Swinging on a Golden Rope
The Amazing Journey Continues
Drinking Ayahuasca in September 2009
By Matthew Delooze
“I declared I would be three inches taller,
I only became what you made you.
Thought I were chasing a destiny calling?
I only earned what you gave me”
(From the song The Punk )
I was fortunate or unfortunate enough to be invited again to join the Heart of Initiate (HOI) workshop in Bahia, Brazil. I had been invited to three previous workshops at the HOI complex in Bahia and apart from feeling slightly nervous (normal feelings for anyone drinking the plant medicine) I was actually looking forward to participating in the forthcoming event.
But about a week before the event was to take place I suddenly started to have nightmares and I started to lose a lot of sleep. These nightmares were very graphic and intense and I must admit I was feeling very, very, tense. I hadn’t knowingly had dreams for many years but these were very sudden and very intense.
My wife Susie was also suffering from nightmares too but I didn’t tell her too much about mine. The nightmares stopped for me a few days before the trip was due to start and I was glad because they had weakened me very much mentally and spiritually due to lack of sleep at night and excessively thinking about them during the day. I was waking up feeling exhausted and battered. I knew powerful spiritual forces were at work because I have felt the same things many times in the last 15 years. The day before we were due to make our way to Heathrow Airport I had a strange dream concerning myself in a small rowing boat… I’ll tell you about this.
I dreamt that I had a very important mission to complete on an isolated rocky island that was located a few miles off the coast of a strange country. I knew the mission was urgent and I was literally rowing like the clappers, in my small boat, to get to this rocky island. Everything was fine but then the water started to get very choppy and the wind started howling and literally blowing a gale. It started to get very stormy. It was like something off a Moby Dick film. Aye Aye Captain. There she blows. Get the harpoons out, sort of thing.
It was literally a mammoth battle just to keep in physical control of the boat.
I knew in my heart that I only had a certain amount of time to complete the mission but I knew exactly what I had to do and I knew I was capable of doing it. My hands were bleeding and very sore due to my vigorous rowing but I was still desperately determined to stay in control of the boat and get to this island. Then suddenly my feet slipped and I fell over like a clown inside the boat whilst I was frantically rowing and in doing so I lost an oar to the sea and hurt my legs. I was literally on my back with my legs in the air cursing and swearing. I eventually managed to get on my feet, and I looked in vain for my oar, but the wind and choppy sea had taken it from me without any mercy.
I was literally up shit creek without one paddle! I then fell over again several times but somehow I managed to keep hold of the remaining oar. If I hadn’t I’d have been up shit creek without one.
I got myself together somehow and thought…. “Shit what do I do now”. I stood up in the boat and tried to use the one single oar, that fate had left me with, to steer the boat. I started to do this by dipping it in the water on one side of the boat and then dipping it in the other, I was paddling like I was in some makeshift ‘homemade canoe’ sort of thing.
Do you know what I mean?
I then tried to row the boat from the rear. Maybe saying it was like rowing a ‘Gondola’ is the best way of putting it. Anyway whatever type of fancy boat I was trying to create for myself I still only really ended up looking like a pillock on a raft. Each time I dipped the oar in the choppy sea my injured legs were in excruciating pain. (I had been previously suffering from gout and I likened the pain to that) I could actually see my goal, the rocky island, in the distance and it really lifted my spirits when I did. I started to feel stronger and stronger and the pain in my legs went away. As I neared my destination I believed I was actually going to complete the important mission that I was on. But just as I thought that the wind suddenly got stronger and stronger and the sea got wilder and wilder. I started to get a bit worried.
I had a feeling of something drastic was going to happen.
Then…Whooosssssh… I was blown off my little rowing boat and I fell in to the sea. The sea was very dark and the bitter unforgiving cold cut through me like a thousand sabres would. I could also taste the bitter saltiness in the water. I sank down and down in the coldness and darkness. I was expecting to start to surface like you do when you jump in to a swimming pool but I didn’t stop sinking and then start to go up like you do in a pool, I simply kept going down and down. I started to worry about drowning and I began to choke for air. My heart sunk and was instantly broken because I suddenly felt like I’d failed in my mission. I felt very sad about that and I tried again to climb upwards but I still sank deeper and deeper. I felt like shit. Very wet shit it was too but I felt like shit all the same.
It was very dark and because I was still sinking and gasping for air I actually prepared to die. My heart then seemed to accept the situation. Indeed I was now half happy about the thought of dying. My hands were sore and my legs were damaged. I actually wanted the feeling of pain to go away and peace and quiet to take over and I actually wanted to wallow in the idea of having no more bloody rowing to do.
It felt so so right to do so. I’d failed but that meant no more pain for me. So had I really failed? I awaited death.
The dark sea then suddenly illuminated brightly.
Poooffff… it was just like I was wearing a miner’s helmet with a new ‘ever ready’ battery and bulb in it. This was one hell of a powerful torch and wherever I pointed my eyes became instantly illuminated. It was like having magic powers of vision and I could see that the sea was actually full of material objects but not as the physical objects themselves. Oh no. I could only see the words of the objects. The sea was actually full of the colourful ‘WORDS’ of objects such as musical instruments, TV’s, DVD players, microwave ovens, motorbikes and cars etc. All these words were all floating around in the dark, just like some weird cartoon type dictionary of material objects. These words were like fishes darting around in the darkness, some at great speed, but because of my miners lamp I could see the words like they were neon lights or illuminated advertising boards etc.
Whoosh…. the word TV would appear, in luminous green, swimming in the darkness one minute and then Whhhhoooosssshhh…the word motorbike, in luminous pink, would zip along and appear the next minute. I’m sure you understand eh? Each ‘word’ of a material object would be represented by its own bright colour and font. The scene really did resemble shoals of colourful fish.
Thanks to my miners helmet I also started seeing the faces of certain people that I have met in my life. All of these people were ‘grey coloured’. Just like in the days of Black & White TV. These grey people that I knew all had the same silly expression on their faces. The faces resembled a smacked arse and looked very sad. ‘The Matthew Delooze Look’ if you like!
There was a good reason for this because all these people didn’t actually have a mouth as such. Their mouths were sewn tightly shut. If I looked carefully I could see the stitching. But it was obvious a skilful tailor had done the work. These people tried to communicate with me but they simply couldn’t.
The grey faces that I knew
Their eyes were ‘dead’ too, just like those of a shark. I tried to read their eyes, as I knew I needed some help to get to the surface again, but I simply couldn’t read their eyes. Those eyes truly didn’t betray any emotion they may have once held dear.
Dark eyed grey people without a mouth.
These grey people were, in a very strange way I must admit, actually grabbing the objects that were in the sea. They were fishing. The ‘Grey People’ were somehow sucking in the material objects (the words) in to their mouths, even though, as I said, their mouths were sewn up. Even though I was sinking in this water my urge to know how they were carrying out this method of ‘sucking in of words’ took over me and as daft as it sounds I wasn’t bothered about drowning any more. I noticed the grey people were like frogs catching flies and sucking in the words but obviously there were no tongues on show and of course their mouths were sealed.
They were sewn tightly shut.
I concentrated my miner’s lamp on one of the grey faces in order to try and see how the word catching trick was done. I watched with great intensity as the face somehow sucked in a DVD player, or should I say it sucked in the bright turquoise words saying DVD Player? I noticed that at the moment the words entered the grey person, through their sewn up mouth that their eyes went a shade darker, more shark like if you like. I watched a few more grey people suck in the words and their eyes went darker too.
I could not work out how the words were getting in to the grey people’s mouths.
My mind wandered and as it did I soon started to panic about my own situation again and as I did my miners lamp went off and I gasped for air in the dark again. I still kept falling down and down in to the cold darkness of the sea. I couldn’t move my legs because of the pain and I tried to use my arms, to stop my fall in to the deep, but it was a pointless exercise. I was sinking at a faster rate than ever. I tilted my head back and looked upwards and my miner’s lamp came on again like magic. I could see on the surface of the water, because of my miner’s lamp vision, the bottom of the rowing boat that I had fallen from and I was using to get to the rocky island. I thought, “Come on Matthew sort your self out man”. ‘Pull your finger out’.
I was though still falling faster than ever. If I had known what to pull my finger out of I would have done so with great haste I assure you.
The more I spiraled downwards the more grey faces I saw sucking in the words of material objects again. The more people I saw do this the faster I sank. I looked down hoping I would at least see the bottom of the sea. I couldn’t see the bottom. I was really panicking. I could see all these grey people with dark eyes all around me greedily sucking in these words whilst just watching me drown. I then realised these words were like ‘air’ to the ‘grey people’. I thought what if I actually appear to them as simply the word Matthew and not as the real me. Will the buggers suck me in to? I wanted them to see the real me not just the word that represented me. In the beginning there was Matthew not the word I thought.
I started to believe I only appeared as a word to these grey people and I would be swallowed by a gang of them. I thought bloody hell, first I was drowning and I thought that was bad, now I find out I’m going to be swallowed by someone with no mouth. I was about to give up and simply await death again.
Then something took over me.
In a fit of fiery frustration I actually grabbed a grey person and literally tore open their mouth by poking my finger in the corner of the said mouth and prising open the threads that sealed their lips together. You know, just like you see, and rip open, a sewing job on the pockets of new suits to keep them in shape etc. Indeed I suddenly became a bloody crazed seam ripper and ripped at the stitching.
Once I’d prised open the stitching of this grey person’s mouth a load of gushing bubbles of gas came flooding out. WHHOOOSSSSHHH It was like a massive fart going off in a bathtub. (You all know what I mean as well don’t you?) This stopped my fall for a moment and I was, for once, actually quite buoyant. The face of the grey person had rapidly changed to that of a normal person and their eyes were now bright, not dark like a shark. It became obvious to this person that they could now ‘see’ clearly enough to see the real me and not see me as the word. The person could now swim upwards to the surface and the person was now also wise enough not to swallow any more words on the way up.
