayahuasca experience) it was time to forget any ideas about the Ayahuasca workshop members being on a spiritual mission simply out of goodness or spirituality. The face started laughing and said no one of this world is on a conscious mission simply out of unconditional goodness and spirituality. The people of this world are literally incapable of that.

The face told me that all the people in this world are only programmed to follow self-satisfaction, including me, and the face also said the Ayahuasca workshop members were also only on a mission to satisfy their own cravings or pleasures. That is the only way spiritual forces, that the group members cannot even see, can actually put ‘special’ groups together. These people are far easier led by their selfish five sense desires than being led buy any collective spiritual goodness in to the world. Unseen spiritual forces in this world use humans as chess pieces sometimes and these chess pieces move more easily if they are given a carrot that represents the vice that controls them the most.

The easiest way to put a group together is lead them by their weaknesses not their strengths. The latter (spiritual goodness) is usually non-existent whilst the former (selfish 5 sense desires) is always found in abundance. “We can only usually shepherd people through their selfishness and greed and not by spiritual goodness” the face said.” You will see in the future”

I felt a little perturbed by this situation but the feelings in the centre of my chest area were indicating that the face was not joking. I thought for a moment over what had made me actually come to Brazil, the fact that I wanted to actually help people I care for or the fact as I saw it as a free trip?

The face told me not to worry about things because nothing had changed about the group. The group has the same effect whether it collectively came together out of subconsciously led spiritual goodness or came together through consciously led selfish cravings. The face said the group came together whatever the reason and have therefore created the ingredients and the scenario required to help things progress.

Again I thought I was only dreaming and/or simply pondering on my own selfishness or true intentions and not on a journey fuelled by Ayahuasca. Maybe I was even sober. Maybe the Ayahuasca was actually doing its true job and healing me? Whatever the situation I realised only too well that Ayahuasca is not there to feed ego and greed but it will use the ego and greed of those that drink it to prove a point.

I have been taking in information about my directions for months now and its like I’m being trained for something.

Anyway, I was shown ‘a vision of a plant being a tape recorder again’. I was shown a very small reel of recording tape and I was also shown a massive reel of recording tape. I was told the massive reel was a recording of those names that have tried to ‘exploit’ the use of the plant medicine known as Ayahuasca and have arrogantly took it for granted. I was told the very small reel of tape that had recorded the names of those who didn’t try to exploit the plant.


The recording called exploitation!

I then sat up and shook my head. I looked around. All members of the group were in their beds and they looked like they were all dressed in smelly old bandages, not like Egyptian mummies though, they were like the lepers you see in old biblical movies. The blankets and the weak lighting created this vision.

I rested for a while and went in to deep thought and I started to understand more and more of my life and I received explanations as to some strange events that have happened to me over the years. I was even shown things I had forgot about and I was shown painful things that had upset me. I was stunned with realisations of what I am and what I am doing here. I questioned my sanity over several issues but I was shown insane things in a sane way. I suddenly felt funny again and started to see the swirling colours.

The face appeared again and told me it was ‘time to inflame the fire’ and feel the Rain.  Most of the members of the group were on their beds. It was very quiet and peaceful. The Shaman was resting too. I automatically got up and walked to the fire and stoked it without a poker, it was a bit like a magic trick. Just like that!  I don’t think anyone saw me. The fire flew in to life. I then walked to the beach feeling much happier with myself and I threw, what I’d used to inflame the fire, in to the air.

I then walked to my favourite spot near the swimming pool. I put out my hands and immediately, as though on cue, spots of rain fell on my hands. Each drop felt like a magical potion was hitting my hands. The light rain was hitting the swimming pool too and in doing so was creating more visions for me and I had this feeling of sheer bliss. I didn’t care if I got wet. I could see faces in the pool and the light raindrops were literally caressing my face like some sort of healing process was going on.

Then out of the blue I saw my mother’s image appear on the water. I had to look twice. My heart stopped for a moment and I was overcome with emotion. The more emotional I felt the more raindrops hit my face. The raindrops were very gentle. Again I was engulfed in emotion through an energy that is not of this world. I wallowed in it. I received some personal messages and I was humbled.  Oh my brothers I was humbled. The images in the pool went away I tried to ‘wish them back’ but I was always going to be disappointed. I staggered backwards still watching the ripples in the pool and sat down on a bench in the pousada next to the pool. I was very dizzy from the experience that I’d just had.

A few minutes later, after drinking some water, I returned to my bed knowing I really was starting the ‘come down’ procedure.  A few of the group members were up and about so I knew their journeys were on come down too. ‘The water told me this was happening’. No not in a squeaky voice like David Beckham has either I meant I knew the journey was over because I was drinking water!

It still felt like the energy of the ceremony was purposely played down throughout the night but I still had the most powerful experience ever at the end of it. Anyway I looked around at the group still on their beds and all the leper bandages had gone. The lightshades were looking pretty normal again too. Come down was calling.

The face appeared again as I tried to go to sleep. The face asked me if I now understood the lead up and true picture of events in Bahia this time around. I said “yes I think so”. The face said it would not do me much good to drink Ayahuasca again this week. The face suggested I just rest through my fasting and just await the ritual I needed to witness that week. The face said my five sense actions and the five sense actions of others this week took priority and were far more important symbolically, as far as I was concerned, than the actual medicine. I didn’t understand what the face meant. I turned and looked at my wife and she was coming round from her journey. We decided to go back to our accommodation. She was happily recollecting the details of her journey and telling me about it. She then turned to me and said, “Did you see owt?” What could I say? I just said it was a mild experience. I was awake for the rest of the night.

Group Discussion
“You could only repeat what we told you!”

The day after the first Ayahuasca ceremony I was really pondering on events and I felt very weak and I knew something was propping me up. I was hungry and very run down.

I remember it being almost time for the group to form a circle and to speak of their journeys of the previous night. I had only just previously openly approached the creators of the workshop and told them that I wasn’t going to drink again that week but I suggested I shouldn’t tell the group this as it may look like fear and cause others not to drink. I knew though that the ceremony had been rendered ‘mild’ as part of the symbolism and no one would have been scared by the experience. So the chances of anyone else not drinking were minimal.

I received the words I needed to hear, from one of the symbolic creators of this particular workshop, one of the elders if you like. He said,” I think your job is done Matthew” He said this just before the group discussion took place and his fellow creator witnessed this without further comment.
These discussions groups are usually very boring affairs for most people unless there was a massive energy present at the ceremony of course then they are pretty exciting. But not many people speak about their experiences anyway. Indeed most people keep totally stum or splutter out a couple of phony sentences. This is usually because they can’t actually make any sense out of their journeys and / or they simply don’t want to make a fool of themselves.

I was sat near the end of the circle, so to speak, I mean I would be one of the last to speak about my experiences because of the seating arrangements. I felt the urge to tell the story in its entirety, even telling secrets from years ago. For some reason I felt very strange. When the microphone came to me, not forgetting of course, that I have stood up in public halls doing talks about aliens and serpent cults etc, but instead of just telling my story as it happened I simply started bumbling like a knob head. I felt like Jim Carey in the film Liar Liar only it wasn’t lies I wanted to tell…  it was the bloody truth.

I tried several times to get my story out. It was just impossible. My head was flooded with flashbacks of the encounter with the face and with the visions I had at the swimming pool and the female energy I felt.

I tried to open my mouth and speak but there was nothing coming out.  I simply wasn’t allowed to tell the story. I remembered the words I was only here to observe. I tried again to tell the group about my experiences.  The more I tried to speak the more emotional I felt.  I eventually broke down, if only for a few moments.

I knew I had been set up, just as I have been set up several times in the last 10 years. With hindsight, a month after the event, ‘I simply wasn’t allowed’ to speak about certain things. This wasn’t some sort of cruel act against me by a cruel spiritual force that was taking the piss out of me. The set up was actually happening to help me and not hinder me. It was the only way the force that directs me could create the situation needed for the week’s rituals to come to pass.

Obviously no man wants to appear ‘silly’ in front of a group of people whether they be friends or enemies. The force that directs me has put me in many difficult positions but from those difficult positions you see the true faces of people.

And of course there’s nowhere to run to in those situations.  People just see ‘you’ they do not see spiritual forces nor do they know what you have experienced. They do no realise that it is they that are appearing as the specimen because they see you as the specimen. Spiritual forces do not feel embarrassment because they see a bigger picture and we simply cannot see the same.

These forces just created the script, the stage and provide the audience. They ensure that the script is performed in the easiest way possible, they also ensure that the stage has the right props and that the audience see that the script is actually carried out to the letter. It’s only the ones who have the dirty jobs to do that have to face the music over any embarrassing scenes in the script. I only shed two tears but I only knew too well through my experiences that I could have been made to weep a lake if need be.

Whatever reason there was for taking my tongue away at the group meeting on that day I’m sure it was either to stop me buggering anything up, or tears in public were required for some reason.  But let me tell you the truth, and please heed my words, those two tears, one from each eye, were not tears of water droplets shed out of weakness or sadness they were tears of fire and were shed from strength and gladness and, I tell you the truth, I have already wept a lake of fire and that lake is now ready to burn all those that caused me to create it.

Did the last paragraph sound psychotic enough for you or do you want me to reveal some more revelations at a later date?

Anyway. The group talk was over. I simply lazed around the complex for the next day or so. I was fasting which heightens the senses especially with the use of Ayahuasca. My lack of food was causing my body to break out in various skin diseases just like it did in March. I simply tried to concentrate on other matters and simply enjoy the beautiful scenery around me. I am researching and concentrating on many subjects at once. I was trying to plan ahead with the mountain of subjects going on in my mind. Then I realised that the subjects I’m researching were all connected in some way.

I remembered happily joining in with the shamanic offering to the Earth ceremony.  We all simply place crystals in a hole in the ground and for some reason I also placed the unopened version of the same symbolic padlock that was used the last time I visited the HOI.  So I knew that someone was going to start to reveal some very startling revelations whether they wanted to or not. It had to be so it was part of the ritual.


I gave the ‘opened’ padlock as an offering to the Earth and with hindsight I know it was accepted

The Second Ceremony

On the dance floor broken glass…

…and bloody faces slowly pass

The second ceremony soon came around and I had decided to drink again anyway. I don’t think there was ever any doubt about that anyway. It was going to be a daytime ceremony. I was feeling very weak and tired even before I drank.

 brazil sept 09 088

Warinei The Shaman with two jugs of Ayahuasa

 I drank the Ayahuasca down. Again I enjoyed about 15 minutes of just walking around the pool area watching the sea and the trees in the sun. I felt pretty relaxed. I started to go in to ‘aya mode’. I thought here we go again. The medicine eventually took effect on me and I was the last person to take to my mattress.

I had a couple of hand made masks located directed above my head (A coincidental display of shamanic art from a little market stall that had been laid out previously that day) and they instantly took my attention.  The colours of the masks swirled around very hypnotically and I was soon under trance and the Shaman’s music that I had started to hear on another level of consciousness only added to the trance.

The medicine soon started to take over me and my consciousness shifted again. I was soon in a very altered state of spirit.  I knew, even though the face said drinking wasn’t important, that this ceremony was indeed very important.  The swirling colours of the masks grabbed my attention and I was soon literally taken ‘underground’ by the masks as soon as I shut my eyes. I simply led face down on my mattress and the masks led the way.  Whoossh the vision ‘felt’ strangely weak, slower than usual, but it was still extremely graphic at the same time.


The three masks that were above my mattress: Which one grabs your fancy?

I immediately came to a door that very quickly ignited in to a mass of flames (I actually felt the heat) and I saw three warrior type figures sat on chairs in front of the burning door Each figure had a mask on and all three masks resembled one of the masks that had been above mattress in 5-sense reality.


All three men were wearing this mask

The three figures were facing the burning door just like they were warming their hands etc. They just sat there waiting for the door to be burnt away. The mass of flames then rapidly died down and I saw a larger version of the lock that I had placed in the ground at the offering to the Earth ceremony (with the word revelation stamped on it pictured earlier) on the floor. The burning of the door had caused the lock to fall to the ground. I went forward and stood over the lock, leaving the three masked figures still sat behind me, and as I picked the lock up it burnt my hand (I actually felt pain) but instead of me dropping it to stop the pain I actually grimaced and then placed the padlock in the centre of my palm of my right hand and then squashed it directly on to the central area of my forehead. I didn’t feel any pain.

After I had done this I turned around to face the three figures. They were still sat in the exact same places, in their chairs, but their masks had partially melted I couldn’t make out the features or colours on the masks.

The three warrior type figures then removed their masks and I could see they too had the padlock symbol, showing the mirror image of the word revelation, on their foreheads.  They all held their right hands up in the air and I could see the same (opened) padlock symbol on the palms of their hand too, just like mine. The three warrior type figures then stood up and walked through the doorway that once held the door. I suddenly came out of trance and the vision went away.

Hey don’t blame me for that I only drank the stuff! I wanted it to carry on too. How would you like to have a bloody padlock burnt on to your forehead and your hand and then not know why. I turned around and lay on my back my mind swimming. I looked around and I could still see that I was under the influence of ayahuasca. I was seeing several members of the group looking like they were members of a different life form or at least looking like they were from a different time period in history.

I got the same vision of a small section of the group (the three females) being some kind of judges, or advisors or a committee. I scanned around the room and because of the effect of the trees and the medicine I saw the same rose window from previous times but again it had taken on the image of the oneball logo. It was starting to go darker and dusk was threatening to arrive and the change in light made the visions far more intense and changeable

I tried to concentrate on the rose window/one ball image I was seeing, and again the window showed me the same thing as it had done in the previous journey….

one ball logo

“The person led on the mattress under this vision of the window got up and walked away from it and as he did that the bottom of the window fell to the floor and it shattered like glass.”

This time I looked back at the vision of the rose window and two more sections of the window splintered and cracked and fell to the ground.

one ball logo - Copy

One_Ball_Logo_Email_copy - Copy - Copy

Two more sections of the window shattered and fell to the ground

The shaman’s music seemed to mingle in with the vision. I knew the images were important. His music suddenly sounded very serious too. Just an hour earlier I had found it comical.  I got the urge to look up at the light shades and they attracted me and sucked my eyes in, both had taken up the image of two ‘decapitated heads’ swinging on the gallows, so to speak, which was quite upsetting at first.

I tried to rid myself of the images I was seeing.  I got the urge to get up off my arse. I was dizzy from the effects of the medicine but only slightly compared to other ceremonies. I was literally being directed again, ‘my legs were not mine’ in other words. I have experienced this a few times previously. I went to the Shaman’s fire again. I fed it like magic just like I did on the previous journey. I then went to the pousada near the swimming pool. I was going in and out of trance.  I knew I was not myself. I knew I was after some sort of ritualistic confirmation some sort of trigger. The sun had gone down apart from a little speck of light on the horizon. I then saw two figures that resembled ‘mummies’ and they were laying on some sort of an altar (They were really only led head to head and raised off the ground on a large bench but it looked like an altar to me under Ayahuasca) I know it sounds daft to those that have never drunk Ayahuasca but that is how certain visions are. Your eyes become like a movie archive and you see iconic figures and ancient figureheads all over the bloody place.

Anyway I saw immediately that one ‘mummy’ actually represented the other. Their heads were almost touching and their feet were pointing in opposite directions. They were equals but playing out a spiritual role through the symbolism they carried, just as all other members of the group were doing. I knew these two females carried important symbolism and I knew one of them had been used before but I didn’t know how.

Anyway I symbolically made my offering to the altar that the two mummies were on and awaited a response. I knew I’d get one.

One of the mummies who symbolically represented the creation of this altar asked me what it was. I told her and I asked her if she liked it. She said she did not like it, she said it was not good enough. I asked the other mummy, who was a symbolic creator of rules, a ‘rule’ maker, the same question. She confirmed that she did not like the offering either. She symbolically ruled it out. The eldest and founder member of the group witnessed this and said nothing. I also realised that the two mummies were two members of the three figures that I saw as a kind of the judging committee from previous visions. They had left the third symbolic member of the trio out of the decision. I was glad.

I then went back to the fire and made it bigger by offering the same thing that I offered the two mummies on the altar. The fire willingly accepted it.

I then went back to my mattress. I thought I was doing well there was no sickness in my stomach and not even a trace of the two bob bits (shits) threatening to stain the Persil white underpants I was wearing, and it was dark already. I tried to understand what was going on and some force was trying its very best to show me. I started to relax and I felt a change in consciousness coming on again.
I looked up at the lightshades again and I was still seeing ‘decapitated heads’.


The lightshades took on the appearance of decapitated heads in the darkness.

 I shut my eyes to get rid of this awful image and straight away the face, which looks like superman’s dad, appeared again and it said  ‘I thought I suggested you didn’t drink?’ ‘I take it you couldn’t keep away eh?’  It added ‘I didn’t think you could’. The face pulled a funny face as though it knew what I was doing before I did it.

The face asked me if I knew who the two heads on the gallows once were? I said I couldn’t see them clearly.

The face said “don’t try to ‘see’ them from the outside, go and ‘see’ them from the inside”. “Outside appearances are deceptive go inside”. I was then somehow led ‘inside’ the first head on the gallows. I was simply now simply a pair of eyes and I entered the head on the gallows through the neck that was obviously severed from a body. The inside of the head looked like an old and smelly patchwork quilt.

I saw a lot of scars and other signs of various patched up repairs inside the head. The inside of the head also smelt very badly like rotting flesh and I could actually taste the rotting flesh.  All of a sudden I felt like I was opening windows and then I was literally looking out of the eye sockets of the decapitated head. I was swinging around looking at the people. I was soon getting in to the swing of things and trying to swing higher and higher like a kid on a swing in a park. Every time I did that as a kid I always felt like I was going to fly away if I got high enough and you know what I bloody well will one day. I know it sounds daft but that is how it was.

Then I suddenly came to a dead stop. I then saw nothing through the eyes apart from a vanity mirror that was somehow dangling in front of me. I looked in to it and I could actually see the face of a plastic ventriloquist’ s dummy.  It is daft I know but that is what I saw. But I also could see that this plastic dummy actually had ‘my eyes‘. The dummy’s face was very still and only my eyes looked real.

 aya ventdummy_mouth

I looked something like this in the mirror

I could see some things going on ‘behind me’ in the mirror.  These scenes seemed to very important and I was desperate to turn around and actually see, get a better view, of what was actually going on. I looked again at the ventriloquist’s dummy’s face in the mirror and I realise it would never turn around to see or even speak anything unless the ventriloquist actually allowed it to do so. Where was the bloody ventriloquist anyway I thought? But there again my friends where is the bloody invisible ventriloquist that actually lets you speak?

You don’t know and therefore you can’t tell me either. Can you Dummy?

Anyway, I could see that my newly adopted face was never actually going to move. I knew and could see that my eyes were human and emotional and actually had spirit behind them but I also knew and could also see that the plastic face of the dummy was not human and the dummy showed no spirit or emotion at all. I knew that the ventriloquist only directed the eyes of a dummy to those that would laugh at it. I felt frustrated that the faces of dummies actually controlled the sight of humans.

I tried to free my eyes from the face of dummy but the eyes felt completely trapped and despite my frantic efforts to remove my eyes from the face of the dummy I realised that the only thing I could ever see from my position was the actual ‘face’ that my eyes had become part of. I knew I would never ever see anything else. I started moving my eyes around. ‘I looked across the gallows’, so to speak, from my position by moving my eyes to the side and I saw the other decapitated head (lightshade) swinging around from the corner of my eye.

The lightshade (decapitated head) in the cold light of day

  The other head seemed to have a big attraction to it now.  I somehow managed to back track on myself and ‘my eyes’ left the head I thought I was eternally trapped in. Apparently it appeared it was OK to move out of one head if you possessed another head straight away. I was suddenly inside the other head on the other side of the gallows and again the inside of this head also looked like a patchwork quilt, just like the other one did. This time though I didn’t open any windows nor push my eyes in to the eye sockets of the new head.

I simply came to stop ‘behind the eyes’ that were already in the head. I didn’t want trapping again and something told me that this head would be a very bad one for my eyes to be trapped in if I did. I would be trapped forever. So I was simply looking through the eyes already in the head I had entered. When I looked through the eyes of the severed head I found myself in an art gallery. I was walking around this art gallery and looking at the paintings hanging around in it.

All the paintings were ‘scenes of wealth’. This usually consisted of images and paintings of piles of cash. There were also scenes showing gold coins and jewels like diamonds and sapphires etc. Strangely, although on the surface, the pictures appeared to be of good quality if you looked hard enough you could see the actual picture frames were of very cheap quality. They were made of cheap cardboard and actually held up on the wall with carpet tacks.

There were also many statues of people in this art gallery too but they entirely consisted of people who carried bags of gold around or displayed gold chains around them. They seemed very grand statues at first glance but as I looked at one statue the bag of gold it was displaying turned in to a bag of cement. The statue had gold chains around his neck, just like you see the typical town Mayor wearing, but when I looked more carefully the chains on the statue turned in to a tool belt and that belt carried ornamental digging spades.

I thought the images were strange but I still looked around with interest and as I did look around the art gallery suddenly changed from being a small art gallery in to a massive museum type building. It was a ‘Money Museum’.

I then travelled from room to room, gallery to gallery, in the museum seeing similar pictures of money and jewels but in different stages of history. All the statues had the same greedy look in their eyes. It wasn’t a good look either and it made me feel sick. I also noticed that none of the statues actually faced the doors in the museum they all faced a picture of on the wall that were showing wealth in some form or another.

I got the impression that anyone visiting this place had a statue made of them too and the statue was always placed in a facing the paintings position. I felt sick.  I thought this is not my face I’m only looking through the eyes of this face. This place cannot make me a statue. I thought “it better bloody not do either”.