I started to sink again though. I didn’t know why. Why couldn’t I swim to the surface I thought? I was a grey person with my gob shut tight and I thought bloody hell that face could have stayed and helped me but it just left me dangling in the water drowning. I then looked down and I saw something spinning in the water. It was the oar from the rowing boat that I had lost to the elements earlier. It was spinning steadily in the water and as I was falling I realised it was actually waiting for me so that I could grab it, so I did. I got close to it and grabbed the bugger. I felt utterly elated when I did so. It was like finding a long lost brother.
I then had the urge to use the oar as a prising tool, a seam ripper. I literally used it as a weapon to prise open the sewn down mouths of the dark eyed grey people that were now all around me waiting for me to get ripping. I literally used the oar as some kind of super duper seam ripper. I literally pushed it into the face of the grey people and it magically opened their mouths. I felt like a Bruce Lee figure (but with a beer belly) and I made a silly Bruce Lee Kung Fu noise every time I swung the oar around in the water. Obviously being in water was the right speed for me!
I wasn’t violent or anything, it was a magical natural remedy, a miracle if you like, and the dark eyed grey people were literally swimming to me, like flies around shit, to have me open their sealed mouths with my seam ripper / rowing boat oar.
As I literally ripped open these cavities with one stroke of the oar more and more gushes of gas came rushing out of them and every time this happened the gas being produced pushed me closer and closer to the surface. It was like the air was carrying me. The more grey people’s mouths I touched with the oar the quicker the air they released raised me up. I very quickly reached the surface. I had risen out of my watery grave.
I now had two oars again too. I climbed back in to my boat. The weather was now very calm. I took in a long deep breath and said to myself now then laddie what were you going to that rocky island for?
I woke up then!
The day to go to Brazil came along but I was convinced I didn’t really want to go. I tried to get out of it. I really did. I somehow knew that it wasn’t going to be a fluffy bunny hippy trip but I also knew that I had to go too. I knew that if I was to move forward in 2010 then I had to go.
We left on Sunday 13th September 2009. We arrived in Bahia about 25 hours later. For some reason I had to get official concrete confirmation from the organisers of the event that they still wanted me there. This was embarrassing but they did confirm it. It was nice to see the Ecoa Lodge again. It really is like seeing and being in another world just by going to Bahia itself. You see a different world to the one we live in our houses in our towns and cities. I live in a slum town and have slaved for the serpent in some way or other for most of my life. I live in virtual poverty as far as UK standards go. So living like I do in Bahia, if only for 8 days or so, is literally like being on another planet on an economic level too.
Please don’t think I’m a gullible idiot here ladies and gentlemen, well not today anyway. Oh please don’t get me wrong I’m not daft I am quite well aware that the same people who preach love and togetherness at Bahia and say they would do anything for each other during the week they are actually there will just as soon leave you and the rest of the world starving in the gutter before they have even packed their suitcases to come home. But you are exactly the same aren’t you? I’m not here to tell you a bunch of angels gather and sup Ayahuasca together in Bahia, far from it. But I’m not here to tell you that you are an angel either.
At the end of the day the Ecoa Lodge is a commercial business and has to be to survive and the people attending on a five-sense level are usually not living on the bread line either. On a five sense level the HOI is basically the poshest and easiest way to drink Ayahuasca but at the end of the day its main aim is obviously to feed those that created it. What else can they do?
Just because we took part in Ayahuasca workshops does not mean anything actually changes on a five-sense level with or to the people attending. To be perfectly honest on a five – sense level, although I have been generously invited to attend, I have noticed only greed, business and vanity being discussed and egos and false personalities being displayed, during spare time, when the ceremonies or group discussions are not actually taking place.
I’ve seen more fake smiles take place at HOI than in an advert for toothpaste. I really have. I’ve seen so many puckered lips near influential backsides that I thought there was rampant disease spreading through Brazil called arselickyitus. But there again you see the same fake smiles anywhere else in the world and of course ‘kissin ass’ is rampant all over the world, especially if folk can benefit from suffering from arselickitus.
The difference is at Bahia is that once the drinking of Ayahuasca takes place then, unless the person drinking it fights its effects, then the usual hypocrisy and ego embedded in humans quickly disappears, if only for a short while. It is during this time and only this time that any collective spiritual ritual can take place. This is a time of equality, a window of collective spirit if you like. I noticed this window in consciousness the very first time I drank with the original crew in 2007. There simply is no boundaries or shackles during this time.
As soon as the effects of the medicine wear off everything changes back to normal. That is to say ego and status take over again and the arse kissers and the kissed arses play at being human beings again. For instance the wealthy play at being Lord of the Manor. The middle ranges of people play at snobbery and try to emulate the wealthy (but fail) and the poor try to get beg scraps off the wealthy and hey presto the true face of humanity is complete again. Obviously the poor sometimes try to mingle in the middle ranges but usually end up in the shit for doing so.
It is very sad to watch sometimes and I avoided watching it the best I could. There are no guilty culprits for this situation though and neither side, if that is what they are, is to blame.
I once thought I’d love to go to a workshop without an agenda or harbouring thoughts of perceived or directed spiritual duties but then I thought without an agenda or a perceived direction of spiritual duties I wouldn’t have got there in the first place. It was only my spiritual journey along with other people on the same journey that made it possible. Matthew Delooze as the factory worker would never have even seen Bahia.
Anyway, the sights and sounds of the workshops set something off inside of people at the HOI in Bahia. I see it in their faces but how do you tell people this? There is always a very strong feeling of Déjà vu to me too. I am convinced the events carried out there over the last two years were planned thousands of years ago and people who lived as equals planned them.
It was an ideal location for carrying out ‘collective’ ceremonies that combined the collective subconscious symbolism of the group with inter-dimensional imagery and geometry.
The Heart of the Heart of the Initiate always symbolised the collective energies of the group and the elements
Anyhow I arrived and soon settled in. The group was attending an opening circle meeting on day one of the workshop. I have mentioned many times that I am directed by an unseen force (This means I’m round the bloody bend to most people) and sometimes this force gets me to do things that I wouldn’t normally do in a million years. About two hours before the ‘opening circle’, a group meeting, was taking place I had strong urges not to attend it.
Obviously, if only out of manners and courtesy, I wanted to attend. The opening circle is simply a ritual to officially and politely connect the people in the workshop. The people simply say hello and communicate with the group whilst holding a ‘talking stick’. They then pass the talking stick on to the next group member so they can speak and so on and so forth.
The Talking Stick
I certainly wanted to hear the new members of the workshop speak so I decided to ignore the strong urges not to attend and I started to get ready.
I then literally came over all sick and dizzy and the only way to rid myself of these feelings was to lie on the bed ‘face down’. This feeling was very strong. Some force, and I have trusted the same force with good reason for over 10 years, placed me on the bed. There was no way I was going to attend this opening circle. I was literally pinned down on the bed by a force and literally put to sleep. I was literally ‘zonked out’ on purpose. Whatever was going on I was not allowed to attend or be part of the opening circle. As soon as the opening circle ritual was complete the force that had confined me to be face down on the bed immediately released me.
The First Ceremony
“Sickness will surely take the mind…
…where minds can’t usually go”
The group gathered later the next day to drink the Ayahuasca. Quiet a few of the experienced drinkers were all feeling rather sick at the thought of drinking the Ayahuasca. Obviously those folks that were new to the medicine did not have this experience. There seemed a very strong collective fear in the air about the taste of the Ayahuasca. It was baffling. Quite a few participants commented on the matter. We still drank it though and very surprisingly the Ayahuasca actually tasted rather tame compared to previous ceremonies.
I went for a wander around waiting for the Aya to kick in and sure enough it did. I felt a little subdued by the occasion and I pondered on my reluctance to come to Brazil as the time of the event approached. It didn’t feel like the other Aya ceremonies felt. It was different. I already knew this before I drank but I had no idea why it was ‘different’.
My mind flashed back a few months and I remembered my efforts, on the oneball site, and the direction I had started to take regarding my future plans and the information I felt I had to pass on. I mean information that I had to pass on not information I actually wanted to pass on. My mind flashed back around 10 months and I remembered my thoughts from then and I realised that I had been aware of what was to come. I thought of the last two days and the uneasiness I felt and I was still baffled by the fact I didn’t go to the opening circle.
The Ayahuasca began to kick in and I was soon going in to an altered state of consciousness. I was feeling funny in other words! The whole atmosphere started to change around me. I am an experienced drinker and I very soon connected with the trees and the breeze and I felt tremendous calm for a few minutes. I then thought to myself “bloody hell you fool, you’ve gone and done it again”. Those that have drunk Ayahuasca will know what I mean when I say that ‘I was back in a place I remembered’ or should I say ‘I was going forward to the past’. I suppose the latter really sums up Ayahuasca for me. ‘I was going forward to the past’. I suppose that comment reminds me, or even you for that matter, of the movie ‘Back to the Future’. I tell you the truth, and I don’t really care what you think of me for doing so, after the last 10 years I have had, when I say ‘that all your futures are in the past’.
The future will make the past come for you.
Anyway. The past was now calling for me and I wanted to go to it. By drinking the Ayahuasca I knew I was back in a time warp where I also knew that I only had a short time to find some answers or some kind of satisfaction or comfort regarding my current situations as I was struggling to cope with my direction, especially over the last six months or so. I headed over to my bed but I felt calm. As I lay down I thought the medicine was not powerful enough or that I had not drunk enough and actually half of me wanted it to be so. I didn’t really want a white knuckle, blood and thunder; Ayahuasca trip, puking up and shitting like a Hippo, all over the place.