I actually started to panic and I wanted to leave the money museum and the head that had taken me there, but every time I looked at a picture in a gallery I heard the chink of a cash register in my mind and the noise of this cash register instantly created another room, another gallery of money artwork if you like, inside the money museum. The museum was literally growing bigger and bigger every time I looked at a painting and the sound of a chinging cash register was driving me mad.

I quickly realised that because the statues and I were simply looking at the paintings on the walls it was indeed those actions that created the uncontrollable growth of the images of wealth inside the museum and indeed the knock on effects too. There was no front door to be seen because of this growth and this was simply because of the amount of rooms being created. The statues were literally creating more and more rooms simply by being placed in the position they were in. The statues couldn’t do anything else they were made of concrete and couldn’t move.  I was doing the same by looking at the paintings too.

Indeed my newly adopted face couldn’t stop looking at the artwork in the money museum. My new face was only happy and content by looking at such images. I simply couldn’t look at anything else. The more I looked at these images of wealth the more galleries were created and these newly created galleries inside the museum were displaying exactly the same images of wealth but in larger and larger sizes. The statues in the newly created rooms appeared to me as becoming fatter and fatter people with bigger and bigger bags of gold and wearing heavier and heavier gold chains around their necks. The feeling of sickness increased. I thought these people would be too fat to get through the door even if they could actually see where it was. What was causing this madness I thought?

It was ‘interest’ I was told from somewhere above me. Interest? I started to feel sick but at least I started to see what was going on. My new face demanded, and the faces of the statues demanded, that if any ‘eyes’ looked at the pictures of wealth in the gallery then it had to create more ‘interest’ for doing so. It was the price that had to be paid. It was a vicious circle.

I tried to find a picture that was not showing images of wealth just to change the thought pattern. I looked high and low on the walls and I knew I was only adding to the problem by doing so because I was creating more and more rooms in the museum. Indeed I was creating so many that I knew I would never escape from this crazy money museum. I would never ever find the door. I thought if I pluck my eyes out I would not cause any more growth in the silly museum and I would find the door, but then I realised the statues were causing most of the growth anyway and how would I find the door if I plucked my eyes out anyway.   I was ready to give up but then I suddenly saw one painting that was different. I don’t know where it came from. It was a very simple image it was simply a painting of the word ‘interest’ with a question mark at the end of it.

battering ram

This simple painting was painted on granite and connected to the wall by four strong bolts.

 The word ‘interest’ literally struck me with its ambiguity and the colours reminded me of my rowing boat/grey people dream. You haven’t forgot about that dream already have you?

Anyway the interest painting then started flashing and each time it flashed it added a new question mark to the word interest…. ‘Interest?’ ‘Interest??’ Interest???” etc etc etc. The picture grew and grew and grew in a sideways direction as the word ‘interest’ continued to flash at a faster and faster rate.  I was literally battling with my new face to actually keep my own interest directed on the painting of the word interest. My new face wanted me to look at the pictures of wealth again instead. It demanded it. But my interest in the painting of the word interest was far more powerful than my newly adopted face’s interest in the images of wealth in the money museum.

I started hearing music and this seemed to help me concentrate on my interest and it bucked me up a bit. The painting of the word interest started expanding at a greater rate and it eventually turned in to a large ‘battering ram’. It seemed to turn in to a ‘magnet’ too because a steady stream of gold chains started flying through the air. Whoosh Whoosh. The gold chains were coming from around the necks of the statues. The battering ram was literally sucking in the gold chains from all the statues in the museum and by doing so each chain collected created a section of rope.

Each time that a section of rope was created the music I was hearing increased in volume.  I looked again at the battering ram and it was now attached to and slowly swinging on a rope. I was giggling with excitement and I wanted to dance around like a kid, I somehow knew the rope was unbreakable but I had no idea what the rope was connected to.  I didn’t bloody care either.  The now fully swinging battering ram actually made the gallery shake like a bloody great earthquake.  I was cheering and over the moon I took great pleasure in the situation.

The whole crazy museum was quivering.’ This was no cowboy job’ I thought. The battering ram was in no way made of cardboard and only held up with a few carpet tacks like the paintings were. This was the work of skilled craftsmen. The battering ram was made of the planet earth and the rope was made from the blood, the sweat and tears of the enslaved masses whose spirits sought freedom.

The momentum of the battering ram caused the pictures to start falling from the wall. Crash Bang Wallop. Each time a picture fell on to the ground a gallery in the museum disappeared, the money museum was shrinking. I was pissing myself laughing. The more the battering ram swung the more pictures fell on to the floor.  The more this happened the smaller and smaller the museum became.

I was cackling like a nutty professor by this stage.

The museum eventually turned back in to the single gallery that I saw in the beginning but I knew I was now seeing the end. The battering ram had stopped swinging. I looked at the statues and they had all fallen over and were now face down on top of the broken paintings. I looked around again and this single gallery now only contained the painting of the word interest. It was the only painting left in one piece. The battering ram had gone, it was a simple picture again and hiding its unseen power behind innocent simplicity. A true gent. The magnificent golden rope was now invisible but I knew it was still there or at least I knew the jewelers that made it would still be there. I looked upward and I couldn’t see what the golden rope had been connected to that had allowed the battering ram to swing so well. I could though clearly see the front door to this gallery.

It was now wide open.

I understood the symbolism immediately. I wept. (What a bloody tear-jerking week I’d had!)

I opened my eyes. I immediately thought who the hell had put the painting of the word interest with a question mark on that wall!!! After a quick look around I turned over and shut my eyes again.  The experience still felt ‘dream like’ not ‘Ayahuasca like’. My favourite face (Supe’s dad) appeared again and I felt happy that it had. I realised without this face I wouldn’t have ever seen what I have done. The face had never let me down and I knew it never would.

The face told me that the painting was always on the wall but it was just that no one showed any interest in it for a long enough period before. The face told me to take care and that it was watching my back for the stormy waters that are coming my way. An outstretched arm with a clenched fist appeared in my like some silly salute from a space movie.

I returned it!

I seemed to instantly come out of the trance I was in. As far as Ayahuasca journeys were concerned that was my last one of the week. On the night of the supposed final Ayahuasca ceremony of the week certain circumstances dictated that I ended up in the local village at Barra Grande along with two other members of the group. The Chef from HOI ended up with us too. I was baffled why I had ended up in this situation but I knew it was meant to be. Indeed it felt like I was on some kind of stag party or at least on the eve of an important ceremony.

Anyway I ended up being served bottles of beer by the chef and because the restaurant didn’t have a certain beer, the Chef had very kindly gone elsewhere in his dancing shoes to fetch some just for me. I felt extremely flattered and important because of this. It felt special. The Chef was serving me cold bottles of beer. This bloke was off duty but he still looked after me.

I had been fasting all week and I hadn’t eaten a thing of any substance but I drank the beer down just like I was at a feast. The chef certainly satisfied me that night and I praised his actions. As far as I am concerned he is truly the best chef in the world and I really wouldn’t have anyone say different.

The final day of the workshop arrived. I was told that the Shaman had changed the final offering ceremony. Ralphy boy Miller, the hat burner, told me that the Shaman had decided ‘to do something different’. No one knew what it was.  We all turned up for this new offering ceremony in our gala dinner clothes (more dressed up than normal). I didn’t join the circle as such I just sat and watched from a chair. I had no idea that it was spring equinox night (21st September 2009) in the southern hemisphere as the Shaman, his family and his assistant sang ancient songs and carried out the ‘feeding of the fire ceremony’. My mind raced back to the face’s comments about a ritual that hadn’t even been organised at the time it told me but was taking place that week. My mind raced back through previous workshops too. All the members of the group sat in a circle around the fire and spoke with the talking stick and then made offerings to the fire.


The start of the feeding of the fire ceremony

The singing was highly hypnotic, simply because it was really so nice.  It was something that awoken something in me. The group passed the talking stick around and most people gave praise to the events etc. Then suddenly the wind got up and started to blow droplets of sea water around. I felt alive. I then watched and witnessed all these people make offerings to the fire. I was pleased. I was over the moon and I was glad. I smiled to myself.

The whole ceremony was déjà vu to me. The singing and chanting itself were a sight and sound to behold, yet the sound was only coming from three adults and two silent tiny children from Colombia. The show far outclassed any performance by any of the most famous serpent cult controlled celebrities in the world. This was simply because it was so natural. The ceremony was over too quickly and the group headed for the ‘end of workshop gala dinner’ like pissheads running to a curry house, a fine celebratory feeding of their own, beer included.

I spat on the fire and said it is done and, oh my brothers, it was done. It was done.

What else can I say? I managed to get 10 minutes with the Shaman Warinei and his lovely interpreter Catalina. Obviously a situation between a bloke like me, with a Lancashire accent, and a Colombian that speaks only Spanish only leads to communication problems. I thanked Warinei for the week in general and the ceremonies and the medicine that made me take note of my visions.

I don’t really know why, I must be mad, but I told him that I thought a force was coming in to this world to ‘heal it’ and to rid it of the deceivers who control it and make it ill. I told him truthfully that I believed his workshops, his medicines and his ceremonies play a part in making that happen. I told him that the force that directs me knows the shamanic grandfathers and I told him that the shamanic grandfathers know the force that directs me. I told him some personal things too and I haven’t a clue what Warinei actually thought. He may have thought, like most of you do, that I’m just a psychotic head the ball.

I don’t really mind what Warinei thinks of me. I still think and will still think he is the best Shaman there is. I told Warinei that this force I mention would not be coming as a rod of iron. I also suggested to Warinei that it was not coming through a messiah basking in egotistical glory whilst coming on a cloud either. What sort of messiah would do that anyway? It could only be one that is full of hypocrisy couldn’t it?

I sat through the remainder of the gala dinner feeling isolated and weak. The events of the week had affected some people more than others. Indeed the vast majority of the group was oblivious to what was going on concerning the journeys of three or four individuals. But I suppose I was oblivious to what went on in their journeys too. I think we only ever tasted a morsel of each others journey when it was necessary to taste it for the good of the collective.

All in all it was a very strange and powerful week and I knew that, in one way or another, it would affect us all. The HOI workshops in Bahia were at an end. The whole scenario felt sad.

Looking back on the two years I have been involved in these workshops I can only say that events show me that an invisible force in this world can make sure certain things happen. I don’t need anyone to accept that comment because I have lived through it and I have experienced it. I have no doubts spiritual forces were at work in Bahia and I know that you will too one day.

It is only left to me to thank everyone involved for creating the events in Bahia and inviting us to take part in it. I’d also like to thank all fellow attendees of the workshop simply for ‘having the nerve to drink Ayahuasca’ and for creating a collective energy that is vital to the journey of many.

May Love Reign O’er You All
Matthew Delooze 12th November 2009.

All Text Copyright © Matthew Delooze 2009 all rights reserved.

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic – Drinking Ayauascha in Bahia, Brazil March 2009

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic

Drinking Ayauascha in Bahia, Brazil March 2009

By Matthew Delooze

I have to be careful not to preach
I can’t pretend that I can teach
And yet I lived your future out
By pounding stages like a clown
And on the dance floor broken glass
And bloody faces slowly pass
The numbered seats in empty rows
It all belongs to me you know

From the song the Punk & the Godfather by Pete Townsend

Hello truth seekers,

 I have taken part in some more Ayahuasca ceremonies and have written my experiences down. To those that have never read about my Ayahuasca experiences I suggest you read about the previous experiences by starting at the beginning before reading this one.

I hope you are all well and coping with the madness, the corruption and deceptions that even the most spiritually blind person cannot fail to see these days spewing out of pathetic ‘governments’ all around the world as the Serpent Cult try to get a stronger grip on your physical enslavement and force your spirit in to a state of eternal surrender. The phoney materialistic means that create our enslavement are being exposed now on a daily basis and the finger is being pointed at corporate businesses and ‘Chief Executive’ type wankers are being blamed for the current financial meltdown.

This situation has not been caused by the actions of smart suited corrupt corporate and banking businessmen. These people have always been total wankers that have simply done as they were told in my opinion. They simply live off ego and gold credit cards and the masses have been hypnotised into thinking these people have special business brains and because of that they believe they must go along with them but in reality they only have the same brains as you do.

I have come in to contact with quite a few ‘special business brains’ or ‘elite professional experts’ during my 50 years in this world and I must admit now that I have yet to meet one that isn’t totally full of shit. These people are only ‘special professional people’ when the system they serve goes their way or when the masters they worship allow them to look good in the public eye.

The Serpent Cult uses the system to totally control our minds and they can create phoney economic wealth or phoney recession whenever they want. The puppets that play at being economic experts or bankers have the exact same knowledge about how the system works as you or I do. Apart from being as bent as a nine bob note when it suits them they really don’t know their arses from their elbows about global economies. You might as well put me in government as Chancellor of the Exchequer or the Head of the Bank of England because I’m just as qualified as they are and so are you. Oh granted, you and I are not the bare faced liars these people are and we couldn’t keep a straight face and lie through our teeth like they do but we are qualified to play their ‘cushion games’ of sitting on a chair and reading orders from a piece of paper delivered from their masters.  Please don’t get me wrong I’m not defending these agents, these pathetic stooges, for the Serpent Cult. Their hearts are full of greed, ego and self interest they wallow in the material things that make them comfortable and just as they have done in the past they will always lie, cheat, beg and kiss ass to achieve their material comforts in the future too. It is important that you realise that you and I have been hypnotised to have the same aims, if only on a lower scale for the majority of us, as the people we are now told have destroyed the banking system.

It is going to be easy to blame these wankers in the coming months and years and just like in the past the Serpent Cult will place even bigger puppets like Obama in the public eye for you to perceive as economic messiahs in and of the future. Don’t forget that Gordon the Moron Brown was hailed as the best economic Chancellor that had ever lived in the good days but anyone can see he was faking it now. He’s just a puppet. That has always been and will always be the case and you will be conned in to ‘praising the system’ that enslaves you again as soon as you are promised another credit card and re-mortgage or loan again.

As I said it is easy to blame these puppets especially when you see and hear of bank bosses fiddling themselves massive pensions and other greedy perks but please understand these perks are simply rewards for lying and cheating and following the orders Serpent Cult.  It is easy to blame the ‘greed’ of these puppets but I ask you today whose greed really feeds and maintains the system that enslaves us. Is it really just the fat cats that are currently being displayed as hate figures on our TV screens? That question was on my mind prior to my trip to Brazil to drink Ayahuasca and take part in three ceremonies. So if you want to hear about the trip come with me now and I’ll tell you about it…….

I set off on another long physical journey to South America on the 6th March 2008. It was indeed an honour for me and Susie to be invited again and to be able to join in the Ayahuasca ceremonies and it was also very nice to meet up with familiar faces and one or two new ones. I started off with a long drive to Heathrow Airport and after a transatlantic flight to Sao Paulo and a domestic flight to Salvador I boarded an 8-seater air taxi plane to Barra Grande in Bahia. The whole Journey lasted 37 hours so I believe I was starting to smell a bit by the time I sat down at the Ekoa complex.  I had bought and opened a new £5 five pack of underpants from Sainsbury’s supermarket before I had set off and my skin was now telling me why they were only a pound a pair and the fact that the back end of the waistband of these underpants preferred to be nearer to my testicles than my waist told me the quality of these underpants were not actually class A.

I had not eaten much on the way to Bahia. I was recovering from a severe dose of a flu type bug that had flattened me. ‘Man Flu’ the wife called it!  According to Susie I just had a baby sniffle type of a cold but I was ‘acting’ like I had typhoid. Its been pointed out to all us fellahs out there that when women get ‘near death flu’ they have to carry on with life regardless like having a screaming kid under each arm, vacuuming, ironing, cooking, working full time, shopping for shoes and saving the world etc. When men get the same bug it changes from ‘Near Death Flu’ to ‘Baby Sniffles’ and we just sit on our arses playing out some theatrical death scene whilst demanding constant treatment, hot lemsip type drinks and copious amounts of sympathy. We men simply curl up on the sofa or bed moaning and groaning like an actor in a movie.  I’m told by many women that I should try having a baby then I would know exactly what pain and suffering is. But I tell them I’ve had two kids of my own and it was nothing but a pleasure to go through.  Anyway lets get going eh?

The First Ceremony

“You only see what we show you”

 The weather was hot and sunny I struggled to find an appetite in the build up to the first ceremony that took place on the 9th March 2009, my 50th Birthday. There is a special detox diet sort of thing and with me being a pie and chips man it never goes down too well. Don’t get me wrong I’m not insulting the grub, a specialist Chef prepares all the food and those that know about such things know it is top quality. Fish and chicken and salads and fruit and sweets are all prepared sugar and salt free in the hope that the body can receive the full power from the Ayahuasca medicine. So I was amazed and embarrassed to see a massive personalised steak and onion pie appear complete with a full sized candle at lunchtime prior to the fasting for the Ayahuasca ceremony that was to take place that evening. I cut myself a large slice and opened a bottle of ale that had been given to me as a birthday gift too. I received another gift too but the steak pie was the first decent amount of food I had swallowed for three days. I was glad it was my birthday and it felt like a  bloody mighty milestone had been passed. The ale didn’t touch the sides. I drank it very swiftly.


The ale I swilled down bore this label

I felt more than slightly nervous about drinking the Ayahuasca simply because of the massive powerful journey it had taken me on six months previously. I didn’t think my body or my mind could take another journey like that one but I happily appeared with the rest of the tribe on time to receive another cup of Ayahuasca that evening. The Shaman Warinei carried out his rituals and we all queued up for our measure of the magic potion. The group this time was much smaller than last time and it contained a lot of female energy, which was comforting to feel on a five-sense level. It was soon my turn to drink and I really struggled to get it down. If you have never taken Ayahuasca before I will tell you the truth again now…. it tastes bloody awful like burnt wood and drain cleaner mixed together. Don’t let anyone who says different cook you a meal.

 As soon as I swallowed the Ayahuasca I wandered off away from the ceremony area pulling funny faces because of the nasty taste and sucking mints. I noticed it was a clear night and not a cloud was visible in the sky. After twenty minutes I started to notice the change in sound of the waves of the sea and the palm trees. I started to panic a bit as the noise started to increase in a similar way to my previous experience last October. I quickly went to my bed.  Trouble is once you have swallowed Ayahuasca there is no get out clause or means of cowardly escape.

The buzz settled down and I started to get minor visions and my inner persona started to change. I think the best way to explain this is to say that we all have a sort of a different inner personality hiding inside us. We have a part of us we keep secret from everyone.  Call it schizophrenia if you like. You know what I mean? I mean that person inside you that tells you to go to the toilet when you need to and I mean the person inside you who decides whether something in a shop is too expensive etc. I mean the ‘silent’ person inside you that decides if you think the person you are looking at or talking to is attractive and or intelligent etc. You know what I mean don’t you? The ‘real you’ is actually lurking inside the ‘phoney you’ and the real you usually keeps its opinions between the real you and the phoney you. The phoney you is the person you present to the world. It’s a ‘business you’ it’s the you that has been manufactured.

The phoney you tries very hard to keep the real you under continuous control doesn’t it?  Sometimes whilst you are in a temper or whilst the phoney you is drunk or drugged the real you breaks free and manages to speak from the soul for a few moments. When this happens the phoney you will quickly get control of the real you again as soon as possible and the phoney you actually provides mitigating circumstances to defend the actions of the real you. l

The real you is a true spiritual being. The phoney you is a manufactured deceptive persona that has simply been created to control the real you whilst you are in the physical body. ‘The Phoney You’ is a prison warder and your body is a prison. The Phoney You tells the real you that you are free.

I need to explain to you that when I drink Ayahuasca ‘I change’. The phoney me is removed completely. I have only ‘the real me’ to deal with whilst I’m under Ayahuasca and I have absolutely no interference from ‘the phoney me’ and the real me openly and naturally sees things on a spiritual level and does not see things as a manufactured clone that the phoney me sees on any level.  I realise a lot of folk will think I see or feel this change in me simply because I’m shit faced on a hallucinogenic substance. Maybe it’s only the same scenario as a drunk changing personalities after their 8th glass of whisky eh?

Anyway I started to feel at ease and connected to the Ayahuasca again and sure enough 30 minutes after drinking this medicine the head or face that looks like Jor El appeared in front of me again. Happy Birthday the face said as it blew a party tooter at me. “You have come a long way so don’t let the last few months put you off”.  I started to weep.


The face looked similar to Marlon Brando face in Superman

 I can only say again that before I was born I had ‘chosen’ Ayahuasca as one of the means to carry out a form of inter-dimensional communication that I would have to complete during my life. This communication had to take place in the way it did if I were to successfully see the plan out and carry out what needs to be carried out. The face hypnotically triggers me and my finger on a keyboard triggers others.  It all sounds absolutely bloody ridiculous I know but there I was  again nodding in agreement with the face I was in communication with and crying over the events I have been through in the last 15 years, and to top it all the face blew a party tooter at me. What would me mam say?

 The face said there is a very cruel deceptive force that prevents us from a proper or a natural communication with our true source in times of spiritual turmoil. The face said that the force I call the Serpent Cult had severed truthful spiritual contact between the human collective consciousness in this world that we call Earth’ and our ‘home’ which is our true paradise.

Memories of my childhood came flooding back and I knew the face was reading my thoughts and forcing my mind back in time. It made me realise that this face, this superman’s dad figure, was actually the husband figure of the nice lady (Shirley Bassey Dress) that visited me and prepared me as a child. This ‘face’ had been present at that time too.  This face was showing me events that I went through in the 1960’s.


The female energy entity from the 1960’s

I looked at the face and asked why I was back drinking Ayahuasca when it was possible for the nice lady to communicate with me without it in the 1960’s. It said that I been ‘altered’ shortly after that experience and it was not possible for the lady to show herself yet but she was the still the force that physically directs me and shows me the things I have already passed on and what I have to pass on. I was told that if I’d assumed that forces in another dimension don’t suffer for trying to help people in this world then I’d be very very wrong. I was told again that the human collective consciousness dictates what life is like in this world and the hurdles on the communications running track are very high unless your daft enough to watch Living TV that is.

The face said that the lady loved me very much and she will sail my ship through stormy seas and she will never let go of the wheel. I felt rather happy about this but don’t know why especially as I was told I still had more suffering to go through.

Anyway, the face said I was here this week to see  ‘rituals unfold’ that will not only affect other people but they will also affect me. I was told to ‘observe’ everything because the visions this week were to be very important.  I was also told I had reached ‘an age’ where I will start to move rapidly forward and the events of the last few months had taken place simply to show me that there was a force out to block my plans but I hadn’t to worry. I was told I would have to stand and face whatever shit is thrown at me and the factory worker had to come out in me if need be to wipe the shit off and throw it back.

I was also told, because of my ‘birthday’, that I had come to Bahia to be ‘kissed by the rain on my eyes, on my lips and on my heart’ as one part of the ritual and this will give me the strength to say what needs saying when it needs saying.

I was taking all this info in when I started to feel sick as the Ayhauasca took a bigger hold of me.  I opened my eyes and I looked around me and saw that my fellow drinkers beds had all turned into little boats and the floor of the pousada we were in had turned into water. I started to feel even sicker so I shut my eyes. The face said ‘come in number 50 you are too old for this shit’ and smiled at me. I couldn’t do anything else but smile too. I was too old I thought. The face told me to rest my head steady but still ‘look’ and the sickness will go. I opened my eyes and I could hear and see the Shaman in full flow, his music was very trance like and strong and my whole being was flowing with it.

I looked directly at the wall I was facing and the three bamboo type blinds that were dangling down literally lit up (the ceremony took place in what was used as a dining hut). The man who had arranged the events of the week and the ceremonies was led in front of the centre panel. The Shaman’s reflection was on the left hand panel and he was changing shape into different life forms.  A large bird seemed to be the main symbol being displayed in the early stages of this journey. On the right hand panel two hooded priest type monk figures appeared on the makeshift screen.


The bamboo type blinds in 5 sense reality


Rough Sketch of how the blinds changed whilst under Ayahuasca

The only natural light was coming from the shamans’ fire and that only affected the left hand panel. The other two panels were illuminated from no known light source whatsoever apart from whatever was causing my open-eyed vision.

The centre panel then expanded backwards and a long tunnel type pathway appeared. It was very 3D and very graphic. I could see right through the blinds and the trees in the background had changed shape at the end of the tunnel and created this kind of symbol.


The symbol resembled this photo

  I was utterly transfixed with the vision. It was very very real. I realised that modern day religions, especially Christianity, use these ancient geometric symbols hidden in stain glassed windows etc but I assure you they are nothing to do with a Jesus figure they are used as a form of hypnosis and covert symbolism. Obviously if you stick some pictures of Jesus and Mary inside this symbolism religious people ‘respect’ and endorse the symbolism. Small symbols often represent bigger symbols and the sheeple have no idea what the symbols mean when they get on their knees in front of them in churches and temples.


Typical hypnotic occult multidimensional symbolism used by modern day religions as a ‘stained glass window’. The symbol in the centre is similar to the one I saw above the organiser in Bahia. The modern day religions have duped the masses into worshipping ‘geometry’.

I was told later by a another drinker that this was know, in modern day symbolism terms, as a rose window. The man who was led on the bed in front of the centre panel suddenly got up and walked away and it all went dark again. The vision of the tunnel disappeared so I glanced around the room and all sorts of things were going on with the other drinkers but the beds were no longer like boats though they were coffin like beds. The man who had left the bed and who was a central figure of the vision returned to his bed and as soon as he lay down the central panel illuminated again (without a natural light source) This time the tunnel appeared from the’ back of his head’ in the form of a basic staircase that went right up the centre of the rose window.

The two other panels lit up again too and the Shaman’s reflection took on the shape of a big cat and the third panel took on the shape of a big cat too. So I literally had the vision of a man lying down on a very special looking coffin type bed with a dark tunnel staircase coming out of the back of his head that led to an illuminated symbol that looked like a rose window.  Well all I could think of was that I was totally shit faced. The Shaman’s music was totally entrancing me too and I started giggling to myself. What the hell is going on I thought. Why am I seeing these things in the way I am seeing them? I shut my eyes trying to change the vision.

The face that has been with me on every Ayahuasca journey so far appeared again and it literally ‘came out from the rose window’, it came through the window like a brick, and as it did the vision of the symbol and the staircase/tunnel immediately disappeared. What the hell are you giggling at laddie it said? Who the hell do you think you are? I asked you to look and observe, not giggle like a kid. Are you 50 or bloody 5?

It said, in a stern fatherly voice, “you are not here to play games – it’s time to observe and endorse” I immediately knew the face was trying to help me and it was not really scolding me. The face went on to show me, through flashback vision, the events of the day and pointed out ‘my greed’ at lunchtime when I fed my face with steak pie and swilled ale. I was shown the size of the pie. It was massive

The face told me that the pie and the ale were also part of the ritual that was going on during that week and I had not to fall in to the trap of thinking that ‘things’ were only happen under the influence of the Ayahuasca and the Shaman whilst I was in Brazil. I was told that there was never going to be any respite from my experiences in the week and I was to be on duty, in continuous ritual, twenty-four hours a day and my actions when not under the influence of Ayahuasca were just as important as when I was under the influence of Ayahuasca.

The face said I should be more observant if I wish to understand more. Every little thing the group was doing was important no matter how trivial or spontaneous it may appear at the time. The face told me I was too busy swigging my ale at lunchtime that I didn’t realise the bottle it was in “was not really a bottle it was a stone”. “It is a rolling stone too”. “We even stuck a bloody candle in it and you still didn’t ‘see’ it”. That beer bottle was connected to the symbol I have just passed through.


It wasn’t a bottle it was a stone, a rolling stone, I was told!

I apologised to the face. I didn’t have a bloody clue what it meant but as soon as I remembered the bottle I knew I would have seen that stone symbolism straight away if I had not only been concentrating on swigging down the contents of the bottle as a birthday treat.

The face told me that ‘I had been made ill’ prior to the visit to Brazil to prepare my body for starvation. I was to eat very little for the entire visit. “The only way you see and hear real greed is through starvation” it said. “I hope you enjoyed your birthday pie and ale today because you will be eating nothing but dry bread and porridge this week” it continued.  The comment “You will be so hungry you will have to eat your own fingers if you want to survive” stuck in my mind the most. “It’s part of the ritual”. I felt some uneasiness about this but it explained a hell of a lot about all the events leading up to me visiting Brazil.

The face told me that the secret rulers of this world rely on ‘greed’ to help enslave us. It is really our own greed that feeds the Serpent Cult not theirs.  My heart fluttered as I heard these words and it all started to make sense to me.  It is our manipulated emotions of ‘want‘ and our ‘fear’ of not having what others have that cause emotional greed. All greed is caused through ‘want ‘and ‘fear’ not ‘need’. It should be no secret to the masses as many have said that a needy man only wishes to seek his basic survival needs but a greedy man seeks to control the needs of the needy. That has been obvious for thousands of years.

The masses constantly wish to be something or somebody else, someone more wealthier and something that is easier to live with, simply because they believe wealth brings happiness and freedom. Therefore the majority of human beings are under hypnotic trance to continually crave the same powers of the greedy. Greed is an energy created by the minds of the poor not the rich. The face then said ‘do you understand this Matthew?’ I said ‘yes thank you‘. The face said ‘tell others what you understand in stories then‘. I said I would.

The face then told me that I needed to protect and heal myself and have a brief connection with ‘what I once was’. It said look at the sky. I did. It was clear and full of stars and a near full moon. It told me to put some of my ‘50th birthday happy pills’ (novelty mints) in my mouth and take a mouthful of water but do not swallow them. I had to offer the mixture of the happy pills and water, ‘the vintage happy medicine’ to the other elements and in return I will be ‘Kissed and Protected by the Rain’. The face then said ‘I’m off – see you later” sort of thing it then winked and in a puff disappeared.


I was presented with these happy pills (The vintage medicine) in Bahia

I then automatically walked down to the beach and spat the water and mint mixture out on to the sand and sea on the beach. I threw the remaining water on the beach too as that was the amount of liquid rain that would hit me. I had been told this but I had absolutely no idea what the meaning was to this act or what the mints represented. I was shit faced remember?  I then went back to my bed.  A rumbling started in my ears and I felt a little giddy. Then a sharp breeze picked up that turned in to quite a strong wind and the sky was suddenly full of cloud that literally came like a thief in the night. I automatically went and stood in a spot in front of the swimming pool where I’d had previous experiences in September 2007. I arched my head back and the light Rain hit my face. Oh my brothers what can I say? Behold my love for the Rain came to mind and only love can bring it.

I was in heaven and I soaked up every single drop. Every drop was a happy drop. Every drop hit my heart. It was good. I was glad.

The rain then stopped and I knew the first ceremony was over. I went to the toilet and caught my ugly face in the mirror. One drop of rainwater rolled down my cheek like a tear and I tell you the truth I’d gladly take a thousand real ones to see that one again.

 The second ceremony.

You could only repeat what we told you

By the time the second ceremony came around it was the 11th March 2009. I had now not eaten for 5 days apart from a few spoonfuls of what “I was allowed’. Believe me if I tried to eat I immediately found out that it was a bad idea and was not going to happen. The spiritual forces that direct me make sure I don’t do what I’m not supposed to and sometimes it’s embarrassing.

 I was starting to feel very physically weak and I was coming down with several minor skin diseases etc.  For example I had impetigo up my nose and that was the most painful but I also developed jock itch (Bloody Sainsbury’s underpants I say) was the most annoying. I was feeling very sorry for myself at times.

The time for the second ceremony soon came around and it was a full moon with a clear sky.  I struggled again to swallow the Ayahuasca down but a few of the tiny 50th birthday happy pill mints put me right and got rid of the awful taste. I was in the same position as I was on the first ceremony. I was about 10 feet away from the Shaman and his table on my left hand side and I was facing the same three bamboo type blinds and a few beds below them as I was on the night of the first ceremony. The man responsible for the event, the creator if you like, creator of the event had showed me a stone that had been given to him and it was in the shape of an egg. It was very warm to the touch for some reason like a proper incubated egg that was ready to hatch would feel.

The medicine soon kicked in, as my body had no natural defences anymore and within 30 minutes the same sounds and visions started to take place. I was happy to get on my bed. The same dreaded humming noise started as it did last October and the whole area started to hum and vibrate. I started to think I was going to be flattened with the energy and I panicked a bit but it never happened.
It never happened. I felt safe and calm but had a strong sick feeling in my guts and chest. I started to look around to see if I was really under the influence of the medicine and when I saw the Shaman’s lovely assistant Sara turn in to a large black bird as she threw some kind of jacket around her shoulders. I thought ‘yes Matt you are definitely shit faced again’.

I looked at the roof of the pousada and ancient symbols were flying around all over the place. There was a map on the wall over the fire that turned into a bird too but it was like it was wafting the fire to raise the flames with its wings.


My bed whist under ayahuasca: The map on the wall (top right) turned into an image of a bird wafting the fire.

The Shaman started his magical music again and was chanting. It was literally like he had five heads and 10 arms. His face was in the middle and the 4 other faces surrounded him. They moved around in a clockwise circular movement. Every time a face reached the 12 o’clock position it pulled a funny face and changed colour. The Shamans arms were moving so fast I could only see a blur but then all 10 arms suddenly pointed at the area of the wall (blinds) where I had the vision on my birthday two days previous.

The same area was illuminated again but I looked straight back at the Shaman who had now changed into a mass of hair and he was a bit like a ‘cousin it’ figure from the Munsters. A bird then landed on his head just like my wife’s budgie Mido does in our house when he is set free from his cage. Although the visions were turning very strange I knew they had deep meaning but I still started to shake my head and doubt my sanity. I thought what the flipping hell is going on here. I started to take deep breaths trying to get a grip on the situation.  The shaman’s fire was flickering but it was not illuminating the area of the bamboo panels but again this area had its own source of illumination.

The man’s bed that I mentioned in the first ceremony got higher and bigger in size. It was like twice as high as it looked two days ago. The beds either side of the said bed turned in to flat doors just like the cellar doors that are outside old pubs. They then turned in to holes in the ground.  I shut my eyes for a second and the face of the Jor El figure appeared out of one of the holes just like he had appeared through the rose window symbol in the last ceremony. He was holding up a sign called ‘greed’ with a picture of a pig at a trough on it. The word Matthew was written on the side of the pig. The face then ‘leaped’ over the said big bed and literally disappeared down the other hole.  Then a few seconds later the face appeared again out of the hole it had just gone down carrying the same sign but the pig had turned around on the sign and was facing the other way and the word Mark was written on the other side of the pig.  (Obviously folks I was getting more shit-faced by the moment!) The face again jumped over the high bed with the sign and disappeared down the other hole.

I opened my eyes and looked at a fellow drinker called Mark who was located behind me and he indeed looked like a pig and he was on all fours. I’m sure Mark would say I’m mistaken as he usually symbolises and actually prefers to be a dog whilst under the influence of Ayahuasca… but what the hell. Many Ayahuasca drinkers are sometimes actually sometimes ‘possessed’ by spirit animals and unless you have actually witnessed this take place it sounds so  bloody unbelievable. I can only say that with my eyes shut I saw a sign being held up by a head with no body that looks Marlon Brando showing a picture of a pig with the word Mark written on it and with my eyes open Mark looked exactly like a pig.

Anyway my head was spinning and the humming sound was still with me. The face had gone without saying anything. I shut my eyes again hoping the face would come back through the hole but he didn’t.

I looked again at the man on the big bed and the step tunnel and the rose window had appeared again.  There was a bright colourful bottle object standing on a shelf just above the man with the high bed. The object turned in to the shape of a type of genie’s lamp right before my eyes. The spout and the handle of this lamp type gadget turned in to arms and the rest of the lamp turned it to a pair of breasts (tits) and some shapely hips so it was like watching a sexy dance thing.

aya_genie_lampAs daft as it sounds I saw an object turn in to a genie lamp and then in to a dancing lady figure

I was beginning to enjoy this dance and I was in a deep trance whilst watching it when my eyes must have shut involuntary and the face appeared again. The face said,” you were bloody observing things then weren’t you?”If that ale bottle on your birthday had have had a pair of tits on it you would have spotted them a mile off eh?” I started to giggle.

The face went on to tell me that I had to somehow get ‘a very powerful secret message’ actually inside of the genies lamp/dancing lady that I was seeing. It was part of the ritual we were carrying out and it had to happen in this dimension (5 senses) as well as another dimension to help make the ritual eventually successful. This ‘impossible task’ was mainly to benefit the creator of the event because it was one of the ‘conditions’ that needed to be met. The face told me I had to receive ‘this very powerful secret message’ as a verbal declaration from the man’s ‘loved one’ before it was placed in the genie type lamp.

Well I knew on a five-sense level that the object that was appearing as a genie type lamp/dancing lady under Ayahuasca was only very small on a five sense level and I knew it was going to be very difficult to physically place anything in it at all and I hadn’t a clue what to do anyway. I was completely shit faced and feeling very sick and my arsehole was beginning to send out serious warning signals of impending explosions. I knew I was going to be sick or I would be shitting very soon. I also still had that humming sound in my ears that was starting to drive me insane. (What do you mean I already am insane?)

The face then told me to hurry up and get all this done before I purged! The face then somehow rewound my memory back a few weeks and I soon realised what I had to do. I then went back to my room and got hold of a small object I had brought with me. I then went to the man’s wife and asked her to read what was written on the object, which she did and I said magic in reply and I then swiftly placed the object inside the other object that I had seen as a symbolic lamp/dancing lady that was on the shelf on a five-sense level. This meant symbolically I placed a very powerful secret message in a genie type lamp or dancing lady on another dimensional level. I had carried out a ritual that had both  a physical meaning on a five sense level and spiritual meaning in another dimension. This is what the object was. It was only half an inch in size.

The ‘symbolic’ and portable very powerful secret message. A secure revelation?

Can you see how ‘very powerful secret message’ symbolism was contained in such a small object? ‘A locked up revelation’ if you like?  Can you see beyond your normal five senses and see the ambiguity of such an act. Well can you? I can see and ‘the impossible task’ that I couldn’t even understand 10 minutes previously was not only done but it was done well. Oh my brothers it was done well.

I then ran off to the toilet to purge and oh my brothers that was done well too and I was glad it was. I could have shit through eye of a needle without touching any metal.

I then returned to the pool area and I knew I was coming out of my Ayahuasca journey on that day. A small rain shower appeared from nowhere and I soaked it up again. I knew on a different level that it was a thank you.  I might have been in cloud cuckoo land but it felt great. Was I simply shit faced on drugs and hallucinating? Am I capable of pre-planning events and then carrying them out whilst under Ayahuasca? I don’t think so but some force had pre-planned events had had made sure that the right props had been in place.  Anyone who has drunk the stuff called Ayahuasca knows that you cannot pre-plan your journey and I’m the same.  My mind was swimming with symbolism and flashbacks of the events as I went to try and sleep.

The third ceremony

You only earned what we gave you

Before the third and final ceremony that took place on Friday the thirteenth the Ayahuasca tribe went to a beach restaurant for a meal on the Thursday night. I still hadn’t eaten enough to keep a mouse alive for 8 days so I knew I was in for a difficult night. We arrived to see a large 14-seater table covered in flower petals and the moon still looked pretty full to me although it was the night after the proper full moon. It was a very surreal event for me and I got the strongest feeling of déjà vu at this restaurant.  The evening seemed more symbolic than anything else and the tribe seemed to pass each other subconscious messages like we were getting the facts right before any ritual was complete.


The restaurant table covered in flower petals on Thursday 12th March 2009

 All in all it was a very pleasant evening and I took mental stock of what had already gone on. We broke the no drinking rules and I managed to sink two pints of Brazilian lager. I woke on Friday the thirteenth feeling very very weak. I literally had no strength left at all. I had only gone hungry for a week and I have a lot of flab to keep me alive and kicking so I dread to think what happens to those that go without food for months. That said I was still suffering and  I was still wondering what the reason for me not eating was all about. I was at least getting liquids and again if i tried to eat something made me not eat. Maybe it was a simple lesson for me because everyone around me appeared to be greedy or discussing something greedy. My hunger certainly gave me a perspective I hadn’t had before and it was very educational and after five or six days of not eating your body goes in to a different mode.

I ate a bowl of a type of rice porridge on the morning of the ceremony that was to take place on Friday the thirteenth. but I really struggled to function properly. I tried to be as sociable as possible but I felt like shit.

The day seemed long but fortunately it was to be a ‘daytime’ ceremony and it was soon time to drink the medicine again. I decided to move my bed further away from the Shaman simply because it was a very hot day and he would be lighting a fire that would only raise the temperature even higher. I ended up directly facing the fellah that had created the week’s events. He was the man who had the rose window and staircase type tunnel behind him and whose bed was next to the bamboo type screen. The entire weeks events seemed to be centered on this man’s journey.

We would be drinking the Ayahuasca in daylight but we would still be under the Ayahuasca when the sun went down. I  I really struggled to get the Ayahuasca down again but my happy pill birthday mints helped me rid myself of the awful taste again. It was just like the spoon full of sugar scenario in Mary Poppins

I wandered around the pool area again simply waiting for the medicine to take effect on me. It was bright and sunny. It was a beautiful day. I looked out to sea and I looked at the palm trees started to sway and the sea seemed to join in, but that uncomfortable humming started again and started to increase in intensity.

I was wearing my hat and I started to waft myself with it. The medicine was starting to affect me very rapidly and I didn’t like the way it was going. I felt awful and the humming was increasing. I started to feel very dizzy so I headed for  the sanctuary of my mattress.

The Shaman was already playing his music but it was more annoying me than putting me in a trance this time. I was thinking ‘turn the fucking thing down’. I was very stressed and feeling like shit. I shut my eyes in an attempt to run from the noise and the panic I was feeling in the hope of getting some comfort. I was then rushed in to a vision that I couldn’t stop. Whoossssshhhh. I saw a pool of ancient symbolism madness, a kaleidoscope if you like, swirling around. I felt very sick.  I wanted to come out of the journey and I vowed never to drink this bloody Ayahuasca again. (About the fifth time I said it I think!) Some form of energy was pounding my head again. I flipped over on to my stomach and whooosh everything went very calm.

Another vision appeared, it was seeing the outside of a temple type building.

I saw myself dressed in a feathered suit again looking a right proper Charlie (See previous ayahuasca articles). I was literally looking down on myself like I was in an out of body experience scenario. It appeared like a group of people had run out of a sort of a back door of the temple. They were running to hide from something. I was then stood in a fast flowing shallow river or canal (thigh high water). I was helping some people cross it by ‘using my arms to stop them slipping’. The water was usually used for some kind of baptism. A baptism by fire. The people grabbed hold of the feathers on my suit to stop them slipping. When I’d got everyone else across the river I attempted to get myself across too but because of the silly feathered suit I was wearing and the fact that i had no shoes on and my feet my footing was very weak and I slipped like a clown and ended up face down/arse up in the water. The feather suit acted like a sponge and became very heavily sodden with the water very quickly.

I couldn’t get up and because the suit had like a chicken head to it the weight of the suit around my head pulled my face further down in to the water. i was top heavy. I was flipping drowning simply because I was dressed in a silly bloody chicken suit. I was literally thinking I don’t want to die like this – like a ‘clumsy chicken’. Then in my vision I suddenly felt something pull me out of the water and somehow push the water out of my lungs and I spit it all out but in five-sense reality I was simply puking my guts up outside of the pousada area. I was experiencing both events at the same time. I had one foot in each dimension. I was gasping for breath and I felt very dizzy outside of some temple on one dimension and i was staggering back to my bed totally dizzy and breathing deeply in another dimension.