To my surprise as soon as I lay down I started to see visions in a form that I hadn’t witnessed before. I shut my eyes and it was like I was looking down from above watching a scene unfold. Unlike the majority of the Ayahuasca journeys I have previously taken, in which I feel and was told that I was part of a collective force to serve the others, I realised that this vision was exclusively for me.
The music of the Shaman was playing now and I felt at ease and peaceful.
I was, as I said, looking down from above and I saw four men and four women. They were in pairs and carrying out some sort of promise to each other. They were very serious. I actually felt the seriousness of the situation. The area seemed to resemble a scene out of ancient Egypt or ancient South America but I soon understood that the location of the scene didn’t really matter.
I couldn’t see any Egyptian or Mayan symbolism at all to verify it though, not that I was really looking. I just saw these four couples and four wooden coffins as clear as a bell. Four ‘Sarcophagi’ I suppose, if Sarcophagi is the right term to use of course. I’m sure it is. The clothing being worn by the men resembled leather tunics of some sort and linen tunics seemed to be worn the females. The females were very beautiful. Goddess like.
The coffins were not very grand or very fancy coffins. They were simple and plain. The tops or lids of each sarcophagus were pushed to one side. Each couple then placed something in each sarcophagus. I couldn’t see what it was but after these couples finished placing whatever they were placing in the coffins they simply turned to each other and hugged each other like it was the last time they would do so.
In the vision I then ‘followed’ the couples in to a type of Inn or Tavern, it was just like an ancient pub if you like. The four males and the four females then separated from each other and went into different but adjoining rooms and the door separating them was then closed. I was looking down from above and could see both rooms. (The females were actually pushing and shoving each other trying to look and listen through the keyhole – I thought bloody hell nothing has changed in thousands of years!) The four men sat at a big solid table on a bench type seat, I remember thinking that I had seen this vision before in a dream, it was again a case of déjà vu, the men were tapping their right hands on a table in sync with each other, just like they were playing drums, all tribal like.
Then all of a sudden around twelve soldier type men entered the room. A fat smug looking man was leading them and an important looking man in fancy clothes that had servants around him followed them. The men looked all ‘official’ like, carrying weapons, and they had strange costumes on too.
I was no longer in a state of peace and calm and I started to feel anxious. Without warning the four men were very violently butchered with knives or swords and spears, the four men did not defend themselves, not in the slightest, it was like they knew the slaughter had to happen and I felt a little shocked at the scene I was witnessing and I truly wanted it to end so I tried to open my eyes to end the vision but my eyes just wouldn’t open. I was forced to witness the butchery. The fat smug looking man was laughing about it, which seemed to annoy and shock me. I wanted to get the fat bugger and it was only a vision! The fat man appeared to be chanting something as the men were butchered.
Again all I could hear was the shamans’ music. I could not hear any words or voices in the vision.
I could see the four women in the other room weeping but they never tried to stop or interfere with the barbaric events taking place and, on the other hand, the soldier types never entered the room in which the women were located. The bodies of the four men were eventually laid out on the same table they had just previously been tapping their right hands on in unison. The fat man gouged out their eyes and then all eight eyes were placed on a silver looking tray or plate. The plate was covered with images of symbolism. Then the important looking man in the posh robes took ‘the plate full of eyes’ with him and left the scene in a hurry. One of his servants gave the fat man who now looked to be laughing hysterically a small bag. I assumed and I actually felt like it was some kind of payment. The fat man and the soldier types then left the Inn.
The four women came rushing on to the scene.
I then saw the four men being attended to by the weeping women and then placed in the four sarcophagi. Their funeral was only watched over by the four women, no one else. There were coins of some description placed over the eye sockets of the butchered men. The Sarcophagi were then sealed.
I felt sick. I opened my eyes and thought what the hell is going on here.
I stood up and I was only about half an hour in to my journey. I didn’t feel as queasy as I normally do off Ayahuasca and again I had the distinct thought that is was a weak brew of Aya or I had simply not drunk enough of it. The vision I had just experienced felt more like a dream or nightmare and I thought that maybe the Ayahuasca was having no effect and I had actually just fell asleep and had a dream.
I was happy with that thought but by then the Aya started to affect me again. I sat back down and looked around. I could see the Ayahuasca was really affecting me because I could see the usual shape shifting images associated with the plant and people were literally shape shifting in to other figures in front of me. I looked around again and saw three women turn in to ancient Mayans or Aztecs and they looked to be wearing cloaks. I saw the Shaman turn in to an ancient Indian Chief. I knew I was shit faced all right but I was more in control of my physical abilities than normal.
I lay back down and I went straight in to a trance. The usual swirling colours appeared and I went with them. I saw a path and I followed it. The Marlon Brando type ‘face’ appeared again and I was glad to see it. The face had no eyes this time though. It had two silver plates as eyes instead. I recognised one of the plates as being similar to the one I came in to possession a few years ago. The face in my vision looked around shaking his head from side to side like Stevie Wonder does when he’s singing and said ‘I should have gone to spec-savers instead shouldn’t I?’ I laughed.
The Head that has been with me throughout my journeys… looked like this.
The plates then spun and turned into normal eyes and then the face pretended to be cross-eyed. The face asked me through telepathy about the vision that I just had. “What did you feel? “ he said. “It felt like Déjà Vu” I replied. “I felt angry towards the fat bugger,” I added.
The face said ‘it should do because you were one of the four men”. I was shocked. I remembered the men’s faces from the vision and thought none of them looked like me. I told the face my thoughts. The face said, “Yes of course, but you weren’t as ugly then as you are now!” The face added that I was getting as fat as the fat bugger too. I think I blushed. I told the face I couldn’t remember being one of the four men but I did feel something strange but I thought it was just a dream and nothing to do with the Ayahuasca medicine.
The face said that ‘everything’ I am experiencing in my life is a dream and has nothing to do with the Ayahuasca medicine. The face said the Aya side of things is simply on a par with a commercial break in a movie. I was told that the Ayahuasca simply provides ‘a commercial break dream in a bigger dream’ and that the ‘commercial breaks’ provided by the Ayahuasca can either provide the tools we need to break from the bigger dream or it can provide us with golden ticket dream tokens to keep the bigger dream going. The face then told me again that I had chosen to communicate through Ayahuasca and the process also allowed me to carry out ritual by using the free will and the symbolism carried by the attendees.
With the hindsight and knowledge that I gained from previous Ayahuasca experiences I started to understand that scenario more clearly. I actually thought, in an attempt to explain the situation to you, of the movie ‘Total Recall’. The movie is based around mind manipulation and false memories and mentions a place called ‘Rekall’, that offers ‘implanted memories’ to its clients. I have researched many movies in my time and I mention Total Recall in my book the Stars Are Falling. In the movie the person being implanted with the false memories (Arnie Schwarzenegger/ ‘Quaid’) actually starts to remember his ‘true’ memories but he only does this by receiving and being triggered by the actual THOUGHT of receiving ‘false’ memories. This was traumatic for Quaid. He hadn’t even been injected with the false memory it was simply the trigger words contained in the script of the false memory that he thought he was going to be implanted with that triggered him off and led him to discover his true memories.
The ‘thought’ of receiving false memories through an injection triggered off real memories.
The ‘commercial’ implant at Rekall, instead of being a simply fantasy, a dream, actually became a ‘real and powerful tool’ that actually helped ‘awaken the participant’ from his already phony like existence. In a nutshell… the thought of receiving false memory or actually receiving implanted visions actually created the only true means to enable any positive access the truth.
Anyway I’m sure those that have seen the movie will understand what I mean. I’m sure a few forum-ites are still gossiping about Hollywood Movies on forums and I’m sure they still will do in their old age too. They will be no wiser mind.
Where was I? Oh yes… I was then told by my trusted ‘face’ that the reasons I had drunk Ayahuasca was because I too was receiving a powerful tool through another dream state (Ayahuasca land) to help me re-awaken myself from the dream state I am already in, which is my five sense reality life on planet Earth.
I asked the face if the short vision I was shown of the four men was a dream or a ‘real’ memory. The face smiled at me and said ‘it does not matter at this moment in time’ if you were really butchered or you were dreaming of someone else being butchered does it? The idea is to make ‘sure’ you come out of the bigger dream by being triggered by what you and others actually see as a smaller dream.
The face laughingly said “Maybe you are like Quaid my friend and you are here to sort the baddies out, save the planet and get the girl etc etc”.
The face told me I would remember the ‘full story’ one day soon and when I did I would know that is the time that I must write it down. I was told it was important that I did because I would then pass on a tool that some other people needed desperately.
I would create that tool simply by providing a description of the visions I had seen. I thought again of the movie Total Recall. I thought about ‘false’ memory implants actually creating the triggers for regaining our ‘true’ memories.
The face then told me to think of a biological plant as being a makeshift tape recorder, and to demonstrate this the face showed me a vision of a crappy old-fashioned tape recorder (Blowing the dust off it and coughing to emphasise its age).
A plant can be a makeshift tape recorder I was told
I was looking at this image of a tape recorder and then suddenly whooooosh another vision of two plants in pots suddenly appeared on the two reels of tape I was being shown. The face told me that an organic plant can ‘record’ things better than any machine created by man.
I laughed when the two pots I was looking at actually turned in to Bill and Ben the flowerpot men. I laughed even more when little weed’s voice appeared to be coming from the tape machine the two pots were placed on! She was the ‘speaker’.
I was shown this image as a reel-to-reel recorder.
Silly I know eh? That said the vision was the quickest way that I was going to understand, being the illiterate village idiot that I am, that some organic plants are actually living recording machines. The vision told me a story that I could instantly relate to because of my childhood and my heart knew it was true. That’s all I need to take the information in.
The face then told me to pay attention
The face told me that a long time ago, when this world was about to be hijacked by the deceptive force I know as the Serpent Cult, that a certain few people knew that they were going to be incapacitated on a spiritual level, cut off from the oneness if you like, by the said hijackers. The Serpent Cult was also going to implement the beginning of the means to create a system that would eventually control all of the minds and intuition of all human beings. I was shown some more very deep visions regarding plants playing the role of recording devices but then I was shown scenes of soldiers burning books and paintings too.
I was shown another image of the same soldiers trying to destroy and burn certain plants but as they tried to do so the wind blew the roots, the leaves and indeed the very seeds of the plants way way high up into the sky. I was shown in vivid details that these seeds were blown to safe places where they were allowed to thrive in good soil with plenty of rainwater and heat. The plants then lived and died through their seeds, just like human beings do, and of course the plants also carried information from the past just like human beings do through DNA. The face said plants actually could store direct imagery from the past. The certain few people that I mention from the past knew how to use the plant as a recording device. They knew the serpent cult could not kill off all the plants so they did not use books to store recordings because books are easily burnt.
I started to understand more. I started to see. I tell you the truth when I say I saw forward to the past. I was allowed to liken or compare the situation to someone finding an old long lost LP or tape recording of their favourite singer or band in their loft and then actually finding the means to play it. Once this happens both the recording and the human being involved are ‘united’ and the human is usually invigorated, awakened and reconnected with the inspirational information, the recording, they knew and loved from the past. Both the recording and the person actually become awakened again. Yes? They are both taken forward to the past. They do not go back to the past they are taken forward to the past.
My mind raced and I opened my eyes. I got the feeling again that the medicine was not strong and I was actually having ‘normal dreams’. I knew the medicine was affecting me but the doubts kept appearing. It was like the experience I was having had to include the question of how powerful the medicine actually was. It was part of the events. The experiences seemed clearer, more like a dream in my bed at home, than the kick and rush of a typical journey created by the medicine known as Ayahuasca.
I sat and looked around at the rest of the group. The Shaman’s music was still going strong. The whole group seemed to create a very placid downbeat ceremony. I decided to go to the toilet. I knew if I was in a true Ayahuasca trance that I would see the regular hallucinations that are associated with Ayahuasca in the trees etc. I didn’t feel like I wanted to purge and I didn’t. I looked in the mirror in the toilet and for a fleeting moment I actually saw the man (one of four) from the vision earlier.
I turned around and walked to the beach (a few yards away from the toilet). I looked to the sea and took a deep breath. I thought my journey was over. I felt in a state of ‘come down’ but then the usual, Ayahuasca created, ‘humming sound’ started again and that is a warning that something is happening to me so I quickly went back to my mattress. The whole area then took on a different shape and image. I looked at the area where I saw the rose window symbolism back in March and sure enough a path appeared in exactly the same place as last time. A combination of the trees and flickering lights brought on a very graphic image for me.
I literally watched the window appear but it looked different this time. The window was an exact copy of the oneballmedia logo. The trees and the light made the one-ball logo seem like a rose window. It seemed pretty strange to me seeing the logo in the air so to speak. This is how I saw it.
I looked around and I also saw three female members of the group standing up. They appeared to me resemble some kind of committee of ‘judges’. I started to feel quite sick. I thought I was going to purge so I turned on my side and when trying to stop the sick feeling I saw a red light and it instantly took my sickness away. I think it was someone’s cigarette. The light then turned in to a red arrow pointing upwards.
I looked upwards and concentrated on the light shades that were above me.
The flames from the shaman’s fire were making the lightshades take on the shape of other objects I saw one light shade as a mass of bees and another as a mass of snakes. I had the noise of buzzing and hissing. I had no idea where it was coming from as the shaman’s music was now stopped and it was just the natural sounds of nature around us. The sounds stopped and the visions of the bees and the snakes went away.
The lightshades in the cold light of day
I looked around and almost everyone appeared to be in his or her bed. It was very quiet. I shut my eyes and I could see nothing at all. I then noticed a blue dot appear in the darkness sort of thing, a plain blue dot. The blue dot started pulsating and started to grow and the more it pulsated the more it grew. All of a sudden the blue dot exploded like a massive firework and the brilliant sparks from the firework were bright electric blue in colour and then the sparks turned in to ‘tears’. They were all tear-shaped. They eventually died down and the firework spluttered to a finish I was then shown the used firework in a puddle and that puddle had literally put the firework out. The firework was all tatty and burnt but I could just make out the name printed on it, it was called ‘Drops from the Sky Fountain’.
Don’t ask me why. I don’t know. I’m only telling you what I remember seeing! Don’t forget I had drunk Ayahuasca, the most powerful potion in the world, and I’m supposed to be insane already anyway, so words like ‘Drops from the Sky Fountain’ means something far more to inter-dimensional forces than it does to me.
Or maybe Drops from the Sky Fountain means something to you. Hey believe me I’m still bloody reeling from visions of sticking my lost oar in the faces of grey people to worry about silly bloody names on fireworks. Well wouldn’t you be in my shoes? Wouldn’t you?
So don’t bloody blame me if you think I’m insane for talking about any Drops from the Sky Fountain, go and blame the NHS and my GP for neglecting me. My dad used to say that the Lancashire NHS is full of useless incompetent lying bastards, and all the GP’s were corrupt ‘wannabe importants’, and he was right too. Too true he was bloody right!
Anyway where were we? Come on…
Oh yes… I opened my eyes after seeing the words ‘Drops from the Sky Fountain’. I looked back towards the area where the Rose window was. The person on the bed near the rose window was not there. The image of the rose window had simply ‘gone’ too. I shut my eyes again. The very trusted face that looked like superman’s dad appeared again after a short time.
It told me that the Ayahuasca ceremonies were mainly insignificant for me during this week. I was mainly here to witness things and endorse events. I was to do a write up on the ceremonies on my return though. The ‘group’ was only important to me on a 5-sense level that week. I could do nothing to help anyone if I tried I was told. Indeed I was told I could hinder folks by joining in the ceremonies. I was told I was not part of the circle and that was done on purpose. I was there that week simply to ‘accept things and receive things ‘.
The face told me that things this week were now entirely in the hands of the plant medicine and the force that had brought me to Bahia. I was not needed. I felt like a bloody spare part. I was told again that my role that week was only one of ‘acceptance and observation’. It was part of something that had been planned years ago. I asked what I had to observe and accept. I was told there would be a new ritual that week but I was told it hadn’t even been arranged yet. I felt a bit uneasy.
The face told me that this week’s group energy and symbolism was going to be combined with energy and symbolism passed forward from previous groups and it would be used for the ritual and it was all part and parcel of the events and had been since day one. I was told that all faces that had been involved before were still represented at this weeks events.
The face took me back to my first experiences with the Ayahuasca. I had a series of flashbacks. These flashbacks reminded me, in around 30 seconds, of all the events, the people and the experiences that have taken place in the last few years. It was just like the pack of cards vision I had when I first drunk Ayahuasca but instead of showing me the faces and bodies (different lives and lifetimes) of the individual members of the crew, this time the cards showed me all the events that had happened in the Ayahuasca workshops.
I was reminded of what I wrote in Only Love Can Bring The Rain and I was reminded that ‘I write the truth’. I wrote this.
I tried to tell the crew what I had experienced and I said that I wasn’t there to experience what they were experiencing. I told them that between them they symbolised ‘everything in this world’. Their collective symbolism from this lifetime and many others meant that no stone was left unturned and if they were all put under trance then they would become a very powerful spiritual force indeed. The face (the head) then reminded me that the crews, the group members, that have attended the same workshops as I have had actually taken part in ‘rituals’.
I was shown rapid flashbacks again and this time they were of my experiences in Colombia. I had written an article called Standing in the Line of Fire. I wrote this.…
The face told me I was going to see things that would help me understand how to break free from the prison I am trapped in and the face also told me I would carry out a ritual that will help unite others in this world who can then, in turn, help everyone who wants to escape from their prison too.
The face then continued to remind me of the things that had already been completed. I was reminded about visions and test from previous Ayahuasca journeys including, in the ‘Come On Feel the Noise’ article, the judging of the Shaman and facing the beast. I wrote…
The face said, “I had to face the beast” at the next ceremony and no matter what happened I had not to request any help nor had I to spiritually surrender to what I see and hear. If I was successful then it would help in the future and allow the Shaman to have more power and therefore future ceremonies would hold far more meaning. It would eventually help ‘unite all the elements’.
I was transfixed with all the stuff that had actually gone on. I realised that very few people, if any at all, would have taken my Ayahuasca articles seriously, even most of those that attended the workshops, and I realised no one would truly understand what was actually going on or its importance. After all Matthew Delooze is simply a ‘nutter from the gutter’ who’d simply fell lucky and been invited to join in expensive workshops that took place thousands of miles away from his normal scum bag humdrum life in working class Lancashire. Well isn’t he and wasn’t he?
The face appeared to me again and winked. I was reminded again of the massive symbolism behind some of the workshops including the ‘timings’. I wrote an article called Every Little Thing She Does is Magic. I wrote.
As the sun went down on Friday the thirteenth a very ‘yellow’ near full moon rose up from the sea. I knew my journey was over. I also realised it was the autumn ‘Harvest’ moon in the southern hemisphere. I pondered on the facts of the five sense events that had come to pass that week. It had been my 50th Birthday, a Full Moon and Friday the Thirteenth all rolled in to one.
I started to ponder on things. I realised, nay I confirmed to myself, that all our workshops were indeed truly a means of carrying out multi-dimensional and inter-dimensional rituals. The circumstances, the participants, the visions and the timings of these Ayahuasca ceremonies were obviously arranged by a force that understood things on a far higher level than the majority of the actual people in attendance at the workshops. Indeed we carried out these inter-dimensional rituals in virtual ignorance as spiritual powers used our pathetic earthy ways and our egos to make them come to pass. That said who is actually going to believe me? Ego and comfort zones and ignorance and snobbery blind so many people.