 When I recovered I looked across to the section of the pousada, the bamboo type blinds, that had shown me many things this week. The same colourful object that had taken the shape of a genie’s lamp was there on the same shelf next to some other objects. The man who runs heart of the Initiate, Ralph Miller, was on a mattress diagonally across from me and was next to the organiser of the event who seemed again to be the main focus of the ritual.

I looked at the items on the shelf and the colourful object (glass bottle) had actually turned in to a blue man figure and the other items had turned in to a small brown bed with a dark haired woman laying on it. It was like watching a clay model type cartoon, like morph if you like. It was oh so real and it was oh so bloody weird.


The bed looked like this.

Suddenly the sun broke through the bamboo type blinds and struck Ralph Miller on the face. It was an amazing sight because Ralph had no idea and he never moved. His eyes were shut and I could see he was away with the fairies somewhere having a journey of his own. Then the light from Ralph’s face hit the blue man and the lady on the brown bed. It was like a scene from an Indiana Jones movie and I was gobsmacked. The light from Ralph’s face then hit the blue man and then the blue man bent over and kissed the lady on the brown bed. I know it sounds bloody silly but that’s what I saw.


The blinds and pillars looked like this in everyday life


Rough sketch of how the same area appeared under Ayahuasca visions showing the position of the blue man and the brown lady on the bed.

As soon as the kiss took place the bamboo screen appeared to open up and stretch backwards again (don’t forget it was daytime) and the rose window and staircase appeared again. The rose type window then crumbled and fell apart and the staircase turned into a country path, something like the yellow brick road in the Wizard of Oz if you know what I mean, but it all still felt very real. It was like a strange type of magic was taking place and this magic had been created by the entire group. The rose window was broken and because of hit a dark stair case had turned in to a light path. I knew the event meant more to some individuals than others but it felt like sheer relief and an achievement to me. How do you explain to a group that their five sense actions and their subconscious thoughts had created this situation for me to witness? It would be madness to suggest such a thing wouldn’t it? I looked across towards the blue man and the brown woman again and saw Ralph Miller as some sort of official dressed in yellow. The ritual had taken place from his mouth (the light hitting the blue man from his face symbolised this) I found myself nearly weeping over the blue man and the brown bed and the brown lady then I realised in five sense reality that the blue man was a glass bottle and the brown bed was a bloody maraca. I giggled to myself.

  Then I suddenly got the urge to stand up and go to the swimming pool area again. I then saw ‘Peter’ who was playing the role of some sort of symbolic chairperson in this ritual and I automatically gave him $50 and despite the look on his face it still went in his pocket quicker than an alcoholic opening his first bottle of the day and flinging the bottle top away.

I stood facing the sea and I knew the blue man / brown girl ceremony was over and everybody had indeed accepted it on that day even if they didn’t have a clue on a five sense level. I ‘confirmed the ceremonies worthiness’ simply because for some reason I had the bloody right and symbolic baggage to do so.

I was exhausted and my physical weakness was taking its toll on my body and my mind.  I went back to my mattress and tried to get some peace and quiet and sleep. People seemed to be half in a journey and half out of one. The humming sound wouldn’t go away. I shut my eyes and the face appeared again smiling at me it told me it was proud of me, but for what it didn’t say. It apologised for causing me to live out the week with the effects of hunger but it said I would learn and remember a great deal from the rituals that had taken place this week and those rituals had to be witnessed and endorsed by a starving man. I was told that i would be able to eat small amounts from now on but if i got the strong urge not to eat then i hadn’t to eat.

The face said its farewell’s after telling me some personal stuff that made me weep like a baby. I was literally on all fours with my head in a pillow but I pulled myself together by thinking ‘pull yourself together you are only shit faced you silly bugger’. The face told me to go down to the beach area then it winked and disappeared. Shit faced or not I did what it said.  It was starting to go dark.

I sat in my favourite position on the beach looking out to sea. My head swirling and the humming noises were still driving me insane. Only deep thought seem to ease the niggling effect the noise had on me. There was a nice sea breeze blowing in my face as I questioned my visions and my sanity. I asked myself how I’d ended up in such a beautiful location and where were events taking me. I just knew that the events were important.


Matthew Delooze at home with the elements in paradise

I decided to move back to the swimming pool area to watch the Sun go down. The patterns on the surface of the swimming pool entranced me and I started to see faces appear on top of the pool. They were like white drawings on a blue background sort of thing. The more the breeze increased the more vivid the visions got. Visions of faces were appearing and they seemed to be coming across the pool towards me. I was totally entranced with them. Then suddenly the faces became very clear. They were all faces of me.


I saw faces of myself in the pool they were all waiting for me to do something

 As the sun went down on Friday the thirteenth a ‘yellow’ near full moon rose up from the sea. I knew my journey was over. I also realised it was the autumn ‘Harvest’ moon in the southern hemisphere. I pondered on the facts of the five sense events that had come to pass that week. It had been my 50th birthday, a full moon and Friday the thirteenth all rolled in to one.


The Yellow Harvest Moon was brightest on Friday the thirteenth

The harvest Moon Rose On an emotional level it was a week of starvation and a week of blatant greed. It was a week of giving and a week of taking. It was a week of sheer bravery and a week of fear.

On a spiritual or inter-dimensional level it was a week of ritual and unification and a week to test faith. If there was ever a time for an official ceremony to be carried out then I’m bloody sure it was meant to be carried out during that week, if only for the full moon/Friday the thirteenth.  There can literally ‘never’ be another week to match it symbolically ever. So promises and rituals carried out during that week can never be overturned because the circumstances can never be repeated to contradict the original ritual using the same ingredients, not in this millennium anyway.

Indeed the week only needed a daft bloke dancing with a cane under his arm and shaking a hat above his head whilst singing in “Give me the Moonlight give me the Girl” mode and it would have been a completely mad and unbelievable ritualistic week. But isn’t that how it all works? Isn’t that how the Serpent Cult control us simply all by getting us to take part in binding rituals that we don’t understand? Please don’t laugh at the rituals I saw and then go and crowd around a church font and watch some arsehole put water on a baby’s head and claim the baby is then protected from evil and then do not laugh at that ritual also.

If rituals really do have binding consequences attached to them then a deceptive force only has to trick us in to carrying them out to bind us. Out of all the continuous rituals being carried out by the human race for thousands of years NOT one good thing has come from them, yet millions of people still carry them out on a daily, weekly and yearly basis.

Maybe the rituals I saw at Bahia are simply a production from my sick mind and the symbolism I have mentioned means nothing and my visions are simply visions of madness seen through the blue eyes of a loony.

I say I witnessed and described rituals that will assist certain folks that are reading this article to have the means to assist them in finding spiritual freedom in the future.

Oh I nearly forgot… anyone remember Ralph Miller burning my panama hat on the Shaman’s fire in September 2007. I am now very glad to say that I was presented with a far finer new birthday panama hat just a few feet away from where Ralph burnt the old one. Just as I always knew I would.

Well folks, that’s about all I can tell you. I realise the events will seem to be meaningless hallucinations to most people. Was I just shitfaced because I drank a drug? Maybe I was. I have only written down the events I felt I should write down and its entirely up to you if you think the words are the meaningless rant of a drugged up madman or not. It has cost you nothing to read about them so I’m not after your money either.  I believe the subconscious information passed on through this article will assist those folks out there that want assisting!

I have not made anything up either (can’t see the point in that). I actually saw and felt the things as I have described them in this article.  I really don’t give a monkey’s if you believe me or not. My work is 50% five sense information and 50% subconscious symbolic information so please bear that in mind.

The only thing I can add is that the face that looks like Jor El was correct about at least one thing and I really did end up ‘eating my own fingers’ when I was starving and it was indeed part of the ritual. I actually ate at least six of them but when you think about that it still leaves me a couple to stick up to the Serpent Cult and officially say ‘its done’ and add that I’m not as daft as I look.

I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart the generous creators of the event that took place in Bahia and especially for the wonderful new hat. I tip that hat to Piers & Tracy with my eternal gratitude. Many thanks go to the Shaman Warinei and Sara and to all the other staff including the chef for the steak pie. Another thank you goes to Ralphy Boy and Peter at Heart of the Initiate and all the Ayahuasca drinkers and of course members of the yid army, with special thanks to Mark for the precious gifts that made the week unfold for me in the way it did, you really were a star.  Super compliments are sent to Dickens Media for providing such wonderful ventriloquist comedy shows and the lobby music. Extra special thanks and love go to Susie my lovely wife for putting up with an arsehole like me!

May Love Reign O’er You All

Matthew Delooze 23/03/09

Copyright © Matthew Delooze, 2009. All Rights Reserved. 

Come On… Feel The Noise

Come On… Feel the Noise

The location of the Ayahuasca ceremonies

By Matthew Delooze

Ain’t you the guy who use to set the paces
Riding up in front of a hundred faces
I don’t suppose you will remember me
But I used to follow you back in sixty-three
From the song Bell Boy by the Who

Hello folks,

I am very glad to be writing again about drinking Ayahuasca medicine in South America. For those of you who have not followed the story of my experiences then I suggest you read ‘only love can bring the rain’ and ‘standing in the line of fire’ before reading about this more recent experience.

For those people who have read those articles and want to read more then let’s get going shall we?
Susie (my wife) and I eagerly accepted an invitation from Mr PP to attend another Ayahuasca workshop in Bahia, Brazil. The eco lodge at Bahia is a very beautiful setting indeed. With its palm trees, sandy beach, calm atmosphere and warm sunshine it is a far cry from the slum areas of Burnley in Lancashire UK, where I exist. I won’t say ‘live’. Mind you Burnley is now one big slum area. Its corrupt local council and civic leaders have made it so as they follow the orders of the unseen faces, which hide behind the scenes.

Anyway the time to travel to Brazil was fast approaching and I had experienced quite a hectic schedule in the days leading up to the time of my departure, which in turn had made me not really think about the trip at all. I had also recently been given a gift by the same bloke who had taken on the role of the dead body and zombie during the Ayahuasca ceremonies in Colombia. We were both looking forward to going back to beautiful Bahia. The gift turned out to be an expected subliminal trigger for me because it provided an intriguing enigma. I was looking forward to the trip.

Then just a few days before I was due to set off, having now had time to think and reacting to the said trigger, I had started to have serious doubts about going to Brazil. A very dark cloud came over me and I became a very bitter and angry person. It was my wife’s dream to go back to Brazil and this only added to my depression because she wouldn’t go without me. I also didn’t want to seem ungrateful to the generous man who had invited me to attend the workshop. I couldn’t work out why I had suddenly got cold feet. Part of me realised that some force was either trying to stop me from going or some force was purposely winding me up. I soon realised it was the latter. I knew the force that was seriously affecting me was the same directing force that I have been consciously aware of for over 10 years. I trust this force 100% but I literally felt like I was about to enter a boxing ring and my trusted trainer was slapping me around the face to raise my emotions to a symbolic ‘erupting volcano’ level. The method was working too!

I was travelling on the Sunday 28th September and from the previous Thursday everything was going wrong for me and each thing that went wrong increased the amount of lava swishing around inside me, so to speak. Going off my previous experiences I knew that I was being prepared for some kind of a showdown. That said I had managed to get focused and by the time I set off for the airport I had managed to be very positive. I knew I was meeting up with good friends and good folk and I wanted to enjoy their company and hoped they wanted the same. I knew I was meeting up with some of the crew that had attended the previous workshops. I was happy about that. I wasn’t happy for long!

I flew down to Heathrow from Manchester. I had to change terminals to catch the long haul flight to Brazil. I had placed two suitcases and a laptop case on a ‘trolley’ (you know the sort, those things with squeaky wheels and a mind of their own, or is it only me that gets to push the dodgy ones?) Susie and I were rushing to get the train to terminal five. The train was actually in at the platform as we arrived underground. The doors were ready to close and the train was departing so I grabbed the cases off the trolley, Indiana Jones fashion, and just managed to get on the train just before the doors shut and off we went. Phew! It was that close I nearly got my arse trapped in the doors. I was feeling pleased with myself until I realised that I had only put two suitcases on the train! Indeed I realised with intense dread that my laptop case was still swinging on a hook on the trolley at terminal one when my arse was on a non-stop fast train to terminal five! Oh blinking heck I thought.

The laptop case and laptop contained some very important info, including all my material I use for my talks, some important papers and my new digital camera, that I was to use on my trip. I began to panic and I immediately looked for one of those strings they used to pull on old trains to stop them in their tracks.  You know what I mean, an emergency cord or something? I couldn’t find bugger all. If I had found a string I would have pulled it! I then went looking for a guard. Couldn’t find one of them either, ‘lazy bastards’ I thought. My blood pressure rose rapidly. I was in full panic mode. My wife’s face told me I was close to psycho mode too! I felt like I was going to die. I have very little as far as material goods go. A good and generous friend had given me the laptop so I could do the talk in Halifax back in May. I knew I couldn’t replace it. I was devastated and automatically thought some quick-fingered fiend would steal it. I realised that a laptop in any condition can raise a bit of cash and I realised someone would take it within minutes. London is full of pickpockets hanging around the airport etc. I started to panic again and I felt faint….

…Then whoosh… whoosh.. memories came flooding back, half of me wanting to cry and half of me wanting to smash the train up in frustration of being such a clot in losing the laptop. But strangely it was the events in Colombia in February that came flooding back to me. The ‘face’ had told me that I would lose some baggage… I quote from ‘standing in the line of fire’… The face then said I would lose some personal belongings but I was not to get angry as it was meant to be and was a symbolic part of the ritual I had carried out and a symbolic loss of ‘baggage’. I was told that was why I had placed my bag at the base of the pole and that the missing things would represent the ‘eyes’ of the people that were not there.

At that time I thought it was because I’d had a camera stolen during that very ceremony. The camera I had bought to replace the stolen camera was indeed in the lap top bag. I soon realised that the face that had talked to me under Ayahuasca in February really meant the laptop bag was going to be my lost baggage and the face was really talking about events that were to take place six months later. I knew the ritual that had taken place in Colombia was now being continued in Brazil. The face knew then I would get angry. I never felt angry in Colombia so I knew the face really meant my laptop as being the ‘baggage’.

We got off the train at terminal five, which is a brand new terminal and a bloody joke to navigate. The terminal consists of lifts (elevators) with no buttons and robot staff that simply can’t be arsed to help anyone in a crisis sort of thing. We, Susie and I, attempted to trace our steps and we both ran around Heathrow Airport like headless chickens, we tried to get the laptop case and its content back. The sheer size of the airport and modern technology stopped us. After fifty minutes of effort we both gave up. I had even returned to terminal one but the bag was gone. No luck with the lost property office either. We had to give up on the baggage or we would miss the plane to Brazil. I was simply going to Brazil without my sentimental baggage and no tools. My emotions were back to ‘erupting volcano’ level again.


“But I see a face coming through the Haze, I remember him from those crazy days”

The group all eventually met up in Brazil. It was a very happy, jolly if you like, group. I tried to put on a happy face but my thoughts were negative, something was keeping me in the ‘erupting volcano’ mode. Mind you this time, as an added bonus, there were many more females in the group and may I say very pretty ones too. The energy of the ladies stood out. We arrived at the eco lodge two nights before the first ceremony and we started a detox program using healthy food etc. I am too long in the tooth to change my ways, I like my English grub, but I must admit the food was expertly prepared. By the second night I had put my baggage loss behind me and nerves set in about drinking the Ayahuasca again. I looked around at the group again there were some very powerful and wealthy people in it. I felt like the runt of a litter. We all lined up to take it. I was the last person in the group to drink it. I watched the entire group. There were about 20 people drinking in all. I watched them all take to their beds and I then took off my coat, waved it around, and then lay down myself.

The medicine came on very strong very quickly. I felt at ease immediately and all my anxiety from the previous couple of days fell away. The sound in the air changed as it usually did with the medicine. I fought off the effects of the medicine at first but soon I put my hands behind my head and opened up. I shot down a tunnel at tremendous speed. Whooooossshhh. The now well-known face (Superman’s dad) appeared. ‘Where’s my bloody laptop’ I thought. The face laughed and said don’t worry about a silly laptop, ‘we’ will get it back to you. I asked who ‘we’ were. I was told ‘we’ were like ‘the men high up there fishing’ from a song I like. I was told ‘the men high up there fishing’ wanted me to carry out a judgement job on the Shaman’s talents. If I thought the Shaman was good and strong then I had to say so and ‘face the beast’ this week. If I thought the Shaman was weak and no good then I was to say so and do nothing. I said why me? Why do I have to judge the Shaman. Other people knew the Shaman better than me. Ralph Miller (Heart of the Initiate) had found the Shaman in a Colombian village years ago so surely his judgement about his skills were far better than mine. I was just the runt of the litter after all. I was told I had purposely been put in a certain state of mind to do the judging.

I now saw fault in everything that I could find fault with so therefore I could easily see any fault in the Shaman and his medicine if it was there.

The face apologised for having had me put in the frame of mind I was in. I thought ‘bloody hell the only person who apologises to me after all the shit I have had is through ‘hallucination’ whilst under the influence of the Ayahuasca medicine. I started laughing about this. The face then said he was not an illusion and the only way he could communicate with me was through using Ayahuasca. The face said I had agreed to use Ayahuasca for communication purposes before I came into this world. The face said that if I didn’t carry out the request then I would simply just go back to sleep.

I said OK then I will judge the Shaman. What did I have to do? He said I had to ‘hear’ the four Indian chiefs that I had previously ‘seen’ in Colombia. I had to hear the four voices from the West, East, South and North directions. I was told if the Shaman’s magic was good enough then I would hear all four chiefs within a minute of each other. I was told to use my watch to time the voices.

I was then given a paper to use as a kind of ‘tick off list’ and when I heard each voice of each chief I had to tick them off. The face said good luck, winked at me and disappeared. I opened my eyes; I looked around at group who were in various stages of their own journeys. Most of them were flat on their backs but a few were up puking like crazy or making silly noises in the background. The strange things you see under Ayahuasca, with your eyes open, include people that are literally shape shifting. It can be very scary. The trees change shape too. People seem to change into religious icons or even wild animals. They seem to show you the symbolism they carry. If you can read symbolism you can see the true intentions of the person. Anyway I shut my eyes again and the Shaman immediately started chanting and playing musical instruments. This put the group back into a collective trance. I raised my arm and removed my watch. I heard the chanting behind me (North) and then I heard chanting to my right in my right ear. I saw this as West. I then heard chanting to my left (East) and then at my feet (South). The chanting was very clear and loud from all directions, but it was distant. I quickly opened my eyes to see if it was simply the Shaman moving around or throwing his voice but a quick look behind me showed me that the Shaman had never moved and his lips were still yet I could still hear it. I had indeed witnessed the voices from the 4 chiefs and from all directions. It may have been the Shaman’s ability to throw voices but it sure didn’t seem so to me. I ticked the imaginary list. I then placed the watch back on my wrist. It had taken under four minutes. I was also to judge the power of the medicine and the Shaman’s music. Both were very powerful.

I ticked the imaginary list again. The Shaman had passed the test I was supposed to judge with, literally, flying colours.

The face appeared again, smiling. It said that I had now judged and therefore trusted the Shaman and I can now ‘face the beast’. I really didn’t want to face any beast I thought. Why do I have to face a beast? What or who was the beast anyway. The face said, “I had to face the beast” at the next ceremony and no matter what happened I had not to request any help nor had I to spiritually surrender to what I see and hear. If I was successful then it would help matter in the future and allow the Shaman to have more power and therefore future ceremonies would hold far more meaning. It would eventually help ‘unite all the elements’.

I began to think the face had visited the wrong bloke and maybe he should have visited another bloke lying on another bed. I thought bloody hell it’s a case of mistaken identity! Why not let someone else face the beast and give me visions of Suzie Quatro singing and shaking her arse instead. That sounded a better option to me. Somehow I knew I was destined to face the beast.

The face said I would mainly carry out things on another dimension during the ceremonies this week and therefore not embarrass myself on a five-sense level as much as I usually do. The face added that if I thought this was an easier way of doing things then I’d better think again, it wasn’t. I was going to ‘feel the noise’ at the next ceremony. I had literally been challenged to and if I hadn’t the balls to face a beast then I’d better bugger off now sort of thing. It wasn’t the time for Suzie Quatro concerts!

I was told if I hadn’t the balls to match the beast then I would be easily defeated in the future and all the research and writing and travelling I have done, with the help of others, would be in vain. I took the face very seriously, hallucination or no hallucination, I knew it wasn’t messing around and I would experience things whether it was a bloody hallucination or not. My chakras, for want of a better word, went into overdrive and to put it bluntly my arse started twitching. (Anyone who has drunk Ayahascha knows that when their arse starts twitching it’s time to take note and act!)

I never had the urge to reject the face or tell it to bugger off. I always listened intensely and I never ever thought the information was false or unreal. Whoever this face was I trusted it 100%.

I was told by the face that the group was spiritually weak on a collective level but there were some individuals who would take up symbolic roles during their own personal journeys with the plant and these roles would help support me on a spiritual level, in more ways than one, whilst I faced the beast. My back would be guarded. I would not be alone. I was told through symbolism that it would help me if some in the group lowered their egos a little. (I did mention this at the group sharing session before the second ceremony). The face then told me that I would have to declare to the Earth that it was ‘time’ for me to be able to face the beast.

The face said it was time to relax and listen to the music being played by the shaman and relax I did. The face told me that my vision of the coloured rods that I experienced in Colombia was created by the rain that had appeared that night (see previous essay). The face told me the light rods really represented a love type healing energy created through the rain that had come to me in five-sense reality in previous ceremonies. The Shaman had created the circumstances and called forward the energy but the rods were from the rain. The face reminded me that I was to carry out things in another dimension this week and the rainbow light rods represented the rain in this other dimension. The rainbow light rods were literally ‘the rain’ on another dimension. Dry rain if you like. The face told me that the rain would be with me when I faced the beast. I knelt up and looked around and the light rods were back with me. They were all around, pouring down and flying around if you like. I was literally gob-smacked again.

I stood up and walked around and the light rods were not confined to a small area like they were in the maloca in Colombia, oh no, this time they were literally covering the entire eco village. There were millions of the buggers. They were over every bungalow and hut. They were raining on every person and animal and every tree. It was beautiful and I felt beautiful too, which is rare for an ugly bugger like me! I was literally in love with the inter-dimensional rain. I wanted to be soaked in it. I wanted this energy to reign over me forever.

The rainbow lights rained over the entire eco lodge.
Was I simply just as high as a kite and hallucinating on a drug?

I don’t know. I don’t care. I tell you the truth when I say that I felt a connection again to the rain through these coloured rainbow rods that I cannot even see on a five-sense level. I can only feel them on a five-sense level. I led down again and shut my eyes. I was being shown why I had suffered and what I was trying to get back. I need, we need, to connect with the elements on a spiritual level. I was being shown that we, the human race, need to retain the spiritual energy that is being sucked from us. The energy we create to feed our planet is being stolen, therefore we starve ourselves spiritually because we starve this world spiritually. I was shown again that that our energy is created with the intent to feed this planet, our world, and not feed the deceivers that are stealing it from us. I was being shown how this energy is stolen. I was also shown how we all ‘equally’ create these rainbow rods through our emotions but instead of these rods feeding and continuously healing our world, as they should, they simply feed another world. A parasite is stealing the world’s spiritual energy. This world is now very sick and it needs healing very sharpish in my opinion. It’s time for ‘us’ to provide the medicine the world needs. It’s time for us all to give our love to the planet and also the elements that make our physical world possible.

It’s time for us all to match the balls of the beast. How do we do this? We simply remember who we really are and stop being what we are told we are.

The face showed me a very powerful and cryptic vision of the future where the Air, Water, Earth and Fire were united and these elements openly challenged the deceivers that have divided and ruled this world through deception for thousands of years. Oh my brothers the vision was very strong. One element cannot change things but all the elements together can. The face (It had been with me several hours on and off) told me to rest up after the ceremony. I came out of trance and along with my wife Susie went back to our hut. I opened the door, walked in my hut, and saw vertical lines in front of me like pieces of string hanging down. I realise this sounds daft but I literally parted these strings with my arms. They then took the shape of a large vagina as I did so. (I immediately thought of that twat George Bush!) I realise that I was symbolically coming in to or out of another dimension and the vagina represented this. As soon as I passed through the large vagina the strings disappeared. I scrambled behind my mosquito net and fell down exhausted. Half of me was scared over the visions and the things the face said about the beast but half of me was elated over the inter-dimensional rain that I saw again. I lay in bed in the dark and I wept with joy and sadness at the same time for at least an hour. It was 4am when I fell asleep.

I awoke and was immediately wide-awake at 8am. Things began to make more sense to me. I had brought some symbolic items with me to Brazil. I had been in possession of these things for quite a while. I hadn’t a clue what some of my possessions were for or what they represented. The gift I had received just a few days before I set off for Brazil also made sense. It was a symbolic ‘Book of the Dead’ and a symbolic corpse or zombie had given it to me. (The bloke who played dead / a zombie during the ceremonies in Colombia) He couldn’t explain why he bought me the gift apart from it was just a random act of generosity and an act of friendship. We had a group discussion about our ‘journeys’ the day after the first ceremony. I told the group that I had experienced a journey as the runt of the litter. I told them that from the bottom position looking up that some of them had big egos. In the main my comments fell on deaf ears. But this was to confirm that I was the runt of the litter.

The Second Ceremony (Daytime)

“Crazy Days – Hazy Days” “A beach is a place where a man can feel He’s the only soul in the world that’s real “

We carried out an offering to the Earth ceremony before the second Ayahuasca ceremony. This took the form of each individual placing a symbolic crystal of his or her choice in a hole in the ground. I was spiritually directed to place a symbol in the hole that indicated that I agreed it was time to face the music so to speak. It was my watch. The same watch that was broken at the first Ayahuasca ceremony in 2007 (Mentioned in ‘only love can bring the rain’).

I knew when that watch hit the bottom of the hole that I was indeed going to have to face something during the ceremony. There was no turning back time. The time for the ceremony arrived.
Again I was the last member of the group to take it. One brave member of the group decided to drink the Ayahuasca later, his reasons for this are better known to him, but I knew that if I failed then this person would have to face the beast in my place and would have faced a very tough journey. Subconsciously this bloke was ready to wear my hat so to speak. Sounds a bit like airy-fairy Indiana Jones movie stuff, I know folks, but that was the way it was and I was glad it was that way.

I drank the stuff down and I must admit to anyone out there. ‘Ayahuasca tastes like shit’. It’s bloody awful stuff. I thought I would have to stay on my feet again like I did during my first visit to Brazil. I put my hat on as it was hot and sunny and decided to take position in front of swimming pool and face the beach and the sea, just like I did a year earlier. I paced up and down staring out to sea waiting for whatever was coming my way. The plant medicine was taking effect and the vibes started. Then I realised what the face had told me. I was to carry out things on another dimension this time, it was not a five-sense journey. Those that read ‘only love can bring the rain’ will know I was challenged to stay on my feet throughout an Ayahuasca ceremony. Those that have truly drunk this medicine will know that is a massive task in itself. Ayahuasca flattens you. I soon realised that I was very glad I was not being challenged to ‘stay on my feet’ this time. I would have failed the challenge. This was top shelf Ayahuasca. The vibrations in the air started to increase drastically. A humming started to throb in my ears. It just got louder and louder and louder. I looked out to sea hoping to see visions of what I was told to face. The Beast.

I was expecting some kind of 10 headed monster to materialise or something and bite my head off. The throbbing noise was becoming unbearable and I literally folded in half, in puke mode if you like, desperately trying to be sick, maybe I could escape the journey if I was sick now I thought, but there was nothing in me to be sick with. My stomach only contained a cup full of Ayahuasca. The plant medicine was fully in my system by now anyway (50 minutes in) and I knew I was there for the duration. I staggered back under cover to where the rest of the group was and made it to my makeshift bed.

The area where the group lay

I thought the energy that was literally hitting me would decrease somewhat if I just lay down and shut my eyes. I was hoping the ‘face’ would appear to help me. The noise increased. This noise could make you go insane I thought. I didn’t think it was possible for this unbearable noise to get worse but it did. Oh my brothers it certainly did. I thought ‘what the fucking hell am I doing here’. To make matters worse I had actually asked for this torment! I shut my eyes again and thankfully the humming stopped. I was taken in a flash, Whooossshhh, in to a vision of a big ancient type door with the word ‘castle’ written on it, this door was high up on a pyramid type hill, there was a moat in front of it but it was like a waterfall not a moat. Like a step pyramid with water running down the steps.

I had a very strong urge to get in to the building.


The image was like this but the central steps were a mass of serpents that looked like a waterfall

I looked up at the castle door at the top of the waterfall, it was darkish, and I realised it wasn’t water it was a festering mass of open jawed serpents wriggling around on the steps. You couldn’t see the steps properly, just the serpents. They were hissing and spitting and waiting for me to climb up through them sort of thing. When I looked down at myself I saw I was actually wearing a feathered suit. I thought to myself bloody hell why am I dressed like a bloody ‘chicken’. (Sounds crazy I know but that’s what happened. I opened my eyes again but I was immediately engulfed with the noise and the intense throbbing of vibrations in the air. I had come out of a dimension sort of thing. I started to panic a bit. I wasn’t enjoying the journey one bit. I tried to stand up in the hope I could walk out of the vision or simply escape the vibrations that were rocking my very bones and tormenting my mind, but the energy was just way too strong. It knocked me straight back on my arse. I looked around trying to focus but the noise was unbearable, a massive whooshing hum controlled the whole atmosphere. I tried to calm myself and get a bloody grip of things. I was trying to raise my own spirits and trying to find the strength to cope. I realised some newcomers to the group were also suffering a bit. A few were moaning and groaning on their beds. Surprisingly this helped me perk up and gave me strength. I called out to this energy that was literally attacking us to leave the others alone. I was getting angry inside myself. The noise just got worse and worse I felt like I was going to die unless I surrendered. I started to kick my legs down as though I was walking. I was angrily stamping my feet down. I was in a real temper and all the emotions I had felt over prior to coming to Brazil were coming out of me with each step I made. Without the anger and the temper I would not have made the steps so i knew the anger was there to help me in my journey. I was then suddenly forced to shut my eyes again. Whoooosh! Again I saw the castle door but this time I was stood right in front of it. I was on top of the waterfall (the mass of hissing serpents). I was scared I was going to fall down backwards. I knew I couldn’t go back. I was still wearing the ‘chicken’ suit. I opened my eyes again. The noise and the energy hit me as soon as I did. The atmospheric pressure was enormous. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. When I shut them I instantly saw the castle type door again. It was like I was like I was instantly flitting backwards and forwards through dimensions. Things had never been this rapid for me before. I saw myself banging on this door like a frenzied psychopath. I was screaming in my head..”Open the door whoever you are”. My voice seemed to travel for miles.

The door slowly opened. I was basically shitting myself but my anger helped me. The door creaked open like something out of a horror movie. I was very scared but intrigued at the same time. As the door opened fully I expected to see a monster, a beast, that I was destined to face. A head appeared round the door with a mop of hair, it was no beast……. I was suddenly looking at myself. It was no beast it was only silly old me. It was me! It was me! There was no bloody beast. I was only going to face myself after all.

I (me behind the door) then said to me (me in front of the door). ‘I have been waiting a very, very, very long time for you’. ‘Come on in and start to live again’. I led myself to a massive wheel like on an old sailing ship. This wheel was attached to a standing stone. It was full of cobwebs and dust. I knew it was a wheel that needed turning and I also knew that only I could turn it. No one else can turn the wheel only me. I then had a flash back going back thousands of years. A bad energy force had butchered me for turning the wheel before. A long time ago. I told myself that thousands of years ago I had ‘shut down’ a very good power source to avoid a negative energy taking control of it. This negative force tore me to pieces for doing it. I dusted off the cobwebs and the dust. It made me cough. I then turned the wheel. I was literally in a there she blows captain sort of position turning the wheel like it was on a ship. Strangely the wheel had the watch I placed in the earth in the centre of it.

The wheel had my watch in the centre. Like this, but on a smaller scale.

As I was turning the wheel I saw an image of three other wheels that had already been turned and they were clean with no dust or cobwebs on them. As soon as I reach full lock on the wheel I was instantly back on my bed. The humming had stopped and the bad atmosphere and intense energy had cleared. I sighed with relief and I stared around at the rest of the group and things looked a lot calmer. I got off my bed and made it to the bushes where I purged and I purged and I purged. I wept to myself. My legs were shaking and my heart was thumping. Day was turning to night. It was 6pm. I had been on that part of the journey for three and a half solid hours.

I went back to my bed. I led face down. I later popped my head up and looked around at the others and saw some of the beds had turned into cars and the people on them had a steering wheel in their hands. The wheels looked like the one I turned. They looked comical like dodgem cars. I knew instantly that without these people I would have never got near my wheel that was behind the castle type door. I was still feeling hyper and hurting from head to foot like I had been in a hell of a battle. I wasn’t in a fight or flight mood I was just in a fight mood, but I realised I was simply fighting myself, only this time I wasn’t going to run away. I was simply ready and it was time for me to face my own fears.

The face appeared and said to me ‘well done’ you have faced the beast. The face was laughing and I laughed too. The face told me to pass on some symbolism to trusted faces, people with true colours, as it was important for the future. I did.

The face apologised again for putting me in the state of mind I was in but claimed I had to be like that or I’d never have knocked on the door. I felt exhausted and battered. I was completely numb. All my energy had been used. The humming and the noise had drained me. I had ‘felt’ the noise. I had literally carried the book of the dead. I felt detached from my arms and legs. I told the face that I never surrendered during the journey but I’d now had enough. I wanted to end my journey. The face told me to relax and said I would be fine in a day but later tonight I will see and feel the rain again and only this rain can heal me and only Shaman Warinei can create the circumstances to bring the rain at this time. I was told when I did see and feel the rain I had to give out Jaffa cakes to anyone that was awake.

I dozed off for a while, pondering on my sanity, and then my wife shook me telling me that she had had a powerful bad journey in the beginning of her journey. When I opened my eyes the rods were back with me. Beautiful colours. Beautiful atmosphere. My heart throbbed again as I got up and walked around the place. It was pouring down with little rainbow rods. Thousands of them again. I was ecstatic. I then eventually handed out the Jaffa cakes to anyone who would eat them at that special time. Those that did eat them were soon ecstatic too. We all celebrated the rain and rightly so!

My journey that day was over and I was glad. Very glad.

That’s basically all I can tell you about my Ayahuasca journeys in Bahia 2008. I met some very good people in Bahia and it was nice to be in the company of folk that know this world is corrupted and it was nice to meet folk that are genuinely searching for the truth within themselves. The biggest obstacle in our truth-seeking mission is ‘ourselves’ in my opinion. We can read books and watch DVD’s and we can go to talks to help trigger and feed an awakening in us, but if we cannot face ourselves and actually be ourselves ‘full on’ then we are wasting our time. I’m not preaching to you here. I’m just the same as anyone else. The biggest beast of control is within us. It is not the Serpent Cult. It is us. We are our own beast. Our minds have been manipulated since birth by a very deceptive force and no matter how awake we think we are that force still has a massive grip on all of us in some way or other. If we want to be free then we have to really want to be free and not play games at being free. We have to feel the noise of freedom on a full time basis not just hear the noise of freedom on a part time basis. There is a very big difference. Once we do that then our minds will lose the hypnotic grip of the Serpent Cult that has enslaved the human race for thousands of years. I know this essay will seem silly to many people who think its just the ramblings of a sad ageing man who was simply shit-faced on drugs that make folk hallucinate. I can only say again, as I did in standing in the line of fire, that the cryptic information in this article is provided to affect your subconscious and it will assist certain people in the future. I have told you my experiences as they were. Take them or reject them as you feel. Please… Call me a fool but don’t call me a liar.

Many more things happened during the course of the week in Bahia but the main thing that sticks in my mind is that on the way home I had to travel on an 8-seater plane. You know a puddle hopper with dodgy propellers sort of thing. Images of a Brazilian pilot hiccuping with a bottle of gin in his hand that was vowing to kill himself because his wife had left him sort of thing. I fought with my nerves and of course my anal muscles and got on the plane. You people know how much faith I put on symbolism so you will understand that my arse turned inside out when I suddenly realised, at 10000 feet, that I was sat directly across from a member of the band called ‘Curiosity Killed the Cat’ (from the 1980’s). Their biggest hit was called ‘Straight back down to Earth’. My arse never stopped twitching over that symbolism until we landed in Salvador! ‘Straight back down to Earth’ is not a song you want in your head whilst sat in a puddle hopping 8-seater plane!

Anyway. It’s time for me to go. I’m sure the entire group in Bahia realise they can literally have the coat off my back any time they want. Indeed they did. They could have had my original panama hat as well but Ralph Miller set it alight on the fire in 2007.

Susie and I would like to thank the entire group for making it a very interesting week. We would like to especially thank the very generous Piers, and his princess of a wife, for making it all possible and for unselfishly helping to wake people up. THANK YOU!

We would like to thank Ralph Miller, the delightful Fiona and Sandra and the Chef for looking after us so well and our deepest admiration goes to Shaman Warinei and his lovely assistant Sara for providing their magic and for the sheer hard graft they put in.

Shaman Warinei and Sara.

May love reign o’er them all.
Matthew Delooze 14th October 2008


Standing in the Line of Fire

Standing in the Line of Fire


Drinking Ayahuasca in Colombia 2008

By Matthew Delooze

Mountains crumble, forests vanish
Seeds awakened by the Fire
Water, Air and Earth have borne them
And I can feel my own ones near
Yet I could not be further from you now
With both feet on the ground
But in the Dreamtime souls take flight
And I am closer to you now.
Dreamtime by Ralph McTell

Hello fellow freedom seekers,

I am very glad to be writing another article about drinking Ayahuasca, this time whilst in Colombia, in South America. For those of you that have not read my previous article about Ayahuasca, ‘Only Love Can Bring The Rain’, I humbly suggest you read it before you read this one. It contains some basic information about Ayahuasca. For those that have already read it, let us move on….
Despite my concerns and fears, about actually drinking this powerful potion again, I eagerly accepted the invitation from Mr PP to attend the Ayahuasca ceremonies. As the event drew nearer a few of the people pulled out due to personal reasons. This initially put the dampeners on things but the strong urge to attend remained with some of us and my wife and I set off on the long journey to South America knowing in our hearts that the trip was ‘meant to be’.

Colombia has a reputation for being a very dangerous place. That said I never once felt threatened in Colombia. I am the whitest ‘whitey from blighty’ with very pale skin and blue eyes. I stand out a bloody mile as an ageing long-haired whitey from blighty especially when wearing my panama hat. Indeed at Bogota airport a mass crowd had gathered outside (roped off by security men). I found out later that they were awaiting the arrival of ‘Iron Maiden’, a heavy metal band, who were there to carry out a concert for a festival at the time.

The crowd must have thought I was a roadie or a manager for Iron Maiden or something (or they were just taking the piss out of middle aged long haired gringos) because when I appeared out of the airport tugging my tatty suitcase they all started cheering and waving at me etc. Of course being the bloke I am I waved back and went along with it laughing my head off. I soaked up the energy, which in turn just convinced most of the crowd that I really did have something to do with Iron Maiden and my actions made them scream even more! Anyway I can assure you that Matthew Delooze has never been made as welcome in any other country in the world as he was when he landed on Colombian soil. I had 60 seconds of fame as a supposed roadie or tea boy for Iron Maiden. It was magical I felt like the messiah entering Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. Maybe I was making prophecy come true, who knows, it surely felt like it. There have not been many occasions in my life where dozens of beautiful South American young ladies reach out to me, screaming, especially as I am now an ugly middle-aged bloke! So I will cherish this brief event with laughter until I leave this world and then beyond.

Anyway I arrived in Bogota and met up with Peter from the ‘Heart of the Initiate’ organisation that had arranged for the ceremonies to take place. I was happy to hear that Heart of the Initiate was using the same Shaman as they did in Brazil. Peter took us to a beautiful hotel in the historical part of Bogota to rest from the exhausting Trans-Atlantic flight. We had to initially travel to Madrid to be able to catch a flight to Bogota. The only other route was through Miami where you had to face US thugs acting as homeland security agents. If you have ever been arrested in the UK for even the most trivial of things you now have to explain things and pay for a special visa if you go through the USA. They also want your fingerprints and take eye scans etc. They talk like lobotomised robots and treat you like shite etc. That is the reality in the USA in 2008.  The USA = Land of the Free? Forget it Dude!

After a good sleep our group (6 including Peter) were flown to a rural area in Armenia, Colombia. I had been warned that the location was very basic and a far cry from the standards in Brazil. Indeed I was told these events in Colombia were arranged for Ayahuasca veterans. It may have been very basic but it sure was very beautiful. Have a look at the three pictures below; they are typical scenes from the said picturesque location


What can I say about those?

I felt rather chuffed (proud) of myself for being thought of as a veteran of Ayahuasca drinking. I felt like some kind of tough guy that had just passed some sort of Ayahuasca test. My ego swelled a little but it didn’t take long for me to realise that I hadn’t even had the shits off Ayahuasca yet and I really was just a fearful and vulnerable novice.

We were going to have an Ayahuasca drinking ceremony that very night. Nerves quickly set in and I realised that I was not a tough guy by any means. I would have been relieved if I could have gone back in time 40 odd years and my mum had shouted me in from playing out or something. Sort of a “Sorry guys I’d like to join in but me Mam says it’s time for tea, sorry but I have to go” sort of excuse sort of thing! I knew I was clutching at straws and that I was in for the ride with no chance of escape.

The site was basic but clean and neat. It was literally in the wild. I wouldn’t say it was jungle but it was certainly very remote. The noises were wonderful, parrots, monkeys and wild birds etc. We were taken down to look at and enter the ‘Maloca’ before it got dark, just to get a feel for the place. I got the feeling of Déjà vu as soon as I saw it. What do you think? Here it is. Is it Déjà vu for you too?

‘The Maloca’ Colombia March 2008.

One or two of the group felt a little uneasy. There were ‘Mayan calendar’ symbols all around the Maloca. This fact initially worried me slightly too. Here are a few of the symbols that were on display, proudly hanging in the shape of the Mayan calendar from the rafters

The Maloca from the inside

I was also very ‘attracted’ to another symbol and I wondered why because I knew the Serpent Cult had hijacked most ancient symbols and use deception to trick the masses as to their real meanings.

I knew this symbol was important for the ceremony

Anyway I brushed away any doubts I had and I swiftly prepared myself for the ceremony. It was now dark.

The First Ceremony

“Maybe Something Stronger Could Really Hold Me Down”

The six of us gathered in the Maloca with Warinei, the Shaman, and his two helpers, the lovely young Sara and the talented Andreas. One member of our small group had suddenly taken ill and was unable to take the Ayahuasca, leaving only five of us to drink it with the Shaman and his helpers. I had felt very ill myself during the long journey to Colombia but the symptoms had suddenly disappeared shortly before the ceremony began.

I had previous described Ayahuasca as a ‘puddle water’ type of liquid. This time it was very different and it looked like very thick syrup. The Shaman served it on a tablespoon. It was very sticky and gooey. Anyway the Shaman carried out his work and chanted over the jar of Ayahuasca, just like he had done so five months previously in Brazil.