Anyway, the face, this head that looked like Marlon Brando, then reappeared and told me that just because a crew, group or tribe is known or described as ‘special’ it does not mean that a crew, group or tribe is gifted with intelligence or spiritually special. It just means the tribe fits the symbolism and has the skills needed for certain rituals to be carried out and it is that which ‘makes them special’.
A plumber becomes a very special force when the toilet is blocked I was told!
The face showed me some more very graphic images which told me that that the powerful forces (creative oneness) that is in existence outside of the realms of the Serpent Cult on Planet Earth are not allowed to intervene with human beings or even enter this world without following ‘universal laws’ or carrying out certain rituals that satisfy universal law. The human race, the collective consciousness, decides who rules this planet through their thoughts.
External forces operating outside the realms of human existence cannot go against the wishes of the collective consciousness in this world and anyone physically entering this world must exist within the will of the collective consciousness of the world it enters. In other words anyone entering this world is to be dumbed down and ruled over by the force that actually dumbs them down. It is indeed a very crafty force that is in control of the human collective consciousness. A person cannot possibly enter this world carrying esoteric information that will set the inhabitants of this world free. It is the will of the collective consciousness, universal law that actually prevents this and not any thing else.
I thought I already understood the basics from that sort of scenario and I have written about it for years but I was provided with far clearer understanding, at least from my point of view, on the matter.
I instantly realised that the face was actually programming me for future events, as daft as it sounds now to you it made sense to me at the time. The face told me I ‘had’ to write about universal laws amongst other things and attempt to explain it in a way that will help the folks it is meant to help. The information had to come through me because of what I symbolised. (Hey and you and me thought I only symbolised a sad nutter from the gutter didn’t we?)
The face said I would continue to suffer for doing this. I told the face that I had suffered enough already and have forgotten what it is like ‘not to suffer’ (since around 1990 prior my conscious awakening in 1999). I actually felt one tear run down my face in self-pity. The face jokingly mocked me for the tear and said “come on everybody say aaahhh” I smiled and then I laughed.
I was shown what I had to go through and I was reminded about the fakers and the takers. I was reminded that most people will only take from me and others will steal from me and that the vast majority of faces that may claim to be enlightened are the most dumbed down selfish people of them all. Going off my experiences I had to agree. I really did.
I broke from the vision and I still felt like I was not truly under the influence of the Ayahuasca. It simply did not feel the same as previous workshops. I could see other members of the group that were obviously under the influence, if only mildly, but I felt the ceremony was a symbolic time for ‘sobering up’.
I went to the toilet again. I looked in to the mirror and, probably due to the lighting on a 5-sense level or a crack on the mirror, I saw a tear run down the face reflected in it. It was not my face. I went back to my mattress and the Ayahuasca seemed to pull me in to trance again but it did so in a far milder way than in the past. I looked across to where I saw the rose window in the shape of the one ball logo. I saw this as clear as a bell. First a crack appeared. Then a section of the window cracked and splintered)
The bottom section of the ‘window’ cracked and splintered
The person led on the mattress directly under this vision of the window got up and walked away from it and has he did so that the bottom of the window fell to the floor and it shattered like glass. I turned away from the vision and watched the man go in to the direction of the trees. I looked back in the direction of the vision of the broken rose window and it now looked like this….
The section fell away and shattered
My attention was directed to the three group members that resembled a ‘judging committee’, that I mentioned earlier, and the shaman’s fire illuminated the area where they were located. The three group members seemed to walk off in the opposite direction. I was left looking upwards and I was attracted to the light shades above me again. They were slightly illuminated by the shaman’s fire too. (For those that have never drunk Ayahuasca… your attention is somehow attracted to objects and the natural surroundings and because of the effects of medicine creates the visions you experience, that is why certain objects and images present at the ceremony matter and that is why I have pointed them out in previous experiences.).
Anyway I now saw the lightshades as ‘emotions’. I saw one lightshade turn into ‘greed’ whilst it was swinging around in a breeze it turned in to a gaping mouth greedily churning up and chewing food. It reminded me of the green ‘slimer’ out of the film Ghostbusters. It made me ‘feel’ sick. I looked at the other lightshade and it showed me ‘ego’ by turning in to the shape of a catwalk model, literally shaking its ass in the breeze. Something made me want to look away but when I tried to just that it made me look at it even more. I literally had to force my eyes away from this ‘lightshade’. These minor visions happen all the time under Ayahuasca but not many folks take notice.
Anyway the voice superman’s dad face, which is fast becoming world famous in Ayahuasca circles, appeared in my vision. It told me that both ‘lightshades’ represented main ingredient of the true collective energy of the members of the current workshop in Bahia that week. This vision and added narration caused me to feel a pang of truth in my chest that I get now and again. I don’t know what that pang is, I’m sure the hippies etc will call it the chakras, I call it basic honest truthful realisation and when it causes your lungs to keep hold of the breath you gave them for longer than normal then it’s time to take note of what you saw or heard that actually caused your body to react that way. I have felt that pang of truth in my chest several times during my 50 years in this shithole of a world. It has never ever been mistaken.
The face appeared in front of me and said I told you before that although the group could be described as ‘special’ it did not mean that they were special through spirituality. The face told me again that just because a crew, group or tribe is known or described as ‘special’ it does not mean that a crew, group or tribe is intellectually or spiritually special. It just means the tribe ideally fits the symbolism and has the equipment, through personal actions and symbolism, needed for certain rituals to be carried out and it is only that which ‘makes them special’.
The face said that if anyone needed to carry out a very important symbolic ritual that officially not only required the presence of a group of goodie goodie librarians but also required the presence of a group of baddy baddy bank robbers then both groups become ‘special’ ingredients for the ritual to be cooked. The fact that the librarians maybe deemed better people than bank robbers by the majority of sheeple the fact is in ritual that all ingredients are equal. Again a humble plumber becomes a very very special person when a ‘toilet full of shit’ is blocked. I hope the added words made it clearer this time.
The face told me that all the workshops I had attended contained ‘special’ people but those special people were usually representative of the most false egotistical, selfish, and greedy people in the world and that is why they were ‘special’ for the ritual. The face said that the rituals from ‘Matthew’s’ point of view were a case of overcoming spiritual challenges and I had been challenged to carry out a number of seemingly impossible tasks in order to reach my goal.
The face told me that although the Ayahuasca workshop members had helped 100% to bring about a ritual (The symbolic drill as mentioned in the first Ayahuasca experience) it was time to forget any ideas about the Ayahuasca workshop members being on a spiritual mission simply out of goodness or spirituality. The face started laughing and said no one of this world is on a conscious mission simply out of unconditional goodness and spirituality. The people of this world are literally incapable of that.
The face told me that all the people in this world are only programmed to follow self-satisfaction, including me, and the face also said the Ayahuasca workshop members were also only on a mission to satisfy their own cravings or pleasures. That is the only way spiritual forces, that the group members cannot even see, can actually put ‘special’ groups together. These people are far easier led by their selfish five sense desires than being led buy any collective spiritual goodness in to the world. Unseen spiritual forces in this world use humans as chess pieces sometimes and these chess pieces move more easily if they are given a carrot that represents the vice that controls them the most.
The easiest way to put a group together is lead them by their weaknesses not their strengths. The latter (spiritual goodness) is usually non-existent whilst the former (selfish 5 sense desires) is always found in abundance. “We can only usually shepherd people through their selfishness and greed and not by spiritual goodness” the face said.” You will see in the future”
I felt a little perturbed by this situation but the feelings in the centre of my chest area were indicating that the face was not joking. I thought for a moment over what had made me actually come to Brazil, the fact that I wanted to actually help people I care for or the fact as I saw it as a free trip?
The face told me not to worry about things because nothing had changed about the group. The group has the same effect whether it collectively came together out of subconsciously led spiritual goodness or came together through consciously led selfish cravings. The face said the group came together whatever the reason and have therefore created the ingredients and the scenario required to help things progress.
Again I thought I was only dreaming and/or simply pondering on my own selfishness or true intentions and not on a journey fuelled by Ayahuasca. Maybe I was even sober. Maybe the Ayahuasca was actually doing its true job and healing me? Whatever the situation I realised only too well that Ayahuasca is not there to feed ego and greed but it will use the ego and greed of those that drink it to prove a point.
I have been taking in information about my directions for months now and its like I’m being trained for something.
Anyway, I was shown ‘a vision of a plant being a tape recorder again’. I was shown a very small reel of recording tape and I was also shown a massive reel of recording tape. I was told the massive reel was a recording of those names that have tried to ‘exploit’ the use of the plant medicine known as Ayahuasca and have arrogantly took it for granted. I was told the very small reel of tape that had recorded the names of those who didn’t try to exploit the plant.
The recording called exploitation!
I then sat up and shook my head. I looked around. All members of the group were in their beds and they looked like they were all dressed in smelly old bandages, not like Egyptian mummies though, they were like the lepers you see in old biblical movies. The blankets and the weak lighting created this vision.
I rested for a while and went in to deep thought and I started to understand more and more of my life and I received explanations as to some strange events that have happened to me over the years. I was even shown things I had forgot about and I was shown painful things that had upset me. I was stunned with realisations of what I am and what I am doing here. I questioned my sanity over several issues but I was shown insane things in a sane way. I suddenly felt funny again and started to see the swirling colours.
The face appeared again and told me it was ‘time to inflame the fire’ and feel the Rain. Most of the members of the group were on their beds. It was very quiet and peaceful. The Shaman was resting too. I automatically got up and walked to the fire and stoked it without a poker, it was a bit like a magic trick. Just like that! I don’t think anyone saw me. The fire flew in to life. I then walked to the beach feeling much happier with myself and I threw, what I’d used to inflame the fire, in to the air.
I then walked to my favourite spot near the swimming pool. I put out my hands and immediately, as though on cue, spots of rain fell on my hands. Each drop felt like a magical potion was hitting my hands. The light rain was hitting the swimming pool too and in doing so was creating more visions for me and I had this feeling of sheer bliss. I didn’t care if I got wet. I could see faces in the pool and the light raindrops were literally caressing my face like some sort of healing process was going on.
Then out of the blue I saw my mother’s image appear on the water. I had to look twice. My heart stopped for a moment and I was overcome with emotion. The more emotional I felt the more raindrops hit my face. The raindrops were very gentle. Again I was engulfed in emotion through an energy that is not of this world. I wallowed in it. I received some personal messages and I was humbled. Oh my brothers I was humbled. The images in the pool went away I tried to ‘wish them back’ but I was always going to be disappointed. I staggered backwards still watching the ripples in the pool and sat down on a bench in the pousada next to the pool. I was very dizzy from the experience that I’d just had.
A few minutes later, after drinking some water, I returned to my bed knowing I really was starting the ‘come down’ procedure. A few of the group members were up and about so I knew their journeys were on come down too. ‘The water told me this was happening’. No not in a squeaky voice like David Beckham has either I meant I knew the journey was over because I was drinking water!
It still felt like the energy of the ceremony was purposely played down throughout the night but I still had the most powerful experience ever at the end of it. Anyway I looked around at the group still on their beds and all the leper bandages had gone. The lightshades were looking pretty normal again too. Come down was calling.
The face appeared again as I tried to go to sleep. The face asked me if I now understood the lead up and true picture of events in Bahia this time around. I said “yes I think so”. The face said it would not do me much good to drink Ayahuasca again this week. The face suggested I just rest through my fasting and just await the ritual I needed to witness that week. The face said my five sense actions and the five sense actions of others this week took priority and were far more important symbolically, as far as I was concerned, than the actual medicine. I didn’t understand what the face meant. I turned and looked at my wife and she was coming round from her journey. We decided to go back to our accommodation. She was happily recollecting the details of her journey and telling me about it. She then turned to me and said, “Did you see owt?” What could I say? I just said it was a mild experience. I was awake for the rest of the night.
“You could only repeat what we told you!”
The day after the first Ayahuasca ceremony I was really pondering on events and I felt very weak and I knew something was propping me up. I was hungry and very run down.
I remember it being almost time for the group to form a circle and to speak of their journeys of the previous night. I had only just previously openly approached the creators of the workshop and told them that I wasn’t going to drink again that week but I suggested I shouldn’t tell the group this as it may look like fear and cause others not to drink. I knew though that the ceremony had been rendered ‘mild’ as part of the symbolism and no one would have been scared by the experience. So the chances of anyone else not drinking were minimal.
I received the words I needed to hear, from one of the symbolic creators of this particular workshop, one of the elders if you like. He said,” I think your job is done Matthew” He said this just before the group discussion took place and his fellow creator witnessed this without further comment.
These discussions groups are usually very boring affairs for most people unless there was a massive energy present at the ceremony of course then they are pretty exciting. But not many people speak about their experiences anyway. Indeed most people keep totally stum or splutter out a couple of phony sentences. This is usually because they can’t actually make any sense out of their journeys and / or they simply don’t want to make a fool of themselves.
I was sat near the end of the circle, so to speak, I mean I would be one of the last to speak about my experiences because of the seating arrangements. I felt the urge to tell the story in its entirety, even telling secrets from years ago. For some reason I felt very strange. When the microphone came to me, not forgetting of course, that I have stood up in public halls doing talks about aliens and serpent cults etc, but instead of just telling my story as it happened I simply started bumbling like a knob head. I felt like Jim Carey in the film Liar Liar only it wasn’t lies I wanted to tell… it was the bloody truth.
I tried several times to get my story out. It was just impossible. My head was flooded with flashbacks of the encounter with the face and with the visions I had at the swimming pool and the female energy I felt.
I tried to open my mouth and speak but there was nothing coming out. I simply wasn’t allowed to tell the story. I remembered the words I was only here to observe. I tried again to tell the group about my experiences. The more I tried to speak the more emotional I felt. I eventually broke down, if only for a few moments.
I knew I had been set up, just as I have been set up several times in the last 10 years. With hindsight, a month after the event, ‘I simply wasn’t allowed’ to speak about certain things. This wasn’t some sort of cruel act against me by a cruel spiritual force that was taking the piss out of me. The set up was actually happening to help me and not hinder me. It was the only way the force that directs me could create the situation needed for the week’s rituals to come to pass.
Obviously no man wants to appear ‘silly’ in front of a group of people whether they be friends or enemies. The force that directs me has put me in many difficult positions but from those difficult positions you see the true faces of people.
And of course there’s nowhere to run to in those situations. People just see ‘you’ they do not see spiritual forces nor do they know what you have experienced. They do no realise that it is they that are appearing as the specimen because they see you as the specimen. Spiritual forces do not feel embarrassment because they see a bigger picture and we simply cannot see the same.
These forces just created the script, the stage and provide the audience. They ensure that the script is performed in the easiest way possible, they also ensure that the stage has the right props and that the audience see that the script is actually carried out to the letter. It’s only the ones who have the dirty jobs to do that have to face the music over any embarrassing scenes in the script. I only shed two tears but I only knew too well through my experiences that I could have been made to weep a lake if need be.
Whatever reason there was for taking my tongue away at the group meeting on that day I’m sure it was either to stop me buggering anything up, or tears in public were required for some reason. But let me tell you the truth, and please heed my words, those two tears, one from each eye, were not tears of water droplets shed out of weakness or sadness they were tears of fire and were shed from strength and gladness and, I tell you the truth, I have already wept a lake of fire and that lake is now ready to burn all those that caused me to create it.
Did the last paragraph sound psychotic enough for you or do you want me to reveal some more revelations at a later date?
Anyway. The group talk was over. I simply lazed around the complex for the next day or so. I was fasting which heightens the senses especially with the use of Ayahuasca. My lack of food was causing my body to break out in various skin diseases just like it did in March. I simply tried to concentrate on other matters and simply enjoy the beautiful scenery around me. I am researching and concentrating on many subjects at once. I was trying to plan ahead with the mountain of subjects going on in my mind. Then I realised that the subjects I’m researching were all connected in some way.
I remembered happily joining in with the shamanic offering to the Earth ceremony. We all simply place crystals in a hole in the ground and for some reason I also placed the unopened version of the same symbolic padlock that was used the last time I visited the HOI. So I knew that someone was going to start to reveal some very startling revelations whether they wanted to or not. It had to be so it was part of the ritual.
I gave the ‘opened’ padlock as an offering to the Earth and with hindsight I know it was accepted
The Second Ceremony
On the dance floor broken glass…
…and bloody faces slowly pass
The second ceremony soon came around and I had decided to drink again anyway. I don’t think there was ever any doubt about that anyway. It was going to be a daytime ceremony. I was feeling very weak and tired even before I drank.
Warinei The Shaman with two jugs of Ayahuasa
I drank the Ayahuasca down. Again I enjoyed about 15 minutes of just walking around the pool area watching the sea and the trees in the sun. I felt pretty relaxed. I started to go in to ‘aya mode’. I thought here we go again. The medicine eventually took effect on me and I was the last person to take to my mattress.
I had a couple of hand made masks located directed above my head (A coincidental display of shamanic art from a little market stall that had been laid out previously that day) and they instantly took my attention. The colours of the masks swirled around very hypnotically and I was soon under trance and the Shaman’s music that I had started to hear on another level of consciousness only added to the trance.
The medicine soon started to take over me and my consciousness shifted again. I was soon in a very altered state of spirit. I knew, even though the face said drinking wasn’t important, that this ceremony was indeed very important. The swirling colours of the masks grabbed my attention and I was soon literally taken ‘underground’ by the masks as soon as I shut my eyes. I simply led face down on my mattress and the masks led the way. Whoossh the vision ‘felt’ strangely weak, slower than usual, but it was still extremely graphic at the same time.
The three masks that were above my mattress: Which one grabs your fancy?
I immediately came to a door that very quickly ignited in to a mass of flames (I actually felt the heat) and I saw three warrior type figures sat on chairs in front of the burning door Each figure had a mask on and all three masks resembled one of the masks that had been above mattress in 5-sense reality.
All three men were wearing this mask
The three figures were facing the burning door just like they were warming their hands etc. They just sat there waiting for the door to be burnt away. The mass of flames then rapidly died down and I saw a larger version of the lock that I had placed in the ground at the offering to the Earth ceremony (with the word revelation stamped on it pictured earlier) on the floor. The burning of the door had caused the lock to fall to the ground. I went forward and stood over the lock, leaving the three masked figures still sat behind me, and as I picked the lock up it burnt my hand (I actually felt pain) but instead of me dropping it to stop the pain I actually grimaced and then placed the padlock in the centre of my palm of my right hand and then squashed it directly on to the central area of my forehead. I didn’t feel any pain.
After I had done this I turned around to face the three figures. They were still sat in the exact same places, in their chairs, but their masks had partially melted I couldn’t make out the features or colours on the masks.
The three warrior type figures then removed their masks and I could see they too had the padlock symbol, showing the mirror image of the word revelation, on their foreheads. They all held their right hands up in the air and I could see the same (opened) padlock symbol on the palms of their hand too, just like mine. The three warrior type figures then stood up and walked through the doorway that once held the door. I suddenly came out of trance and the vision went away.
Hey don’t blame me for that I only drank the stuff! I wanted it to carry on too. How would you like to have a bloody padlock burnt on to your forehead and your hand and then not know why. I turned around and lay on my back my mind swimming. I looked around and I could still see that I was under the influence of ayahuasca. I was seeing several members of the group looking like they were members of a different life form or at least looking like they were from a different time period in history.