Going of the expression on some peoples faces after they had taken the syrup version of Ayahuasca it appeared like it was not very tasty. It quickly became my turn to take it so I got on my knees and watched the Shaman twist the spoon and the sticky syrup stuck to it like glue. He passed it to me and I put it in my mouth and I licked it clean. I instantly realised why some peoples faces were a picture after they had swallowed their ration because it simply tasted like shit that had been in a chemical toilet for a month. (Don’t ask me how I know what shit that has been in a chemical toilet for a month tastes like!).

I cringed and I whined as this thick syrup slowly went down my throat. The Shaman, with a grin on his face, handed me a glass of water to swill it down with. I then walked away from the Shaman’s table knowing that the Ayahuasca was inside me again and it was only a matter of time before it did its job. Mattresses were spread around inside the Maloca with blankets on them. The member who hadn’t taken the Ayahuasca was still feeling very ill and was lying down flat out near the centre pole in the Maloca on a mattress. My mattress was located directly under this sign.

 The Lamat symbol

It’s called ‘Lamat’ which means ‘Star’ or sometimes ‘Rabbit’. I instinctively knew that my position in the Moloca was important for some reason. I am not even going to attempt to explain all the Mayan symbols on the Mayan calendar to you as they mean different things on different levels of understanding. Please click here for an interesting link though. I am only here to tell you of my experiences, my journey, with the medicine known as Ayahuasca. I will say now though that my understanding of symbolism grew enormously after participating in the two Ayahuasca ceremonies in Colombia. I slowly began to feel the effects of the plant after about ten minutes. I was looking out of the window (one side of the Maloca had glass windows and the other side had polythene sheets as windows). I started to see little flashes of light and the whole atmosphere started to change. It was a different feeling to the one I had in Brazil though. There was no sea to ‘connect’ to and because we were ‘indoors’ and I didn’t feel a warm connection to the trees and plants in the same way as I did in Brazil. I knew immediately the plant was affecting me that it was indeed the Maloca itself that was very important to the ceremonies and it held some very special information for me. I lay down on my mattress. I shut my eyes.

I felt at ease but I got a sense of a presence of a force that was trying to communicate with me but I was somehow shutting it out. I could see swirling colours just like I remember seeing in my childhood. Then ‘whooooosssshhh’ a tunnel appeared and off I went down it. Flying. I then came to a stop and saw a padlock on a blue door and I was somehow forced to mentally concentrate on the padlock. I stared at the padlock and it started to vibrate and rattle and then it simply burst open and fell to the ‘floor’. The blue door opened slowly and behind it was the ‘Face’ again. (The head I saw in Brazil that looked like Superman’s dad) The face smiled at me and winked.

The Face/Head behind the door looked like this

The face told me I was going to see things that would help me understand how to break free from the prison I am trapped in and the face also told me I would carry out a ritual that will help unite others in this world who can then in turn, help everyone, who wants to escape from their prison too. I was told I could only do these things because of the events that took place in Brazil last September. If you have read that article you will know that I thought the combined energy of the group in Brazil had created a symbolic drill, during the ceremonies, that had drilled a hole in the ‘in-between world’, a band of negative energy or the lower fourth if you like, that exists between this world and a paradise world (connection to the one consciousness). The face told me I was going to see the results of the spiritual work that the group had carried out in Brazil, but the face also insisted there was a lot more work to do. I was told that I wasn’t just shit faced, high on drugs, in Brazil but I simply had to be under the influence of Ayahuasca to carry out the rituals and I was told that because of this fact the rituals were actually affecting other dimensions.

If you are not under the influence of Ayahuasca then the ceremonies do not have an affect in other dimensions, including the dimension that enslaves this one. I was told that the ancients knew thousands of years ago that certain people would need to communicate in other dimensions in the future (now) to carry out certain rituals that affected energy in the said other dimensions. I was told books and other vessels containing information about freeing mankind, or creating a collective shift in consciousness, could and would be destroyed by thugs working for the Serpent Cult, but the plants that create Ayahuasca couldn’t and wouldn’t be destroyed and the plant was a perfect way to pass down the necessary information. This started to make a lot of sense to me.

I was also told the others in the group were a vital part of events that were about to unfold and their actions would lead themselves and others onto better understanding in the future. I was also told that the ritual I carried out with one of the members in Brazil, using a symbolic vessel near the Shaman’s fire was not completed and I had to be under the influence of Ayahuasca to complete it. I obviously had also to be under the influence of Ayahuasca to actually see and hear the face that was talking to me!

The face said it was time for it to go and I had to take in the visions the plant was to show me that night. It said the second Ayahuasca ceremony would be very powerful and very important too. The blue door slammed shut and the padlock leaped back in to position. The door was locked.

I opened my eyes.

The whole Maloca had changed shape whilst I had been in conversation with the face and the energy in the air was very powerful. The first thing I noticed was the member who had got sick was still lying down motionless like a corpse and his body was in direct line with the Shaman’s Fire next to the central post and the back door of the Maloca. It was like just like he had sacrificed his body and the whole roof of the Maloca had also changed and it was displaying ancient symbols, it seemed like some type of funeral.

My eyes were attracted to the central pole of the Maloca and coloured candles illuminated it. Further up the pole the notches on the wood had changed shape. They were now ‘raised cobras’ and they were dancing to the enchanting music that was being played by Andreas and the Shaman. It sounds weird I know but that is what I saw.


The centre pole (Pictured above). Seems strange in the cold light of day but during the ceremony these notches did indeed turn into Cobra’s. I began to understand the central pole as being symbolic for representing this world (at the bottom of the pole) and understand being controlled by the Cobra’s (in the middle of the pole) and the ‘paradise world’ was at the top of the pole. In other words you had to get past the Cobra’s to get to the paradise world. As soon as I thought of this scenario the Cobra’s stopped dancing. The wooded frame of the Maloca ‘moved’ and the wooden structure of the roof turned into giant pencils that moved in an upward direction.

The central structure of the maloca. The roof opened up and shot upwards whilst I was on my journey.

The apex of the Maloca simply grew ‘upwards’, rapidly shooting miles up into the sky and then it literally created a hole in the sky. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. I squinted to try and see something and I felt totally happy looking up through the hole. I knew it was my ‘home’ and I wanted to go there. I wept like a baby and tears ran down my face when I realised that I really was to escape my hell in this world, get past the Cobra’s so to speak, because this is what the vision was showing me. It was showing me that love and collective energy can create anything and that it will breakdown the prison walls. ‘It will break down the prison walls’.

I wanted to know if the others in the group could see the hole in the sky. I looked around at the rest of the group and they all suddenly had ‘suitcases’ piled high on top of them, apart from the member playing at being a ‘corpse’ that is. The suitcases all had different illuminated name tags on them in different languages, like bright green and bright orange and the cases were in all different shapes and sizes. The blankets had all changed into fat snakes (Boa types) the stripes on the blankets had become stripes on the snakes and the blankets looked like they had engulfed the person.

The striped blankets that appeared to turn into snakes

I decided to look up again at the ‘hole to paradise’ to change the scene and feel better so to speak, those people who have drank the medicine will know what I mean, but to my horror it had ‘gone’ and the Maloca roof had returned to normal. The wooden pencil shaped slats was back to their normal size. I suddenly felt like shit and really didn’t want to carry on with the journey. I wanted it to end. I looked at the blankets and a snake that was literally squeezing the shit out of me too was engulfing me. The yellow stripes were literally glowing and the blanket was literally breathing. Oh fucking hell I thought and I started to panic. Then a pile of suitcases appeared near my bare feet with all the letters of the alphabet printed on them. The top suitcase was made of snakeskin. I could see the tag on the top suitcase saying ‘genuine snake skin’ yes as daft as it sounds that is exactly what I saw. Thankfully the blanket was no longer a snake after the suitcases appeared.

Something told me that the luggage wasn’t all mine and the tag told me a snake had ‘created’ it anyway. The Maloca seemed to be full of baggage piled on people’s beds and stacked up in corners. I realised that this baggage was the reason my hole in the sky had been slammed shut on me. You simply couldn’t get through the hole in the sky with too much ‘baggage’ I thought. I clearly understood the universal symbolism being shown to me and I hope you understand the way I have described it.

The scene in the Maloca changed again rapidly and it took on a much darker side. I could see several dark hooded figures moving around and stacking the baggage even higher on top of the people. The Cobra’s on the central pole had reappeared and had started dancing again and the dark hooded figures that had also suddenly appeared took up a position in front of the fire in the Maloca.

The fire in the Maloca (You can just see the bottom of the red symbol flag in top right corner) 
The Muluc sign (Water)

The red symbol ‘Murduk’ (Water) that was hanging above the fire suddenly moved backwards, right over the top of the fireplace, and this created the effect of a double-decker type fire (the red square shape turned into a furnace). Four hooded figures stood at either side of the double decker fire, two on each deck and one at each side so to speak. They had complete exclusive access to the fire and were piling things on it.

They were piling ‘children’ on the fire. This created more spiritual baggage for some reason. Things got too powerful for me in the Maloca and I moved outside thinking I was going to be sick. It turned out that I wasn’t to be sick but I was going to shit like I had never shit before. Pants down whoooosh… Wipe… Pants up again… Pants down again whoooshhhh again.. 30 seconds in total. I should be called up to shite for England in international competitions, gaining a full cap, and that is simply going of my toilet performance that night!

I staggered back into the Maloca, my arsehole felt like it had a burning will all of its own and I had lost all the trust that I previously had in it to not embarrass me. I really was living on a prayer and I really couldn’t even trust my own bottom. Where had my sanity gone? Anyway. The suitcases were still there when I went back inside the Maloca and so were the dark hooded figures. I thought I would have lost that vision by going to the toilet but it remained for a long time and I was literally forced to watch it. I realised that by educating and forcing our children to be ‘normal’ we were actually adding to our own spiritual baggage and vice versa. The good news was that the pile of my baggage had got smaller. Was this due to my shitting through the eye of a needle I thought? The energy was again very strong in the Maloca but I knew I was there to understand things better. I felt sick again. I rushed out of the Maloca again through the back doors.

The back door leading out of the Maloca in daylight

Peter had lit a few candles and the area just outside the back of the Maloca (Tiled in picture) was very peaceful. I breathed in the air and listened to the water in the stream nearby. A special area of Earth had been created to literally be sick on but my symptoms had disappeared anyway. A couple of the other members of the group came out and were violently sick (Purging) and they appeared to me in my vision to have rucksacks on their backs but after they were sick the rucksacks had disappeared. I knew I had passed the peak of my journey. It was very intense emotionally. (Little did I know what was to come in the second ceremony!)

I remained outside for the rest of the ceremony. I was acting as some sort of doorman, opening and closing the doors, amongst other symbolic things, to let people in or out to purge. I did return to my bed for a short period and when I shut my eyes a yellow door appeared and again the lock fell off again and the face appeared again.

It told me that most of the group were here to ‘lose spiritual baggage’ for ‘other people’ so they too could get through the ‘hole in the sky’. I was told that most of the group were really there to assist other people who were absent, simply by acting as their agents or ‘baggage handlers’. The spiritual baggage, in this case for use in ritual, could only be ‘lost’ through purging I was told. A baptism or rebirth ritual was also to take place to make sure that the baggage could not be returned to the baggage handlers once it had actually been got rid of. I was also told that ‘The Rain’ would return for the second ceremony, just as it came in Brazil, and I had nothing to fear. The face winked at me and then the yellow door shut. I opened my eyes and I could see that everyone was coming out of their journey. The Shaman and his crew had worked very hard but I was glad the five-hour journey was over. The vision of the hole in the sky had affected me greatly and I had a lot to ponder on in private. You will be glad to know that I also regained trust with my bottom and we were good friends again and trusted each other again!

The Inipi Sweat.

The day after was for the event of the first ‘Inipi Sweat’. Basically an ‘Inipi Sweat’ is a re-birth ritual that takes place in a tent (lodge – symbolic womb) that is covered in blankets. I had told Peter from Heart of the Initiate beforehand that I couldn’t take part in the Inipi ceremony. Basically red-hot stones (baked for hours) are placed in a hole on the ground inside the Inipi and the Shaman and Sara carry out a ceremony.

“The rite of Inipi utilizes all the Powers of the Universe: Earth and the things that grow from the Earth, Water, Fire and Air”

The scene of the baptism of fire 
Red-hot stones are placed in a hole in the ground inside the lodge

As I said I didn’t enter the Inipi lodge myself, instead I simply acted as a helper with very little participation, I helped build the fire and I supplied all the water to create the steam and heat. It was very hot and indeed I would go as far as to say that most of those that did take part were indeed baptised by Fire. I am sure it will do them no harm.

I did hear that most Ayahuasca workshops carried out in Brazil and Colombia usually insist that the participants are forced or made to lie on a bed after taking a drink of Ayahuasca and they are simply given a bucket ‘to be sick in’. I can assure anyone that is considering going to take part in a workshop that this is not the case at the Heart of Initiate workshops. You are free to move around both in Brazil and Columbia and therefore able to purge in relative privacy. They have adequate facilities for this. I say this because I could never have experienced what I experienced if I would have been confined to my mattress or been distracted by people purging into buckets all around me. I would have found such restrictions impossible to cope with or enable me to achieve any of my aims. That said Ayahuasca can literally flatten you and you do need a bed but there will be a time when you need to go and purge somewhere and it’s not nice to do it in a bucket near to the bed next to you.

The Second Ceremony

The Fire & The Rain.

The second ceremony started late because the heavens opened just beforehand and down came The Rain. We all waited in our huts for the rain to finish so we could get to the Maloca, which was quite a distance from our huts. I felt stronger because the ‘Head’ in my visions had told me the Rain would come and it bloody did just that and exactly on time. I realise it can rain a lot in Colombia and we had a few light showers during the week, but this was pouring down rain. Wet Wet Wet Rain. When the rain eased off we made our way down to the maloca and there was a flag, showing the rainbow colours, hung in the trees across the path. As three of us walked past the flag literally fell from the sky from 15 feet up because the bamboo pole that was holding it up had broken due to the weather. I was amazed at the timing and I picked up the rainbow flag and took it to the Maloca. I then placed it over the fence on one side of the Maloca.

The rainbow flag that had fell to Earth

Two Colombian relatives of the Shaman’s assistant Sara had joined the group and the member who had been the corpse on the first ceremony was fully fit again. So there were now eight people taking part in the ceremony plus the Shaman and his two assistants. The shaman had made the Ayahuasca in liquid form this time because a couple of us didn’t like the ‘sticky stuff’ version. I felt a bit guilty about this because some of the group preferred the syrup version anyway. We went through the usual routine with the Shaman and had previously placed our mattress out. This time I was located under the GIB sign but looking up to the EB sign as it was in my direct line of vision. For some reason I had carried a small bag around with me that contained ‘Jaffa Cakes’ and some other items.

My position at the second ceremony. 
I was facing this sign

I was located on the side of the Maloca that had polythene sheets for windows. The rainbow flag was directly outside. I stayed on my feet until the medicine started to take affect. I noted that the two older Colombians, that had joined the group, were lying directly at the back door entrance, like two pillars if you like. I shut my eyes and this time I was taken to a red door, again the lock fell to the floor, the door opened and the same face (Head) appeared again. It told me that it was very important that I carried on the ritual that was started in Brazil without being side tracked and to do so I was to give a member of the group a small item that was connected to the symbolic vessel that I had given to someone at the Fire during the first ceremony in Brazil 5 months earlier.

The ‘Head’ said it was to be a long hard night but it was very important night. The red door then slammed shut and was locked again. I opened my eyes and the Maloca had changed in appearance again. The energy was tremendous. All the Mayan calendar symbols hanging in the Maloca had changed into shapes of ancient faces that had a very stern appearance. It reminded me of Superman the Movie and the scene where the Elders of Krypton were judging the three rebel elements, but these faces were not judging me in anyway shape or form, oh no, they were only going to ‘witness events’.

Faces like these appeared in place of the square shaped symbols

The energy inside the Maloca was now very intense. The Shaman’s medicine was very strong indeed. I felt I had shot back in time for thousands of years. The Maloca roof was full of ancient symbols that had suddenly appeared right in front of my eyes. I got the strong urge to go outside through the back door so to speak. I was feeling very sick and I had lost all trust in my bottom again! (Oh Dear) I stood proud and took in very deep breaths of the fresh air outside. I calmed down. It was very quiet and I could hear the water in the stream below. It was now going dark and I lit several candles myself and placed them near area of Earth outside the back doors.

The small area of elevated Earth outside the maloca. A stream was 30 feet below. (Note the white marks on the trees)

The Ayahuasca felt like it was the strongest that I had drank to date. I knew powerful forces were at work. I started to get the Heebie Jeebies (Anxiety) and I knew the feeling well because I have experienced it quite a few times in the last 10 years. I looked at the trees and it felt like I was being watched. The white marks on the mass of trees around me turned into ‘faces’ and it was like a large crowd were watching me. The faces then turned into raised Cobra’s and the trees swayed and joined together to form a house/hut type building. The doors of this house then opened up and I saw a massive nest of vipers. I was a bit scared and wanted the scene to change. I needed to calm down (Although I was aware that I was only seeing a vision) It’s a bloody good job I realised it was only a vision too or I’d I have ran away.

I started to feel really sick again and I was. Oh my brothers. Was I sick? Yes I was bloody sick, like I had never been sick before. I should adopt a symbolic Mayan name, something like Pewking Guts or Running Arse. Running Arse? I would have easily beaten Linford Christie in a race to the bog (toilet) that night I can tell you. Trouble is, when you have drank Ayahuasca you never know what is going to happen in the toilet. It is entirely possible that ‘Jaws’ will appear up through the toilet and bite your arse. You are never alone after drinking it I assure you. Anyway I purged and I purged and I purged.

The one thing I really love about Ayahasca is that after you purge you feel bloody fantastic. I mean top of the world, over the moon sort of fantastic. I was wallowing in feelings of unconditional love and I really was in bliss after I had purged. I wanted to hold on to the emotions I was feeling and be taken to a nice place through the plant. I was literally hugging anything that would let me hug it after I purged, even myself.

I was then offered the choice to continue with the ritual or visit and see true ‘Love’. It was a very tempting offer and I could actually hear a lovely female voice offering me the choice. My heart really wanted the latter as I knew it meant I would see the Rain but I said out loud lets ‘just do it’. (Meaning do the former). I chose to continue with the ritual. What a bloody fool I am I thought because the feelings of unconditional love instantly disappeared. I looked towards the trees again. The nest of vipers was still there. It was a vision that I didn’t like at all. Something came over me and I felt physically directed. I entered the Maloca and walked towards the Fire. I had no idea why. The Mayan calendar symbols were still in the form of the faces mentioned earlier, but whatever had taken over me was in ‘couldn’t give a ‘f’ mode’ and I marched towards the Fire. I felt I was being watched and had to carry out the ritual. The Shaman’s assistant, the hard working Andreas who couldn’t speak a lot of English, was stoking the fire. I shouted ‘MOVE’ ‘MOVE’ to him. I could see in his face he was thinking what the ‘f’ is going on here, and he had drunk Ayahuasca himself, but he moved all the same. So the tactics worked. I then stuck my head near the fire and spat on it and then I breathed in very deeply like a deranged lunatic or a mad professor. I then marched in a direct straight line towards the back door of the Maloca again. I walked through the area where the member of the group, who was playing at being a corpse, had laid during the previous ceremony.

That area was also in direct line with the fire and the back door. I passed through the middle of the two elder Colombians that were near the back door and I faced the wooden house (trees) containing the nest of vipers, standing in the line of Fire if you like, and I screamed out some words about burning their house down very loudly and then I spit on the area of Earth, outside the back door to endorse my words. I assure you all that it was a very determined and powerful spiritual force that screamed to help create the means to help save the world that night and not your humble narrator. It was the Fire. I was only the messenger.

As I looked into the Fire in Colombia in 2008 I saw the faces of the people who were around the fire in Brazil 2007. There energy had come through the Fire. The Fire acted as a portal. The wooden house, the nest of vipers, immediately turned back into trees. The Shaman’s assistant Sara, and Peter from the Heart of the Initiate came over to me to check me out (another one gone loopy off Ayahuasca sort of thing) and I felt a little embarrassed, just as I did in Brazil in front of the fire there too. The something that came over me and made me carry out a ritual had now ‘buggered off’ and left me to try and explain my actions.

What could I say? What could I say? I mumbled some excuse and then I went to lie down on my mattress, more to hide away than anything else. I noticed the ‘faces’ that witnessed events (The Mayan symbols) had gone. I thought that would be the end of the journey for the night but I was wrong. I really was wrong. The energy in the Maloca was still very, very, high and there was a very determined and powerful force that wanted things done that night. You could literally feel it. I could sense that some of the group had had enough but for some reason we were all put back in trance.

I placed the small, backpack, bag I had with me at the centre of the Maloca after getting a strong urge to do so. I also placed my desert boots at the foot of my mattress where the suitcases had appeared at the previous ceremony. (I had previously asked permission to wear them inside the Maloca). I looked around and the luggage had appeared again on the beds of the others in the Maloca.

Most of the group were very sick that night or had a serious dose of the shits. The member who I thought had played the part of a corpse in the previous ceremony had now taken on the persona of someone reborn or a zombie and there were also enormous amounts of purging going on. Certain members especially went through hell because of the purging and funnily enough we were all laughing at the noises created by such acts. (The purging is not as drastic as it sounds) The purging had to be celebrated if you like because celebrating was an important part of the ritual and most of the group laughed about it to form symbolic celebration.

I lay on my mattress and I literally saw the ‘baggage’ disappear when I heard purging going on. The toilets were very busy that night too! So it is not just me that is waiting to be called up to shite for my country on the international playing fields. Anyway. Something made me face the polythene windows that were behind me (Pictured earlier). I literally turned upside down.