I got the same vision of a small section of the group (the three females) being some kind of judges, or advisors or a committee. I scanned around the room and because of the effect of the trees and the medicine I saw the same rose window from previous times but again it had taken on the image of the oneball logo. It was starting to go darker and dusk was threatening to arrive and the change in light made the visions far more intense and changeable
I tried to concentrate on the rose window/one ball image I was seeing, and again the window showed me the same thing as it had done in the previous journey….
“The person led on the mattress under this vision of the window got up and walked away from it and as he did that the bottom of the window fell to the floor and it shattered like glass.”
This time I looked back at the vision of the rose window and two more sections of the window splintered and cracked and fell to the ground.
Two more sections of the window shattered and fell to the ground
The shaman’s music seemed to mingle in with the vision. I knew the images were important. His music suddenly sounded very serious too. Just an hour earlier I had found it comical. I got the urge to look up at the light shades and they attracted me and sucked my eyes in, both had taken up the image of two ‘decapitated heads’ swinging on the gallows, so to speak, which was quite upsetting at first.
I tried to rid myself of the images I was seeing. I got the urge to get up off my arse. I was dizzy from the effects of the medicine but only slightly compared to other ceremonies. I was literally being directed again, ‘my legs were not mine’ in other words. I have experienced this a few times previously. I went to the Shaman’s fire again. I fed it like magic just like I did on the previous journey. I then went to the pousada near the swimming pool. I was going in and out of trance. I knew I was not myself. I knew I was after some sort of ritualistic confirmation some sort of trigger. The sun had gone down apart from a little speck of light on the horizon. I then saw two figures that resembled ‘mummies’ and they were laying on some sort of an altar (They were really only led head to head and raised off the ground on a large bench but it looked like an altar to me under Ayahuasca) I know it sounds daft to those that have never drunk Ayahuasca but that is how certain visions are. Your eyes become like a movie archive and you see iconic figures and ancient figureheads all over the bloody place.
Anyway I saw immediately that one ‘mummy’ actually represented the other. Their heads were almost touching and their feet were pointing in opposite directions. They were equals but playing out a spiritual role through the symbolism they carried, just as all other members of the group were doing. I knew these two females carried important symbolism and I knew one of them had been used before but I didn’t know how.
Anyway I symbolically made my offering to the altar that the two mummies were on and awaited a response. I knew I’d get one.
One of the mummies who symbolically represented the creation of this altar asked me what it was. I told her and I asked her if she liked it. She said she did not like it, she said it was not good enough. I asked the other mummy, who was a symbolic creator of rules, a ‘rule’ maker, the same question. She confirmed that she did not like the offering either. She symbolically ruled it out. The eldest and founder member of the group witnessed this and said nothing. I also realised that the two mummies were two members of the three figures that I saw as a kind of the judging committee from previous visions. They had left the third symbolic member of the trio out of the decision. I was glad.
I then went back to the fire and made it bigger by offering the same thing that I offered the two mummies on the altar. The fire willingly accepted it.
I then went back to my mattress. I thought I was doing well there was no sickness in my stomach and not even a trace of the two bob bits (shits) threatening to stain the Persil white underpants I was wearing, and it was dark already. I tried to understand what was going on and some force was trying its very best to show me. I started to relax and I felt a change in consciousness coming on again.
I looked up at the lightshades again and I was still seeing ‘decapitated heads’.
The lightshades took on the appearance of decapitated heads in the darkness.
I shut my eyes to get rid of this awful image and straight away the face, which looks like superman’s dad, appeared again and it said ‘I thought I suggested you didn’t drink?’ ‘I take it you couldn’t keep away eh?’ It added ‘I didn’t think you could’. The face pulled a funny face as though it knew what I was doing before I did it.
The face asked me if I knew who the two heads on the gallows once were? I said I couldn’t see them clearly.
The face said “don’t try to ‘see’ them from the outside, go and ‘see’ them from the inside”. “Outside appearances are deceptive go inside”. I was then somehow led ‘inside’ the first head on the gallows. I was simply now simply a pair of eyes and I entered the head on the gallows through the neck that was obviously severed from a body. The inside of the head looked like an old and smelly patchwork quilt.
I saw a lot of scars and other signs of various patched up repairs inside the head. The inside of the head also smelt very badly like rotting flesh and I could actually taste the rotting flesh. All of a sudden I felt like I was opening windows and then I was literally looking out of the eye sockets of the decapitated head. I was swinging around looking at the people. I was soon getting in to the swing of things and trying to swing higher and higher like a kid on a swing in a park. Every time I did that as a kid I always felt like I was going to fly away if I got high enough and you know what I bloody well will one day. I know it sounds daft but that is how it was.
Then I suddenly came to a dead stop. I then saw nothing through the eyes apart from a vanity mirror that was somehow dangling in front of me. I looked in to it and I could actually see the face of a plastic ventriloquist’ s dummy. It is daft I know but that is what I saw. But I also could see that this plastic dummy actually had ‘my eyes‘. The dummy’s face was very still and only my eyes looked real.
I looked something like this in the mirror
I could see some things going on ‘behind me’ in the mirror. These scenes seemed to very important and I was desperate to turn around and actually see, get a better view, of what was actually going on. I looked again at the ventriloquist’s dummy’s face in the mirror and I realise it would never turn around to see or even speak anything unless the ventriloquist actually allowed it to do so. Where was the bloody ventriloquist anyway I thought? But there again my friends where is the bloody invisible ventriloquist that actually lets you speak?
You don’t know and therefore you can’t tell me either. Can you Dummy?
Anyway, I could see that my newly adopted face was never actually going to move. I knew and could see that my eyes were human and emotional and actually had spirit behind them but I also knew and could also see that the plastic face of the dummy was not human and the dummy showed no spirit or emotion at all. I knew that the ventriloquist only directed the eyes of a dummy to those that would laugh at it. I felt frustrated that the faces of dummies actually controlled the sight of humans.
I tried to free my eyes from the face of dummy but the eyes felt completely trapped and despite my frantic efforts to remove my eyes from the face of the dummy I realised that the only thing I could ever see from my position was the actual ‘face’ that my eyes had become part of. I knew I would never ever see anything else. I started moving my eyes around. ‘I looked across the gallows’, so to speak, from my position by moving my eyes to the side and I saw the other decapitated head (lightshade) swinging around from the corner of my eye.
The lightshade (decapitated head) in the cold light of day
The other head seemed to have a big attraction to it now. I somehow managed to back track on myself and ‘my eyes’ left the head I thought I was eternally trapped in. Apparently it appeared it was OK to move out of one head if you possessed another head straight away. I was suddenly inside the other head on the other side of the gallows and again the inside of this head also looked like a patchwork quilt, just like the other one did. This time though I didn’t open any windows nor push my eyes in to the eye sockets of the new head.
I simply came to stop ‘behind the eyes’ that were already in the head. I didn’t want trapping again and something told me that this head would be a very bad one for my eyes to be trapped in if I did. I would be trapped forever. So I was simply looking through the eyes already in the head I had entered. When I looked through the eyes of the severed head I found myself in an art gallery. I was walking around this art gallery and looking at the paintings hanging around in it.
All the paintings were ‘scenes of wealth’. This usually consisted of images and paintings of piles of cash. There were also scenes showing gold coins and jewels like diamonds and sapphires etc. Strangely, although on the surface, the pictures appeared to be of good quality if you looked hard enough you could see the actual picture frames were of very cheap quality. They were made of cheap cardboard and actually held up on the wall with carpet tacks.
There were also many statues of people in this art gallery too but they entirely consisted of people who carried bags of gold around or displayed gold chains around them. They seemed very grand statues at first glance but as I looked at one statue the bag of gold it was displaying turned in to a bag of cement. The statue had gold chains around his neck, just like you see the typical town Mayor wearing, but when I looked more carefully the chains on the statue turned in to a tool belt and that belt carried ornamental digging spades.
I thought the images were strange but I still looked around with interest and as I did look around the art gallery suddenly changed from being a small art gallery in to a massive museum type building. It was a ‘Money Museum’.
I then travelled from room to room, gallery to gallery, in the museum seeing similar pictures of money and jewels but in different stages of history. All the statues had the same greedy look in their eyes. It wasn’t a good look either and it made me feel sick. I also noticed that none of the statues actually faced the doors in the museum they all faced a picture of on the wall that were showing wealth in some form or another.
I got the impression that anyone visiting this place had a statue made of them too and the statue was always placed in a facing the paintings position. I felt sick. I thought this is not my face I’m only looking through the eyes of this face. This place cannot make me a statue. I thought “it better bloody not do either”.
I actually started to panic and I wanted to leave the money museum and the head that had taken me there, but every time I looked at a picture in a gallery I heard the chink of a cash register in my mind and the noise of this cash register instantly created another room, another gallery of money artwork if you like, inside the money museum. The museum was literally growing bigger and bigger every time I looked at a painting and the sound of a chinging cash register was driving me mad.
I quickly realised that because the statues and I were simply looking at the paintings on the walls it was indeed those actions that created the uncontrollable growth of the images of wealth inside the museum and indeed the knock on effects too. There was no front door to be seen because of this growth and this was simply because of the amount of rooms being created. The statues were literally creating more and more rooms simply by being placed in the position they were in. The statues couldn’t do anything else they were made of concrete and couldn’t move. I was doing the same by looking at the paintings too.
Indeed my newly adopted face couldn’t stop looking at the artwork in the money museum. My new face was only happy and content by looking at such images. I simply couldn’t look at anything else. The more I looked at these images of wealth the more galleries were created and these newly created galleries inside the museum were displaying exactly the same images of wealth but in larger and larger sizes. The statues in the newly created rooms appeared to me as becoming fatter and fatter people with bigger and bigger bags of gold and wearing heavier and heavier gold chains around their necks. The feeling of sickness increased. I thought these people would be too fat to get through the door even if they could actually see where it was. What was causing this madness I thought?
It was ‘interest’ I was told from somewhere above me. Interest? I started to feel sick but at least I started to see what was going on. My new face demanded, and the faces of the statues demanded, that if any ‘eyes’ looked at the pictures of wealth in the gallery then it had to create more ‘interest’ for doing so. It was the price that had to be paid. It was a vicious circle.
I tried to find a picture that was not showing images of wealth just to change the thought pattern. I looked high and low on the walls and I knew I was only adding to the problem by doing so because I was creating more and more rooms in the museum. Indeed I was creating so many that I knew I would never escape from this crazy money museum. I would never ever find the door. I thought if I pluck my eyes out I would not cause any more growth in the silly museum and I would find the door, but then I realised the statues were causing most of the growth anyway and how would I find the door if I plucked my eyes out anyway. I was ready to give up but then I suddenly saw one painting that was different. I don’t know where it came from. It was a very simple image it was simply a painting of the word ‘interest’ with a question mark at the end of it.
This simple painting was painted on granite and connected to the wall by four strong bolts.
The word ‘interest’ literally struck me with its ambiguity and the colours reminded me of my rowing boat/grey people dream. You haven’t forgot about that dream already have you?
Anyway the interest painting then started flashing and each time it flashed it added a new question mark to the word interest…. ‘Interest?’ ‘Interest??’ Interest???” etc etc etc. The picture grew and grew and grew in a sideways direction as the word ‘interest’ continued to flash at a faster and faster rate. I was literally battling with my new face to actually keep my own interest directed on the painting of the word interest. My new face wanted me to look at the pictures of wealth again instead. It demanded it. But my interest in the painting of the word interest was far more powerful than my newly adopted face’s interest in the images of wealth in the money museum.
I started hearing music and this seemed to help me concentrate on my interest and it bucked me up a bit. The painting of the word interest started expanding at a greater rate and it eventually turned in to a large ‘battering ram’. It seemed to turn in to a ‘magnet’ too because a steady stream of gold chains started flying through the air. Whoosh Whoosh. The gold chains were coming from around the necks of the statues. The battering ram was literally sucking in the gold chains from all the statues in the museum and by doing so each chain collected created a section of rope.
Each time that a section of rope was created the music I was hearing increased in volume. I looked again at the battering ram and it was now attached to and slowly swinging on a rope. I was giggling with excitement and I wanted to dance around like a kid, I somehow knew the rope was unbreakable but I had no idea what the rope was connected to. I didn’t bloody care either. The now fully swinging battering ram actually made the gallery shake like a bloody great earthquake. I was cheering and over the moon I took great pleasure in the situation.
The whole crazy museum was quivering.’ This was no cowboy job’ I thought. The battering ram was in no way made of cardboard and only held up with a few carpet tacks like the paintings were. This was the work of skilled craftsmen. The battering ram was made of the planet earth and the rope was made from the blood, the sweat and tears of the enslaved masses whose spirits sought freedom.
The momentum of the battering ram caused the pictures to start falling from the wall. Crash Bang Wallop. Each time a picture fell on to the ground a gallery in the museum disappeared, the money museum was shrinking. I was pissing myself laughing. The more the battering ram swung the more pictures fell on to the floor. The more this happened the smaller and smaller the museum became.
I was cackling like a nutty professor by this stage.
The museum eventually turned back in to the single gallery that I saw in the beginning but I knew I was now seeing the end. The battering ram had stopped swinging. I looked at the statues and they had all fallen over and were now face down on top of the broken paintings. I looked around again and this single gallery now only contained the painting of the word interest. It was the only painting left in one piece. The battering ram had gone, it was a simple picture again and hiding its unseen power behind innocent simplicity. A true gent. The magnificent golden rope was now invisible but I knew it was still there or at least I knew the jewelers that made it would still be there. I looked upward and I couldn’t see what the golden rope had been connected to that had allowed the battering ram to swing so well. I could though clearly see the front door to this gallery.
It was now wide open.
I understood the symbolism immediately. I wept. (What a bloody tear-jerking week I’d had!)
I opened my eyes. I immediately thought who the hell had put the painting of the word interest with a question mark on that wall!!! After a quick look around I turned over and shut my eyes again. The experience still felt ‘dream like’ not ‘Ayahuasca like’. My favourite face (Supe’s dad) appeared again and I felt happy that it had. I realised without this face I wouldn’t have ever seen what I have done. The face had never let me down and I knew it never would.
The face told me that the painting was always on the wall but it was just that no one showed any interest in it for a long enough period before. The face told me to take care and that it was watching my back for the stormy waters that are coming my way. An outstretched arm with a clenched fist appeared in my like some silly salute from a space movie.
I returned it!
I seemed to instantly come out of the trance I was in. As far as Ayahuasca journeys were concerned that was my last one of the week. On the night of the supposed final Ayahuasca ceremony of the week certain circumstances dictated that I ended up in the local village at Barra Grande along with two other members of the group. The Chef from HOI ended up with us too. I was baffled why I had ended up in this situation but I knew it was meant to be. Indeed it felt like I was on some kind of stag party or at least on the eve of an important ceremony.
Anyway I ended up being served bottles of beer by the chef and because the restaurant didn’t have a certain beer, the Chef had very kindly gone elsewhere in his dancing shoes to fetch some just for me. I felt extremely flattered and important because of this. It felt special. The Chef was serving me cold bottles of beer. This bloke was off duty but he still looked after me.
I had been fasting all week and I hadn’t eaten a thing of any substance but I drank the beer down just like I was at a feast. The chef certainly satisfied me that night and I praised his actions. As far as I am concerned he is truly the best chef in the world and I really wouldn’t have anyone say different.
The final day of the workshop arrived. I was told that the Shaman had changed the final offering ceremony. Ralphy boy Miller, the hat burner, told me that the Shaman had decided ‘to do something different’. No one knew what it was. We all turned up for this new offering ceremony in our gala dinner clothes (more dressed up than normal). I didn’t join the circle as such I just sat and watched from a chair. I had no idea that it was spring equinox night (21st September 2009) in the southern hemisphere as the Shaman, his family and his assistant sang ancient songs and carried out the ‘feeding of the fire ceremony’. My mind raced back to the face’s comments about a ritual that hadn’t even been organised at the time it told me but was taking place that week. My mind raced back through previous workshops too. All the members of the group sat in a circle around the fire and spoke with the talking stick and then made offerings to the fire.
The start of the feeding of the fire ceremony
The singing was highly hypnotic, simply because it was really so nice. It was something that awoken something in me. The group passed the talking stick around and most people gave praise to the events etc. Then suddenly the wind got up and started to blow droplets of sea water around. I felt alive. I then watched and witnessed all these people make offerings to the fire. I was pleased. I was over the moon and I was glad. I smiled to myself.
The whole ceremony was déjà vu to me. The singing and chanting itself were a sight and sound to behold, yet the sound was only coming from three adults and two silent tiny children from Colombia. The show far outclassed any performance by any of the most famous serpent cult controlled celebrities in the world. This was simply because it was so natural. The ceremony was over too quickly and the group headed for the ‘end of workshop gala dinner’ like pissheads running to a curry house, a fine celebratory feeding of their own, beer included.
I spat on the fire and said it is done and, oh my brothers, it was done. It was done.
What else can I say? I managed to get 10 minutes with the Shaman Warinei and his lovely interpreter Catalina. Obviously a situation between a bloke like me, with a Lancashire accent, and a Colombian that speaks only Spanish only leads to communication problems. I thanked Warinei for the week in general and the ceremonies and the medicine that made me take note of my visions.
I don’t really know why, I must be mad, but I told him that I thought a force was coming in to this world to ‘heal it’ and to rid it of the deceivers who control it and make it ill. I told him truthfully that I believed his workshops, his medicines and his ceremonies play a part in making that happen. I told him that the force that directs me knows the shamanic grandfathers and I told him that the shamanic grandfathers know the force that directs me. I told him some personal things too and I haven’t a clue what Warinei actually thought. He may have thought, like most of you do, that I’m just a psychotic head the ball.
I don’t really mind what Warinei thinks of me. I still think and will still think he is the best Shaman there is. I told Warinei that this force I mention would not be coming as a rod of iron. I also suggested to Warinei that it was not coming through a messiah basking in egotistical glory whilst coming on a cloud either. What sort of messiah would do that anyway? It could only be one that is full of hypocrisy couldn’t it?
I sat through the remainder of the gala dinner feeling isolated and weak. The events of the week had affected some people more than others. Indeed the vast majority of the group was oblivious to what was going on concerning the journeys of three or four individuals. But I suppose I was oblivious to what went on in their journeys too. I think we only ever tasted a morsel of each others journey when it was necessary to taste it for the good of the collective.
All in all it was a very strange and powerful week and I knew that, in one way or another, it would affect us all. The HOI workshops in Bahia were at an end. The whole scenario felt sad.
Looking back on the two years I have been involved in these workshops I can only say that events show me that an invisible force in this world can make sure certain things happen. I don’t need anyone to accept that comment because I have lived through it and I have experienced it. I have no doubts spiritual forces were at work in Bahia and I know that you will too one day.
It is only left to me to thank everyone involved for creating the events in Bahia and inviting us to take part in it. I’d also like to thank all fellow attendees of the workshop simply for ‘having the nerve to drink Ayahuasca’ and for creating a collective energy that is vital to the journey of many.
May Love Reign O’er You All
Matthew Delooze 12th November 2009.
All Text Copyright © Matthew Delooze 2009 all rights reserved.