I took up a pose similar to this but I was led on my back at the time

I put my hands at the back of my neck and I crossed my legs in a silly type of Tarot card type ‘hanging man’ pose. As I did this I had a vision of a ‘being’ dressed in a feathered suit, up to the neck and it was nailed to the wall. I couldn’t make the face of this being out but I am sure it was not Quetzalcoatl unless the said Quetzalcoatl appeared in my vision as a ‘man’ like being.

Whatever the meaning of the vision I still saw a being in a feathered suit and it was spread-eagled and nailed or fastened to the wall. The lamp on the wall helped me achieve this vision. I looked at the spread-eagled being and stared at it with my arms in the air. Just as the lock on the doors I had previously seen fell to the floor so did the nails holding this figure to the wall also fall to the floor.

The figure then went dancing to the centre pole of the Maloca, I turned around to face it, and it appeared to place something in the bag that I had left there or at least touched what was in my bag. Before I could focus on things a very sexy shadowy female figure also appeared at my feet. I was no longer in ‘Hangman’ pose. This very sexy figure had very long hair and was dancing shaking her hips with her arms in the air. Just like the figures on the Tales of the Unexpected TV show from years ago. Why I thought of that I do not know. I found it quite erotic though and sadly it didn’t last long. I sat up and noticed the visions of baggage (suitcases etc.) had started to disappear.

I lay back down and shut my eyes. A white door appeared in my vision and true to form the lock fell off again and the face (Head) appeared again. It told me that I had got ‘my suit back’ (Your guess is as good as mine to the meaning of that one!) and that I should share the Jaffa’s out with some of the group and the Shaman when the ceremony was over. The face also told me to pass on a symbol (bottle top) to a member of the crew and tell him he should pass it on in Brazil. The face then said my wife will get some ‘healing’ from the Shaman and I was to adopt a worship pose for the duration of that event. I was told the event would be over when I heard the Rain and I would see what I needed to see. (I don’t know why but I always seemed to do as the face told me to do. I never told it to bugger off so to speak!)

The face then said I would lose some personal belongings but I was not to get angry as it was meant to be and was a symbolic part of the ritual I had carried out and a symbolic loss of ‘baggage’. I was told that was why I had placed my bag at the base of the pole and that the missing things would represent the ‘eyes’ of the people that were not there. My excessive purging and the excessive purging committed by others was also meant to be so I hadn’t to blame the Shaman for a making a ‘dodgy brew’ either. The purging was meant to be also. The face then said bye-bye whilst showing me a vision of a right-handed fist salute with an outstretched arm. I returned it. It was like some comedy sketch, but that said, it was indeed very emotional too. I opened my eyes. My wife was being taken to the Shaman for a healing ceremony. She said later that she was ‘called up’ by the Shaman and had not requested a healing herself.

I stayed in worship pose on my knees with my head on the mattress, my arse in the air on all fours sort of thing, for what seemed like ever. I could sense the ‘pure positive energy’ in the Maloca. It was sheer bliss. I connected with the elements and the elements took control of the proceedings and I could sense the pure truth that was inside the Maloca. Every sound connected with my body. My Chakras opened up if you like (Not that I know what the hell I’m talking Chakras for). I felt the energy increase and reach a peak, it is very hard to describe but spiritual forces were flooding me with info and I was lightly weeping with pleasure. Then came the Rain, gently dropping down on the roof. There was silence in the moloca and even the Shaman was very quite. I sensed that most if not all of the people in the maloca could sense at least some small part of what was going on.

The Rain continued to gently play music on the roof and I was in heaven. Oh my brothers I was in heaven. I heard the Rain and I wanted to feel it and drown in it. It was magical. The Rain passed and my wife returned to her bed. The Shaman started healing other members of the group but the Rain was gone. There was a female member of the group also receiving healing. I was starting, or I thought I was starting, to come out of the trance and the influence of Ayahuasca and so was a couple of the other members of the group.

All of a sudden I started to see very small colourful lights flash by me. They were moving at a tremendous speed. I asked one or two of the others if they could see them but they couldn’t. I shut my eyes again and tried to focus and lose the vision but the lights wouldn’t stop. The Shaman then started a healing process on one of the Colombian members of the group who had trouble with her hips so she had to lie down. Just as the Shaman started doing his stuff the number of lights increased. I was gob-smacked. Although the lights were moving fast I could make out that they were like little rods (Eight of an inch long) and very colourful, like rainbow coloured. The number of these rainbow rods increased and the Maloca was soon full of them. They were entering the maloca through the polythene windows and it appeared like they could not enter through the wood or the glass. Millions of little lights in energy form were flying around bouncing off people and then flying up the pole in the centre and going upward through the polythene ‘apex’ of the Maloca. (Where I had saw it extend and make a hole in the sky at the previous ceremony)

The symbols hanging in the Maloca had changed again (I was obviously still having visions) and the lights were flying right through them. They were indeed hitting and going through the symbolism being displayed. One of the signs literally lit up and I got the urge to stand next to it. It was the three balls sign mentioned earlier. The energy was hitting this symbol but bouncing off. It was not a freestanding sign it had wood behind it.


The top ball lit up and all the lights/rods were bouncing off it. It was just at my head height. I got the urge to stand next to the symbol and I placed the back of my head on the top ball and by doing so I was facing directly opposite this sign.

The Hunab Ku.

The Shaman and the lady he was healing were located directly in between the said symbol and me. The symbol then immediately changed in to the profile figure of a ‘Chief’ type face with head feathers. (The white part turned into feathers and the green part turned into a face)

As daft as it seems the Hunab Ku changed into Chief type figures.  The picture is only a very vague example of the profile image of my vision.

The face part of the vision turned towards the Shaman and myself, from a profile pose to a full on frontal pose if you know what I mean. As the face turned to face us it changed into four different faces as it did so. Four different Chiefs if you like. Again the faces reminded me of the Elders on Krypton in the Superman the Movie. I was stuck rigid to the spot and totally gob-smacked as I witnessed these lights/rods fly around these symbols. My head never moved from the three-ball symbol. The energy lights that I described as rods moved even more quicker as the ‘Chiefs’ looked forward very sternly. It was amazing stuff and the lights (rods) were flying around all over the place with thousands upon thousands of them pouring in through the polythene windows.

A good way of describing these rods is to mention those coloured hundreds and thousands we put on trifles. The lights stayed for at least 20 minutes but just as the Shaman stopped working the lights went away. I could now move from the spot I was stuck in. I can honestly say that it was a very humbling experience. The journey was now over and indeed I must say it was the longest and most powerful journey I had experienced to date through Ayahuasca. So there you have it folks. It’s done.

Shortly after the Shaman closed the ceremony the group gathered outside for a drink and a snack. I handed out the Jaffa cakes like some fussing grandma would, as I knew I had to do and I know they tasted good and rightly so. We all knew it had been a special night both individually and collectively. And it was, but now it was done, or done and dusted, as my Mam would say. I went back to my hut to sleep. It was 4 am. I knew my purpose in Colombia was nearly over apart from burning some more baggage of my own and for some other folks that I promised I would before going to Colombia. I did this at the Inipi ceremony the day after, using my empty box of Jaffa Cakes as a coffin type vessel. May my actions clear a path for you all. (Or get me locked up in the loony bin!)

The fire heating the stones and burning the ‘baggage’

How do I sum up such events in the cold light of day? What can I tell you that will make sense in five-sense reality? I will say that I have been 100% truthful to you and I experienced the things I mentioned in the way that I mentioned them? I do know certain people will be affected on a subconscious level by my words in this humble story. I have no doubt of that. Is it possible that events in Colombia carried on from the experiences most of the group I was with had in Brazil some five months before? Is there a bigger picture emerging. It sure seemed so for me. Is it possible to lose spiritual baggage through purging? Is it possible that a small group got together and managed to act as agents or champions for other people and actually got rid of some of their spiritual baggage for them too? Did the group of people in Brazil actually drill a symbolic hole through the underworld (lower 4th) last September? Did their energy come through the Fire in Colombia or was I just shit-faced? I can accept I was just completely shit-faced in Brazil and Colombia but I can’t accept all the coincidences that surround the events before, during and after, as being due to meaningless hallucinations and I never will and my soul knows better.

Do we all need to lose the ‘spiritual baggage’ that we have accumulated, through the sick corruptions and deceptions that reign in this world, to enable us to escape through the symbolic hole I saw in the sky? Does the ritual, I was obviously carrying out, actually mean anything anyway? Is it total bullshit or just the rantings of a knob head that is just shit-faced and doped on Ayahuasca? Does the ritual information spark anything in you or is it to be taken with a pinch of salt and laughed at?

It is entirely up to you to take the information or the story as you wish. Treat it as a bloody joke if you want. I really don’t give a monkey’s toss. I certainly would have laughed at such stuff in my younger days. I can only say to those that have a knowing feeling in them and a growing urge to escape or change this world that I am telling them the truth and my words are trustworthy. I am not the kind of bloke to write my experiences down and publish then on the net or in a book without truly believing the words are important to some of you out there and I have nothing to gain on a five-sense level for doing so, quite the opposite. Don’t believe the lies of the Serpent Cult and try to open up your mind to what really is going on in this world. Anyway “may love reign over you” and continue to do so until you escape this world or indeed change it. I really must thank the Heart of Initiate for helping create such events. I really must thank the creators of the site in Colombia and the builders of the very powerful Maloca. It is indeed no coincidence that the Maloca was built this way and the people behind it are part of the collective awakening process and also the part of the bigger plan to heal this world and rid it of the deceptions of the Serpent.

Just like the site in Bahia, the site in Colombia was just as important. I would like to especially mention Mr PP who made it possible for us to be part of such life changing events due to his own brave direction and purpose. I was again totally amazed at the amount of work put into this by the Shaman and his helpers, Sara and Andreas. They all grafted their socks off.

Andreas, Sara and the very talented Shaman Warinei. The Fire is behind them.

I am not one that is into airy-fairy stuff, believe me, but events during the Ayahuasca ceremonies in Colombia, especially the light rods, were amazing. I have now had visual proof that music, occult symbols and rituals actually created energy. Not that I have ever doubted that these things go on. Indeed I have been saying it and writing it for years based on continuous spiritual direction. I just needed Ayahuasca to physically see it with my 5 sense physical eyes. I also have no doubts that the ritual with the Fire was very, very, important and in my case these events have been going on for 10 years at least and the knock on effect never ceases to amaze me.

I can only recommend Heart of the Initiate workshops to anyone that has the means or the urge to join in Ayahuasca workshops and spiritual ceremonies carried out by Shaman Warinei. I am sure there are other organisations to consider too. I can only pass on the message that the symbolism located at these sites is very important.

Thank you for reading this article. Thanking Shane and Richard very much for the photos. This article couldn’t have been written without them.

Matthew Delooze 18th March 2008.


Err…. Nice hat or what?

Copyright © Matthew Delooze, 2008. All Rights Reserved.

Only Love Can Bring The Rain

 Only Love Can Bring The Rain


Drinking Ayahuasca in Bahia, September 2007

By Matthew Delooze

A beach is a place where a man can feel,
He’s the only soul in the world that’s real
But I see a face coming through the haze
I remember him from those crazy days
(Lyrics from the song Bell Boy by The Who)

Hello folks,
It’s not easy to start to describe my experiences in Brazil so please bear with me as I try to do just that.

I am fast approaching 50 years of age and I have never taken any substances or drugs of any kind throughout this life in this world life. I really haven’t smoked a joint or sniffed any white powders. I have drunk a lot of ale during my life though.

After a series of events in early 2007 I received an invitation from a Mr PP to visit the eco- lodge resort in Bahia, Brazil and attend an ‘Ayahuasca Workshop’. During this workshop I was to drink the ancient medicine on three occasions. Here is a link to the Heart of the Initiate website. I will say to anyone that is in the position or inclined to take part in an Ayahuasca workshop that they won’t find a better one than the one at Bahia. Not one. If any novice out there wants to read up on Shamans… here is a basic description.

Having met PP some months earlier at Temple Bar in London I soon realised that he was a man that genuinely sought the truth and he was actually willing to walk the walk to do so. He told me he was putting a crew together to visit Brazil and carry out three Ayahuasca ceremonies and he wanted me there too. Obviously I pondered on the thought why a man like PP would invite a man like me to join his crew.

I felt like I was standing on the edge of Vesuvius but I knew in my heart that I would take up his kind offer and go. I am very glad that I did. I am well pleased and I was not negatively beguiled in anyway. PP is one of the very few people I have met that actually seeks the truth. I am becoming very disillusioned with certain sections of the conspiracy /spiritualists communities and I fear that ‘yuppies’ are taking over the asylum so to speak, where money and ego are becoming the only tools to create information. In my opinion the same mentality that raped and pillaged the material fads and material fashions of the past is trying to do the same to the spiritual events currently in progress in this world. Please be warned that a sheep is a sheep no matter what pen it is led to.


I arrived in Bahia on the 1st September 2007after a very long journey including 3 planes, 1 boat, 1 train, two buses and a land rover. I hadn’t a clue what I was doing there! PP’s crew included some powerful and wealthy people and I initially felt out of place and so did my wife, as she was the only female present in the crew. The rest of the crew soon put us at ease (thanks lads) and my wife soon found other female company with the wonderful staff at the eco-lodge resort.

The crew soon bonded and I can see that the events of the long journey had caused us to unite in spirit long before we actually arrived at Bahia. It was just like we had done it, or planned it, all before. Maybe we had? We settled in easily and before we knew it was time for the first ceremony. Please remember that I hadn’t taken any substances, drugs or ancient medicines in my life before and neither had the majority of the crew.

The majority of the crew were apprehensive and who can blame us because lets face it we weren’t just going to have a drink of orange juice here and eat a chocolate biscuit were we? We were going to take Ayahuasca, which is a very powerful mind and spirit altering medicine. We had been previously warned that Ayahuasca might make us vomit or shit ourselves stupid or both! Not the most positive of descriptive ways to encourage people to take it is it?

Oh, by the way, Matthew you are likely to spew your guts up or shite through the eye of a needle after you drink this stuff… do you want one cup or two my dear!”

I had visions of my late mother appearing in the forthcoming visions I was about to experience, wagging her finger whilst saying: “Have you got clean underpants on laddie? You soon won’t have me laddie boy so I hope you have brought a clean pair for when they cart you off to hospital! Go on get shit faced on drugs you silly bugger… but don’t you dare show me up at the hospital and turn up with dirty underpants on” (I swear that’s exactly how my Mam would have seen the situation) Anyway let’s get on eh?

The First Ceremony

What is it? I’ll take it

The first ceremony took place very close to the beach and sun-bed mattresses were laid out on the floor. The Shaman had brewed his medicine and was chanting over the two large jugs of a horrid looking brown liquid. It looked like puddle water.


Ayahuasca Brew. (Very appetising eh?)

Despite the fear and the apprehension all the crew courageously drank the Ayahuasca. It had a taste of a burnt wood (not that I had tasted burnt wood before!) To be honest it tasted like crap but the combination of excitement and fear acted as a spoon full of sugar and it really did help the medicine go down.

I could see it written in the faces of the gang that it was a case of ‘Oh OK it’s in us now so no turning back‘. I felt the same way and most people headed for their beds within five minutes of taking it. Ayahuascha acts rather quickly and within ten to fifteen minutes it makes you lie down. It literally knocks you off your feet. We hadn’t eaten for 6 or 7 hours before taking it. It was 8.30 pm when I took my first cup of Ayahuasca.

By 8:45pm it started to take effect on me and I headed for my bed as the sounds around me started to speed up and literally vibrate at a much faster rate. The sound of the sea increased in intensity and the palm trees blew in sequence with it. My heart seemed to join in with the sea and the trees and go along in harmony with them. I had literally ‘joined in’ with the earth, the sea and with the breeze of the air. I was definitely spiritually unified with these elements. I shut my eyes and I saw magical colours swirling around forming patterns and shapes. I was actually starting to enjoy this brew! For those that think I was just shit faced on a par with being on LSD…. Forget it!

I opened my eyes again for a reality check and saw a wave of colours spread over the area of where all the crew were lying. I felt connected to the surroundings and every soul that was present. I was literally experiencing visions in and from another dimension. A spirit world if you like. I remembered being previously told that I could experience ‘journeys’ after taking Ayahuasca so I shut my eyes again hoping I would be taken to someone or something that I really wanted to see and communicate with. Maybe from a long time ago I thought. To those that have read my book, ‘You will be wiser when you’re older’, I say you may remember the lady in the rainy dress I mention in it?

Suddenly a tunnel appeared and off I went flying down it hoping I would get what I wanted. It was not to be. I was stopped halfway down the tunnel. I started to get disappointed and slightly angry but then a voice appeared from nowhere and a face, a head, of a male appeared in front of me (with my eyes closed). The situation reminded me of the original Superman movie when Superman hears his father (Marlon Brando) for the first time in his own world that he created at the polar cap.


The face (Head) in my vision (eyes closed) resembled this picture above

‘You are not here to lie down on your back Matthew’ the voice said. ‘You are here to show your true colours’ the voice added. The voice then told me that I was to stand up and face a challenge from the ‘spirit world’ and this would in turn allow me to achieve my aims and the aims of others in the crew, in the five-sense world. I was shown my broken watch (It had literally fell apart just moments before I drank the Ayahuasca) and I was told that I must not break my watch again at the next ceremony no matter what happens. I had to keep my eyes wide open. I was also told to pass on a symbolic vessel when the time was right to one of the crew and also get the blessing of the person’s blood ‘elders’ for doing so. I was told, by the head, that that the person I was to pass the vessel to was to going to carry out some very special tasks in the coming years and had been chosen to carry out these tasks because he had created a symbolic shield around himself which would keep him away from disinformation and give him the intuition he needed for guidance. I was told that the ceremony that night was mainly for his benefit and the collective spiritual energies that night were to endorse his shield and rid his path of negative spirits that may hinder him. I was told that a lot of effort had gone into creating the eco-lodge and although most of the people that had created it had no idea what they had created, it was a very special place.

I was also told the Shaman would create the atmosphere for these things to happen through his magic, skills and courage and I would be assisted by the organisers of the workshop. I was also told that I needed the assistance of ‘The Rain’ to keep me on my feet and I had to officially request the help of the rain. I thought at the time that rain in Brazil in September was a rarity and indeed the people running the Heart of the Initiate workshop confirmed this. I automatically said to the face ‘Show me The Rain and I will not let you down’.

I was then told to remember who I was and to shift my arse!

I staggered to the toilet, dizzy as buggery. I felt like I either wanted to vomit or shit. I had one hand on my stomach and one covering my arse hole and obviously my face must have been a picture too. Sorry to be blunt but those that have taken the brew will know what I mean. I looked all around and everyone was led down on his or her beds apart from the Shaman and his assistant. I looked at my broken watch and it was 9:50 pm. I had only been affected by the ayahuasca for one hour. I knew it could affect you for up to six hours. I knew that my experience was not over. I looked at the moon; there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I thought there’s no flipping chance of it raining around here.

I looked at the moon again and it literally turned into a cup and saucer right in front of my eyes, like something out of Alice in Wonderland. I staggered back to my bed. I was told that when the moon was no longer a cup and saucer then I would no longer see what I was being shown. The show would be over so to speak. Over the next hour I started to look around me and I tried to focus my eye on each individual member of the ‘crew’. One or two of them were starting to come out of the initial bombshell effect that Ayahuasca medicine has on you.

As I focused on them their faces and bodies changed rapidly into different shapes and sizes. It was just like I was being shown their previous lives that they had lived in this world and what they physically looked like. They all appeared to have lived many lives and experienced many deaths. A thousand lives came into my mind. Each and every one of them had suffered a thousand deaths. I was seeing all these lives flash past me, just like flicking a pack of cards.

I sat on my bed gob-smacked. I realised that there was a very special group of people in attendance. I got a strong urge to pass on the symbolic vessel, a symbolic bottle, to one of the crew whilst they were carrying out a ritual with the Shaman, so I did. Just like the head had told me I would. They were sat close to the Fire. I had brought the symbolic bottle to Brazil from the UK but before that it had been in some very symbolic locations around the world, including the Great Pyramid at Giza and the Temple at Abu Simbel.

I knew it wasn’t a coincidence. I knew when I was packing my things to go to Bahia that events were very important. I packed some things that I had only previously taken to ancient sites. I also wore desert boots, which had great symbolic meaning to me, and I wore my white panama hat that has also been on some very symbolic heads and in some very symbolic places, all around the world.

Anyway I eventually came around from my journey and to my surprise I wasn’t sick nor did I have the two-bob-bits (The dreaded shits). We ate soup and drank coffee to break our fast a round 3am. After each ceremony there is a group meeting later in the same day or the next day to discuss our experiences. I tried to tell the crew what I had experienced and I said that I wasn’t there to experience what they were experiencing. I told them that between them they symbolised everything in this world. Their collective symbolism from this lifetime and many others meant that no stone was left unturned and if they were all put under trance (on the same wavelength, not subject to being dumbed down, vibrating at the same rate) then they would become a very powerful spiritual force indeed. It is important that you grasp the idea that collective spiritual power can create a physical, but invisible, multidimensional energy.

Anyway. I knew that they had to experience what they were experiencing and that they had to get through the ceremony the way they thought was best for them. I also knew that their presence was vitally important not only to me but others in the crew. Indeed each and every one of them was just as important as the other. Each of them being part of a jigsaw picture of a power drill and if one piece was missing then the drill would not work. I knew some of them didn’t really want to be there, drinking Ayahuasca, but I knew some had been led there in spirit and they were carrying out the spiritual promises they made long ago. They promised to collectively form a picture of a drill if you like.

The Ayahuasca ceremonies were on alternative days but in between times we had group discussion sessions and lectures. The setting at Bahia is superb and I knew as soon as I set foot in the eco- lodge resort that it was a very symbolic place. Again if there is a way for any of you to take part in a workshop or you have a strong urge and the means to do so, then I highly recommend that you contact Ralph or Peter at ‘Heart of the Initiate’.

The Second Ceremony

Drink till I drop down with one eye on my clothes

The second ceremony took place during the day. I wore my hat and my desert boots. The threat of rain (It had been raining on and off all morning) caused us all to place our beds under cover, all close together. The Shaman had to bring his fire under the same roof also. We were not going to be allowed the luxury of literally lying on the beach with a big open fire as we did on the first occasion. Everything was tightly compact and we were concentrated in a very small area.

The shaman carried out his ceremonial duties and I drank the Ayahuasca medicine knowing full well that I had to ‘stay on my feet’ (not lie down) and face the music. I hadn’t to break my watch so to speak. I watched all the rest of the group take their drink and then lay down. I felt the same effects come over me as they had done two nights earlier. This time it was in daylight though.

The sound changed all around and I felt and heard an increase in the speed of the tide. The trees started rustling like they were speaking to me. The birds in the sky changed and they kept doing the same maneuvers just like they were trapped in a time loop or like in a ‘groundhog day’ sort of situation. If I looked away from the birds and then looked at them again they would simply carry out the same actions they had done before. It was like time was looping on itself.

I looked around and it seemed like all the plants and trees were trying to send me to lie down. The music of the Shaman was also very hypnotic and everything seemed to put me into a trance. The urge to give up and lay down was overwhelming but I knew I couldn’t do that. The temptation was immense. Within 45 minutes I knew the Ayahuasca was at its most potent. I started to pace up and down like a caged animal. I looked at the crew. They were all flat out under one roof and I smiled to myself. Only the shaman and his assistant were active. They were looking over the crew, but so was I.

The magical music played by the Shaman kept the crew in a trance like state and I knew instinctively that this situation was important.

The desire for me to just lie down and shut my eyes was incredible. Only once did I nearly succumb to the temptation. I was just about to say ‘fuck it I’m beat’ when my watch literally turned into a bright light and flashed my eyes as though to say ‘no you don’t you bugger you are not beat yet’. It was just like the flashy thing in the MIB movie but instead of taking away my memory it restored it. A positive flashy thing!

I sparked into life and started pacing about and using my arms like a boxer when shadow boxing. I was stood in front of the swimming pool, which was in an elevated position overlooking the sea and the beach. My attention was attracted to the waves of the sea. Then all of a sudden the waves grew in size until they were on a par with the size of a tidal wave. I got the urge to scarper rather sharpish as it appeared the tidal wave was going to drown me. I turned my head quickly away to my right, and the sound of the waves went away, only to see three raised serpents hissing at me. I was very scared, just for a moment, as it appeared they were going to strike (bite) me. I was forced to turn my head back towards the sea. The tidal waves had disappeared but as soon as I started to look at the sea the waves increased rapidly in size again and the sound increased also. I turned my head to my left and my eyes were attracted to a palm tree and at the top of this palm tree were several giant bees. The more I looked at them the bigger and noisier they got. The only way to get rid of the visions was to turn away. Remember I had vowed to stay on my feet and keep my eyes wide open.

No matter where I looked something happened that made me want to shut my eyes. I decided to stare at the swimming pool and just for a moment I felt like jumping in. The ripples of the water turned into snakes if I looked at them for too long so that vision slightly put me off taking a dip.

The urge to lie down and shut my eyes increased again. I thought about the flashy watch. What am I suppose to do now I thought? The song Goodbye Blackberry Way’ by The Move came to mind. So I did just that…. I bloody moved!

I staggered for a drink of water I passed the group and they were mostly flat out on their beds. I drank and I drank the water as in defiance to something. I carried a bottle of water back to my previous position.I looked at the sea again and sure enough the waves started to increase again. Out of the corner of one eye I saw the serpents rise again to my right. I took a swig of water and held it in my mouth. I watched as the waves grew and when they were at maximum height I suddenly turned to my right and spat the water at the serpents. Right in their mush.

Take that you bounders’ sort of thing, to put it mildly.

The serpents looked at me in a state shock but they immediately stopped hissing and then disappeared. I sat down for a while albeit with my feet on the floor. I drank the remaining water from the bottle and went to get another. The crew were all still flat out on their beds and the music of the shaman kept them in a trance like state. I smiled to myself again.


Picture shows the swimming pool. The crew were concentrated under the roof far centre on the second and third ceremonies and the nearest Red Cross is where I was for most of the second ceremony

I grabbed another bottle of water and returned to my position in front of the pool. I looked at the sea again and sure enough the vibrations rose rapidly and another massive tidal wave appeared in the distance. I looked out of my left eye and saw the giant bees again, festering in a palm tree type bush. Again when the tidal wave approached me I spun round and sprayed the bees with water from my bottle.

The water went straight through their wings and dissolved them. The bees then fell to the floor and they all started tap dancing like Fred Astair. (I kid you not) I started laughing to myself and they disappeared. I sat down again with my feet on the ground. I suddenly felt a presence behind me and a female voice said ‘It will come from the sea so be prepared for it baby’.

I then looked at the swimming pool and it turned into a mass of tiny black vipers swimming in milk. It was starting to go dark, it was now around 6pm. I looked over to the crew and one or two were coming out of the initial shell-shock period. One symbolic member of the crew, a Doctor, walked towards me and said ‘we are over the highest point’, meaning the highest part of the effect of Ayahuasca. I thought if you can’t trust a Doctors opinion about the effects of medicine then who the bloody hell can you trust! I knew then I was going to stay on my feet. Thanks Doc!

The constant work carried out by the Shaman kept the crew under trance and many members of the crew were in and out of dream state or should I say in and out of this world?

I grabbed another bottle of water and whilst I was getting this water from the Shaman’s location the blood elder of the person I gave the symbolic vessel to had appeared where I had previously sat in the shelter directly behind me (see picture with red cross above) I immediately sprayed him with my eau de cologne and I asked him if he liked it. He said he did.

I then headed to the small fence that separated the eco-lodge resort land from the sandy beach. I drank the water apart from the last mouthful and I spat that onto the beach. I then vigorously paced up and down and at the same time I banged/ tapped my now empty water bottle on the fence in the form of some tune that I didn’t understand. I was a bloody good drummer though. (Keith Moon – eat your heart out) I knew I was teasing something but I had no idea what. I had no control over myself during this period and it was purely an action brought on through automatic physical and spiritual direction. I have experienced this a few times in my life.

I then picked up a stick and drew a line in the sand. I then placed the empty bottle on the line. It was sunset. I then immediately vomited violently over the bottle. It is called ‘purging’ when it occurs after drinking Ayahuasca. I call it ‘puking your ring up’ no matter what caused it. I then heard a voice behind me say ‘what ya doing’ I turned round to see my wife looking at me! No bees or serpents, just my wife looking at her husband like he was a head the ball.

Well then, my little truth seekers, what would you have told her in my position? Where could I start? I felt like a teenager would feel after being caught masturbating with the pages of a porn magazine opened up wide in front of them. What should I do first I thought… zip up my trousers or shut the magazine and hide it?

I told her I was just shit-faced and had unknowingly wandered down on to the beach. She then led me back to the rest of the group where I met one of the organisers. I sprayed him with my eau de cologne. He liked it too. He might have thought I was a head the ball too but he still liked it.

The major effects of the Ayahuasca during my journey in the second ceremony were now wearing off. I hadn’t broken my watch either.

I told the group, at the group session the next day, that I had been in a ‘battle’ during my journey at the second ceremony. Let me tell you all now that it wasn’t an easy battle and I nearly failed. I realise most of you will believe that I was just hallucinating but even if I was I still nearly failed. The pain of defeat is still the same whilst hallucinating or in another dimension just like it is in five sense illusionary reality.


I had hoped that my spiritual challenge was over after the second ceremony but I knew it wasn’t. I knew that something else had to be done and I knew that it had to be done in the spirit world (another dimension) it didn’t really matter if it was a silly hallucination or not, I still had to live it.

Visions under Ayahuasca
Visions under Ayahuasca


Visions under Ayahuasca

The Third Ceremony

I’m going back soon – home to get that Baboon
Who cut up my eye – tore up my Levi’s

The third ceremony quickly came around. The Rain had been in attendance all day and the crew was again forced into the same small covered area. People were amazed at the amount of rain for September in Brazil because it is usually dry, pretty fair, sunny weather. I knew it was meant to be and I knew I couldn’t cope without the Rain.

We all watched the Shaman carry out the ceremony for the final time and we all drank the Ayahuasca. I had for some reason placed a chair near the Shamans fire shortly after drinking the medicine. The rest of the crew lay down on their beds but I knew that I had to stay on my feet again. Those that have taken a cup full of Ayahuasca will know how difficult it is, during the first hour or two after drinking it, to just stand up.

I again felt directed to take up an elevated position near the pool looking out to sea. This time it was very dark. I wore my hat, just has I had done on the second ceremony. Sure enough within fifteen to twenty minutes of taking the medicine everything started to change. The noise of the sea increased again and the trees began to sway in tune with the sounds of the sea.

Again my heartbeat raised and unified with the Earth, the Sea and the Air. The magical chants of the Shaman and his music put the whole crew into a trance and I am sure that most of them were seeing visions. The lights in the sky stood out as the stars literally fell down forming beautiful patterns in front of my eyes. The clouds just seemed to disappear.

I waited for something to happen and the urge to just lie down and shut my eyes was tremendously hard to defy but I knew I had to stand my ground again no matter what. I was determined to see out whatever I had to see out. The love that brought the rain was keeping me on my feet.

Suddenly a small illuminated lamppost next to me turned into a raised Cobra with bright red eyes. I knew I was stepping in and out of this world. The longer I looked at it the bigger it got. I felt it was going to bite me and swallow me. I looked away and paced up and down whilst still wearing my hat. I then approached the Cobra again but as I got near to it I turned around and pointed my arse in its direction. I bent over like I was going to break wind (fart). As I have said Ayahuasca is probably the best laxative in the world and I believe the Cobra just didn’t dare risk staying there when I pointed my arsehole it its direction. Maybe it had hallucinations of being sprayed with shite, I don’t know if it did or not but I do know it buggered off!

I looked out to sea and saw two bright streaks of yellow coming towards the beach. I felt a sense of dread. I sat down but again my feet never left the ground. I heard a voice inside myself telling me to expose myself and represent the colours of the crew. I was relieved to comprehend that ‘exposing’ myself didn’t mean me showing my arse, mooning, like a drunken idiot but just meant revealing myself. Showing myself. Coming out.

I suddenly got the urge to approach the Shamans fire. As I approached the fire I noticed someone sitting in the chair that I had placed there earlier. I kindly asked the elder or the man in charge if he would kindly place my hat on the fire. I also placed some eau de cologne on his wrist for him to wear and asked him if he liked it (The aroma). He said he did and he then placed my hat on the fire and proceeded to burn the bugger! I knew I was symbolically revealing myself by doing this.

The well travelled Hat that is no more. (Sob) Ralph Miller burnt it!

I grabbed a bottle of water and returned to my position, obviously hatless. I looked out to sea and noticed that the two yellow streaks had now reached the beach. I had the strongest urge to go and meet with these yellow streaks. I moved round to the front of the pool, nearer the beach, and then made why way down to the area in front of the beach.

There was a little segmented stone type ornamental pathway leading to the beach, indeed the same pathway ran around the whole eco-village. As I approached I realised that the two yellow streaks were really just one. Just prior to reaching the small fence, separating the beach from the eco-lodge, I saw the yellow streak flash by at tremendous speed directly under my feet. It literally shook me off my feet and I fell over. Like a drunk would do after filling his belly full of ale.

I focused my vision as I stood up and the yellow streak turned into a giant snake. The path I was walking on had turned into a massive snake! I was literally riding a giant snake but I wasn’t going anywhere. I was staying in the same place and the snake was whizzing by under my feet. I put my arms out to help me gain balance like I was riding on a skateboard. The head and tail of the snake were joined together like Oruboros with the snake’s head gripping the snake’s tail in its mouth. It was continuous and it was hard to know where the head was and where the tail was.


The path that turned into a snake. Seems silly now but I tell you the truth, it turned into a snake.

All of a sudden I stamped my right foot down and the snakes head popped up as in pain, dropping its tail at the same time. Without thinking I put my arms around the neck of the snake just like Tarzan having a pop at a crocodile would. I wrapped my legs around it too like I was going to hump it. The snake then vomited and a red assed baboon came out of the yellow snakes mouth, all wrapped in goo like a newborn baby is. The baboon was holding a large eye with the pupil shaped as a number three or a letter m on its side. The baboon took one look at me and started to run towards the beach. I dropped the snake and ran after the baboon. Its red arse was glowing very brightly like a neon sign saying ‘kick me’.

I swung a leg in an attempt to boot it up the arse but I missed (so no emails from the RSPCA please) I started screaming and shouting at this baboon and in its haste to escape it dropped the eye it was carrying very near to the place where I was sick and where I had drawn a line in the sand on the beach. It was also the place where I had placed an empty bottle during the journey I experienced at the second ceremony.

My shouting at the baboon must have sounded like signs of distress and I must have alerted the elder of the ceremony and the Shaman’s assistant to my plight because they came to me asking what all the noise was about. I felt a bit embarrassed. I knew it was over and time for me to rest and after staying on my feet for two ceremonies I really was ready to collapse on to the floor.

I went to my mattress and tried to make sense of what had happened I shut my eyes for only the second time in three ceremonies. The same male face (Head) (like superman’s dad) from the first ceremony appeared again. He plainly ‘said’ or I understood him to say; ‘It’s nearly done but when it is say so’. I was shown a ‘hole’ between this world and a sort of paradise world. In-between this world and the paradise world I was shown a world of imprisonment and misery and I was shown that the rulers in that world of fear like to keep this world in the same image of that world.

This in-between world keeps the human race as prisoners and keeps us in the lowest form of trance possible making a true escape impossible.

I was also shown that the powerful crew that had been put together had managed to drill a symbolic hole right through the negative band of energy (in-between world) showing me that collective spiritual energy can create physical invisible energy. I was shown that representatives from the paradise world beyond the in-between world were now present in this world as human beings and were breaking out of the trance state they were put under by the in-between world, just like everyone is put in trance.

I was told that ‘when these representatives were united there will be fireworks in this world’ and the face winked at me and smiled. The face then faded away. I wanted it to come back and tell me more but it didn’t. I knew my journeys to other worlds in Brazil were over.

I got up and noticed the elder of the ceremony (the bugger that burnt my hat!) was sat in a chair near my head. I got up and got a final bottle of water and looked to the stars and drank the bottle in one. I then gave the elder the empty bottle and he kindly took it.

That was the end of my journeys under the trance of Ayahuasca and the guidance of the Shaman. I must say that even though I experienced some traumatic scenes I felt perfectly at ease after each ceremony. After the third ceremony I asked another symbolic member of the group if he knew the title of a song by Johnny Nash. He said Johnny Cash. I said No Johnny Nash.

‘I can see clearly now’ I said. ‘The Rain has gone’ someone else said.
The day after third ceremony was a cloudless hot and sunny day and all the crew laid around in the sunshine including me. I was exhausted but felt that it really was a beautiful day. I knew that without the rain I couldn’t have experienced my latter two journeys and I knew only love had brought the Rain.

On the last evening we had tobacco-offering ritual to carry out. We had previously made ritual offerings to the Earth and the Sea using symbolic stones. I used a bloodstone. For the tobacco offering every one of us had to wrap tobacco in little different coloured cloth parcels and attach them on a string. Just like a string of pearls.

Colours used in final offering

We then burnt them individually on the Fire and each said a few words as part as a closing ceremony and when I threw my coloured parcels of tobacco on the Fire. I said ‘It’s done’ and it was on that day.

Oh my brothers it was done.


So there you have it. I have tried to be as honest and as accurate as I can when describing my journeys. Obviously the vast majority of people will see it as though I had a ‘trip’ brought on by drugs that cause hallucinations. I must say that not long ago I would have thought the same thing. Remember I have never taken any substances before so I have nothing to compare Ayahuasca to. I can drink a bucket full of ale though and still stay on my feet.

I was also traumatically awakened to my hypnotically suppressed childhood memories in 1999. I must admit that Ayahuasca did seem to appear to transport me to see another dimension that resembled my childhood experiences and I certainly reacted to what I was seeing.

So what can I really tell you about Ayahuasca? I have always said long before I went near Ayahuasca, and it is recorded, that I believe the masses are dumbed down and we are forced to spiritually surrender ourselves to a deceptive force lifetime after lifetime. To put it in simple terms our third eye is removed. Yes a removal of our third eye (our intuition) takes place leaving us at the mercy of the deceptive force that caused the loss of sight in the first place. Can Ayahuasca medicine replace that third eye if only for a few hours?

Far more intelligent people than me know about these things and can explain it better too. I have just reported what happened to me as it appeared to me. Some claim that pineal gland (that separates the two sides of the brain) is affected by Ayahuasca and in turn this allows the individual taking it to access both sides of the brain. Again I don’t even pretend to know if this is true but I will say that I believe the human race is somehow dumbed down to the levels of a plastic dog turd from a joke shop and there may be something in this. Here is a brief explanation of the pineal gland.

Ayahuasca is said to contain the natural brain hormone ‘DMT’ and this DMT is only usually increased when you are born and when you die. Entering and leaving this dimension. So it is possible that Ayahuasca supplies you with inter-dimensional visions during your life by increasing DMT levels. Although from another viewpoint reduction of DMT levels may explain the dumbing down process. Here is a brief explanation of DMT.

Can drinking Ayahuasca raise your ‘vibrational state’, for want of better words, and enable you to see into other dimensions? Can the Shaman create changes in consciousness that effect not only individuals but also collective groups? Can the Shaman use his skills to create a collective hypnotic trance like state just like I believe a deceptive race of serpents have hypnotised the masses in this world to live in the trance that creates all the misery in this world?

I am sure that the crew put together by PP and others close to him know the answers to the questions that I ask about the Shaman are true.

The crew I was with actually felt true connection with each other simply because we were all on a level playing field. There were no material barriers, there were no class divisions and there were no differences between us whatsoever. None. We lived as equals if only for a short period. Our true spirituality was allowed to surface simply because we were allowed to create our own world for once and in that world there were no divisions, just human beings collectively searching for some truth and a way home. We allowed each other to experience what we wanted or needed to experience without restrictions. We allowed each other to be free. I only witnessed positive results in the people that took Ayahuasca despite some of the people having journeys that were not all fluffy bunny experiences. I always felt good after the ceremonies. The collective spiritual power of the group made sure of that.

Ayahuasca has confirmed to me that this world is an illusion created by mass thought. Sadly I believe a very deceptive force has hijacked the collective thoughts of the human race and we live lives that the hijackers want us to live. I believe we can change this world by changing mass thought and if the majority of minds can wake up to what is really going on then a massive spiritual shift is possible and we will reconnect with the paradise world that I have been shown and seen. There will be no prison warders and the world will not be a prison anymore. If this shift happens you will not be forced to surrender your spirit and live on your knees in misery in this world ever again.

A fairy tale is it? Matthew Delooze is just another lunatic shooting his gob off whilst being high off magic potions is he? A stupid dreamer that knows bugger all and is living in a delusion am I? Well if I am it is a bloody prolonged and vivid delusion then and my psychosis never fades and to be honest if I am suffering from psychosis then I really hope that I never get sane again and end up like the bloke next door. I really do.

So I tell you the truth when I say representatives from the one true consciousness are here in human form in this world to help this world shift. They can only open up the spiritual floodgates and help if this world really wants to ‘shift’. It is time to think for yourselves and let your intuition tell you what you should do in the coming months and years. I have said enough in this article and it is nearly time for me to go. I say let your intuition direct you in the future, not your credit card statement or a lying politician. Your subconscious is currently being reminded of who you really are and when you remember it will be a trustworthy guide. So follow it. It is a difficult time for a lot of us.


Some force had subconsciously created the urge in the crew to attend the workshop. It’s not easy for some people to drink such things as Ayahuasca and I acknowledge the sheer bravery of all those people who drank it, especially those who, on a five-sense level, didn’t really want to swallow it. I can only suggest to those that didn’t want to drink it that your subconscious brought you to Bahia that week because of the spiritual symbolism you carry and that you spiritually promised to do so (sadly you cannot remember the promises you made whilst you are in this world). No one broke his or her spiritual promises at Bahia.

I would like to thank PP and those close to him for putting together the crew and making our week at Bahia possible. I also would like to thank those who found themselves at Bahia through their own spiritual path for making it possible because your involvement was just as important as everyone else. I am excited for all of you and all your futures.

To Ralph, Peter, Rod and the delightful Fiona and the rest of the staff at Heart of the Initiate I say a very big thank you, just for being you and the wonderful thing you have created. Again anyone wishing to know more about Heart of the Initiate please visit their site. It’s a mine of information with some very good articles and other information, including some very good stuff from Ralph and Peter. Ralph and Peters skills are many and Ralph has even become an expert hat burner as well! Here is a link to articles at the Heart of the Initiate website.


I realise the vast majority of people haven’t the means to get to Brazil and take part in workshops and that is why I have opened my heart and put my experiences on show in this article. If you have read this article carefully then my experiences are also now in you and you have seen and will carry the same symbolism and the same colours as me. (Without having to puke your ring up or worry that your arsehole was going to explode or indeed worrying your mother about the state of your underwear, I might add!)

I realise you will have totally different experiences than me if you attend a workshop but to those who will never attend a workshop I say you now know as much as me about ayahuasca.

Last but not least, by a long chalk, I thank the Shaman and his lovely assistant Sarah for the sheer effort and hard graft they put in during the ceremonies. I am sure their work will not go unrewarded.
May love reign o’er you all.

Matthew Delooze 21st Sept 2007

Copyright © Matthew Delooze, 2007. All Rights Reserved.